Relationships!

Relationships! (Full Version)

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Master96 -> Relationships! (12/9/2007 4:12:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BRNaughtyAngel Having a cup right now, with half n half and splenda. What's on my mind? [sm=confused.gif] Wondering if homosexuals have it any easier than us heterosexuals in creating and maintaining relationships because maybe they aren't encumbered with trying to figure out the opposite sex!?!? [sm=news.gif] Probably not huh? [&:] I think I need to become a nun........ only I'm not Catholic. sigh Oh well....... back to my cup of coffee. I'm wondering about us, D/s people [&:] Is it easier than vanilla? Superficially, it maybe easy when one commands and the other obeys! Do you think so? Edited for spelling [8D]

AbsitInvidia -> RE: Relationships! (12/9/2007 4:20:57 AM)
I think that one thing that would make a D/s relationship 'easier' than a vanilla one is that the roles, expectations, and limits are clearly laid out from the beginning. When I was getting involved in non D/s relationships it was basically following my heart blindly, not asking the other person what his expectations were and certainly not mentioning my own. That sort of communication definitely helps a budding relationship - if only to help by ending it before you get attached once you realize you will not be compatible. Soshi

Master96 -> RE: Relationships! (12/9/2007 4:24:10 AM)
Thank you Soshi :)

angelslave77 -> RE: Relationships! (12/9/2007 4:45:54 AM)
I personally think there is a greater level of trust and openess in a GOOD BDSM relationship but it still takes work because if the fundamentals and common ground arent there it doesnt matter what kinda relationship you have it will still turn to shit eventually

TysGalilah -> RE: Relationships! (12/9/2007 5:47:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Master96 quote: ORIGINAL: BRNaughtyAngel Having a cup right now, with half n half and splenda. What's on my mind? [sm=confused.gif] Wondering if homosexuals have it any easier than us heterosexuals in creating and maintaining relationships because maybe they aren't encumbered with trying to figure out the opposite sex!?!? [sm=news.gif] Probably not huh? [&:] I think I need to become a nun........ only I'm not Catholic. sigh Oh well....... back to my cup of coffee. I'm wondering about us, D/s people [&:] Is it easier than vanilla? Superficially, it maybe easy when one commands and the other obeys! Do you think so? Edited for spelling [8D] It felt pretty "uneasy" for me, when I was trying to live in a vanilla relationship and discount my natural desires as unimportant. Life in general feel complicated at times..For some of us, more often than not. I just keep saying my mantra " I am a willow tree I am a willow tree I will sway with the changing winds, not resist it" gigglin. Even my Ds relationship has its difficult moments. I grow through those now, rather than wish they didn't exist. As Tyson says " This is not dating 101" [:D] Don't know if I actually answered your question : ) but those are my thoughts.

velvetears -> RE: Relationships! (12/9/2007 5:51:05 AM)
Relationships are as difficult or complicated as the people in them.

TysGalilah -> RE: Relationships! (12/9/2007 5:53:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: velvetears Relationships are as difficult or complicated as the people in them. I don't think I am difficult.. but I do feel complicated sometimes. as in complex...multi-faceted... is that the same?

sambamanslilgirl -> RE: Relationships! (12/9/2007 5:58:44 AM)
imho, nothing is ever easier whether you're in a nilla or kink relationship. both take time, trust, and communication to build a solid foundation. and you have to maintain it with more communication, nurturing and love. you can still cheat, deceive, abuse, etc in either relationship. i don't see why everything has to be "special" or "different" for kink relationships than from nilla.

velvetears -> RE: Relationships! (12/9/2007 6:08:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TysGalilah quote: ORIGINAL: velvetears Relationships are as difficult or complicated as the people in them. I don't think I am difficult.. but I do feel complicated sometimes. as in complex...multi-faceted... is that the same? Certainly well could be. The definition of complication is "a confused or intricate relationship of parts" - the more multifaceted you are the more "parts" my main point was that people control the relationship and if you have issues, difficulties, complications they will all be factors in the making of the relationship, much more so than what orientation one is coming from be it D/s, vanilla, homosexual, heterosexual, etc

agirl -> RE: Relationships! (12/9/2007 6:09:23 AM)
There's not a comparison to be drawn in this way. People obviously choose the thing that suits them best, or drift into what they know and understand. The dynamic in my relationship is pretty simple........but I am complex and so is he. It's not that the type of relationship is easier or harder; they are as easy or hard as the people in them find it/make it. I don't find being in a D/s relationship easier, per se; it's just different. There are plusses and minusses(sp) in both types of relationships, as far as I'm concerned. A major plus for me with D/s is that I know where I stand. The way things work don't shift about and there's a lot more certainty in that area. But I'm only equating it to D/s with M. There's negative things about it; the main one being that I don't like being told what to do, or having to do things that I don't want to. I could have a vanilla relationship with someone else and it could be brilliant and it might suit me quite nicely. 'Tis all in the people. I didn't have a choice about the type of relationship I could have with M. The only option was a D/s one.....nothing else was on offer. agirl edited to add.......as velvetears said, basically. Pah, needn't have bothered.......lol

Master96 -> RE: Relationships! (12/9/2007 6:26:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: angelslave77 I personally think there is a greater level of trust and openess in a GOOD BDSM relationship but it still takes work because if the fundamentals and common ground arent there it doesnt matter what kinda relationship you have it will still turn to shit eventually Now that what confuses me [&:] If a good BDSM relationship has a greater level of trust and openess than a good vanilla one, why would it takes the same or more efforts comparing with vanilla? Shouldn't be less? Also, If the kind of the relationship isn't the key factor to turn it to shit, why would the BDSM one has a greater level of trust and openess?

