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chastetek -> RE: He's too scared (1/5/2008 7:23:16 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MadRabbit
It's not an uncommon or even new scenario. It's just something that comes with time. There is a degree of social conditioning you have to get past regarding hitting women on one hand. On the other hand, think of it as kind of like beast that's been in it's cage for so long that it has some trouble coming out.
Typically, when your new, your afraid of going to far, not doing it right, harming someone or not being as cool as all the other Dominants. We can thank that to the continueing efforts of the Internet Safety Police with their websites featuring over-exagerrated and over-the-top injury scenarios and injuries that leave you with the impression that your going to invoke the wrath of god by swinging a paddle. While I am sure there is good arguments for the positives of stuff like this, when you don't have the experience to match up these possible scenarios with probable reality, your left with an irrational fear that all these horrible things are going to happen when you play.
There is also the "What the hell am I doing?" guilt factor which is powerful enough to cause some serious inner conflict.
Be supportive and encouraging. The more you reinforce the notion that you want him to be big and bad, the more comfortable he will be with letting go.
And sometimes people just don't have that in them. My ex wanted to play out rape fantasies with me and always wanted me to strike her harder, be tougher with her. I couldn't bring myself to hit her hard. It may have been partly because I myself am submissive and can't see striking a woman or it might be that hitting a woman, even if she wants it, is something I can bring myself to do seriously.
But I agree that there needs to be plenty of conversation about turn-ons, fantasies, what frightens in good and bad ways. Perhaps once he knows what he can do and not do without fear of ruining the relationship he will loosen up and become more the dominant he is capable of being (if he's capable of it)
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