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Maintaining the "flow" - 12/28/2007 3:00:45 PM   
SirJohnMandevill


Posts: 546
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline 		OK, here goes. I have a couple years' hands-on experience -- but with only one sub. Hopefully, that will soon change, so I want to improve my technique. Specifically, I want to maintain a much smoother "flow" from one BDSM activity to another.  With my former sub, it seemed as if we bounced chaotically between activities without a smooth transition. Undressing, tying restraints, spanking, untying and retying restraints, clit and pussy torture, orgasm, untying-retying restraints, impact play, sex...I think you get the idea. :-) While it usually worked for us, I no longer feel that approach is conducive to a satisfying play session or helping a sub achieve sub space and staying there until I let her come down.  I'd like to hear from others how they transition from one activity to another during a session of several hours (or all night). I'm crossposting this to "Ask a Submissive" to get another point of view. If I'm not clear, please feel free to ask for elaboration.... Les (Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink)


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RE: Maintaining the "flow" - 12/28/2007 3:11:22 PM   
TallDarkAndWitty


Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline 		Great topic!

One of the things I do before I start any scene is play out what I think is likely to happen in my mind and then get all of the tools, chains, cuffs, collars, etc out and in some kind of order where I know everything will be.  I am a big fan of leather cuffs and chain, using carabiners, quick links, and locks that can be quickly opened and re-arranged with one hand.  I am also pretty lucky in that I usually top with my beautiful partner, so if some adjusting needs to be done, it can usually be done by one of us while the other keeps the flow going.

It also helps to have an order in mind to minimize position changes and maximize the build up.  One of our favorite scenes goes from binding a slave to a bondage table, then caressing her gently with some sensual devices, then getting out the violet want and getting all sparky on her, then moving to some fire play with and without the wand, then rubbing her up with baby oil before doing a full hot wax scene, this can be followed by some vigorous and pretty intense wax removal knife play followed by some loving aftercare...all in the same bondage position.

We always vary the actual scene, as we do what it seems to tell us, but the basic idea keeps everything on track.

Taggard


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RE: Maintaining the "flow" - 12/28/2007 3:25:10 PM   
FRSguy


Posts: 653
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline 		What a question!!
I usually plan things out in my mind before the scene.  Its not a very strict plan but I do plan for the flow of things and I also plan for alternatives if something isn’t really going right.  I also use a lot of quick connect devices like clips and what not that I get from dungeon depot.  For instance I might do rope cuffs and then clip the cuffs together so that part of it is on clips for quick transitions.  I also limit what can be done on what stuff.  For instance I will plan for a type of suspension bondage then I will figure out in my mind what positions I can transition to more smoothly and what things I can do to the sub in that position.  It sounds much more complicated than it is and the alternatives are also important so that you are not locked into one thing…. There has to be some kind of randomness so that you don’t get into the same routine over and over again. There are some things that can be difficult to transition to and from and for those you have to come up with something in between like going from spanking bench to suspension bondage you have to talk and engage the sub while transitioning to keep her mind on what is happening to her.   A typical evening may go something like inspection – verbal degradation and humiliation – getting her to show acts like stripping and showing by request  then bondage from ceiling by writs while doing bondage harness and then transition over to tie down to the spanking bench with begging and forced blow… then I think of the alternatives like… cant do spanking bench then on knees with begging… you get the point… but I think staying constantly engaged with the sub is a huge part of it.

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RE: Maintaining the "flow" - 12/28/2007 3:32:24 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		If you go slow and take time to touch/rub her between activities, this might help with the disjointedness. Or, think about the flow...I find that flowing down, up and around the body works. It doesn't matter what toy really, just that if I've caned their butt, I'm not going to pick a paddle next. I flow onto some other area of the body.

Master Fire


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RE: Maintaining the "flow" - 12/28/2007 5:05:51 PM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		crossposting is against the rules...hope you read all the responses on whichever thread you posted second, because it will eventually get yanked....

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RE: Maintaining the "flow" - 12/28/2007 5:28:23 PM   
SirJohnMandevill


Posts: 546
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

crossposting is against the rules...hope you read all the responses on whichever thread you posted second, because it will eventually get yanked....


What is the rationale for banning the same question in two different forums to get two different perspectives? I'm not contesting the validity of your statement, chelle; it's just the first I've heard of it.

Les (Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink)

_____________________________

Iam an eroticist
I am a fully eroticized being
No more neuroses
I found my strip naked soul soup
With the deviant ingredient
---The B-52s

(in reply to chellekitty)
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RE: Maintaining the "flow" - 12/28/2007 5:35:05 PM   
SirJohnMandevill


Posts: 546
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline 		Moderator(s): Given that both Dominant's and submissive's perspective on this question will be valuable, I respectfully ask that both threads be allowed to stand.

Les (Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink) 


_____________________________

Iam an eroticist
I am a fully eroticized being
No more neuroses
I found my strip naked soul soup
With the deviant ingredient
---The B-52s

(in reply to SirJohnMandevill)
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RE: Maintaining the "flow" - 12/28/2007 5:36:40 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		respect doesn't enter into it as much as observing the TOS (right or wrong) does.

Ask me how I know that.

Ron


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RE: Maintaining the "flow" - 12/28/2007 7:54:48 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		The reason not to post the same thing on multiple fora is to prevent spamming. Now obviously yours isn't a spam post, but moderating is easier if there's one rule for all.

Besides this isn't a strictly dom, sub or switch question. It would work for everyone. And as you've seen, subs answer in the Master forum, doms in the Subs, and everyone in General. One thread would garner the same results.

A young domme once said that the best thing she found against chaoticness and 'hat shall I do now' moments was to write down ideas on an index card and put it somewhere her sub wouldn't see like her dresser drawer, and then blindfold him.

