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Humiliation/degradation/embarrasment confusion - 1/4/2008 6:15:57 AM   
Papa4lilboy


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There was a really great question from parttimehottie and fantastic answer from CreativeDominant in another post that I have quote below.  I have cut a couple of sentences to make it more concise. (indicated with <snip>)

This seems to hit a chord with me.  Since I enjoy infantalism, sissification, watersports, and a little scat, humiliation and degradation are normally involved.  But I think until I read the post quoted below, I didn't realize that people would identify them differently (can you say newbie?).   I think there is much more to humiliation that just verbal abuse (hence the new thread).  Forcing a man to wear womens panties can be a great turn on for some subs.   Humiliation or degradation?  Diapers could certainly be degradgirdation to some and humiliation to others. Is failure to be in control humiliating, degrading, both or neither? For me it is erotic taking away some of the most basic adult privileges but I haven't figured out why.   Spanking is another one that seems to be difficult to define.  Is degrading or humilating or something else?  If I take a sub out in public with a somewhat obivous wet spot on the front of his/her pants that makes it look like they wet their pants.  Definately embarrasing, but would you call it degrading or humiliation.  Is it humiliation if the sub is turned on and degrading if they feel inferior?  Thoughts?

Several subjects here, but I am more interested in defining the differences in what people call humiliation and what people would discern as degrading.  In knowing what other perceive in the terms, I might be able to discuss with subs so I don't cross a line were the treatment becomes something they didn't desire when they say they crave humiliation.

Since I am new at posting. Please let me know if I am in the wrong forum.


quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

quote:

ORIGINAL: parttimehotty

<snip>

Humiliation.....when you humiliate a sub/or slave about their looks, ie calling them ugly/or fat, is this something you mean when you say it or is it something you enjoy doing and will verbally humilate despite the fact that it's true or not?

Respectfully
 

<snip>
I see humiliation and degradation as two very differing things.

If humiliation does indeed make the submissive humble while arousing her sexuality and/or her submission, then I consider it to be humiliation.  It does not harm her emotionally or physically or spiritually...instead, it uplifts her, makes her feel...in what I grant you, many see as a paradox...like she is "more" (whatever the more is...sexier, sluttier, hotter, submissive) than she felt before.  It works.

Degradation.  If I say or do something that leaves a submissive feeling less than what they are and that feeling now becomes one of permanence, if I say or do something that leaves physical, emotional, spiritual harm in its wake in the name of humiliation, then I have not used humiliation...I have used degradation.  Degradation has mean-spiritedness at its' core...not a desire to humble one's submissive but rather, to take their basic foundations and beliefs out from under her, to harm her. 

Now, this is where it comes down to what is really important in this...knowing your submissive.  As sunshine miss noted, using terms such as "cocksucker" or "fuck toy" would not have much of an effect on her but, make her beg to be allowed to suck your cock and she immediately feels that good kind of humiliation.  For someone else, it may be just the opposite.  Or you can have a case where one submissive's uplifting/turn-me-on humiliation is another submissive's harmful/tear-me-down-and-give-me-a-complex degradation.  You do have to know your partner.

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RE: Humiliation/degradation/embarrasment confusion - 1/4/2008 6:59:11 AM   
Padriag


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Papa4lilboy

Several subjects here, but I am more interested in defining the differences in what people call humiliation and what people would discern as degrading.  In knowing what other perceive in the terms, I might be able to discuss with subs so I don't cross a line were the treatment becomes something they didn't desire when they say they crave humiliation.

CreativeDominant already gave you a good definition of the difference between humiliation and degradation.  However, where exactly that dividing line falls will vary from one submissive to the next.  For example, one submissive might find being used by others humiliating according to our definition here, another might find it degrading.  Both are valid, for each of those submissives.  You will also encounter submissives who actively want to be degraded.  Personally, I tend to avoid these.  In my experience those who want to be degraded, according to the definition used here, tend to be following a self destructive pattern of behavior and I have no interest in being part of that. 

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RE: Humiliation/degradation/embarrasment confusion - 1/4/2008 7:08:32 AM   
MistressOfGa


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Thank you for bringing this up Papa4lilboy. It just so happens that I am in the process of re-training My own boy and the first step that I am taking is age regression. I have ordered him to call Me "Mommy" in public, which embarrasses him to no end. He is very uncomfortable saying it aloud. To be honest, I am a bit embarrassed when he addresses Me. But I can deal with that.
If Dominants do something for their subs/slaves to better train them, and the subs/slaves enjoy it, is it really punishment? No, IMHO, I don't think so. The key to using this type of punishment is to order the sub to do things he/she would not normally do and is outside of their "safety zone". Not hard limit, but safe zone. If a sub learns that a tree in the backyard is his/her safe zone and suddenly that tree is taken away to encourage him/her to do better, then I would think that they would straighten up and fly right in order to have their safe zone returned to them. Would it then be a matter of lost trust? Maybe, but if the dynamic is strong to begin with, the trust card shouldnt be played.
 
