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RE: Punishment...a new angle (for me) - 12/6/2007 7:34:39 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
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I like this post. So far no flames. I agree with Celtic Prince and Master Fire Maam. If I had to do a corrective action it would be with words. Words can sting more than any flogger could.  

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Punishment...a new angle (for me) - 12/6/2007 7:47:57 AM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

However, I'm much more likely to dig into the intent behind the behavior.



This is bang on for me as well.  I am not really all that interested in what a person does, and I really never have been.

There was a time I was a camp counselor and my group showed me a vast trove of firearms, fireworks, explosives, etc., that they thought would be fun to bring to camp.  I looked at all of them and said "ya know, you are not supposed to have any of that stuff.  If you are seen by any of the camp staff, you will be on the first boat home."  3 days later (on my fucking DAY OFF) I am hanging out in my bunk in the staff quarters, and I get summoned to the camp director. 

He tells me they were caught.

I went up to them and said "Well, I told you if you were caught you would be sent home." 

They looked at me like deer in the headlights and asked "what can we do?" 

I said "I want all of you to go through your bags and get everything that could possibly be considered inappropriate to have at summer camp, put it in a duffel bag, and give it to me.  Then I will plead your case."

They did, I took this huge duffel bag to the camp director.  I said "Here is all of the stuff they are not supposed to have, I would hope you would reconsider sending them home."

He looked back at me and said "What do you think?"

I pointed out that it was my opinion that this group was so frightened of being sent home that they would be the most profoundly well behaved group the camp had ever seen.

He let them stay. 

On a personal note, I was their God for the next 4 days.  I could have walked on them from mess hall to the waterfront the way the leader of the Persian's in the movie 300 walked on his troops. 

I digress.  Rather than punish a person, which tends to give me a sense of resentment and irritation, I would rather have the person search their soul, write a report, consider the motivations behind the actions, and come up with some sort of recompense for their misdeeds. 

Just me, could be wrong, but there you go.

Sinergy


_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Punishment...a new angle (for me) - 12/6/2007 7:50:04 AM   
MsBearlee


Posts: 1032
Joined: 2/15/2006
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I agree, Dnomyar!
 
I wish I had the time right now to comment individually...to each of several wonderful posts; but I do not.  I'm waiting for the insurance adjuster to show up...we had a little flood here at the shop!  A couple inches of water sure does a lot of damage!!!
 
Thank you all for expressing yourselves here...I enjoy looking at things from so many different angles!
 
Beverly

_____________________________

A must read for submissives! (click here)

This one, as well!

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Punishment...a new angle (for me) - 12/6/2007 9:39:48 AM   
AFlyInYourWeb


Posts: 284
Joined: 8/30/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsBearlee

I'm waiting for the insurance adjuster to show up...we had a little flood here at the shop!  A couple inches of water sure does a lot of damage!!!
 


Ouch! [and not in a good way]  

Sorry to hear about your flood.  I hope the disruption is kept to a minimum, and things get restored to normal quickly.

I also find the wide range of answers to your OP to be fascinating.

As I said in my previous post: "How we define punishment depends on the tastes of the individual Domina, what she knows about pushing her submissive's buttons, and the nature of their relationship together."

There is no "one true way", because each relationship is the unique product of two distinct individuals forming a union.  I've had a handful of "significant" D/s relationships in my lifetime, and no two were the same in any regard, much  less on the subject of discipline and punishment.  Some Dominas simply enjoyed the "D" in BDSM more than others, just as other Dominas enjoyed the "B" or "S" more than others. 

I began with a bondage fetish.  I was "inspired" by a few Dominas to put my trust in them and explore their interests in discipline and/or S&M.  By having faith in them and yielding to them, I discovered new areas of interest and enjoyment for myself.  It isn't for everyone, but between two consenting adults who share the interest, it can add an extra "flavor" to the complex cocktail that is a relationship.

                              

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(in reply to MsBearlee)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Punishment...a new angle (for me) - 12/6/2007 1:42:06 PM   
daddysliloneds


Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline
i love you!

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sinergy

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

However, I'm much more likely to dig into the intent behind the behavior.



This is bang on for me as well.  I am not really all that interested in what a person does, and I really never have been.

There was a time I was a camp counselor and my group showed me a vast trove of firearms, fireworks, explosives, etc., that they thought would be fun to bring to camp.  I looked at all of them and said "ya know, you are not supposed to have any of that stuff.  If you are seen by any of the camp staff, you will be on the first boat home."  3 days later (on my fucking DAY OFF) I am hanging out in my bunk in the staff quarters, and I get summoned to the camp director. 

He tells me they were caught.

I went up to them and said "Well, I told you if you were caught you would be sent home." 

They looked at me like deer in the headlights and asked "what can we do?" 

I said "I want all of you to go through your bags and get everything that could possibly be considered inappropriate to have at summer camp, put it in a duffel bag, and give it to me.  Then I will plead your case."

