How do you prepare your head for humiliation?

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How do you prepare your head for humiliation? - 11/26/2007 10:09:24 PM

mistoferin

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I found the responses in the "degradation as a tough limit" thread on the submissive board interesting. Humiliation is the one form of play that I am probably least experienced in. I have had some...but it has always left me feeling...well...humiliated...DUH!!!!!! Anyway, the times that I have experienced this form of play, it has been very difficult for me to get my head right afterwards and I am wondering that for those who engage in this...is there some way that you prepare yourself for it? I would most like to hear from those who for them this isn't their "kink" and who don't really enjoy this form of play. Also, afterward, how do you reclaim your dignity?

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RE: How do you prepare your head for humiliation? - 11/26/2007 10:16:22 PM

sexyred1

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I have a bit of a take on this. I used to think I hated humiliation; (I was the one who would NEVER do such and such, etc.)

Then I experienced such incredible intensity using humiliation in scenes and I experienced the after effects of guilt, of "what was I thinking??", of I can NEVER do that again, etc.

And guess what? Each time, I did more and more and each time, my after feelings of shame or lost dignity quickly dissipated when I remembered how much pleasure I got out of the whole scenario.

So I guess I am saying take the after effect of guilt or shame and see if can be used to reinforce the pleasurable feelings. That has worked for me incredibly, to the point that humiliation has become a strong trigger to my submissiveness.

(in reply to mistoferin)

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RE: How do you prepare your head for humiliation? - 11/26/2007 10:25:17 PM

juliaoceania

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I engaged in humiliation play with my ex husband without even knowing that was what we were doing... how did I get my dignity back? I never felt like I lost it in the first place. Humiliation lost its excitement for me a long long time ago. I consider it almost vanilla now in some of its forms.. or perhaps I have been living kink since before I got married?

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(in reply to mistoferin)

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RE: How do you prepare your head for humiliation? - 11/26/2007 10:28:28 PM

laurell3

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

I found the responses in the "degradation as a tough limit" thread on the submissive board interesting. Humiliation is the one form of play that I am probably least experienced in. I have had some...but it has always left me feeling...well...humiliated...DUH!!!!!! Anyway, the times that I have experienced this form of play, it has been very difficult for me to get my head right afterwards and I am wondering that for those who engage in this...is there some way that you prepare yourself for it? I would most like to hear from those who for them this isn't their "kink" and who don't really enjoy this form of play. Also, afterward, how do you reclaim your dignity?

It's not my favorite form of play and something I struggle with at times. My partner is aware of this and the reasons and we discuss anything new beforehand so he can get an idea of what I think my possible reactions might be (I'm not always right about what I project) and discuss it afterwards so that I am clear that he doesn't think badly of me. However, I think like anything we do it becomes less unusual over time. I can recall thinking having someone call me slut or cunt during sex or crawling would be humiliating. There are still types of humiliation I won't do ever because for me the emotional impact would be too great, however, as I play with a partner I trust who is aware of my limitations and I know believes in me as a person, that list gets smaller.

I guess the how do you reclaim your dignity goes back to a similar post you made and my response. I never lose it mist, because I'm human and I accept that I have limitations and don't have to be perfect and I can look silly and even stupid for him and still be ok with me. It took me three years of therapy to learn that simple concept, however, even about regular nonvanilla embarassing things. Consentual acts that are sexual to my partner but humiliating to me are just that and not a reflection of who I am as person or how I view myself or even how he does.

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 11/26/2007 10:36:18 PM >

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RE: How do you prepare your head for humiliation? - 11/26/2007 10:33:50 PM

ownedgirlie

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Hi Erin,

Interesting question. First, I don't really consider it a form of "play." He will do or say what he does that humiliates me greatly at any time without any notice. I respond very strongly to it, which he loves and which brings me to an intense place. There is no need to reclaim my dignity afterward or to recover because overall I know my value in his world. Since I have a need to be much lower than he is, his humiliation of me puts me right where I feel comfortable. However, this balances out on its own since he so often tells me what a good girl he feels I am, and so often validates what I am to him. Because of this, there is no preparation and no recovery. It simply "is."

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 5

RE: How do you prepare your head for humiliation? - 11/27/2007 7:53:10 AM

toservez

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I do nothing to prepare for it. What I do after is to quickly remind myself why I love him, a warm hug and look him in his eyes is all I need.

For me this type of play has never been difficult. I participated in it willing because I know he cares for and respects me otherwise I would not be doing it. The after care is merely to zap me out of what I had just been put through.

Play that lasts minutes to hours does not destroy what has been built up in days and years.

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RE: How do you prepare your head for humiliation? - 11/27/2007 8:06:00 AM

slavemaia

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Not sure what you think of as humiliation. For me humiliation is being required to do or say something that is embarrassing or revealing whether physically or emotionally. It pushes me past my psychological comfort zone. Usually i have to wrap my mind around His, knowing this pleasures Him and then i can obey Him. i tend to be rather shy and so i have to really focus on being His and viewing myself through His eyes. Then i can perform to His desires. Degradation is not the same as humiliation to me. Chairman has no desire to degrade me - meaning saying or doing things to cause me any negative feelings about myself.

