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Lost my way - 11/30/2007 5:10:45 PM

ncgirllost

Posts: 2
Joined: 11/8/2007
Status: offline

When i picked this nick out, it was meant to be "tongue in cheek"
But after the past week, i have come to realize that i have lost my way.
I am not questioning what i am...I am still submissive. just cant seem to latch onto it... It would come some natural for me before, but now, my mouth tends to run away from me, i get really moody and not the good bratty either.
I just wish i understood what was going on with me. Maybe it is the other upsets in my life and I just need to focus again. Back when I first realized what i was, someone gave me a good exercise, to kneel for 5mins and think of nothing but who and what i am. Any other ideas?
Hope all is having a wonderful day

Post #: 1

RE: Lost my way - 11/30/2007 5:12:34 PM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

Meditation and/or prayer will do you wonders.

Stephan

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to ncgirllost)

Post #: 2

RE: Lost my way - 11/30/2007 5:15:51 PM

velvetears

Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline

Start keeping a journal of your feelings, experiences, frustrations etc. Sometimes writing out what we feel has a way of making us see it in a different light and sheds a differnet persepctive ont it. It's a good way to vent and not cause any collateral damage or get yourself in trouble

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to Stephann)

Post #: 3

RE: Lost my way - 11/30/2007 5:31:19 PM

justheather

Posts: 1532
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ncgirllost

Back when I first realized what i was, someone gave me a good exercise, to kneel for 5mins and think of nothing but who and what i am.

Im not even sure what "who and what I am" means. Who and what you are most certainly does not fit into that one word: submissive. Nor does it fit into five minutes. So, while Im down with the quiet kneeling, that who and what I am part doesnt really flow in terms of my own mythology. It may very well with yours, however.

If these mood swings and lack of ability to filter are something new, it's likely there is a reason for them. Are you under a lot of new stress? Are old stressors starting to wear down your walls? Are you getting enough sleep? Are you eating right? Are your hormones in balance? Could you be depressed? Pregnant? Peri-menopausal? (I didnt peek at your age, sorry if that's an absurd notion...)

I find that at certain times of year, especially when Im working night shift, the lack of light leads me into varying degrees of depression. For some people, especially people in age groups we arent supposed to mention here, depression manifests itself as irritability.

Then again, it could be something other than depression, too... maybe something I mentioned above of something completely different.

In any case. I agree that spending quiet time in meditation is an excellent idea. If nothing else, the quiet may open your heart to what is really going on.

I wish you wellness and peace.

H

_____________________________

I want the scissors to be sharp
And the table perfectly level
When you cut me out of my life
And paste me in that book you always carry.
-Billy Collins

(in reply to ncgirllost)

Post #: 4

RE: Lost my way - 11/30/2007 5:55:47 PM

ELUSIVE1

Posts: 536
Joined: 9/11/2005
Status: offline

I am one that also meditates whenever I need to clear my head...your answers are all inside of you....close out all the noise that surrounds you, and listen to you...

_____________________________

"Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality"

*Poe
http://alt.com/blog/ELUSIVE1NC
http://users.adultspace.com/ELUSIVE1NC/

(in reply to justheather)

Post #: 5

RE: Lost my way - 11/30/2007 6:54:31 PM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ncgirllost
I am not questioning what i am...I am still submissive. just cant seem to latch onto it... It would come some natural for me before, but now, my mouth tends to run away from me, i get really moody and not the good bratty either.
I just wish i understood what was going on with me

Everyone has given you great advice so far and I really don't have anything to add to it. What works for me may not work for you. I responded because I just wanted to say that being a successful submissive (whatever that means to you and your SO when/if you have one) and getting moody are not mutually exclusive. You can be the first while sometimes being the second.

I don't believe that to be a "good" submissive you have to never feel moody, never have anything to say that isn't pleasing, and so forth. I am human and I am a Cancer

. I am very moody, sensitive, and it's hard for me not to have opinions/feelings I need to give voice to that aren't always pleasing in general. That's part of the challenge for me. If I never felt that way and was always perfectly content and sunshiney, that would be cool. That's not how it is for me. Sometimes I struggle. Does that mean I stop being the best slave to Master that I can be? Not at all. Dealing with such issues and accepting His guidance and help with them help make me an even better one.