They did, I took this huge duffel bag to the camp director.  I said "Here is all of the stuff they are not supposed to have, I would hope you would reconsider sending them home."

He looked back at me and said "What do you think?"

I pointed out that it was my opinion that this group was so frightened of being sent home that they would be the most profoundly well behaved group the camp had ever seen.

He let them stay. 

On a personal note, I was their God for the next 4 days.  I could have walked on them from mess hall to the waterfront the way the leader of the Persian's in the movie 300 walked on his troops. 

I digress.  Rather than punish a person, which tends to give me a sense of resentment and irritation, I would rather have the person search their soul, write a report, consider the motivations behind the actions, and come up with some sort of recompense for their misdeeds. 

Just me, could be wrong, but there you go.

Sinergy



(in reply to Sinergy)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Punishment...a new angle (for me) - 12/6/2007 8:29:20 PM   
DominaSmartass


Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsBearlee

But now… this idea that punishment might be purely an act to put the submissive in a proper headspace is intriguing.  I remember once, watching close friends of mine interact.  She had been slightly argumentative, he’d had enough; he told her to put her hands on his arm and to “…look at me and settle!” She did…you could see her visibly calm down.  When she had settled a bit, he reached up and grabbed her hair and drug her (gently) to the floor next to him, where she laid her head on his lap.  I nearly swooned.  I bet she tries to be calmer around him.  LOL


I cut it short just to save space. Anyway, I definitely know what you mean 100% - been through the same thought process/evolution myself pretty recently too. I would like to recommend that if you ever get a chance to listen to a woman named Laura Antoniou speak about punishment, you definitely should. She's a wonderful speaker and you can see her at several events or maybe even your local bdsm group if you're lucky. Oh yeah, she also wrote a lot of books that you might have heard of. Marketplace something or other. :) Unfortunately, she doesn't have any of her lecture material posted online. Anyway, I had the opportunity to see her present not so long ago and it was an eye opening take on punishment for the same reason as above. One of her reasonings was the whole "reminding them of their place" thing which I never used to be a fan of - but come on! it's like, how hot is that to decide to punish someone for whatever they did just because you can? Note that I think it's fine as long as no one is tying real emotional baggage to the punishment. Anyway, rambling and trying to talk on the phone at the same time - not working to well. This post is probably nonsensical.

_____________________________

“These S&M people ... they are bossy! There’s also a creepy connection between leather sex, ‘Star Trek’ and the Renaissance Faire.”

- Comedian Margaret Cho

(in reply to MsBearlee)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Punishment...a new angle (for me) - 12/6/2007 9:45:24 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
OMG love the new pic!

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(in reply to DominaSmartass)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Punishment...a new angle (for me) - 12/6/2007 9:58:31 PM   
DominaSmartass


Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
Status: offline
Too funny! I just wrote you an email like "Hey, you like my new pic?" and didn't see this post. As long as we're on the topic, yes, it's very cute but look where his hand is! He's totally groping me and so unabashedly. Good thing I like being groped. This was taken at Florida Fetish Weekend by a friend of ours who caught the perfect moment...and man am I grateful to her.

Edited to say: I guess to keep it on topic...maybe I should think about punishing him for groping me? ;)

< Message edited by DominaSmartass -- 12/6/2007 10:05:16 PM >


_____________________________

“These S&M people ... they are bossy! There’s also a creepy connection between leather sex, ‘Star Trek’ and the Renaissance Faire.”

- Comedian Margaret Cho

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Punishment...a new angle (for me) - 12/7/2007 6:19:37 AM   
MsBearlee


Posts: 1032
Joined: 2/15/2006
Status: offline
 
I agree, awesome picture, DominaSmartass!  You're a lucky couple...
 
I loved L. Antoniou's books and was sorry I missed her at Thunder in Denver (she may come again:  www.ThunderInTheMountains.com).  Because of your post I googled her and found:  http://lantoniou.mysticrose.com.html  ...you can find transcripts of some of her talks (as well as her schedule).


quote:

ORIGINAL: AFlyInYourWeb

I began with a bondage fetish.  I was "inspired" by a few Dominas to put my trust in them and explore their interests in discipline and/or S&M.  By having faith in them and yielding to them, I discovered new areas of interest and enjoyment for myself.  It isn't for everyone, but between two consenting adults who share the interest, it can add an extra "flavor" to the complex cocktail that is a relationship. 


My my, you never cease to amaze me AFly!  I suspect if some of the newbies I hear from would drop their guard a tiny little bit (like...go ahead and at least meet for coffee???), perhaps some would be 'inspired', as well. 
 
This is a difficult lifestyle for those who don't know it and trust is key...but when one opens the door and allows themselves to BE inspired, well then...that can be life changing! 
 
Good for you,
Beverly

_____________________________

A must read for submissives! (click here)

This one, as well!

(in reply to DominaSmartass)
Profile   Post #: 29
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