Once blindfolded, she pulled out the card, arranged the objects in order and could look at the card now and then. She put it back in the drawer before she removed the blindfold.

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RE: Maintaining the "flow" - 12/28/2007 8:57:13 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirJohnMandevill

OK, here goes. I have a couple years' hands-on experience -- but with only one sub. Hopefully, that will soon change, so I want to improve my technique. Specifically, I want to maintain a much smoother "flow" from one BDSM activity to another.  With my former sub, it seemed as if we bounced chaotically between activities without a smooth transition. Undressing, tying restraints, spanking, untying and retying restraints, clit and pussy torture, orgasm, untying-retying restraints, impact play, sex...I think you get the idea. :-) While it usually worked for us, I no longer feel that approach is conducive to a satisfying play session or helping a sub achieve sub space and staying there until I let her come down.  I'd like to hear from others how they transition from one activity to another during a session of several hours (or all night). I'm crossposting this to "Ask a Submissive" to get another point of view. If I'm not clear, please feel free to ask for elaboration.... Les (Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink)



I always plan out a session as opposed to doing it on the fly.  But then I'm an organizational freak 

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I'm not inflatable.


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RE: Maintaining the "flow" - 12/28/2007 11:42:17 PM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		I tend to have a general plan for a scene session, though I will vary that "on the fly" depending on how I see the sub responding. I have found that I can improve the flow by:
(a) using blindfolds and/or other forms of sensory deprivation on the sub so they are less aware of My moving around and setting something else up
(b) talking gently to them while I am preparing the next activity
(c) returning to stroke them gently between activities so W/we remain connected
(d) if they are already deep in space, I let them just float while keeping an eye on them, and try to be sensitive about not moving them too radically for the next activity ... or in fact deciding if the next activity is needed at all

One very useful thing that I dreamt up and had My clever friend AladdinE of Perth, Australia make for Me, was a blindfold that had eyepieces that could be flipped up and press-studded into place, allowing limited vision while retaining the "feel" of still having the blindfold on. This can allow for safer movement around a crowded Dungeon at a play party, but without the sensation of being entirely "freed" which can substantially bring a sub down from the space they were in.

Hope this helps!
Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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RE: Maintaining the "flow" - 12/29/2007 12:14:41 AM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline 		MasterFire gave a really great piece of advice.  Touching me in between whatever he is doing helps me remain connected to whatever is going on.  Talking to me softly, but not necessarily in a way that indicates I have to talk back helps as well.  I find it really hard to hold on to the 'flow' sometimes as well.  But I think it gets easier as you get to know your partner.

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RE: Maintaining the "flow" - 12/29/2007 12:17:18 AM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline 		I think, in theory, if you are looking for both a submissive and Dominant perspective, you should post to General BDSM Discussion.

Plus, there are a lot of annoying posters who are not looking for any real feedback that post to every forum and it gets old.


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RE: Maintaining the "flow" - 12/29/2007 10:17:30 AM   
fairerthanshe


Posts: 3035
Joined: 1/18/2007
Status: offline 		One thing that helps me stay in sub space as a scene progresses is to hear his voice throughout.  In some ways, it really doesn't matter what he is saying - its a way to stay connected to him, though he may be off grabbing another implement.  SJ generally keeps a hand on me or maintains some kind of physical contact when he is changing toys.  So for me, the connection being maintained either by voice or physical contact can help maintain the flow of the scene.

Hope this helps ~ fairer than she


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RE: Maintaining the "flow" - 12/29/2007 11:41:24 AM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		I have a vague plan in mind and probably should work on being organized more because you guys make some great points about how you lay your things out and work in order. What I’ve always done is be very sensitive to the submissive and her condition. It is an art where I want to take time to catch the beauty of her circumstances. I want to enjoy what is happening.

Once you become very close, it is not so much a scene as someone so adeptly laid out up the thread, but it is a real series of events that I don’t necessarily have an idea where it is going. I really inspect her, humiliate, discipline and whip. Maybe she reacts to something along the way and I’ll let the energy of the conflict carry us both to our happy places. Don't you think that once you become very close there is less need for structured scenes?

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RE: Maintaining the "flow" - 12/29/2007 12:01:08 PM   
Hotch


Posts: 267
Joined: 5/13/2004
Status: offline 		So am I to assume that my "smoke break" while my partner is trussed up in stirrups on an exam table is bad form?  Gezz...  And here my thinking was "Hell, they ain't goin' anywhere".

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RE: Maintaining the "flow" - 12/29/2007 1:11:57 PM   
SirJohnMandevill


Posts: 546
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline 		I appreciate all the comments and advice. Mucho thanx!

Les (Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink)

_____________________________

Iam an eroticist
I am a fully eroticized being
No more neuroses
I found my strip naked soul soup
With the deviant ingredient
---The B-52s

(in reply to Hotch)
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RE: Maintaining the "flow" - 12/29/2007 1:19:21 PM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hotch

So am I to assume that my "smoke break" while my partner is trussed up in stirrups on an exam table is bad form?  Gezz...  And here my thinking was "Hell, they ain't goin' anywhere".


LOL...yeah, that is not exactly what I mean.

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RE: Maintaining the "flow" - 12/29/2007 4:07:57 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

crossposting is against the rules...hope you read all the responses on whichever thread you posted second, because it will eventually get yanked....


At first I thought you said cross dressing.................and getting yanked lol


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RE: Maintaining the "flow" - 12/29/2007 4:10:38 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain

Don't you think that once you become very close there is less need for structured scenes?


As a submissive the one I am closest too delivers it randomly.........but then he's a sadist and doesn't rely on props

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