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RE: He's too scared - 1/4/2008 9:14:42 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DollFaceMania

quote:

ORIGINAL: ToysAndTies

I find biting tends to be a great gateway from vanilla to more kink experiences, along with a bit of wrestling.  I suppose it's different being a top and trying to see if the other person is a bottom, but I try some playful pinning to see what reaction I get.  There's plenty of stuff that could open the door in a subtle way without beating up his confidence or trust...



he bites A LOT. and i love it. he just now started spanking me and we've been friends w/ benefits off and on for a very long time. what else can i do subtlly to open the door as you say.


Ask him to bite harder? Stop insulting him when he doesn't do what you want? If you start treating him like a dominant in small ways and he sees that both of you are still happy that can help him see that this isn't so scary.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to DollFaceMania)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: He's too scared - 1/4/2008 9:17:24 PM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		The best method for him is to take one thing at a time.

He has to learn both his and your own stength.

Just start with the basics and he'll begin to feel more comfortable and ready to do more.

For now, I'm sure you can deal with blind folds, cuffs, a light spanking, and soft leather whips. Think of this experience as the things you did before you actually had sex. Most of us had to make out more than a few times or only make it to third before we made the choice to run to home plate. The same can be true for BDSM. It's all about feeling comfortable and being ready to take that step.

Keep doing the small stuff and build in small steps. Before you know it, he'll be cane swinging for home runs.

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to DollFaceMania)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: He's too scared - 1/4/2008 9:41:21 PM   
DollFaceMania


Posts: 22
Joined: 12/30/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FangsNfeet

The best method for him is to take one thing at a time.

He has to learn both his and your own stength.

Just start with the basics and he'll begin to feel more comfortable and ready to do more.

For now, I'm sure you can deal with blind folds, cuffs, a light spanking, and soft leather whips. Think of this experience as the things you did before you actually had sex. Most of us had to make out more than a few times or only make it to third before we made the choice to run to home plate. The same can be true for BDSM. It's all about feeling comfortable and being ready to take that step.

Keep doing the small stuff and build in small steps. Before you know it, he'll be cane swinging for home runs.


hehe cane swinging for home plate. nice.

well when me and him first started he was barely doing anything, i can honestly say he is doing a lot more to me now than he did before. he's added in tying my ankles and wrist down and gags and blindfolds. and even spanking me with a belt.

(in reply to FangsNfeet)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: He's too scared - 1/4/2008 11:13:29 PM   
bindable


Posts: 64
Joined: 4/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DollFaceMania

quote:

ORIGINAL: FangsNfeet

The best method for him is to take one thing at a time.

He has to learn both his and your own stength.

Just start with the basics and he'll begin to feel more comfortable and ready to do more.

For now, I'm sure you can deal with blind folds, cuffs, a light spanking, and soft leather whips. Think of this experience as the things you did before you actually had sex. Most of us had to make out more than a few times or only make it to third before we made the choice to run to home plate. The same can be true for BDSM. It's all about feeling comfortable and being ready to take that step.

Keep doing the small stuff and build in small steps. Before you know it, he'll be cane swinging for home runs.


hehe cane swinging for home plate. nice.

well when me and him first started he was barely doing anything, i can honestly say he is doing a lot more to me now than he did before. he's added in tying my ankles and wrist down and gags and blindfolds. and even spanking me with a belt.


If hes new to it and hes doing that much, id say you are doing fine. 

(in reply to DollFaceMania)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: He's too scared - 1/5/2008 12:24:33 AM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DollFaceMania

maybe he is just chicken shit of the whole bdsm world. he never talks about it when i bring it up, never wants to go to play parties or anything.


Spoken like a teenager...maybe your to much of a pinhead to realize he doesn't care about BDSM

(in reply to DollFaceMania)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: He's too scared - 1/5/2008 12:35:20 AM   
darkpassenger434


Posts: 138
Joined: 1/1/2008
Status: offline 		It seems that straightforward is the way to go. If the guy wants to be a Dom then he should know it. If he doesn't thats his perogative. BTW, You are friends with a guy, talk about needs and wants, fu*k, continue to fu*k despite despite some incompatibility issues, and as a woman you're looking for ways to subtly guide him toward behaviors he hasn't stated he wants, but that you know he really does. Are you certain that you are friends with benefits? This sounds a lot like a relationship to me.
-R

_____________________________

"The man who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the man doing it."

(in reply to DollFaceMania)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: He's too scared - 1/5/2008 12:48:42 AM   
DollFaceMania


Posts: 22
Joined: 12/30/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

quote:

ORIGINAL: DollFaceMania

maybe he is just chicken shit of the whole bdsm world. he never talks about it when i bring it up, never wants to go to play parties or anything.


