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Normal? - 12/28/2007 9:23:20 PM

Kalista07

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i'm not sure how to set any of this up, and my mind appears to be pretty frazzled so please excuse any stupidity or anything else.... i'm wondering if it's normal for a slave (or sub for that matter) to feel rebellious? Recently He gave me an assignment.... It's due Sunday, and every time i sit down to do it i just can't...i don't want to....Now, i know submission (or slavery) is not about wanting to...And the reality is i know i'll do it because otherwise it'll kill me to see and hear how much i've disappointed Him. But, i'm confused as to why i'm struggling with rebellion? Is it possible that it's just because everything else in my life right now is so out of control, and this is something i can control? Or is it that i suck as a slave (submissive)?
As always, i have told Him all of this numerous times...Each time He thanks me for sharing with Him how i feel, and then says, "but You still must do the assignment".
Any thoughts, ideas, suggestions?
Thanks,
Kali

*edited to add* i feel incredibly stupid having to ask these questions all the time...but, hey...someone's got to do it....

< Message edited by Kalista07 -- 12/28/2007 9:24:09 PM >

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RE: Normal? - 12/28/2007 9:25:45 PM

MadRabbit

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Yeah, take a deep breathe, clear your head and then simply do the assignment.

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RE: Normal? - 12/28/2007 9:28:19 PM

undinerising

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Might be, you're looking to really reassert control... Might be that you're acting out in hopes that he'll assert control thereby negating your need to do so... Might just be that the assignment doesn't appeal.

Give it a serious try. It sounds like it's writing, and writing always builds character. He didn't necessarily assign it to be easy or pleasant.

Good luck.

(in reply to MadRabbit)

Post #: 3

RE: Normal? - 12/28/2007 9:40:48 PM

MaamJay

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From My experience, both as sub and Domme, most subs struggle with rebellion somewhere along the line. If everything else is out of control in your life right now, I can see that so easily, you are likely expressing both a desperate desire to control something ... and the almost conflicting desire to see the One you are trusting to be in control to actually TAKE that control. Is there any resentment in you, perhaps, that He is not controlling those other out-of-control areas in your life? Is there any practical way in which He could? I don't think it's that you suck as a sub/slave ... especially when you clearly understand that "wanting to" and being "prepared to" do something are two difficult things and that it's the latter that counts in submission. That's such an important concept as far as My expectations of a sub are concerned.

I'm kinda curious as to what is the nature of the assignment. How is it different from previous ones? Is there something particular about this one that is triggering your rebellion? Or is it just one more thing to do that you feel you don't "need" at this time? Perhaps if you can clarify for yourself what is instigating the rebellion, it will help you overcome it. And I like the way He works ... listens to you carefully ... but still expects you to do what He has asked!

Good luck in working this out in your mind ... and with the assignment! Just think how much better you will feel when it's done!
Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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RE: Normal? - 12/28/2007 9:44:22 PM

PanthersMom

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yes it's normal. every once in awhile it'll pop up. you can either let it take over and "suffer" the consequences or learn to deal with it.

PM

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RE: Normal? - 12/28/2007 10:12:48 PM

RumpusParable

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Gotta agree with all those above so far: Yep, for one reason or another such feelings come up at some point. You're still human! You two have talked it over so your feelings are out in the open, now just grit your teeth and do the assignment. By the sounds, it seems like it's just an assignment that you're disliking rather than some serious or wider problem going on in you or your relationship.

Get it done, get it overwith! That way you can move on to more pleasant things! :)

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Post #: 6

RE: Normal? - 12/28/2007 10:33:29 PM

ownedgirlie

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I used to have moments like that, and usually it was right before a growth spurt. By that, I mean I was on my way to turning yet another corner in my submission to him, ready to let go of new areas within myself...and as if in a last moment of fear/hesistation/anxiety/whatever you want to call it, I would hang on to it just a bit more. Along the way, the more I let go of, the more I seemed to hang on to what was left. You should have seen me when I reached that very last piece, lol. :)

But really, in the end you're going to do your assignment, and you will feel good that you did. Maybe this assignment is one that is bringing you to let go of something within that you haven't let go of before. In any case, this is a good learning opportunity for you, since it seems you are exploring your inner workings. :)

Now, put on your Nike's and Just Do It.

(in reply to Kalista07)

Post #: 7

RE: Normal? - 12/28/2007 10:39:08 PM

MasterFireMaam

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Instead of looking at why you struggle, start looking at why you rebel, period. Why do you have the emotions that you do? Where do they come from? What events in the past influenced them? It might take some time to really work out.

But you still have to do the assignment. ;-)

Master Fire

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(in reply to Kalista07)

Post #: 8

RE: Normal? - 12/29/2007 12:21:08 AM

junecleaver

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

Yeah, take a deep breathe, clear your head and then simply do the assignment.

Pretty much the best advice ever.

