agirl
Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Slavetrainer2007
Well all relationships take work. Relationships naturally become more involved and complex as the history develops. This is even true with friendships.
In my opinion, D/s relationships take more effort to maintain the dynamic. But more is expected of both parties than in a nilla, is it not?The benefits are alot bigger though. their is usually alot more trust, openess, and respect between the two involved. Doms tend to appreciate their subs more than husbands appreciate their wives from what i have seen. Subs tend to be more loyal to their dom, more willing to make them happy then the vanilla counterparts.
For myself, it takes no effort to maintain the dynamic at all and more was expected of me in my vanilla marriage. The benefits seem bigger because they are more in tune with what makes me feel content, not because they are peculiar to D/s.
I trusted my husband, I was open with him, I respected him and was loyal to him. I was probably MORE willing to work to make him happy than I would M.
Thus the difference between nilla and D/s. I am alot more accepting of peoples kinks,fetishes, habits, desires, etc than my nilla counterpart. And i think the fact almost all in this lifestyle have a much higher level of acceptance of a partners desires, no matter how weird they seem to the outside world, give the relationship the ability to reach a much higher level than the best nilla relationship could ever manage. The trust how many nilla people even after being married 10-20 years will let their partner tie them up? make them completely helpless? I could go on forever.
I would have trusted my husband to have tied and rendered me helpless... and my last (vanilla) partner was equally as open-minded and accepting of kinks and desires as any *D/s* person I've come across. He has plenty of his own; not all kinks fall into the D/s arena.
Nilla relationships to me take less work but they never reach the level a D/s relationship can. Unfortunately most nillas see it as the opposite. they see the subs as weak , and the Doms as abusive, over bearing, self centered. My response to this( and you will have to forgive i only imply the most common combination here) : " It takes a strong man to make a woman submit to him and it takes a strong woman to follow a strong man. "
All the relationships I've had have taken *work* or effort. I couldn't quantify *effort or work* because they've all been so very different. I couldn't lay my D/s relationship alongside the one with the father of my sprogs; there's simply no comparison in that way. It certainly didn't take less anything.
I'm a combination of strong and weak...and I follow a man that can make me do what I want (as the saying goes).
I do agree that SOME people see those in D/s relationships in the way you described but that's not restricted to *nilla* folk.
agirl
< Message edited by agirl -- 12/9/2007 9:39:19 AM >
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RE: Relationships! - 
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Is it easier than vanilla? 
-- each person's role is at least generally defined. I've found first impressions are important; I and potential submissives pretty quickly have a good idea whether we want to continue exploring the relationship. 
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