Spoken like a teenager...maybe your to much of a pinhead to realize he doesn't care about BDSM


1. What does it matter that I'm a teenager?

and 2. I did nothing to disrespect you so please do not come at me with insults before you get to know me. Thats immature.  

(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: He's too scared - 1/5/2008 12:51:51 AM   
DollFaceMania


Posts: 22
Joined: 12/30/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: darkpassenger434

It seems that straightforward is the way to go. If the guy wants to be a Dom then he should know it. If he doesn't thats his perogative. BTW, You are friends with a guy, talk about needs and wants, fu*k, continue to fu*k despite despite some incompatibility issues, and as a woman you're looking for ways to subtly guide him toward behaviors he hasn't stated he wants, but that you know he really does. Are you certain that you are friends with benefits? This sounds a lot like a relationship to me.
-R


Thanks for the advice. And yes I'm certain we are just friends with benefits. In my head atleast. I really need to sit him down and talk to him about things.

(in reply to darkpassenger434)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: He's too scared - 1/5/2008 12:52:00 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DollFaceMania

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

quote:

ORIGINAL: DollFaceMania

maybe he is just chicken shit of the whole bdsm world. he never talks about it when i bring it up, never wants to go to play parties or anything.


Spoken like a teenager...maybe your to much of a pinhead to realize he doesn't care about BDSM


1. What does it matter that I'm a teenager?

and 2. I did nothing to disrespect you so please do not come at me with insults before you get to know me. Thats immature.  


I dunno... you insult the man you want to dominate you when he doesn't do what you think he should do. IMHO, it's a bit telling. Hell, plenty of people on these forums dislike play parties and don't attend them, does that make them chicken shit or just this guy? I mean, since you are just friends with benefits, why should he do things for you if he doesn't feel like it?

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 1/5/2008 12:53:26 AM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to DollFaceMania)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: He's too scared - 1/5/2008 12:57:59 AM   
darkpassenger434


Posts: 138
Joined: 1/1/2008
Status: offline 		Prehaps you just have a good friend who is a vanilla fu*k buddy then? Its really not the end of the world. My opinion is worth about as much as anyone elses to your situation (not much), but if it were me I would probably just start looking for someone with a stated interest in these sorts of things. Your profile states you aren't looking for anyone at the moment, but your comments read like you are. They read like you're looking to make this guy into what you are looking for. Again, just an opinion.
-R

_____________________________

"The man who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the man doing it."

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: He's too scared - 1/5/2008 12:58:23 AM   
DollFaceMania


Posts: 22
Joined: 12/30/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: DollFaceMania

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

quote:

ORIGINAL: DollFaceMania

maybe he is just chicken shit of the whole bdsm world. he never talks about it when i bring it up, never wants to go to play parties or anything.


Spoken like a teenager...maybe your to much of a pinhead to realize he doesn't care about BDSM


1. What does it matter that I'm a teenager?

and 2. I did nothing to disrespect you so please do not come at me with insults before you get to know me. Thats immature.  


I dunno... you insult the man you want to dominate you when he doesn't do what you think he should do. IMHO, it's a bit telling. Hell, plenty of people on these forums dislike play parties and don't attend them, does that make them chicken shit or just this guy? I mean, since you are just friends with benfits, why should he do things for you if he doesn't feel like it?


I'm not mad at him for not liking play parties or anything. I dont think any less of people who don't like play parties or anything. I don't think less of anyone for anything. I call him chicken shit all the time. Then again you guys wouldn't know that because you don't hear our conversations. Anyway. I don't need to explain that to you.

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: He's too scared - 1/5/2008 1:00:16 AM   
DollFaceMania


Posts: 22
Joined: 12/30/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: darkpassenger434

Prehaps you just have a good friend who is a vanilla fu*k buddy then? Its really not the end of the world. My opinion is worth about as much as anyone elses to your situation (not much), but if it were me I would probably just start looking for someone with a stated interest in these sorts of things. Your profile states you aren't looking for anyone at the moment, but your comments read like you are. They read like you're looking to make this guy into what you are looking for. Again, just an opinion.
-R


Its hard to explain. I'm not looking and yet he's the one I want.

(in reply to darkpassenger434)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: He's too scared - 1/5/2008 1:04:13 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DollFaceMania

I'm not mad at him for not liking play parties or anything. I dont think any less of people who don't like play parties or anything. I don't think less of anyone for anything. I call him chicken shit all the time. Then again you guys wouldn't know that because you don't hear our conversations. Anyway. I don't need to explain that to you.


