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Sir/Ma'am, May I Cum? - 12/31/2007 10:16:23 PM   
sammiebabygirl


Posts: 465
Joined: 10/23/2004
From: Upstate, NY
Status: offline 		This question pertains primarily to people who play casually, that are not in a D/s relationship.
 
If it is not stated as a requirement, before play begins, should a sub still ask permission to cum?
 
I usually ask if it is required, but do not always remember, if the Dom/mme does not mention it.
 
I have actually, when I have forgotten to ask, held back and not allowed myself to orgasm for fear of doing it without permission. But, isn't that kind of topping from the bottom?
 
I appreciate your thoughts on this.
 
jen

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RE: Sir/Ma'am, May I Cum? - 12/31/2007 10:19:34 PM   
Suleiman


Posts: 1127
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline 		We all play according to the rules we keep in our own heads. There is no other way to do it. This is why prior negotiation is so important. That way, we all have some idea what sorts of rules the others are playing by - and yes, some times the rule is "Surprise me".

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RE: Sir/Ma'am, May I Cum? - 12/31/2007 10:44:45 PM   
hisannabelle


Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline 		greetings sammiebabygirl,

i have only once ever had anyone actually want me to ask permission to orgasm (although i love to have to ask permission and also to be "punished" and humiliated for orgasming, ironically, which rarely ever happens in play - the punishment, not the orgasming). so for me, i would have to say i'd assume not unless it was negotiated beforehand - just because of personal experience. i wouldn't worry too much, though - if it doesn't come up beforehand or it's forgotten in the discussion of the scene, i don't think it ruins the mood or anything to have to deal with those things coming up in the middle of a scene. sometimes having mishaps and miscommunication and everything not going smoothly makes for the best time. i also don't necessarily think it's topping from the bottom if there is no set rule.

respectfully,
annabelle.


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RE: Sir/Ma'am, May I Cum? - 12/31/2007 11:01:20 PM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		I would err on the side of asking, better than not asking and not cumming!
Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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RE: Sir/Ma'am, May I Cum? - 12/31/2007 11:11:49 PM   
SirJohnMandevill


Posts: 546
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MaamJay

I would err on the side of asking, better than not asking and not cumming!
Maam Jay aka violet[A]


For my sub, the default is she can cum at any time unless I forbid her. Thelatter situation is merely a way to generate disobedience that will earn "punishment." I know --well, am reasonably certain --that no woman will be able to hold her orgasm with what I do to her. Hence the punishment, and another faux attempt at orgasm control.

I'm a softie. I usually give permission to cum after 2-3 orgasm/punishment cycles, provided she really, really begs for release.

Les (Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink)

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RE: Sir/Ma'am, May I Cum? - 12/31/2007 11:14:19 PM   
sexiesub


Posts: 3
Joined: 6/18/2006
Status: offline 		Acckk, I hate orgasm denial.....but that being said, I always ask for permission.

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RE: Sir/Ma'am, May I Cum? - 1/1/2008 12:06:17 AM   
Phin


Posts: 1802
Joined: 2/26/2007
Status: offline 		I would not require permission to cum. If a woman needed permission to cum I would really like to know before the scene starts...

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RE: Sir/Ma'am, May I Cum? - 1/1/2008 12:35:23 AM   
Griswold


Posts: 2739
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline 		No.

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RE: Sir/Ma'am, May I Cum? - 1/1/2008 1:18:00 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		If playing casually, by which I mean not in a relationship, then I'm playing for my enjoyment. If I feel an orgasm coming on, I'm not going to ask permission unless we specifically talked about it.

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RE: Sir/Ma'am, May I Cum? - 1/1/2008 1:20:48 AM   
Muttling


Posts: 1612
Joined: 9/30/2007
Status: offline 		I see this as a 2 issues.........



The first and MOST important is how good is the relationship between the D n the S????       Asking permission may or may not  be important in the relationship.    If it is no important than asking in a matter of preference for the sub and nothing else.   If it IS important, then the sub needs to know that it is an important thing for the dom/ domme and they should be respectful of that importance.


The second issue is a question of are you REALLY asking permission or checking off a  box?     My experience has been that dommes never say no when I am at that level and ask for permission.    This is self defeating to me.  If I am required to ask permission, then I want them to have the power and ability to say no.    I don't want them to use it willy nilly, but I don't want it to be something that is never used.   If I ask permission for something, then I need to made to respect the potential for my domme to say NO.    My experience with asking permission has been that "Yes" is a forgone conclusion because I am not required to ask until it is WAY late.  