Maybe the assignment just isn't something you particularly enjoy. Just because your Master asks you to do something you don't enjoy doesn't immediately make that thing enjoyable.

And you are not stupid, just honest. :)

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Post #: 9

RE: Normal? - 12/29/2007 12:34:51 AM

velvetears

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FR

i don't think you can help what you feel, but you can help how you react to those feelings- Feel rebellious but don't act rebellious. Maybe starting a journal, if you haven't already, so you can write out your thoughts about these sorts of feelings and see how things progress over time.

You said "every time i sit down to do it i just can't...i don't want to" This is where the problem lies. You can do it, you defeat yourself by saying you can't and make the assignment more difficult than it is by approaching it with that attitude. Later in your statement you corrected yourself by saying what you really felt - you don't want to do it. By saying you can't do it, it makes it easier not to - if you can't do something it than becomes not your fault if it doesn't get done. Admitting you don't want to puts the responsibility for not getting it done squarely on your shoulders - you're having a conscience dilemma.

< Message edited by velvetears -- 12/29/2007 12:35:42 AM >

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Post #: 10

RE: Normal? - 12/29/2007 2:58:56 AM

batshalom

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Sometimes assignments are just plain boring or difficult or unpalatable for any number of reasons. It can be difficult to derive pleasure from doing an assignment you don't like, even though you are doing it to "please him" (or at the very least to keep from disappointing him). Stop thinking about it, just do it to get it over with (it doesn't seem like he's ordering you to like it, so no foul) and don't worry that you're abnormal. You're allowed to have opinions ... but like MFM said ... you still have to do the assignment.

Err, actually you don't have to do the assignment. You don't have to do anything but breathe in and breathe out once in awhile, but in order to submit, you have to do the assignment.

(in reply to velvetears)

Post #: 11

RE: Normal? - 12/29/2007 5:48:27 AM

MissMorrigan

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I recognise this only too well in my own boy who, on occasion, tests boundaries and rebels. He fights demons within himself, we all do on occasion, his is to see how far he can push me (once I close down his personal space) and how I will react to his rebelliousness (his reactance to his submission - almost a fighting instinct). HIs stem from demons from his childhood (he cannot see this and I help him come to terms with them given that he was pretty much left to his own devises due to his parents warring, and eventual divorcing, leaving him in isolation - his parents' interaction was tempestuous and violent on occasion), he wants to submit, has an innate need to submit to me but I can only regard his behaviour as cyclical insofar as it will occur every three months. His subconscious aim - to see if I will 'divorce' him should he challenge my authority, and while he needs a disciplined structure to his relationship there are, on occasions, when he wants to regress to typical teenage behaviours.

He needs the structure our D/s relationship provides, he thrives on discipline and yes, he's also somewhat clingy (I should have contributed to that thread also!). In essence, I have partly taken the role his parents should have and slowly he is learning to approach life in an educated, but disciplined manner. Occasionally he will hit a wall, he'll 'act out' and pout, posture, try and manipulate me, but he still knows that whatever task I set him will remain there until its completion. When he does act out, I know he is attempting to manipulate me to initiate some form of corporal punishment, which is something I refuse to do. My stance remains firm and he understands that if he desires to progress he will complete his assignment. Once he has completed his assignment he has a sense of euphoria that leaves him emotioonally drained afterwards, and once this has been worked through he achieves that inner contentment/peace - he has been known to say, "I wish I had done that sooner!". Right now, we are working at neutralising that cycle of behaviour, it's hard work and I'm certain it can be achieved.

(in reply to Kalista07)

Post #: 12

RE: Normal? - 12/29/2007 6:04:56 AM

shariah

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If you are feeling it, it is normal.

I have yet to meet a single submissive/slave who has not felt rebellious at one time or another, though I am sure there are some out there.

In the end though, the assignment needs to be done. No question about it Kalista, it needs to be done. So as another has told you.........

take a deep breath......clear your head.....and do the assignment.

shariah

(in reply to Kalista07)

Post #: 13

RE: Normal? - 12/29/2007 6:09:31 AM

lronitulstahp

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quote:

As always, i have told Him all of this numerous times...Each time He thanks me for sharing with Him how i feel, and then says, "but You still must do the assignment".

It sounds to me like your Master is patient and caring, and considerate of your feelings(based on that quote)...think of the task as a way of showing your appreciation of His care. Take yourself out of the equation, all the cares etc. that you mentioned...clear your mind of them, and focus on pleasing Him. Good luck!

(in reply to Kalista07)

Post #: 14

RE: Normal? - 12/29/2007 6:13:50 AM

taintedgypsy

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I pretty much agree with everyone else that has posted ... your human .... and sometimes we just want to rebel, yet in the end we do what we must ... so grit teeth and push on ... good luck.

