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He's too scared - 1/4/2008 8:08:20 PM   
DollFaceMania


Posts: 22
Joined: 12/30/2007
Status: offline 		I have a friend with benifits. He is pretty much vanilla with a very sadistic and dominate state of mind. When we are "playing" he wont be the Dom I know he is. How do I help him overcome any of his, for lack of a better word, fears of hurting me too badly or going too far?
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RE: He's too scared - 1/4/2008 8:11:08 PM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		Tell him he hits like a girl.
 
John

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(in reply to DollFaceMania)
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RE: He's too scared - 1/4/2008 8:12:34 PM   
DollFaceMania


Posts: 22
Joined: 12/30/2007
Status: offline 		lol


i have and it still doesnt help. he just gets mad and stops.

(in reply to Rover)
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RE: He's too scared - 1/4/2008 8:13:26 PM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		Tell him he's a quitter.  ;)
 
John

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"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

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RE: He's too scared - 1/4/2008 8:13:47 PM   
MissMagnolia


Posts: 3636
Status: offline 		How do you know his state of mind? He may just be playing along because he thinks that its what YOU want him to be.

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(in reply to Rover)
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RE: He's too scared - 1/4/2008 8:16:01 PM   
DollFaceMania


Posts: 22
Joined: 12/30/2007
Status: offline 		ok so saying i know his state of mind was a bad way to word it....if he is playing along how do i ask him about it?

(in reply to MissMagnolia)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: He's too scared - 1/4/2008 8:18:57 PM   
MissMagnolia


Posts: 3636
Status: offline 		Just ask him if he's trying to keep you happy, or does he really feel that way. You're fucking this person and he's supposed to be a friend. Just ask him flat out.

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if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

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RE: He's too scared - 1/4/2008 8:20:20 PM   
DollFaceMania


Posts: 22
Joined: 12/30/2007
Status: offline 		good point. thank you.

(in reply to MissMagnolia)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: He's too scared - 1/4/2008 8:20:36 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		your 19, this aint the last time your tongue is withdrawqn its sword in you life

89 will be a real shitty time to find out you aint compatible


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(in reply to DollFaceMania)
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RE: He's too scared - 1/4/2008 8:20:59 PM   
PrizedPosession


Posts: 1209
Joined: 11/2/2007
Status: offline 		In this case maybe you just need to be blunt about it. That you think that he can step up the testosterone or maybe he just feels uncomfortable with the idea hence his womanly hits.


(in reply to DollFaceMania)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: He's too scared - 1/4/2008 8:21:24 PM   
MissMagnolia


Posts: 3636
Status: offline 		Just remember guys will say almost anything to get in your pants, so you MIGHT have to dig deep to get the truth.

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if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.


(in reply to DollFaceMania)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: He's too scared - 1/4/2008 8:21:42 PM   
DollFaceMania


Posts: 22
Joined: 12/30/2007
Status: offline 		lol. id be mad if i found out at 89 we werent compatable.

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: He's too scared - 1/4/2008 8:23:11 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		just say, do you like the way I suck your dick or are you scared to talk?
If it is the former, you are set, if it is the latter kick him to the curb.

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to MissMagnolia)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: He's too scared - 1/4/2008 8:23:19 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline 		It's not an uncommon or even new scenario. It's just something that comes with time. There is a degree of social conditioning you have to get past regarding hitting women on one hand. On the other hand, think of it as kind of like beast that's been in it's cage for so long that it has some trouble coming out.

Typically, when your new, your afraid of going to far, not doing it right, harming someone or not being as cool as all the other Dominants. We can thank that to the continueing efforts of the Internet Safety Police with their websites featuring over-exagerrated and over-the-top injury scenarios and injuries that leave you with the impression that your going to invoke the wrath of god by swinging a paddle. While I am sure there is good arguments for the positives of stuff like this, when you don't have the experience to match up these possible scenarios with probable reality, your left with an irrational fear that all these horrible things are going to happen when you play.

There is also the "What the hell am I doing?" guilt factor which is powerful enough to cause some serious inner conflict.

Be supportive and encouraging. The more you reinforce the notion that you want him to be big and bad, the more comfortable he will be with letting go.

< Message edited by MadRabbit -- 1/4/2008 8:24:37 PM >

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(in reply to DollFaceMania)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: He's too scared - 1/4/2008 8:23:52 PM   
DollFaceMania


Posts: 22
Joined: 12/30/2007
Status: offline 		guys arent the only ones who will say anything to get in somones pants.

maybe he is just chicken shit of the whole bdsm world. he never talks about it when i bring it up, never wants to go to play parties or anything.

(in reply to DollFaceMania)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: He's too scared - 1/4/2008 8:30:10 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DollFaceMania

guys arent the only ones who will say anything to get in somones pants.

maybe he is just chicken shit of the whole bdsm world. he never talks about it when i bring it up, never wants to go to play parties or anything.


Or maybe he just doesn't want to go.

Not being into BDSM, or play parties if you are into BDSM, aren't character flaws.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to DollFaceMania)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: He's too scared - 1/4/2008 8:48:28 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline 		I see the thread has taken the turn of going straight to the lowest possible common denominator when all I see is a scenario that I would say is a common of experience of quite a lot of sadists.

Referring to him as a "chicken shit" or simply bashing him because amazingly enough he's a human being who experiences internal issues isn't going to help his confidence or ego.

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: He's too scared - 1/4/2008 8:52:31 PM   
ToysAndTies


Posts: 124
Joined: 5/20/2007
Status: offline 		I find biting tends to be a great gateway from vanilla to more kink experiences, along with a bit of wrestling.  I suppose it's different being a top and trying to see if the other person is a bottom, but I try some playful pinning to see what reaction I get.  There's plenty of stuff that could open the door in a subtle way without beating up his confidence or trust...

(in reply to MadRabbit)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: He's too scared - 1/4/2008 9:05:38 PM   
DollFaceMania


Posts: 22
Joined: 12/30/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: DollFaceMania

guys arent the only ones who will say anything to get in somones pants.

maybe he is just chicken shit of the whole bdsm world. he never talks about it when i bring it up, never wants to go to play parties or anything.


Or maybe he just doesn't want to go.

Not being into BDSM, or play parties if you are into BDSM, aren't character flaws.


never said it was a character flaw.


quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

I see the thread has taken the turn of going straight to the lowest possible common denominator when all I see is a scenario that I would say is a common of experience of quite a lot of sadists.

Referring to him as a "chicken shit" or simply bashing him because amazingly enough he's a human being who experiences internal issues isn't going to help his confidence or ego.


im not bashing him....i word things wrong a lot but thats how to makes sense to me.

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: He's too scared - 1/4/2008 9:07:25 PM   
DollFaceMania


Posts: 22
Joined: 12/30/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ToysAndTies

I find biting tends to be a great gateway from vanilla to more kink experiences, along with a bit of wrestling.  I suppose it's different being a top and trying to see if the other person is a bottom, but I try some playful pinning to see what reaction I get.  There's plenty of stuff that could open the door in a subtle way without beating up his confidence or trust...



he bites A LOT. and i love it. he just now started spanking me and we've been friends w/ benefits off and on for a very long time. what else can i do subtlly to open the door as you say.

(in reply to ToysAndTies)
Profile   Post #: 20
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