My advice is to conciously choose how to deal with this question and use the question in such a way that the dom/domme make NO happen.    I don't know how often you should make it happen, but you have to do it from time to time or the sub will know that the threat has no meaning.

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RE: Sir/Ma'am, May I Cum? - 1/1/2008 2:07:25 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		If it were casual, I do not think it would be important to ask unless my partner expressed this as a kink of theirs and we had agreed to orgasm control.

But it all depends on what you want to do....

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RE: Sir/Ma'am, May I Cum? - 1/1/2008 3:10:10 AM   
CuriousLord


Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		Meh, acting without permission either way can be disobidient. Best just to ask as soon as you can, even if that's when the issue comes up and you need permission then. :P

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RE: Sir/Ma'am, May I Cum? - 1/1/2008 4:25:39 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		As always, if it's not something you've agreed to do, then no one is under obligation. If you're worried about it, which you are, then just ask before you play and make it clear.

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RE: Sir/Ma'am, May I Cum? - 1/1/2008 4:46:59 AM   
Elorin


Posts: 970
Joined: 8/22/2004
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline 		As a top who plays with casual play partners, I am ambivalent. Being asked permission to orgasm gives a high likelihood of the answer of no, probably at first and possibly for the entire session. It enhances my feeling of power exchanged. I am never offended when a woman orgasms during play without asking unless she gushes and drips and didn't warn me first. A gentleman, however, should ask or have arrangements made so that furniture is not soiled.

So for me the question is: how likely are you to leave a mess on the furniture? That answer determines whether I want a casual partner to ask to cum first.

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RE: Sir/Ma'am, May I Cum? - 1/1/2008 4:54:14 AM   
Petronius


Posts: 289
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		LuckyAlbatross put it well. Every Dom has a different set of desires, rules, dynamics, and anticipations. So if you want an accurate view of them you have to ask, not assume you know what they are.

(in reply to Elorin)
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RE: Sir/Ma'am, May I Cum? - 1/1/2008 4:59:26 AM   
dogobedience


Posts: 536
Joined: 3/30/2006
Status: offline 		If you are there to simply play, then play the part. Have proper protocal, you can never go wrong that way..........and if you do something wrong.............feel the crop!!!

The BEST time you will have is when a skilled dom leads you and prepares you to obey the way they need you to. You are there to be lead, not think about what you should do or not do..........sloppy careless doms....sloppy careless doms.......should be whipped!!!!!!   

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RE: Sir/Ma'am, May I Cum? - 1/1/2008 6:36:31 AM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		If he's doing something to me that we both know would end in orgasm, and doesn't tell me I shouldn't cum, I'm going to assume he wants me to.

I will say, though...the first time I was with someone and nearing orgasm, and he whispered, "now don't cum, you're not allowed to cum yet!"  I remember my eyes flying open with disbelief, and the desperation I felt trying to hold it back made the release, when it eventually happened anyway, reeeeeeeeeally intense.  And pretty damn hot.  And no, he didn't punish me, he loved it and said he did it that way on purpose because he knew it would be intense.  But he wasn't one of those "strict" doms.

< Message edited by windchymes -- 1/1/2008 6:42:49 AM >

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RE: Sir/Ma'am, May I Cum? - 1/1/2008 8:11:43 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

now don't cum, you're not allowed to cum yet!"  I remember my eyes flying open with disbelief, and the desperation I felt trying to hold it back made the release, when it eventually happened anyway, reeeeeeeeeally intense.  And pretty damn hot.  And no, he didn't punish me, he loved it and said he did it that way on purpose because he knew it would be intense.  But he wasn't one of those "strict" doms.


The first time he did that to me I had the same reaction, and when he finally allowed me to cum I was surprised at how intense it was....


_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: Sir/Ma'am, May I Cum? - 1/1/2008 8:34:47 AM   
chiaThePet


Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline 		Well, if it means that much to those power hungry little minds out there,
then I suppose I could ask for per.......oops..........nevermind.

chia* (the pet)

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You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

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RE: Sir/Ma'am, May I Cum? - 1/1/2008 8:39:03 AM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		It is a form of service to simply wait. Besides that, go to a restaurant where you have to wait for a long time out front on stupid benches and the food tastes better once you follow your server to the land of milk and honey.

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