I hope I am making sense here. It is early and I am having My first cup of :)

 
ETA: Nice first post! I look forward to reading more from you.

< Message edited by MistressOfGa -- 1/4/2008 7:15:23 AM >


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RE: Humiliation/degradation/embarrasment confusion - 1/4/2008 7:12:15 AM   
MistressOfGa


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<snip> Personally, I tend to avoid these.  In my experience those who want to be degraded, according to the definition used here, tend to be following a self destructive pattern of behavior </snip>

Padriag,
I agree with this 100%. I would feel like I was contributing to his fall if I degraded him for his own low self worth to feed off of.  Good point, indeed!


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RE: Humiliation/degradation/embarrasment confusion - 1/4/2008 8:42:39 AM   
Amaros


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I'm going to have to brush up on my endocrinology, but I'm guesseing humiliation involves hormonal chemical responses involved in shame, embarrasment, etc., i.e., flush, a bit of a tingly feeling in the gut - humiliation would involve more of the hormones involved in depression and helplessness, passivity, etc. - a fine but pretty distinctive line when it comes to emotional response.

Sexual response I'm guessing can be triggered by either of these states - much like the proximity of death it can trigger autonomic sexual response.

Both of these states are walking the line of social death, and death makes you horny: the organism is driven by a sudden urge to procreate and pass along it's genetic material before the lights go out, or one is driven from the protection of the group. The imminent death response is probobly a very ancient adaptation, possibly even pre-sexual, with the social modifications described accumulated since.

< Message edited by Amaros -- 1/4/2008 9:37:03 AM >

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RE: Humiliation/degradation/embarrasment confusion - 1/4/2008 8:52:10 AM   
MsBearlee


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag

Personally, I tend to avoid these.  In my experience those who want to be degraded, according to the definition used here, tend to be following a self destructive pattern of behavior and I have no interest in being part of that. 


I tend to avoid them, as well.  Besides, as sadistic as I like to play, I'm also a nice, polite person.  I don't like the feeling of treating someone like trash...how I  feel, I mean.  I could beat a butt raw, but I'm not calling anybody a worthless worm.  Yanno?
 
I realize that's just me and how I do things and that there are others, on both sides, who do just fine with that sort of play.
 
MsB

edited to add:  Of course, it could also mean I'm not one twue dom

< Message edited by MsBearlee -- 1/4/2008 8:53:03 AM >


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RE: Humiliation/degradation/embarrasment confusion - 1/4/2008 9:43:34 AM   
meticulousgirl


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personally for me i enjoy bits and pieces of humiliation ie: spanking, chastisement, interogations etc...but, degredation just doesn't appeal to me, i think Creative Dominant said what the logistics are and i agree with Him.

~meticulous~

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RE: Humiliation/degradation/embarrasment confusion - 1/4/2008 9:51:27 AM   
Leatherist


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I've found that the humiliation sluts seem to have a lot of issues as well. They tend to be a bit phsycho. There's a difference between having fun-and enabling illness.

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RE: Humiliation/degradation/embarrasment confusion - 1/4/2008 9:58:25 AM   
breatheasone


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quote:

There's a difference between having fun-and enabling illness.

Bingo...


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RE: Humiliation/degradation/embarrasment confusion - 1/4/2008 11:42:36 AM   
sublibrarian


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I suppose it depends on the person. When I'm into humiliation usually it's when my self-esteem is UP and feeling stable. (I'm also far sluttier when my self-esteem is at a high point.) Humiliation in a scene, from my Dom, is something that's controlled, and doesn't have the negative effects of humiliation in my day to day life. I can relax and allow myself to feel the humilation from a safe (and arousing) place. I don't feel safe when someone else humiliates me outside of a scene. It's something different.

As for degradation, I'm not sure I'd be up for that... I can't see my Dom willingly hurting me in that detrimental way. That's part of why I have such a wonderful time with him. I know that even when he's hard on me, he won't do permanent damage to my body or psyche. There's pushing limits, but then there's damaging someone.

I guess the difference between the two will vary tremendously depending on the person. I find being dommed in front of strangers to be arousing and humiliating, but not degrading. I still feel like a worthwhile person afterward. Not everyone would feel that way though. Some would feel like utter shit afterwards.

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RE: Humiliation/degradation/embarrasment confusion - 1/4/2008 1:49:11 PM   
Prinsexx


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The difference depends upon how i receive.......and how I perceive........
PS not using or spaced out or needing directions to a poetry site.......

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RE: Humiliation/degradation/embarrasment confusion - 1/4/2008 1:57:17 PM   
AMaster


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It's been said her already, but I have to say it once more.  The difference is in how the sub perceives it.  There is no good answer beyond that.

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RE: Humiliation/degradation/embarrasment confusion - 1/4/2008 2:14:43 PM   
GabrielleSlave


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Totally agree, for example in my case i love physical humiliation but not verbal... but, i have a sub friend who loves being spat on; he finds it deliciously humiliating, i would find it degrading.  Every sub will have a different point of view...

Gabrielle x

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