SunNMoon -> RE: Relationships! (12/9/2007 6:34:09 AM)
No, they’re the same. It’s still a relationship it might be easier for people that consider themselves to be ds but that wouldn’t work for someone looking for an equal relationship. It all breaks done to the people who are in the relationship, and what works best for them.

Master96 -> RE: Relationships! (12/9/2007 6:34:32 AM)
Are you a different tree TysGalilah when you are in BDSM relationship? :)

TysGalilah -> RE: Relationships! (12/9/2007 6:38:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: velvetears quote: ORIGINAL: TysGalilah quote: ORIGINAL: velvetears Relationships are as difficult or complicated as the people in them. I don't think I am difficult.. but I do feel complicated sometimes. as in complex...multi-faceted... is that the same? Certainly well could be. The definition of complication is "a confused or intricate relationship of parts" - the more multifaceted you are the more "parts" my main point was that people control the relationship and if you have issues, difficulties, complications they will all be factors in the making of the relationship, much more so than what orientation one is coming from be it D/s, vanilla, homosexual, heterosexual, etc I think I understand your point..it is valid. Trying to formulate something else roaming around in my head. Even if I could gather up close to me the several wonderful, fulfilling and uncomplicated relationships I DO have>> it would still not prevent others others = other people ... outside world ... other obligations... from creating a certain amt of difficulty or challenges in my life ( aside from my relationship). and I cannot control, nor do I attempt any longer, other people. and Life happens...as they say. Life holds wonders as well as challenges and struggles. they effect us.. it can make for complicated feelings complex experiences and challenging scenarios to even try to have a healthy relationship as well. does that make me the fault? I have complex situations around me and so every relationship I will be in will result in difficulty ? am I way off here now?? wait...I just re-read what you wrote and what I wrote and I think we actually agree LOLOL factors effect it ( positive or negative) not the persons orientation or relationship dynamic. I get it [:D] ok ...thanks Velvet : ) blame it on a headcold.

TysGalilah -> RE: Relationships! (12/9/2007 6:40:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Master96 Are you a different tree TysGalilah when you are in BDSM relationship? :) yes, I do feel my bdsm relationship has led to my "willow tree" analogy.. so I would have to say yes I am.

MissMorrigan -> RE: Relationships! (12/9/2007 6:42:05 AM)
Another poster said there is a greater level of trust and openness in good BDSM relationships, I could not disagree more. I would expect a great foundation of trust and openness regardless of orientation and predilections. Take any activity that 'vanilla' couples typically engage in, then find its BDSM equivalent, you will find the same foundation of trust, communication and respect. As to degrees, that depends entirely on the individuals and their expectations.

MistressDoMe -> RE: Relationships! (12/9/2007 7:17:32 AM)
I think Alternative Lifestyle relationships are more difficult to maintain. Most of us have to give the appearance of living vanilla to the outside, while maintaining the BDSM roles we have agreed to. It is not easy to maintain both roles equally, and easy to slip into becomming play partners. Being play partners is fine, if both sides agree to these dynamics. If not, one party is going to begin to fill short changed, and then that relationship is in trouble.

Master96 -> RE: Relationships! (12/9/2007 7:36:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MistressDoMe ........It is not easy to maintain both roles equally, and easy to slip into becomming play partners......... Thanks, I forgot that side of BDSM relationships.

Slavetrainer2007 -> RE: Relationships! (12/9/2007 7:45:57 AM)
Well all relationships take work. Relationships naturally become more involved and complex as the history develops. This is even true with friendships. In my opinion, D/s relationships take more effort to maintain the dynamic. But more is expected of both parties than in a nilla, is it not?The benefits are alot bigger though. their is usually alot more trust, openess, and respect between the two involved. Doms tend to appreciate their subs more than husbands appreciate their wives from what i have seen. Subs tend to be more loyal to their dom, more willing to make them happy then the vanilla counterparts. Being a person who deals alot with the inexperienced, i have the benefit of sitting on the fence and looking at both sides. Recently i had a nilla married woman seek me out online. She was interested in this lifestyle. Completely inexperienced. After several hours of talking, she got up the courage to admit her "fantasies" to me. She was expecting me, to end the conversation when she mentioned the fantasies. All of which are doable and would be acceptable here in this lifestyle. She goes dont you think im weird or adnormal. She goes if i told hubby those , i would be in divorce court or the nuthouse. I said it may seem weird and adnormal to you and to your husband, but to me ....not so much. In fact its rather normal. She was rather surprised by this remark. How could i think this normal? Thus the difference between nilla and D/s. I am alot more accepting of peoples kinks,fetishes, habits, desires, etc than my nilla counterpart. And i think the fact almost all in this lifestyle have a much higher level of acceptance of a partners desires, no matter how weird they seem to the outside world, give the relationship the ability to reach a much higher level than the best nilla relationship could ever manage. The trust how many nilla people even after being married 10-20 years will let their partner tie them up? make them completely helpless? I could go on forever. Nilla relationships to me take less work but they never reach the level a D/s relationship can. Unfortunately most nillas see it as the opposite. they see the subs as weak , and the Doms as abusive, over bearing, self centered. My response to this( and you will have to forgive i only imply the most common combination here) : " It takes a strong man to make a woman submit to him and it takes a strong woman to follow a strong man. "

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Relationships! (12/9/2007 7:52:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AbsitInvidia I think that one thing that would make a D/s relationship 'easier' than a vanilla one is that the roles, expectations, and limits are clearly laid out from the beginning. This doesn't actually happen any more or less than it does in vanilla relationships. I can think of many Ds relationships in which one partner has completely different definitions of the roles in the relationship from the other partner, but they still can communicate and make it work between them.

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