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LDR, How to cope - 11/26/2007 8:27:56 PM   
igobacktoblack


Posts: 10
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Im currently involved with a dominant man who could possibly be everything I could ever want in a man. We share a very similar sense of humor, we share interests, we can talk for hours about nothing and everything and make each other smile and laugh - but we are hitting rocky waters.

I live in Texas, he lives several states away, and at best we could see each other once a month till he finishes school. Every day it gets harder and I find myself getting more depressed because I want to be able to touch him, and be with him, be there for him in everything, and I do the best I can but sometimes its just not enough. Sexually we talk on the phone a lot in between and sometimes it helps but as Im sure you all know its just not the connection most of us are looking for. I worry because of our ages (we're both 23) that in the end its just going to prove too hard. I know a lot of you are going to say "well, if you love each other blah blah blah" but I worry regardless. My love for him is endless and I feel like he feels the same, but in the end he is a 23 year old guy in college and Im a single mom waiting to move forward with my life.

Im not sure how to think or proceed, I feel like Im predicting a bitter end too soon, but I just am not sure how to deal with this void in my heart. Anyone dealing with anything similar?
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RE: LDR, How to cope - 11/26/2007 8:34:22 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		I understand wanting to be with your true love so badly your soul aches...I do understand.

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RE: LDR, How to cope - 11/26/2007 8:35:20 PM   
daddyncherry


Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline 		Alot of us have had LDRs and alot have come through happily to the other side. So keep your spirits up and don't throw in the towel just yet. :)

i know it's hard but think about your UM first and then yourself and then look to your relationship with him.

Talking and cam dates can help, and no they aren't the same, but they can help alot. i kind of miss talking to my Master/Daddy on the phone for hours a day...or all the sweet text messages and stuff....Sure, he is now sitting right across from me, and i will sleep in his bed tonight, but i was so glad for the time we shared even back then....i was happy with what i had, grateful for the situation.

LDRs can give you a slow way to learn about eachother and get to know eachother without the temptation to jump in too quickly. With an UM in the picture that might be a blessing in disguise.

(we were a country apart for almost a year(seeing eachother only every 4-6 wks and extended other times) preceeded by a year that we saw very little of eachother...So i can relate)

Best of luck to you

< Message edited by daddyncherry -- 11/26/2007 8:36:58 PM >

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cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

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RE: LDR, How to cope - 11/26/2007 8:42:39 PM   
beautyImurDaddy


Posts: 58
Joined: 8/29/2006
Status: offline 		Long distances can be very trying.... in the end, it is up to both parties on whether or not they can work.  I am currently in a long distance relationship (i guess you can say that).  Imur and i lived very happily together til his military duty took him overseas...we are still together and our bond is still as strong... but it is taxing at times... when you want and need nothing more than to feel their arms around you and you know they cant be there.  Only time will tell if you can survive this test of your true devotion to one another and your relationship.

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RE: LDR, How to cope - 11/26/2007 8:48:32 PM   
igobacktoblack


Posts: 10
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		A couple of weeks ago we almost went seperate ways because we had been fighting over silly things, again, because of distance. He is very supportive of me in speaking my mind if something is bothering me, and he does the same, but sometimes I think we both take it too far. Ever since I've been afraid to bring things up and he sees it as me being short with him when Im just not sure how to go about voicing how I feel (I hate when he's home and he'd rather play video games than spend time with me when we both talk about how we hate the lack of time we spend together) and it just feels like there is a wedge being driven in. But at the same time he is the most sincere person I've ever known and believe every word he tells me about loving me, wanting to care for me, protect me, how he loves my daughter etc. Im so frustrated.

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RE: LDR, How to cope - 11/26/2007 8:54:23 PM   
Estring


Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Do not put your life on hold. Take care of your um and yourself.
If this is real, it will still be real whenever he is done with school. Probably too late to say this, but pinning all your hopes on him is not a good idea.

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RE: LDR, How to cope - 11/26/2007 9:11:22 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		In the end, you each have to decide for yourselves whether this relationship fulfills who you are- and who you will become.  The only good news about this is that you can continue to make that choice every day and make a different choice at any point.


http://www.collarchat.com/m_688989/mpage_3/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#689642
LDRs and you

http://www.collarchat.com/m_555442/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#555476
How do you cope?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_399208/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#399230
Long distance relationships...how do you all make them work and overcome the obstacles that arise?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_358232/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#358330
When the Master is away

http://www.collarchat.com/m_243191/mpage_2/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#243396
Online or Distance relationships

http://www.collarchat.com/m_5502/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#207957
Long Distance Relationships

http://www.collarchat.com/m_214831/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#214831
Long distance d/s

http://www.collarchat.com/m_210165/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#210165
Pleasing my master long distance

http://www.collarchat.com/m_131170/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#131170
In Between Visits

http://www.collarchat.com/m_124826/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#124826
LDR and sickness or death

http://www.collarchat.com/m_89834/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#89834
Long distance punishment ideas

http://www.collarchat.com/m_22973/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#22973
Long Distance Relationship (2)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_5502/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#5502
Long Distance Relationships (2)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3521/mpage_1/key_long%252Cdistance/tm.htm#3521
Long Distance

http://www.collarchat.com/m_272610/mpage_1/key_LDR/tm.htm#272610
LDR D/s ideas

http://www.collarchat.com/m_108560/mpage_1/key_LDR/tm.htm#108560
Long Distance Relationships????