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RE: How do you prepare your head for humiliation? - 11/27/2007 10:07:00 AM

daddyncherry

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i know what is humiliation to one is not the same to another...So for the purposes of this thread what do you consider humiliating?

For me, humilating would be anything where i am made to look foolish in front of people....i mean i can do something totally boneheaded and deal with it but if someone goes out of their way to make me look dumb/foolish or sound dumb/foolish that would be more difficult....at one point i had to do a silly little dance in front of my Daddy (alone) and that was sooo hard for me to actually physically make myself do....afterwards it was like a wall had been taken down.

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Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

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RE: How do you prepare your head for humiliation? - 11/27/2007 11:17:14 AM

CreativeDominant

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I know you addressed this thread in such a way that it invites responses from mainly submissives but I wanted to say that the questions asked about just what is humiliation to you are the ones that strike the deepest chord in me as a dominant.

I don't do degradation play...to me, degradation is anything that makes the submissive feel less than they are within the moment and leaves them afterwards with a question as to their value not only in my world but in the world at large. In my world, degradation takes place when...rather than the submissive being sexually aroused even as she is embarassed or feeling silly or feeling vulnerable...she feels like I see her in a way that is insulting, that is disdainful, that makes her feel as if she is worthless to me.

Humiliation play on the other hand makes the submissive feel...even as they are embarassed or feeling silly or vulnerable or way exposed...sexually aroused, that the very aspect I am touching on has value to me and adds to their value to me and others. When you look at the books of BDSM that describe sexual humiliation, this is the type of play they describe and they go out of their way to delineate that from degradation.

Given the wide variation among people and what makes them tick, not every submissive is going to enjoy humiliation play nor even be able to get their head around it. I would think the first step would be to understand how it is supposed to be done and what makes it different from degradation play. Second step would be experimenting with varying forms of humiliation play and finding out whether or not it evokes those feelings of embarassment/vulnerability/exposure/silliness and yet, sexual arousal or whether the play makes you feel less than what you are and continues to leave you feeling that way long after the play is done.

< Message edited by CreativeDominant -- 11/27/2007 11:45:08 AM >

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RE: How do you prepare your head for humiliation? - 11/27/2007 1:23:09 PM

BabyDollVanIsle

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dear CreativeDominant,

great post.. that really clarifies the difference between degradation and humiliation for me.

i think that what i was calling 'degradation' is actually humiliation play.

baby doll

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Post #: 10

RE: How do you prepare your head for humiliation? - 11/27/2007 1:36:55 PM

sexyred1

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CD, great explanation, works for me.

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RE: How do you prepare your head for humiliation? - 11/27/2007 2:46:44 PM

ownedgirlie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

I don't do degradation play...to me, degradation is anything that makes the submissive feel less than they are within the moment and leaves them afterwards with a question as to their value not only in my world but in the world at large. In my world, degradation takes place when...rather than the submissive being sexually aroused even as she is embarassed or feeling silly or feeling vulnerable...she feels like I see her in a way that is insulting, that is disdainful, that makes her feel as if she is worthless to me.

Good explanation, although I love feeling that way to him. In the bigger picture, I know he finds me valuable. Being knocked down a peg (or two, or three) by him in this way does not have me questioning my value to him or to the world, but brings me to a very quiet and pained place within myself that has profound effects on me. Perhaps this is similar to what some people get from receiving physical pain. I know I am safe in his world, so feeling totally degraded in it is an amazing experience for me.

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 12

RE: How do you prepare your head for humiliation? - 11/27/2007 4:05:47 PM

MadRabbit

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I happen to love humiliation and degradation. It's a strong part of my sadism. Knocking someone down a level or two through the use of actions that can be defined as "humiliating" and "degrading" is a form of inflicting psychological pain.

Its important to realize that what is degrading or humiliating is entirely subjective to the situation.

Being made to cry can be an humiliating experience.
Getting a face full of cum while your tied up can be degrading.
Being bent over my knee and given a spanking can be degrading..
Being rendered physically vulnerable and exposed can be humiliating.

I personally define it as being a part of "masochism" as supported by the common dictionary definition.

1 : a sexual perversion characterized by pleasure in being subjected to pain or humiliation especially by a love object — compare sadism 2 : pleasure in being abused or dominated : a taste for suffering

Whether someone enjoys it or not comes down to how they are wired in my opinion. Typically, when we tend to think of masochism, we tend to think of someone who gets a direct physical enjoyment from the experience of pain, much in the same way I get a direct physical enjoyment from having my balls rubbed.

