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RE: Sir/Ma'am, May I Cum? - 1/1/2008 9:09:53 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		If it's not part of the deal not to cum, I say cum.. cum.. and continue on that roll.  I think if it displeased them to see it, you won't be getting that second one.
It is just play, you aren't really in service to someone other than the play itself.
Kyst

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to ExSteelAgain)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Sir/Ma'am, May I Cum? - 1/1/2008 9:18:44 AM   
azropedntied


Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline 		ask-if thats your relationship and dynamic .If its casual play , ask for forgiveness  post cummmm VS asking for permission  . ooops as chia would say .

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Sir/Ma'am, May I Cum? - 1/1/2008 10:55:17 AM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		FR~~~

I'm still trying to wrap my brain around the concept that you can even think, let alone articulate anything with any meaning, when you are about to cum.

Wow.

You are a better woman than I am. 

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to azropedntied)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Sir/Ma'am, May I Cum? - 1/1/2008 11:20:36 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		LOL no kidding.  When I am on a roll it the only thing out of my mouth is fuckmefuckmefuckmefuckme, can't seem to say anything more than that.
Kyst
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

FR~~~

I'm still trying to wrap my brain around the concept that you can even think, let alone articulate anything with any meaning, when you are about to cum.

Wow.

You are a better woman than I am. 

Cali



_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Sir/Ma'am, May I Cum? - 1/1/2008 11:50:57 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		If it hasn't been negotiated, then it isn't required. If you're concerned however, put it on your list of stuff to discuss prior to play. But I wouldn't ever accept punishment from a play partner nor allow them to make unilateral decisions.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to ExSteelAgain)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Sir/Ma'am, May I Cum? - 1/1/2008 11:53:46 AM   
sammiebabygirl


Posts: 465
Joined: 10/23/2004
From: Upstate, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

FR~~~

I'm still trying to wrap my brain around the concept that you can even think, let alone articulate anything with any meaning, when you are about to cum.

Wow.

You are a better woman than I am. 

Cali



It's about self control and something your Dom and you can train you to do. Trust me, experience the consequences once and you will learn quickly.
 
jen

_____________________________

"Men are like pianos. When they get upright, i feel GRAND!!!"

http://charldine.com/jen2820

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Sir/Ma'am, May I Cum? - 1/1/2008 12:04:00 PM   
weneedyourhelp


Posts: 118
Joined: 12/16/2007
Status: offline 		kitten and I never discussed it beforehand, and it actually caught me a little off gaurd the first time she asked. Since then if I want her to wait I will tell her not to before we get started, otherwise...when it feels good gooooooooooooooooo.....;)

Cougar


_____________________________

" You become responsible forever for what you have tamed." ~ Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Man is still man, and even frozen in a block of ice, our singular purpose is still to get a nut.

(in reply to sammiebabygirl)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Sir/Ma'am, May I Cum? - 1/1/2008 12:04:33 PM   
Gwynvyd


Posts: 4949
Status: offline 		Personaly if we havent negotiated in the begining then they are allowed.. however it just is a big turn on when they ask... One of my boys always asks.. and It brings a big wicked smile to my face. It is always worth his while to ask.. he might have to wait a bit longer.. but by the time he is alowed release it is amazing.

I like pushing him to the edge and seeing the panic and pleading in his eyes.. and the begging on his lips. Him quivvering helpless. That is a huge turn on for me.

To some Dom/mes it might not be a big deal... but it is part of our dynamic.

Gwyn

_____________________________

Self avowed Geek-Girl~
Come for the boobs, stay for the brains.

Be the kinda woman that when your feet hit the floor in the morning the Devil says "Oh shit, shes awake..."
~ Softandshy's "Shiney"

(in reply to sammiebabygirl)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Sir/Ma'am, May I Cum? - 1/1/2008 12:27:01 PM   
SirJohnMandevill


Posts: 546
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
But I wouldn't ever accept punishment from a play partner nor allow them to make unilateral decisions.


Dunno if anyone cares, but I should add to my original post that my "fail to control-punishment-fail to control-punishment-release" scenario is always discussed beforehand. I wouldn't give a sub a nasty surprise like that. I'm just too niiiiiiiiiice....

Les (Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink)

_____________________________

Iam an eroticist
I am a fully eroticized being
No more neuroses
I found my strip naked soul soup
With the deviant ingredient
---The B-52s

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Sir/Ma'am, May I Cum? - 1/1/2008 12:34:50 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sammiebabygirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

FR~~~

I'm still trying to wrap my brain around the concept that you can even think, let alone articulate anything with any meaning, when you are about to cum.