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RE: LDR, How to cope - 11/26/2007 9:14:10 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

but in the end he is a 23 year old guy in college and Im a single mom waiting to move forward with my life.


I know what I speak of, never put off your life because of a long distance relationship... especially when you have little ones dependent on you... in the end you will end up resenting this young man and end up with time gone by without any progress in your own life... never let yourself wait around for anyone.

Living in limbo sucks, and it is not love that puts you there, it is a lack of emotional investment in your own situation. Not saying that you should give up on your new found love, just saying that you can always be moving forward in your life even when you are involved with someone else... especially if that someone else is so far away

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: LDR, How to cope - 11/26/2007 9:18:35 PM   
igobacktoblack


Posts: 10
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

but in the end he is a 23 year old guy in college and Im a single mom waiting to move forward with my life.


I know what I speak of, never put off your life because of a long distance relationship... especially when you have little ones dependent on you... in the end you will end up resenting this young man and end up with time gone by without any progress in your own life... never let yourself wait around for anyone.

Living in limbo sucks, and it is not love that puts you there, it is a lack of emotional investment in your own situation. Not saying that you should give up on your new found love, just saying that you can always be moving forward in your life even when you are involved with someone else... especially if that someone else is so far away


I understand how that must have looked, but I dont think thats how I meant it. I more meant, we have plans to move in with each other, continue the relationship on a day to day basis and I want it now, but its not possible. I personally work, Im getting ready to start school online, etc. I spend every moment I can with my daughter, I just feel like life would be so much better if this hard period wasnt as long as its going to have to be.

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RE: LDR, How to cope - 11/26/2007 10:05:05 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I wish I could impart to you how important it is to enjoy every minute there is right now instead of pining for something that may never be even if both of you have the best of intentions.. we only get one life.

perhaps I have misread you, I understand that it is all too easy to make happiness and fulfillment contigent on a wanted outcome, but that is a bit like putting the cart before the horse. The happy outcomes are contigent upon your insistence that life will be happy no matter what.

I did not mean to infer you were a negligent mother, just a normal single one... something else I am all too familiar with myself.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: LDR, How to cope - 11/26/2007 10:14:17 PM   
angelslave77


Posts: 478
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline 		be careful if there is tension there already, that imo is not a good sign. Ok but having said that I feel for you, I have UM's, Sir and I are long distance, I cant leave town becuase of custody crap and his business commitments for the moment keep him from moving. Sometimes I feel physical pain becuase I want his arms around  me so bad. But something we dont have is tension, we are completely open, we message, phone ect at least 5 or more times a day and we make sure we make time for each other but we also understand the we each have to continue our "own" lives till we can be together. (oh and just so you know I am 29 and Sir is 26 so we are fairly young too).

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RE: LDR, How to cope - 11/26/2007 10:28:49 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		LDRs suck, simple as that.

Waking up minutes before your lover does, feeling her warm body pressed against yours, seeing that angelic face resting peacefully in sleep and then hearing that soft moan as she wakens and snuggles closer to you for warmth requires no words, no picture can capture it, no phone sex can equal it.

That said, putting up with all the crap you do is worth it if you find the right partner.  I have found someone I think is pretty amazing and unlike you, I have been around the block enough times to actually have a fairly grounded idea of what that requires.

That said, I am NOT putting my life on hold till we can be together, I am working on school (well not this second although I should be, taking a few minutes break) and on furthering myself in general.  So, what have you got to lose by pursuing it?  Not much so why not?

As for making it easier to do LD, well you need to figure out the things that drive you nuts and the things that put you at peace.  Then minimize the former and maximize the latter.

(in reply to angelslave77)
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RE: LDR, How to cope - 11/26/2007 10:34:00 PM   
Ecossaise


Posts: 34
Joined: 11/13/2007
Status: offline 		Long distance relationships do not "suck". They are a test of strength, indeed, but technology is making the world grow smaller. A long distance relationship can make the strength that it tests grow. Been there, done that, bought the leather basque!



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M

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RE: LDR, How to cope - 11/26/2007 10:45:24 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Ecossaise

Long distance relationships do not "suck". They are a test of strength, indeed, but technology is making the world grow smaller. A long distance relationship can make the strength that it tests grow. Been there, done that, bought the leather basque!




