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RE: Remembering - 12/11/2007 10:21:41 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

quote:

YOU need an attitude adjustment. YOU own YOU not your father or anyone else. What happened in the past is already water under the bridge. You can not bring it back and change it. So FUCK it. Move on. I do know what im talking about and you can move on.

That pretty much what Master said when I told him (but he did add "if he was alive id go kick his ass for you")..and I do agree. But the thing is I can intellectually understand taht..but that understanding isnt going deep enough, I can ignore the rage and focus on the here and now, but it doesnt release it. I'm not a sorrowful selfpity party person and I have recreated my life on more than one occassion..but I'm starting to feel weary...a lot of things have happened..this last little revelation is like the straw thats breaking the camels back.

Ok but we don't have to get into an argument over experience and education/studies when the OP has already said in the quote above that is not working. It's not suprising it's not and I don't think CL is actually endorsing the statements as his second post points out.

Although I'm certainly not saying I don't bicker (that's one of my grandmother's words which I love) on the forums, right now she kind of needs support and to know she's not alone more than we need to be right.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

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Post #: 41

RE: Remembering - 12/11/2007 11:33:16 PM

heartcream

Posts: 3044
Joined: 5/9/2007
From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
Status: offline

Hi there jali,

I am very sorry what happened to you as a child. You are feeling intense emotions triggered by events in your past. This is a good thing. The past is not the past as long as it is in the present. This talk of water under the bridge, nothing you can do about it, get over it, move on is such a litre of crap.

My suggestion is to find a private space and a pillow or two. Let your rage move as sound right into the pillow. Don't even worry about words. Let your body move if it wants to, kind of go for it, how you are feeling. Let it rip and it will help the healing immensely. As someone stated earlier, anger is a double edge sword with fear and terror. Usually what will happen as you skim off layers, you will likely experience different emotions, including grief, more rage, more fear, whatever is there until it is done. The most important thing is make you sure you feel you are in a safe place to give sound to your feelings. In the car can be good.

I understand the process of re-living and remembering creepy things from the past. Brushing it under the rug is not a smart idea at all in my book.

_____________________________

"Exaggerate the essential, leave the obvious vague." Vincent Van Gogh

I'd Rather Be With You

Every single line means something.
Jean-Michel Basquiat

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Post #: 42

RE: Remembering - 12/11/2007 11:34:21 PM

SwitchableJJ

Posts: 2
Joined: 12/8/2007
Status: offline

Some random thoughts..As your father is dead.. its too late for the person you are now to challange him and ask the question "WHY?!".

And please do not assume that what you enjoy as an adult are directly linked to negative experiences in your past. Your choosing things, not reliving them.

With respect.

JJ

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Post #: 43

RE: Remembering - 12/12/2007 4:43:59 AM

adoracat

Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SwitchableJJ

Some random thoughts..As your father is dead.. its too late for the person you are now to challange him and ask the question "WHY?!".

And please do not assume that what you enjoy as an adult are directly linked to negative experiences in your past. Your choosing things, not reliving them.

With respect.

JJ

i've asked the question "why". and gotten no answer for it. i dont think HE knows the answer for it.

why are my eyes brown? why do teenaged boys avoid soap and water? why is the sea salty? why does it feel so damned good emotionally to be given pain physically? why is stopping cutting such a hard thing for me to do?

no easy answers.

kitten, who is tired and hurting today

(in reply to SwitchableJJ)

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Post #: 44

RE: Remembering - 12/12/2007 5:16:50 AM

Vanatru

Posts: 300
Joined: 4/16/2004
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What wisty, laurel, julia, and others said was all good stuff. Having someone that can just listen is very helpful to releasing the memories. You don't HAVE to have a therapist to get through the stuff, but they have training in how to deal with those issues. At some point forgiveness will be important, not because the person(s) that hurt you deserve forgiveness, but it helps allow you to release what happened.

If this was something you could just forget about, it wouldn't make you react so strongly, and wouldn't still be with you after all this time if it hadn't been swallowed to begin with. The memories WILL fade in intensity when you can release the emotional component, and people have been able to heal from such terrible wounds. That's why they are survivors, not because a magic wand was waved to make the wound disappear, but that they were able to come to terms finally with the traumatic experiences, and allow the wounds to heal.

Maybe your master could better understand if he saw this as a wounding under the skin, that you bleed from your heart and soul because of what happened? The hard part for a dom/master (or even just a guy in general) is that they can't fix it, about the best they can do to help is be willing to listen and offer acceptance, support, and love.

Edit: trying to understand your father isn't necessary or really helpful to healing. I've talked to both the abusers and the survivors, and empathy for the abuser was never a necessary component for the survivor. It doesn't matter if the father was abused himself etc, what matters is the one who was hurt is able to heal.

< Message edited by Vanatru -- 12/12/2007 5:22:21 AM >

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Post #: 45