However, some masochists I have met don't simply get direct enjoyment from experiencing pain, but indirect enjoyment from being subjected to pain, humiliation, abuse, and degradation. These are my favorite people to play with and I get the most enjoyment from it. Someone who wants to be used, abused, and knocked down a level. The sadistic and primal energy is just HOT and INTENSE to me. It's even better for me as a sadist because I have the knowledge that they aren't actually enjoying what I am doing. They are getting hot and wet from being degraded and subject to things they don't enjoy.

Getting shivers just writing this.

While the external perception of this would easily characterize me as being a "black hearted bastard" (and with good reason), there is several factors in place that keep this in the realm of purely hot, erotic fetishism and not something mentally unhealthy.

The best way I think to explain it is not to look at it as the person is actually being degraded and humiliated by me, but rather they are being exposed to humiliating and degrading actions for the purpose of sexual pleasure. The acts are merely symbols. It's all just fantasy and a psycho-sexual head trip. When it is all said and done, I am going to cuddle with her and we'll probably go right back to arguing about evolution v.s. creationism on an equal level. There is also some sense of security with me as a person that they know it's just a fetish and whatever I subject them to has no connection with my value on them as a person.

I think the reason why this kind of stuff gets such a bad reputation and negative outlook is people can't make that distinction.

But...hey...it's not for everyone that's for certain. There is certainly a "guilt" factor involved initially with this kind of thing.

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RE: How do you prepare your head for humiliation? - 11/27/2007 4:12:52 PM

sexyred1

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MadRabbit, another perfect explanation that defines how that it is for me, at least. I like the part about not getting direct enjoyment from experiencing pain, but indirect enjoyment by being subjected to pain, humiliation, etc..... I could never explain that, damn it!

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RE: How do you prepare your head for humiliation? - 11/27/2007 4:37:31 PM

daddyncherry

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

MadRabbit, another perfect explanation that defines how that it is for me, at least. I like the part about not getting direct enjoyment from experiencing pain, but indirect enjoyment by being subjected to pain, humiliation, etc..... I could never explain that, damn it!

Hmmmmm this is a good way to explain it....(esp considering my thread about pain).

Thanks
MR & sexyred1

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Hugs,
cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

(in reply to sexyred1)

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RE: How do you prepare your head for humiliation? - 11/27/2007 6:15:28 PM

MystressDream

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I went to a seminar once on humiliation play. The speaker had everyone in the room write down their core values. Things that were very important in their lives and colored much of their behaviors and feelings. He then went on to say that anyone engaging in humiliation play really should ask the sub/slave/bottom what their core values are. Get to know that person well. Then... when engaging in humilation play... stay as far away from those core values as possible.

Humilation play can be very mentally damaging for some people. Triggers can be hit that neither party is really well prepared for and the mental anguish can make the entire experience a negative one.

Just my two cents....

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RE: How do you prepare your head for humiliation? - 11/27/2007 6:42:26 PM

batshalom

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

is there some way that you prepare yourself for it? I would most like to hear from those who for them this isn't their "kink" and who don't really enjoy this form of play. Also, afterward, how do you reclaim your dignity?

I think the point is usually to not be prepared, to be caught totally off-guard and vulnerable. I find that letting go, although always potentially difficult, makes me feel amazing afterward. That kind of trust is indeed special and is its own dignity.

(in reply to mistoferin)

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RE: How do you prepare your head for humiliation? - 11/27/2007 7:43:00 PM

ownedgirlie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

The best way I think to explain it is not to look at it as the person is actually being degraded and humiliated by me, but rather they are being exposed to humiliating and degrading actions for the purpose of sexual pleasure. The acts are merely symbols.

It's a great explanation. Although for my Master is it not just sexual pleasure, but the pleasure of having that kind of power and control over me that I would subject myself to such things simply so he can enjoy it. For me it is a way to express my love and submission to him. I need to be subjected to such horrifics because words never seem to say enough.

(in reply to MadRabbit)

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RE: How do you prepare your head for humiliation? - 11/27/2007 7:57:29 PM

DesFIP

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quote:

ORIGINAL: toservez

Play that lasts minutes to hours does not destroy what has been built up in days and years.

You're fortunate. Minutes of this play set my confidence and ability to believe he valued me back about six months.

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RE: How do you prepare your head for humiliation? - 11/27/2007 8:22:48 PM

MadRabbit

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

The best way I think to explain it is not to look at it as the person is actually being degraded and humiliated by me, but rather they are being exposed to humiliating and degrading actions for the purpose of sexual pleasure. The acts are merely symbols.

It's a great explanation. Although for my Master is it not just sexual pleasure, but the pleasure of having that kind of power and control over me that I would subject myself to such things simply so he can enjoy it. For me it is a way to express my love and submission to him. I need to be subjected to such horrifics because words never seem to say enough.

That's a good point. Much in the same way pain play can be completely non-sexual. I'm just narrating from my own experiences and enjoyment.

I think one of the huge drawbacks with trying to categorize and explain desire is there is a huge variety of different ways people can process something.

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

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