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RE: Normal? - 12/29/2007 7:25:06 AM

lronitulstahp

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Joined: 10/17/2007
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When i am feeling like i'm overwhelmed, i long for some structure, or something to focus on apart from my problems.

quote:

Is it possible that it's just because everything else in my life right now is so out of control, and this is something i can control? Or is it that i suck as a slave (submissive)?

Besides, that feeling of being "out of control" is purely subjective. Some people say " my life is out of control" because the dog got in the trash can, and they overcooked the eggs at breakfast. Unless some here are privy to particular instances in the OP's life,(in which case, it would be understandable that you speak from a place of prior knowledge) we may project a sense of our own stress and worry to the situation which may not be as extreme as we think. Only the OP and her Master know for sure what the assignment was, and whether it warrants any of us thinking it was taxing or burdensome in relation to her current stress.

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 21

RE: Normal? - 12/29/2007 7:32:40 AM

bipolarber

Posts: 2792
Joined: 9/25/2004
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I would do the assignment. But, afterward, I'd ask for a sit down with my dominant partner, and discuss my taking a short break, maybe a couple of days off somewhere, to get myself back on track. Maybe visit a friend in another city, or see relations. Just step out of the routine long enough to remember the good aspects of it.

I tried to do a 24/7 arrangement once. I quickly found that the "7" part of it made it really difficult for me. There just had to be days where I had the chance to do things on my own. Otherwise, depression began to sink in. I began to feel trapped, and not in an "erotic" or even useful way. However, once we negotiated a couple days off a week, (mid-week, so that we could maximize our weekends together.) Everything started getting better.

That relationship didn't last a full year, but it did teach me a great many things. One of which is that for good psychological health, it's nesseccary to have a small part of your life as your own.

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 22

RE: Normal? - 12/29/2007 7:56:46 AM

MissMorrigan

Posts: 2309
Joined: 1/15/2005
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I think it's important for any individual, regardless of the relationship dynamics, to have their own space. It's important for my, and my boy's emotional/psychological wellbeing to have that space so that we can grow as individuals, as well as a couple, which is why I actively encourage his pursuit of sports, visiting his friends and know that when he returns he's then focused on what he needs to do once he is with me. Our homelife is a tad difficult given that he works from home, so it's important he has that break even if he feels he doesn't need it at the time.

quote:

ORIGINAL: bipolarber
I would do the assignment. But, afterward, I'd ask for a sit down with my dominant partner, and discuss my taking a short break, maybe a couple of days off somewhere, to get myself back on track. Maybe visit a friend in another city, or see relations. Just step out of the routine long enough to remember the good aspects of it.

I tried to do a 24/7 arrangement once. I quickly found that the "7" part of it made it really difficult for me. There just had to be days where I had the chance to do things on my own. Otherwise, depression began to sink in. I began to feel trapped, and not in an "erotic" or even useful way. However, once we negotiated a couple days off a week, (mid-week, so that we could maximize our weekends together.) Everything started getting better.

That relationship didn't last a full year, but it did teach me a great many things. One of which is that for good psychological health, it's nesseccary to have a small part of your life as your own.

(in reply to bipolarber)

Post #: 23

RE: Normal? - 12/29/2007 8:11:37 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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I'm with TreasureKY. Him assigning busy work would not exert control over me, it would erode my respect for him. And if I told him that I was feeling like this and he didn't care that I was angry and resentful, I'd begin to feel like a blowup doll for him above it all.

He doesn't get submission and love out of me by demanding I give something I don't have when I'm empty. But I wouldn't wait until Sunday to tell him it wasn't being done, I'd be upfront about it. And I would expect that my feelings and the wall being quickly built between us took priority over busy work. If it didn't, then I'd have learned that I chose unwisely in a partner.

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(in reply to MissMorrigan)

Post #: 24

RE: Normal? - 12/29/2007 8:27:21 AM

sweetstorm

Posts: 227
Joined: 5/3/2004
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You all are making a lot of good points here in that sexyred1 said submission is a stress-reliever, not something to make things worse. That's so true. I use my submission to a Dom to let out a lot of things that I have to keep the reigns on during my workweek. If it were something that added more work TO me or made my life busier for no reason, that's just counterproductive and I'd be speaking to my Dom about "busy" assignments and how they effect me negatively.

And as DesFIP said, I wouldn't wait until Sunday and say "Look, I didn't do it." I would have to say something right away and I'd feel disrespected if He didn't listen to my problems and provide a solution. I depend on a Dom to be the One I take my problems to and have them at least walk through my mind with me to a better way to handle things.

I want my submission to provide a release and solutions, not complications and problems.

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You need a parachute to skydive twice.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 25

RE: Normal? - 12/29/2007 8:30:38 AM

jakeskajira

Posts: 87
Joined: 9/19/2007
Status: offline

I think this is very very normal : http://www.enslavement.org.uk/reactance
Read that, it will describe and explain it. (what your going through) I still struggle with this occasionally... its perfectly normal and fine! Keep your chin up. Make sure you tell him how your feeling. Telling him how you feel might allow you to be able to do the assignment, because once he knows.. he knows.

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 26

RE: Normal? - 12/29/2007 8:59:03 AM

Poppygirl

Posts: 41
Joined: 12/19/2006
Status: offline

maybe you think the assignment is silly or that home work is a waste of time at this point in your relationship?

