Do Y/you have Criteria for what makes a Good Dom/me or sub/slave?

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Do Y/you have Criteria for what makes a Good Dom/me or ... - 11/28/2007 11:03:43 AM

pinksugarsub

Posts: 1224
Status: offline

i have criteria, some left over from before i found D/s, that i need met in order to bond with a Dom. These things, like voting, smelling good and not being a bigot, are not based on BDSM. My sense is E/everyone has these criteria; but i often get into exchanges with Men who want to know only about my intimate life, nothing about my personality or character.

Any thoughts?

pinksugarsub

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Post #: 1

RE: Do Y/you have Criteria for what makes a Good Dom/me... - 11/28/2007 11:08:24 AM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

Thoughts? sure.........those guys just wanna get laid.

Jeff

(in reply to pinksugarsub)

Post #: 2

RE: Do Y/you have Criteria for what makes a Good Dom/me... - 11/28/2007 11:38:01 AM

MistressDolly

Posts: 917
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pinksugarsub

i have criteria, some left over from before i found D/s, that i need met in order to bond with a Dom. These things, like voting, smelling good and not being a bigot, are not based on BDSM. My sense is E/everyone has these criteria; but i often get into exchanges with Men who want to know only about my intimate life, nothing about my personality or character.

Any thoughts?

pinksugarsub

Perhaps you're encountering male doms who only want to dominante you sexually, hence your personality is not as important to them. (Many male doms who want to dominate you are looking at it from a sexual perspective only.)

If you want male dominace to extend beyond their sexual gratification, you will need to find a male intelligent and creative enough to dominate your mind, heart and soul.

_____________________________

m i s t r e s s d o l l y . c o m

m y s p a c e

(in reply to pinksugarsub)

Post #: 3

RE: Do Y/you have Criteria for what makes a Good Dom/me... - 11/28/2007 11:40:06 AM

takenbyjohnr07

Posts: 787
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

Some people on this site are just here to fulfill a sexual fantasy and have no intention of getting to know the person in real life. It takes a little bit of experience with these people to be able to detect them right away.

i try to be the best for my Owner and i try to show him every day my love and devotion along with my loyality and respect. It's all very natural to me. i think that when you are submissive in your heart and soul and you love and care for your Dominant. No one could ask for more from you.

_____________________________

i am the sole property of Johnr. He is the love of my life and the greatest Owner and i will live to serve and, please him only every day of my life.

(in reply to Jeffff)

Post #: 4

RE: Do Y/you have Criteria for what makes a Good Dom/me... - 11/28/2007 11:42:09 AM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

Yes...my thoughts are they are just horny guys looking for kinky sex...

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to pinksugarsub)

Post #: 5

RE: Do Y/you have Criteria for what makes a Good Dom/me... - 11/28/2007 11:45:26 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

Interesting...but what do you do when you want to be dominated sexually, but need an intelligent, creative, kind, compatible partner in non-sexual ways? That is what the OP is asking and that is what is difficult to discern. When you seek a partner on a kink site, of course the first line of communication most often starts with questions as to synergies with kinks.

I agree with the OP though, that to bond totally with someone (if you are really looking for a relationship) you need to know about other criteria. If you are only looking for sexual thrills, then those questions would be acceptable.

The problem is, when you state in your profile articulately what you seek and still get those same focused intimate questions way before any other types, that gets tiresome.

I have no solution, other than keep your search and standards.

(in reply to MistressDolly)

Post #: 6

RE: Do Y/you have Criteria for what makes a Good Dom/me... - 11/28/2007 11:47:24 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pinksugarsub

i have criteria, some left over from before i found D/s, that i need met in order to bond with a Dom. These things, like voting, smelling good and not being a bigot, are not based on BDSM. My sense is E/everyone has these criteria; but i often get into exchanges with Men who want to know only about my intimate life, nothing about my personality or character.