Feeling moody and needing to express myself, however, does not equal being "bratty." That I have never been. That's not something my Master would tolerate. Your partner may feel the same. But that doesn't mean you can't feel all your feelings and work through them. You don't have to be a brat to accomplish that. Good luck............luci

DISCLAIMER: If you are a brat, that's cool. This is my statement on how things work 'round here

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to ncgirllost)

Post #: 6

RE: Lost my way - 11/30/2007 6:58:34 PM

chiaThePet

Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline

Always leave a trail of breadcrumbs back to your sanity, always.

chia (the pet)

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to ncgirllost)

Post #: 7

RE: Lost my way - 11/30/2007 7:02:55 PM

bipolarber

Posts: 2792
Joined: 9/25/2004
Status: offline

As the name suggests, I'm bipolar. As such, I go through manic/depressive phases. (Mostly mildly down, but occasionally "up" the point of being a little scary... like mad scientist "Fools! I'll destroy you all!" scary. Is this shift you're expereinceing something recent? Or reocurring? Perhaps it's due to poor sleep, or stress in your life. Have you been put on antidepressants recently? (some cause odd side effects in mood) You might want to discuss it with your Doctor, when you get a chance.

As long as it isn't causing any thoughts of harming yourself (other than really, really needing to be whipped and "forced" to give yourself to that erotic, powerful "other.") you should be okay.

(in reply to slaveluci)

Post #: 8

RE: Lost my way - 11/30/2007 7:06:52 PM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

I'm sorry you are feeling down....I agree with justheather that you need to find out why you are having these mood swings. If you can you should see a Dr and /or counselor.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to ncgirllost)

Post #: 9

RE: Lost my way - 11/30/2007 11:34:20 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Heather gave excellent questions and points to go over- but I also wonder how LONG you've really been secure in who you are? It's quite common for people when they make life transitions to go through a period of bucking against themselves because they really aren't calm and secure in this whole new world yet. No one's fault really, just your whole self hasn't caught up with all the changes yet.

Just don't let yourself get stuck in that place and you'll be ok.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 10

RE: Lost my way - 11/30/2007 11:43:50 PM

MissMagnolia

Posts: 3636
Status: offline

Dya know what? You need to remember that you are first a person, a submissive second. It's OK to get confused, it's OK to not know what the hell you are doing sometimes, it's OK to feel all at sea and as if you're fumbling around, trying to find the light switch.

You have issues in your life, just as we all do. Sometimes they are easy to handle, sometimes it takes all our strength just to hang on to sanity!!

Be kind to you, and realise that to be a good sub, you need to be comfortable with you firstly. You have got yourself a man who understands that this is all new to you and, as LA said, you're still settling into your skin.

Be patient with you and understand that just as you need time to get comfy with your man, you need to get comfy with you too.

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 11

RE: Lost my way - 11/30/2007 11:50:05 PM

Kalista07

Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline

i agree pretty much with what everyone above me has posted...i will add that i understand where You are coming from.....The things i generally do when i'm in that space are: pray, meditate, read, journal, make a list of my gratefuls (in writing), make a list of my strengths, walk, and talk...i find someone whom i can talk to openly and honestly witout any fear of judgement...
Good luck,
Kali

_____________________________

“Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.”
~~Sweedish Proverb

(in reply to MissMagnolia)

Post #: 12

RE: Lost my way - 11/30/2007 11:56:33 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

I think most of us have struggled with it at times. Give yourself time.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to ncgirllost)

Post #: 13

RE: Lost my way - 12/1/2007 4:36:09 AM

batshalom

Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ncgirllost

When i picked this nick out, it was meant to be "tongue in cheek"
But after the past week, i have come to realize that i have lost my way.
I am not questioning what i am...I am still submissive. just cant seem to latch onto it... It would come some natural for me before, but now, my mouth tends to run away from me, i get really moody and not the good bratty either.
I just wish i understood what was going on with me. Maybe it is the other upsets in my life and I just need to focus again. Back when I first realized what i was, someone gave me a good exercise, to kneel for 5mins and think of nothing but who and what i am. Any other ideas?