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RE: Normal? - 12/29/2007 6:27:32 AM

LittleMeganV

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I think it's a pretty natural thing to feel that way. Everyone and every relationship has a different way of dealing with it. After you finish it, I suggest talking about your rebellious urge with him and come to an agreement with how you two will deal with it. I think the best thing for you to do is to sit down and do what you can. Granted I don't know what the assignment is, but for me I find start to always be the hardest part. To deal with that i often start in the middle (if possible) and then come back later to "finish" with the start. Not sure if that makes sense but I think of it like starting a college paper in the body and then writing the introduction after I have finished it.

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Post #: 16

RE: Normal? - 12/29/2007 6:32:36 AM

thetammyjo

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Fox went through a period (about 3 months) several years ago where he tried to reject the label "slave" -- he started feeling bad about the word and his parents were asking him why he was living with us.

It was a rough period.

I, however, stuck to my position and role, never allowed him get reactions or attention from me unless he was operating from the position of my slave. Ignoring Fox is the best form of behavior/attitude modification there is; took me some time to figure that out. I never thought of it as punishing him (he might feel differently) but simply maintaining our dynamic.

He always had the choice to leave after all. He always had the choice to say "I'm ending this contract" but he never did.

He started talking to people online who also identified as part of a owner-slave dynamic and this helped him a lot as did meeting a few at some conventions. Truth was that in the local community we were the only owner-slave couple, the only fully functioning, live-in poly household too, so I can understand how lonely it felt.

But I think what mostly helped was my sticking it out, giving him lots of positive feedback when he behaved properly, and never speaking poorly or negatively about slaves or slavery.

It isn't the same situation as you, Kalista07, but I did want to let you know that even folks who've been living this way for some time go through changes in attitude and behavior.

Happens on both sides, too. You just have to focus on going through the actions and staying open to understanding what's going on inside.

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Post #: 17

RE: Normal? - 12/29/2007 6:32:56 AM

TreasureKY

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If I was dealing with numerous stressful issues in my life... felt like things were out of control... and if FirmhandKY were to give me an assignment to sit down and write an essay on what was going through my mind the last time he tied me up and used me, I would have problems with that.

Now some here would say that I should simply do it without question... he's my dominant and if that is what he told me to do, I should obey him.

Some might point out that he might have some "hidden" objective in selecting that particular topic... that there is some lesson that he wishes to me to learn and that I should trust him to know what is best.

Some might say that he was wanting to learn more of me... working on making me transparent to him.

It might be speculated that he could be giving the assignment to test my obedience, or he could simply be reinforcing his position over me.

Others might say that it's not my place to question... if writing the essay is what he wants, I should do whatever was asked simply to please him.

Those things could all be true... but I'd still have problems with it.

Why?

Because part of finding a compatible dominant for me was finding a man whose priorities and goals in life matched mine. While strengthening our dynamic, learning about each other, cultivating transparency, and demonstrating obedience are all goals that we share, they do not hold priority over our day to day lives. They do not disappear altogether when issues arise in our lives that need to be attended to, but they do take a backseat as far as utilizing our time and energies.

It would feel completely wrong to me if FirmhandKY were to ignore stress in my life. A man who would place a higher priority on his own whims over issues I might be having difficulty with would indicate to me a man who did not consider my life to be entwined with his own.

In other words, if my life is out of control and I truly belong to him, then I would think that he would consider that his life is out of control. I would expect that his energies would be directed at helping me to bring it under control... utilizing my skills and effort to address those issues and not giving me "busy work" to fuel his kink.

(in reply to Kalista07)

Post #: 18

RE: Normal? - 12/29/2007 6:51:42 AM

bandit25

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Couple of thing occur to me...when did submission or slavery get to be "not about wanting to". If you don't want to submit, then why are you? I'm not saying you're going to yell "yippee" every time he tells you to do something, but if I didn't want to, well, I just wouldn't. As far as sucking at being a slave or submissive...yeah, maybe you do. That's ok. I've always thought I'd make the world's worst slave and I'm good with that. If you're gonna do it, then just sit down and do it. It'll be over with and you can move on. But, I'm pretty much with Treasure here..if things were out of control in my life and I was handed an assignment that wouldn't seem right to me either. Sure, maybe he's trying to focus you but it doesn't appear to be working or you'd have done it by now. Sorry I don't have better advice for you.

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RE: Normal? - 12/29/2007 6:59:24 AM

sexyred1

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I don't have any advice because I cannot relate to the concept of having to do "assignments". I work hard, my job is stressful, there are assignments galore at work, which is what I get paid for. I am long out of school and we had assignments there.

If I am feeling out of control and stressed, the WORST thing in the world would be if someone gave me an assignment that would create more stress. So, for me, that is not normal. As far as the concept of rebellion is concerned, we are adults and who exactly are you rebelling against? I would just say no, sorry, no can do, too stressed right now, give me a break.

But then again, I don't have the dynamic that the OP does.

I would think a far better stress reliever would be to work it out by communication or even better, in a scene, but that is just me. One of the many reasons I enjoy being submissive is that it is a stress reliever, not producer.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 12/29/2007 7:01:44 AM >

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