Any thoughts?

pinksugarsub

Some people just want to get laid or scene and therefore don't need to know much about your personality or character. Nothing wrong with that as long as they are being honest about it. I have usually found that men who are interested women seriously ask a lot of questions about their personalities and interests. Just take it as a sign that you aren't meant for the person in question.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to pinksugarsub)

Post #: 7

RE: Do Y/you have Criteria for what makes a Good Dom/me... - 11/28/2007 11:51:20 AM

DarkDaddyZ

Posts: 805
Joined: 4/7/2006
Status: offline

You aren't going to be interested in what every person has to offer on collarme just like I'm not but those who troll to get off as much as those who troll for relationships are looking to get their needs met, long term or short term and there are people here who will give them that outlet. If it's not your cup of chai, drive to the next Starbucks.

_____________________________

"Flirting is part of the job description." DJ Jesus (Lucy Daughter Of The Devil)

Vanilla Official Music Page http://www.myspace.com/djzulu

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 8

RE: Do Y/you have Criteria for what makes a Good Dom/me... - 11/28/2007 11:57:19 AM

bestbabync

Posts: 1061
Joined: 7/25/2007
Status: offline

that is true DarkDaddyZ!

but i do not think i should be labeled as a poser because i do not want to meet someone for brief sexual encounters. that is just what i experienced today. a so called Master here on CM got angry with me because i refused to submit to him our first meeting. he wanted a "no limits" encounter right away. he claimed that after reading my profile and chatting with me for 30minutes he knew me totally and intended on taking ownership of me sight unseen.

what do u make of that?

(in reply to DarkDaddyZ)

Post #: 9

RE: Do Y/you have Criteria for what makes a Good Dom/me... - 11/28/2007 12:13:52 PM

pinksugarsub

Posts: 1224
Status: offline

i've had that happen to; Men who tell me in email or a 1st IM that They want to collar me. All i can say is a collar obviously means something more to me than it does to Them.

pinksugarsub

< Message edited by pinksugarsub -- 11/28/2007 12:14:37 PM >

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(in reply to bestbabync)

Post #: 10

RE: Do Y/you have Criteria for what makes a Good Dom/me... - 11/28/2007 12:16:36 PM

DarkDaddyZ

Posts: 805
Joined: 4/7/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bestbabync

that is true DarkDaddyZ!

but i do not think i should be labeled as a poser because i do not want to meet someone for brief sexual encounters. that is just what i experienced today. a so called Master here on CM got angry with me because i refused to submit to him our first meeting. he wanted a "no limits" encounter right away. he claimed that after reading my profile and chatting with me for 30minutes he knew me totally and intended on taking ownership of me sight unseen.

what do u make of that?

I agree, you shouldn't have been labeled as such. Just remember many men are schmucks. And did you invest anything with him? He's just not what you are looking for and he either has a fantasy in his head or has met women that chatted with him and gave him "the wanky boogie". Just tell him you don't dance that way.

We just have to remember that we are going to meet jerks and buttholes in our journey, just brush that dirt off of your shoulders.

< Message edited by DarkDaddyZ -- 11/28/2007 12:40:29 PM >

_____________________________

"Flirting is part of the job description." DJ Jesus (Lucy Daughter Of The Devil)

Vanilla Official Music Page http://www.myspace.com/djzulu

(in reply to bestbabync)

Post #: 11

RE: Do Y/you have Criteria for what makes a Good Dom/me... - 11/28/2007 12:30:53 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pinksugarsub

i have criteria, some left over from before i found D/s, that i need met in order to bond with a Dom. These things, like voting, smelling good and not being a bigot, are not based on BDSM. My sense is E/everyone has these criteria; but i often get into exchanges with Men who want to know only about my intimate life, nothing about my personality or character.

Any thoughts?

pinksugarsub

While it is very likely these men are interested only in your sexuality, I would not make that an automatic assumption. For many women, our sexuality is where we are most vulnerable (which is why we tend to protect it so), and your intimate history can reveal a lot about who you are. Also, revealing it makes you vulnerable to him, and in many cases, that is what he's looking for - are you willing to let yourself be vulnerable, etc.?

My Master learned a great deal about me from my intimate past. And he dominates all of me - physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. He also used this knowledge of me to learn unhealthy patterns that needed changing, and how I am affected by various buttons being pushed.