Wow.

You are a better woman than I am. 

Cali



It's about self control and something your Dom and you can train you to do. Trust me, experience the consequences once and you will learn quickly.
 
jen


He has trained you to be able to think and talk when you are about to cum??  Or are you talking about cumming without permission? I cannot get to point B if I cannot even leave point A.  LOL.

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to sammiebabygirl)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Sir/Ma'am, May I Cum? - 1/1/2008 12:39:26 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

quote:

ORIGINAL: sammiebabygirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

FR~~~

I'm still trying to wrap my brain around the concept that you can even think, let alone articulate anything with any meaning, when you are about to cum.

Wow.

You are a better woman than I am. 

Cali



It's about self control and something your Dom and you can train you to do. Trust me, experience the consequences once and you will learn quickly.
 
jen


He has trained you to be able to think and talk when you are about to cum??  Or are you talking about cumming without permission? I cannot get to point B if I cannot even leave point A.  LOL.

Cali



I agree. There is no way I am going to ask anyone if I can cum; if I had to it would ruin it for me and why would I do that? I would also never be with someone who wanted to ruin my experience by having to stop and ask. Seems counterproductive to me.

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Sir/Ma'am, May I Cum? - 1/1/2008 12:54:37 PM   
SeekSubLover365


Posts: 1
Joined: 10/28/2006
Status: offline 		My sweet slave always begs when she is ready to cum.   At time I allow her, other times I make her wait a short time.  It makes her even wetter and he orgasm is so much more powerful when she is required to wait and beg for release

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Sir/Ma'am, May I Cum? - 1/1/2008 1:05:08 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SeekSubLover365

My sweet slave always begs when she is ready to cum.   At time I allow her, other times I make her wait a short time.  It makes her even wetter and he orgasm is so much more powerful when she is required to wait and beg for release


I think semantics is the problem here in the thread, at least for me. I love begging, I think it is a delicious type of humiliation to beg to cum or get fucked, etc. during a scene. Making someone beg when ready to cum or waiting to cum for a short time can be hot, but it seemed that the OP was talking about making herself NOT cum by forgetting to ask or considering it topping from below, which is all just too much work for me to concentrate on other than just moaning, "Oh my god I have to cum, now!"

See what I mean?

(in reply to SeekSubLover365)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Sir/Ma'am, May I Cum? - 1/1/2008 1:41:12 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Since the original premise was that this was a casual situation and not a ds relationship..
 
quote:

ORIGINAL: sammiebabygirl
This question pertains primarily to people who play casually, that are not in a D/s relationship.

Would you also maintain control of your orgasms in the situation which was presented above? 
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: sammiebabygirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

FR~~~

I'm still trying to wrap my brain around the concept that you can even think, let alone articulate anything with any meaning, when you are about to cum.

Wow.

You are a better woman than I am. 

Cali



It's about self control and something your Dom and you can train you to do. Trust me, experience the consequences once and you will learn quickly.
 
jen


_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to sammiebabygirl)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Sir/Ma'am, May I Cum? - 1/1/2008 1:58:58 PM   
sammiebabygirl


Posts: 465
Joined: 10/23/2004
From: Upstate, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

quote:

ORIGINAL: SeekSubLover365

but it seemed that the OP was talking about making herself NOT cum by forgetting to ask or considering it topping from below, which is all just too much work for me to concentrate on other than just moaning, "Oh my god I have to cum, now!"

See what I mean?


I used to have difficulty asking permission because I was afraid I would ask too soon and not be able or would wait too long and cum before I could ask. I got into the habit of holding back my orgasms because of it.
One time, I was playing with a very strict Dom and it was our first time playing together. I had made the mistake of trying to find my way to his house, rather than calling before leaving to go there. like he had told me to. I figured I would impress him by finding my way, since I am notorious for getting lost.
I got within 2 blocks of his house and was unsure of which way to go, so I called. He was not happy with me and when I did get there, I received a half hour lecture about how I am to do exactly as I am told and never to second guess him. Then he layed out his rules and told me that since it was the first time, he would not punish me, but to bare in mind that his punishments are severe.
 
Although I did not show it, the thoughts running through my head were, "What do you think the last half hour was?"
 