Perhaps the people with whom you are interacting simply do not bring out the positive side of your submission. Submissive doesn't mean submissive to everyone. Toward some people I act in a very vanilla and independent manner, to others I am simply a cunt. But to the ones whose personalities and ideas correspond to mine, when his style of Domination matches with my style of submission, he can bring me to my knees and keep me there with just one glance.

(in reply to ncgirllost)

Post #: 14

RE: Lost my way - 12/1/2007 4:51:16 AM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

To be honest, I think submissives worry way too much about this. Am I submissive enough (whatever THAT means)? Am I doing this right or that right?

Just go with whomever you are. Sometimes things change and change isn't necessarily a bad thing. Perhaps, you are in an evaluative period of your life. Maybe now is simply not the right time for you. You have other upsets in your life. Maybe you need to focus on them. Worrying about if you are submissive, in my opinion, simply isn't fruitful.

(in reply to ncgirllost)

Post #: 15

RE: Lost my way - 12/1/2007 6:13:35 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

Bandit I agree. I know there have been times when I feared I'd lost my submissiveness and it bothered me and I spent time thinking about it, worrying about it. I came to understand that submissive is one part of who I am. And It's not the biggest, most important part of me.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to bandit25)

Post #: 16

RE: Lost my way - 12/1/2007 10:15:02 AM

AMaster

Posts: 814
Joined: 8/4/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ncgirllost

When i picked this nick out, it was meant to be "tongue in cheek"
But after the past week, i have come to realize that i have lost my way.
I am not questioning what i am...I am still submissive. just cant seem to latch onto it... It would come some natural for me before, but now, my mouth tends to run away from me, i get really moody and not the good bratty either.
I just wish i understood what was going on with me. Maybe it is the other upsets in my life and I just need to focus again. Back when I first realized what i was, someone gave me a good exercise, to kneel for 5mins and think of nothing but who and what i am. Any other ideas?
Hope all is having a wonderful day

PMS?

(in reply to ncgirllost)

Post #: 17

RE: Lost my way - 12/1/2007 5:42:50 PM

ncgirllost

Posts: 2
Joined: 11/8/2007
Status: offline

Good Evening,
First thank you all for the advice and suggestions. I feel I must clear somethings though. One, at the moment, I am still seeking. Just not actively.
As some of you have suggested yes, there are several new adjustments I am going through and it is taking a toll on me. I was in a very vanilla relationship for 9years and now that it has ended, I feel I am finally free to be who I really am. Just lately my actions and my words have not been as such.
As for depression or any other mental issues, i have a mild case due to the end of that relationship, but nothing my doctor is worried about to place me on meds :) Just adjustment is needed. New town, no support around me. It has left me slightly scared. Anyway I am running and rambling now ...
Thanks so much for all of your advice :)

< Message edited by ncgirllost -- 12/1/2007 5:44:07 PM >

(in reply to AMaster)

Post #: 18

RE: Lost my way - 12/1/2007 7:25:09 PM

petpete

Posts: 677
Joined: 7/6/2007
Status: offline

i love bipolarber's theory about the matter as he has given me some good advice about the same issue in my case.. He can exaggerate a little bit but he knows what his talking about.. Don't take it to heart and don't let other subs behavior of what they can do or not do confuse you. It is strictly between you and your partner to do as you wish.. It has nothing to do with all what you read on profiles of counterparts.. Let them find what they ask for... There is no protocol set, and each one of us have there own needs as individuals.. i want to thank bipolarber for his relaxed mood and character and of his helpful hints and suggestions. Take care..

_____________________________

Chief: Max, you realize you'll be facing every kind of danger imaginable.
Max: And loving it!

(in reply to bipolarber)

Post #: 19

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