It's not always bad to be asked such questions, but I understand there are those with different agendas.

(in reply to pinksugarsub)

Post #: 12

RE: Do Y/you have Criteria for what makes a Good Dom/me... - 11/28/2007 12:39:37 PM

bestbabync

Posts: 1061
Joined: 7/25/2007
Status: offline

DarkDaddyZ

u have restored my faith in Doms/Masters!

kiss
kiss!

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 13

RE: Do Y/you have Criteria for what makes a Good Dom/me... - 11/28/2007 12:50:59 PM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bestbabync

DarkDaddyZ

u have restored my faith in Doms/Masters!

kiss
kiss!

He is wonderful, isn't he...don't tell him i said so, though...ok?

chelle

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to bestbabync)

Post #: 14

RE: Do Y/you have Criteria for what makes a Good Dom/me... - 11/28/2007 3:50:04 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

I think you and Defiant should go off and create your own "why all men keep sucking and yet I still NEED them desparately to validate who I am" club.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 15

RE: Do Y/you have Criteria for what makes a Good Dom/me... - 11/28/2007 3:59:54 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

I honestly don't have a problem with them discussing kink first as long as we have a balanced discussion and they aren't looking to cyber. I have to admit that I have been the one to bring it up first at times when I know from their profile that we may have some fundamental differences in how we approach our kink. It's not really a desire to discuss sex and not vanilla topics as much as it is an attempt to deal with expectations realistically and early.

I don't have alot of rules other than the cock shot or "get on your knees bitch" generally will not work for a first email, although it does give me a chuckle. I tend to go with how I feel about the person with the conversation in totality.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to pinksugarsub)

Post #: 16

RE: Do Y/you have Criteria for what makes a Good Dom/me... - 11/28/2007 5:51:31 PM

MidMichCowboy

Posts: 665
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline

Criteria I list in my profile: Intelligent, feisty, loving, kinky and adventuresome are the words that describe the lady I am looking for.
That is just some of what I am looking for.

_____________________________

I want to capture your mind, your spirit, your soul, your body, your devotion and your love. Then, will I give you my heart.

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 17

RE: Do Y/you have Criteria for what makes a Good Dom/me... - 11/28/2007 5:56:26 PM

Machts

Posts: 96
Status: offline

They add to my life.

Rather than subtract from it..

(in reply to MidMichCowboy)

Post #: 18

RE: Do Y/you have Criteria for what makes a Good Dom/me... - 12/2/2007 1:07:31 PM

Thalamus

Posts: 12
Joined: 10/19/2007
Status: offline

If someone isn’t interested in your general character then they are more likely not interested in you long term. It’s the old cliché, only after one thing.

I like to know a bit of everything when I first talk to someone. It helps to begin to paint the picture.

As for men telling you in your first IM that they want to collar you – well, I am glad that there are plenty of people out there who can provide us with such humour and make us laugh!

(in reply to Machts)

Post #: 19

RE: Do Y/you have Criteria for what makes a Good Dom/me... - 12/2/2007 3:09:50 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pinksugarsub

i have criteria, some left over from before i found D/s, that i need met in order to bond with a Dom. These things, like voting, smelling good and not being a bigot, are not based on BDSM. My sense is E/everyone has these criteria; but i often get into exchanges with Men who want to know only about my intimate life, nothing about my personality or character.

Any thoughts?

pinksugarsub

You have asked these questions before; I am surprised that you still have not figured out that the answers you seek are really VERY simple.

A relationship of any kind; kinky, vanilla, left, right....ANYKIND...requires that you are compatible in almost every way with the one that you choose as your partner. Notice I said in almost every way because perfection is not something that will ever be attained. Compromises must be made, somewhere, on both sides.

You are correct in thinking that everyone does have certain criteria that they look to have met when looking for a partner; where you seem to be misunderstanding is that the criteria is no different for those in 'the so called lifestyle' then it is for those in the 'so called vanilla world'.

Real fucking simple to me.

< Message edited by IrishMist -- 12/2/2007 3:12:09 PM >

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If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

(in reply to pinksugarsub)

Post #: 20

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