Should I? (Full Version)

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goodgirl85 -> Should I? (12/2/2007 11:38:52 AM)

So I tried searching for threads involving this, but my head hurts to much from slamming face first into a metal ladder last night (completly my fault, by myself in a parking lot, running, didnt see the ladder sticking out of the pickup truck until after it hit my face.)

But anyways, I have been with Sir for 4 months now.  He has mentioned collars in the past, but never training collars. And I am not to call him Master until he decides to collar me.

However, I have come to for some unknown reason, desire a some sort of training collar. I know I am his, but i would like something that i touch and be reminded of him.
He is unlike any other person I have been with, especially any other Dom I have known. (not that the latter number is all that high)

Here is my problem.... Should I leave it up to him to decide to get me one, completly based on his own feelings and whatnot. Or should I bring the idea up to him and tell him that I would like one?

girl



batshalom -> RE: Should I? (12/2/2007 11:41:18 AM)

Sure, tell him, or ask him if he would mind if you wore a choker or tight piece of jewelry around your neck. No reason not to if it's something that's becoming a preoccupation.



velvetears -> RE: Should I? (12/2/2007 11:51:11 AM)

If it would mean that much to you there's no harm in asking.  An alternative could be a little ritual you perform for your master each day to remind you that he is your owner - doesn't have to be anything monumental just something that would please him and remind you.



wisteriaV -> RE: Should I? (12/2/2007 12:33:08 PM)

Give him a few websites with a couple of collars you like in various prices ranges. That way he gets an idea of what you like and he can take a clue from one of those or go off and find something 'similar" to what you like. You could do in the form of writing a letter to the original kinkster himself Santa. He was the first to wear red and black leather after all.[:D]



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Should I? (12/2/2007 3:13:37 PM)

Sorry about the ladder, sounds like something I would do.

I wouldn't ask for it yet, but certainly open the point for discussiong to share everyone's feelings about the matter.



IrishMist -> RE: Should I? (12/2/2007 3:16:48 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: goodgirl85

So I tried searching for threads involving this, but my head hurts to much from slamming face first into a metal ladder last night (completly my fault, by myself in a parking lot, running, didnt see the ladder sticking out of the pickup truck until after it hit my face.)

But anyways, I have been with Sir for 4 months now.  He has mentioned collars in the past, but never training collars. And I am not to call him Master until he decides to collar me.

However, I have come to for some unknown reason, desire a some sort of training collar. I know I am his, but i would like something that i touch and be reminded of him.
He is unlike any other person I have been with, especially any other Dom I have known. (not that the latter number is all that high)

Here is my problem.... Should I leave it up to him to decide to get me one, completly based on his own feelings and whatnot. Or should I bring the idea up to him and tell him that I would like one?

girl


Well...you could tell him that you would like one...BUT are you prepared for him to say no? It might happen.



TwiztdErotic -> RE: Should I? (12/2/2007 3:18:29 PM)

[sm=biggrin.gif] watch out for those ladders next time. I think you should tell him how you feel about a collar and if he's not ready to collar you just yet, perhaps he'll give you some goals to meet in order to obtain one.



CuriousLord -> RE: Should I? (12/2/2007 3:28:12 PM)

The way I see it, you have four reasonable choices to consider.
  1. Silence.  Don't tell him and wait for it to happen, if it does.
  2. Informing.  You can just tell him you'd like a collar.  If he's to be your Master, you're going to have to get used to telling him what you want and need, and then accepting his decisions.  If you inform him, as opposed to asking, it's not something for him to need to say "yes" or "no" to, particularly right away.  He can still do as he pleases without you being rejected, you're just letting him know how you feel, and he can consider it.  This strikes me as an honest approach.
  3. Asking for it.  He can say yes or no, but it may seem a bit pressuring with the risk of rejection.
  4. Begging for it.  This is appropriate in some forms of M/s.  Some have their slaves beg for a collar until it's granted, or the slave is rejected.  However, if this isn't what he has in mind, it could contribute undue stress to your relationship; this would be good to try to figure out before attempting to beg.

And, then again, many, many options exist.  These are just the ones that I feel might highlight some of the more common routes.



RumpusParable -> RE: Should I? (12/2/2007 3:28:34 PM)

I'd suggest at least letting him know what you are feeling.  Always good so that he can judge just where you two are at.

But also, if he doesn't seem into the training collar method of things, why not just put it to him as you did here:  That you'd like something from him to be a physical reminder of him.

That doesn't need to be a collar but can be a symbol of the bond you two have and that you are moving that way... something else that you two agree on as a token of your relationship to have with you each day.



julietsierra -> RE: Should I? (12/2/2007 4:34:00 PM)

Be very prepared for the word "no." Don't give lip service to the notion that you'd be all right with his answer if that is it. That "no" is very hard to hear without hearing all the other things he's not saying. Once heard, it takes a bit to come to terms with that answer.

And be patient.

juliet



Elorin -> RE: Should I? (12/2/2007 5:36:24 PM)

I think you should let him know you are wanting one without asking for one, and wait for his answer. And as many people have said, be prepared to hear the word No.

Asking if you could wear a token might be better than asking if you could wear a collar.



slaveofKaos -> RE: Should I? (12/2/2007 5:55:02 PM)

I would polietly tell ask him or bring it up to him. let him know our not looking for him to collar you yet, but that you want something you can look at and feel to remind you at all time of him and the relationship you two have. Theres no harm in bringing it up.