Our play consisted of impact play only, but I was incredibly aroused by it and knew I was on the edge of orgasm. I realized that he had never said anything in his rules about having to ask permission to orgasm, but I was terrified at this point, to do something wrong, that I just held it back. I feel that my making the decision to hold back was topping from the bottom, even though he did not know it.
 
On another occasion, with a different Dom, I forgot to ask, even though I knew I was supposed to and was punished for it. The punishment was something that would ordinarily cause me to safe word immediately, but because it was a punishment, I was not allowed a safe word. That incident taught me to control myself and always ask if I am instructed to.
 
jen

_____________________________

"Men are like pianos. When they get upright, i feel GRAND!!!"

http://charldine.com/jen2820

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Sir/Ma'am, May I Cum? - 1/1/2008 2:03:15 PM   
sammiebabygirl


Posts: 465
Joined: 10/23/2004
From: Upstate, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

Since the original premise was that this was a casual situation and not a ds relationship..
 
Would you also maintain control of your orgasms in the situation which was presented above? 
Kyst


Kyst,
I am not in a relationship and have not been in a long time, so my answer is yes. If it were requested by the Dom, I would. It is good practice for me.
 
jen


< Message edited by sammiebabygirl -- 1/1/2008 2:04:01 PM >

_____________________________

"Men are like pianos. When they get upright, i feel GRAND!!!"

http://charldine.com/jen2820

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Sir/Ma'am, May I Cum? - 1/1/2008 2:10:43 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sammiebabygirl

Our play consisted of impact play only, but I was incredibly aroused by it and knew I was on the edge of orgasm. I realized that he had never said anything in his rules about having to ask permission to orgasm, but I was terrified at this point, to do something wrong, that I just held it back.


That's my point right there... you were THINKING.  I cannot even THINK.  If I cannot think, how can I think about whether I have permission or not, how can I hold back... if someone else wants to control it, they have to WRENCH me back to the surface and TAKE the control back.
 
quote:


I feel that my making the decision to hold back was topping from the bottom, even though he did not know it.


Yep, there's that decision-making thing (which you can't do if you can't think).  To paraphrase Yoda, "Cum or Cum not, there is no thinking".   I cannot top from the bottom if my brain has disconnected.

That's what I was trying to say.

Cali




_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to sammiebabygirl)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Sir/Ma'am, May I Cum? - 1/1/2008 2:19:20 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

Yep, there's that decision-making thing (which you can't do if you can't think).  To paraphrase Yoda, "Cum or Cum not, there is no thinking".   I cannot top from the bottom if my brain has disconnected.



In situations where you can't think, you can revert to default hardwiring. Just depends on what that hardwiring is. If you've had orgasm control stressed previously, you may simply be unable to cum without the command or voice in your ear telling you to. That trigger to hit the final stage of arousal simply isn't there without a voice growling in your ear "CUM".

Not that I have any experience with it or anything...

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Sir/Ma'am, May I Cum? - 1/1/2008 2:19:26 PM   
sammiebabygirl


Posts: 465
Joined: 10/23/2004
From: Upstate, NY
Status: offline 		Point taken, Cali.
 
I agree. My orgasms are indeed more cerebral than physical. I have often fallen asleep while masturbating and I use the plug-in vibrator. It has more to do with what is in my head and if my head is not in the right space, it does not work.
 
Now, if I am mid orgasm, I am definitely NOT thinking. But up until then, I am.
 
jen

_____________________________

"Men are like pianos. When they get upright, i feel GRAND!!!"

http://charldine.com/jen2820

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Sir/Ma'am, May I Cum? - 1/1/2008 5:29:59 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sammiebabygirl
It's about self control and something your Dom and you can train you to do. Trust me, experience the consequences once and you will learn quickly.

jen

Well that's what it is for some people.  It would be silly to assume that's how orgasms work for everyone, especially certainly when discussing a female orgasm.

For me asking has always been primarily a formality between myself and my partner.  In order for me to even approach orgasm, I need to know it's ok to do and a desired goal.  The asking is in place to enjoy and enhance the experience, but if I feel they will definitely use the denial, I simply can't get myself to the point of orgasm at all. 

And once I'm at the point- I either have to orgasm or I shut down and won't be able to orgasm for quite a long time.  Even at the point of orgasm though, I'm still quite conscious of what's going on and able to talk to a certain extent. 

Nothing with self control with me, just how my body and mind work together when building and processing an orgasm.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to sammiebabygirl)
Profile   Post #: 40
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