No I don't hear your conversations. That's why when you talk about people on the Internet it's useful to provide context, unless you want to be misunderstood. I call Valyraen an asshole, asshat, fucking bastard, twat monkey and so on. However, I usually don't do it on the forums because it's easy to misunderstand and I don't feel like explaining it every time. If you don't feel like explaining it, fine but you will have to accept that the advice you get and the responses you get will be tainted by your unwillingness to explain and provide context.

Either way, I'm curious about your dynamic. You seem very invested in him being a dominant when, from what you've expressed, he may be kinky but it doesn't matter all that much to him. Since you are just fuck buddies, why do you care?

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to DollFaceMania)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: He's too scared - 1/5/2008 1:04:16 AM   
darkpassenger434


Posts: 138
Joined: 1/1/2008
Status: offline 		Thats not hard to explain at all. It sounds hard to live though.
-R

_____________________________

"The man who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the man doing it."

(in reply to DollFaceMania)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: He's too scared - 1/5/2008 1:11:06 AM   
DollFaceMania


Posts: 22
Joined: 12/30/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: DollFaceMania

I'm not mad at him for not liking play parties or anything. I dont think any less of people who don't like play parties or anything. I don't think less of anyone for anything. I call him chicken shit all the time. Then again you guys wouldn't know that because you don't hear our conversations. Anyway. I don't need to explain that to you.


No I don't hear your conversations. That's why when you talk about people on the Internet it's useful to provide context, unless you want to be misunderstood. I call Valyraen an asshole, asshat, fucking bastard, twat monkey and so on. However, I usually don't do it on the forums because it's easy to misunderstand and I don't feel like explaining it every time. If you don't feel like explaining it, fine but you will have to accept that the advice you get and the responses you get will be tainted by your unwillingness to explain and provide context.

Either way, I'm curious about your dynamic. You seem very invested in him being a dominant when, from what you've expressed, he may be kinky but it doesn't matter all that much to him. Since you are just fuck buddies, why do you care?


I've already stated that I want him as my Dom and he has told me he wants to be my Dom.

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: He's too scared - 1/5/2008 1:12:17 AM   
DollFaceMania


Posts: 22
Joined: 12/30/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: darkpassenger434

Thats not hard to explain at all. It sounds hard to live though.
-R



oh believe me it has its rough times.

(in reply to darkpassenger434)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: He's too scared - 1/5/2008 1:17:20 AM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DollFaceMania

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

quote:

ORIGINAL: DollFaceMania

maybe he is just chicken shit of the whole bdsm world. he never talks about it when i bring it up, never wants to go to play parties or anything.


Spoken like a teenager...maybe your to much of a pinhead to realize he doesn't care about BDSM


1. What does it matter that I'm a teenager?

and 2. I did nothing to disrespect you so please do not come at me with insults before you get to know me. Thats immature.  


I did it on purpose so you could see what you 'sound like" In other words a teenager who can't form a thought without demeaning someone because you don't get your way.

(in reply to DollFaceMania)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: He's too scared - 1/5/2008 1:21:01 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DollFaceMania

I've already stated that I want him as my Dom and he has told me he wants to be my Dom.


Right. But then you just said in post 28

quote:


And yes I'm certain we are just friends with benefits.


I know you've already said that you need to sit down and talk with him, but I'd suggest forgetting worrying about any of this stuff until you sort out what you are and what being dominant and submissve means to the both of you. It's possible he's just not all that interested in being a dominant but is going along with what you want and it's possible he has a lot of false ideas of what it means to be a dominant, or something else completely.

Edited for typos

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 1/5/2008 1:23:07 AM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to DollFaceMania)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: He's too scared - 1/5/2008 2:09:11 AM   
darkpassenger434


Posts: 138
Joined: 1/1/2008
Status: offline 		I don't envy your journey here. Hopefully you can find a little clarity within yourself about what you really want here. Good luck.
-R

_____________________________

"The man who says it cannot be done should not interrupt the man doing it."

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: He's too scared - 1/5/2008 3:58:55 AM   
CuriousLord


Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		If he's not acting as a sadist with you, just have a talk with him. Even if he has sadistic tendancies, he may still value your happiness. Just explain how this is what you need to be happy.. that you know it feels weird, but the hitting and such is actually a good thing for you.

Don't only ease or put asside his conscience, but address it. Let him know that this is not only acceptable, or forgivable, but good and healthy. It's hard for a lot of people to make that connection.

(in reply to DollFaceMania)
Profile   Post #: 40
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