Termyn8or -> RE: Should I? (12/3/2007 7:58:47 AM)

I wouldn't get into a ten page discourse about it, use the KISS theory.

Soon, when you are done servicing him in some way or whatever, just up and say "I feel like I should be wearing a collar". See what kind of response you get. Don't push it. I don't know about others, but I don't like begging, do not beg for it, IMO. When a slave begs for something that is EXACTLY what you do not give them.

As John told me about Murphy, he will never take advice, you have to get him to get the idea.

If the verbal suggestion does not work, get a piece of rope. Tie it around your neck and use knots that are not easy to undo, leave about three feet of "leash" and put a loop on the other end he can grab. Comes time to sleep, feed the leash portion through the loop and put it around his wrist "I don't want to get lost".

Three feet is just about right. It is your job to make sure he is not inconvenienced, even in sleep you need to move closer, in case he wants to scratch his balls or something. If he has to get up in the middle of the night for a piss, you follow him. If you have to piss, you wait until morning, like a housetrained dog who is left inside all day. I would suggest not drinking beer.

If you play your cards right, there will most likely be a collar in your Christmas stocking. But the idea here is, don't present the idea, make him get the idea.

You might want to hook him up with Vad over there if you want metal not leather. Some of his designs are locking as well.

I don't know how you play, nor much of anything else, but there are certain things that apply to everybody. Get him to get the idea. It may be a simple as buying a dog collar and leash, and just leaving it sit there. If he decides to put it on you, you are likely to be officially "collared" soon.

Best of luck. Most likely you will have to adapt this principle to your personal situation. Go for the gusto, you only live once.

T



Cipherx -> RE: Should I? (12/3/2007 8:23:01 AM)

There are a lot of posibilities and there have been some post that are worth  paying attention to.

For myself, it is entiely up to me if  I want my slaves to wear a collor or not.  I don't mind if they ask or bring it up when they are allowed to speak.  My slaves have no doubt that they are my slaves and don't need a collar to prove it.  If not wearing a collar is what I want, then my slave should be happy to serve me by not wearing one.

Its a bit like being married and not wearing a wedding ring.  You would be just as marrried without one as with it.  Your need for one is just a matter of your insecurity. Your happiness and security should be in pleasing your Master.

The botom line is to figure out how to ask your particular Master and what you are going to do if you cannot get what you want or need.



Dnomyar -> RE: Should I? (12/3/2007 8:25:01 AM)

Thank goodness the ladder was there to prevent you from hitting the pickup truck. I would have been pissed if you had damaged my truck.



OldBastardly1 -> RE: Should I? (12/3/2007 8:33:52 AM)

Please don't take this as the way it has to happen. This is only My opinion of how I would prefer it.

I do not like begging or to be pestered about something.

I hate being manipulated with "hints", i.e., a dog collar lying on the table, a rope tied around your neck & tied to His wrist, etc.

I DO like honest, open communication, especially with affairs of the heart. I personally prefer to have a sub "petition" for a collar, but like others have said, be prepared to hear a "no". I would suggest that you approach Him, saying that you would like to share some of your feelings with Him. If says that He would like that, then explian how you feel. I would also suggest a compromise of sorts, if needed, such as a toe-ring, earring or some other jewelry that says "I am quite fond of you, you are special to Me, perhaps something more permanent will happen one day".

Personally, I think 4 months is to soon for a collar. I take collars very seriously, much more than "going steady". I consider a collar to be a very longterm commitment from both parties and 4 months is way too soon to make a decision like that. I think the real person isn't clearly seen/known for at least 6 months. Get past the infatuation stage of the relationship.

Remember, even Dominants are humans ( well, most of us are ) may not know exactly how you feel ( remember "Men are from Mars, women are from Venus" ).

I hope everything works out for the best, for both of you.

OB



Termyn8or -> RE: Should I? (12/3/2007 8:41:34 AM)

OldB, right, some people don't like hints, I agree. But I can't read the situation from here, so obviously my advice is not etched in stone.

T



DesFIP -> RE: Should I? (12/3/2007 8:45:34 AM)

I wouldn't ask outright but I would tell him that I needed something tangible to touch during the day, whether it be a key rind with an engraved tag on it, available at Petco from the machines for almost no money, to a more expensive necklace, or a little macrame anklet from a Claire's type store. Tell him you need something tangible and allow him to pick it.



Stephann -> RE: Should I? (12/3/2007 9:16:59 AM)

Do you know how he feels about collars?  Does he even use them?  Does he have criteria to go by, if he does?  Does he even wish to reveal that criteria to you?

This is the sort of thing an honest conversation about collars can reveal to you.  Talking about it doesn't mean he's obligated to collar you; it shows you're interested in learning where and how you stand.

Stephan



goodgirl85 -> RE: Should I? (12/4/2007 7:33:07 PM)

Thanks all for your advice.

OldBastardly1, yes 4 months is a little soon for a collar, especially in my relationship. However, I have some issues that tend to rear there heads and as much as I try  I tend to push people I get close with away... as a way of protecting myself from getting hurt. I don't want to do this with Him, as He is really good to me and I am happy with Him.

However, I found myself in the beginnings of this behavorial cycle, and as I don't have His presence all the time, I would like something to "ease" my irrational behavour when not with Him.

girl



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