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 27

RE: Normal? - 12/29/2007 8:50:46 PM

Kalista07

Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
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i want to thank everyone for their replies and their support....Most of You were right on track about my reasoning for not wanting to do the assignment...It was an area that i was struggling to admit how insecure i was in and how completly clueless i was..We kept talking about it last night, i emailed it to Him, and then He told me i did a good job and He was proud of me...YEAH!!
Thanks all!!

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~~Sweedish Proverb

(in reply to Poppygirl)

Post #: 28

RE: Normal? - 12/29/2007 8:55:43 PM

rawhide

Posts: 1
Joined: 11/25/2004
Status: offline

nevermind.............I'm sooooooooo confused

< Message edited by rawhide -- 12/29/2007 8:59:05 PM >

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 29

RE: Normal? - 12/29/2007 11:01:24 PM

MaamJay

Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
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Good on you Kalista ... it seems that the assignment WAS much more than busy work, it was something that your Master thought you needed to break through in. Hope that now it's done you can go on to discuss more of how you felt and deal with that together too.
Good luck!
Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to rawhide)

Post #: 30

RE: Normal? - 12/30/2007 2:17:20 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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Wow such great points

First- I agree with MFM and TammyJo. It's a normal enough thing, but what you have to do now is really work through the SOURCE of the rebellion. Because that's really the problem here.

Second- the problem of busy work/assignment that really is wrong. That's just such a personal choice it's hard to judge a particular relationship. I've given a "busy work" assignement to my partner because a) it reasserts my authority in him and gets his mind back in the flow where I need it to be b) gives him a task he CAN accomplish easily enough which gives him confidence and more security in being a good boy to me and c) gives me time to observe him in his processing state to gain more information on how to work through it.

But that's because of how he/we work together, it helps. For someone else, it might be the wrong solution completely (it might also be a male/female general issue).

However, sometimes assignments ARE wrong, and sometimes rebellion DOES mean "this relationship is not working fo rme and needs to end." In those times you need to seriously examine what's going on and decide if it's best to take some serious steps together.

So stop focusing on "being bad" for how you are feeling, that's just a distraction. Focus on why the rebellion exists, working on the source, and just DO the assignment, unless you feel the assignment really is wrong and goes against who you are.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MaamJay)

Post #: 31

RE: Normal? - 12/30/2007 2:49:50 PM

petpete

Posts: 677
Joined: 7/6/2007
Status: offline

Dear k07 and respected members of this group. Sure as a sub/slave it is natural to go through stages of power struggle. These are testing times for us.. It is important for time like these to pull together and find the strength to do the very least in damaging the relationship between you and your Dominant. It sounds to me you are being subjected to another test by Your Dominant. If the assignment is really out of your limits i would talk with the Dominant party about it. If however the relationship is at a very mature stage of trusting each other then i would assume you will pull out of this anscathed... However it is times like these which boundaries can get stretched and give the relationship even higher levels of enjoyment and satisfaction to each other. Seasons greetings and happy new year to all the participants.
( happy to see that your over it now)

< Message edited by petpete -- 12/30/2007 2:54:22 PM >

_____________________________

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Max: And loving it!

(in reply to Kalista07)

Post #: 32

RE: Normal? - 12/30/2007 3:06:59 PM

LeatherBentOne

Posts: 469
Joined: 9/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lronitulstahp

quote:

As always, i have told Him all of this numerous times...Each time He thanks me for sharing with Him how i feel, and then says, "but You still must do the assignment".

It sounds to me like your Master is patient and caring, and considerate of your feelings(based on that quote)...think of the task as a way of showing your appreciation of His care. Take yourself out of the equation, all the cares etc. that you mentioned...clear your mind of them, and focus on pleasing Him. Good luck!

I think you hit the nail right on the head. She needs to take herself out of the equation. She has an assignment and she needs to just do it, even if it is only to please her Master. The bottom line is, either she wants to serve and please her Master or she doesn't. Either way, there are consequences stemmng from her actions.

My personal advice is to not test the patience of an effective Master. Perhaps there is a lesson to learn in doing as Master says. But, without doing the exercise she has been given, she will never know what that lesson is. Stop challenging. You already gave your consent to submit, now live with your decision, and dont make his life as a Master anymore difficult than it already is.

(in reply to lronitulstahp)

Post #: 33

RE: Normal? - 12/30/2007 6:25:19 PM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

Instead of looking at why you struggle, start looking at why you rebel, period. Why do you have the emotions that you do? Where do they come from? What events in the past influenced them? It might take some time to really work out.

But you still have to do the assignment. ;-)

Master Fire

If I gave you a nail you would be sure to hit it straight on the head......
I rebel because my name is P.R. Angelchild....and my middle name is Rebellion (at least to make my point here).
I rebel because I have had to it's a survival mechanism. rules are for breaking right? Anarchy in the UK.........
I am one of the most rebellious s types I know (irony) but then if I was a push over where's the dynamic?
However getting broken in is the 'sexiest' exeperience I have ever had............

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 34

RE: Normal? - 12/30/2007 7:58:45 PM

grlneedstolearn

Posts: 728
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline

It does not mean that your a bad sub/slave. i know that when i get somewhat rebellious and i talk to my Dom about it, that we tend to find out that i have too much on my plate at once and can't handle all of it. Which may or may not mean that you may have too much on your plate, and to ask your Master for help, if he can, with it.
Best of luck

(in reply to Kalista07)

Post #: 35

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