They suck, but if you love someone and you have things to do before you can live with them all of the time, you got to do what you got to do.

But simplymichael is right, there is no replacement for snuggling with the one you love, waking up to them in the early morning, making coffee for them and washing their back... you know... those little things that show how much you really love them, like putting up with dragon breath and mutual snoring. I think that is the real test of love personally, that they can watch you snore your ass off and still get dreamy eyed when they describe it to you when you are awake. Now that is a test!

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: LDR, How to cope - 11/26/2007 11:10:56 PM   
BossyShoeBitch


Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ecossaise

Long distance relationships do not "suck". They are a test of strength, indeed, but technology is making the world grow smaller. A long distance relationship can make the strength that it tests grow. Been there, done that, bought the leather basque!




They suck, but if you love someone and you have things to do before you can live with them all of the time, you got to do what you got to do.

But simplymichael is right, there is no replacement for snuggling with the one you love, waking up to them in the early morning, making coffee for them and washing their back... you know... those little things that show how much you really love them, like putting up with dragon breath and mutual snoring. I think that is the real test of love personally, that they can watch you snore your ass off and still get dreamy eyed when they describe it to you when you are awake. Now that is a test!

Sometimes Michael likes it when I call him very early in the morning, around 6 or 6:30a.m.  He says that hearing my voice upon waking, still in a dreamlike state, he can almost feel me there next to him.. (btw, Michael never has dragon breath or morning breath. it's uncanny.. I used to think he woke up before me, brushed his teeth and got back in bed, but that wasn't it..LOL)

To the OP:  how long have the two of you been together and how far away are you from him?  Michael and I are 3,000 miles away...




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A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

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RE: LDR, How to cope - 11/26/2007 11:59:11 PM   
handsoverhead


Posts: 17
Joined: 1/7/2006
Status: offline 		I did the LDR thing for about 18 months and once we got going we were seeing each other about every 3 or 4 weekends. And some of it can be really hard.

Not sure if this will help you but I got through the tough parts by a) working out when they would be and b) making lots of plans to skip through that tough time as quickly as possible.

For me, if there were four weeks between seeing each other, the end of week 1 (after the "high" wore off) and most of week 2 were the hardest. So, during that time I made lots of plans with friends, lots of study plans, did lots of walking ... despite the fact that I felt like curling up in a solitary ball ... "walked the walk" until I felt better again. By the time I got to two weeks out from seeing him again I made plans ... in my head or with him or by getting my legs waxed or buying something new to wear .... and that part was really fun and really romantic ...

Secondly, I always reminded myself to enjoy it for what it was ... it can be a lovely romantic time ... I kept doing my own thing in my own time, never banked on us necessarily ever being more than we were and reminded myself that the grass is always greener .... and you know what? Now we live together and sometimes I miss our planned weekends together, our days of chatting online all day, the dozens of text messages ...

I would never want to go back to LD with him. I love being with him every day ... living day to day together has it's own unique reality and beauty. There are still tough times and lovely romantic times. But long distance can be beautiful too ... you just have to find a way to see it and appreciate it for what it is.

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RE: LDR, How to cope - 11/27/2007 12:15:29 AM   
angelslave77


Posts: 478
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline 		awww hands I so know that end of the first week thing, just come through that and boy what a mess I was this time (sorry to hijack)

OP there is lots of good advice here I hope it helps you guys out

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Profile   Post #: 17
RE: LDR, How to cope - 11/27/2007 12:16:14 AM   
pinksugarsub


Posts: 1224
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: igobacktoblack

Im currently involved with a dominant man who could possibly be everything I could ever want in a man. We share a very similar sense of humor, we share interests, we can talk for hours about nothing and everything and make each other smile and laugh - but we are hitting rocky waters.

I live in Texas, he lives several states away, and at best we could see each other once a month till he finishes school. Every day it gets harder and I find myself getting more depressed because I want to be able to touch him, and be with him, be there for him in everything, and I do the best I can but sometimes its just not enough. Sexually we talk on the phone a lot in between and sometimes it helps but as Im sure you all know its just not the connection most of us are looking for. I worry because of our ages (we're both 23) that in the end its just going to prove too hard. I know a lot of you are going to say "well, if you love each other blah blah blah" but I worry regardless. My love for him is endless and I feel like he feels the same, but in the end he is a 23 year old guy in college and Im a single mom waiting to move forward with my life.

Im not sure how to think or proceed, I feel like Im predicting a bitter end too soon, but I just am not sure how to deal with this void in my heart. Anyone dealing with anything similar?



i used to entertain ideas of meeting Someone here and ending up together.  Then i realised finances would reduce our r/l time together to virtually nothing, and that based on that, i'd prolly be the one expected to move house.
 
i won't say it'll never happen, but it's not what i'm looking for.  i want Someone local.  Add that to my other unreasonable demands.
 
pinksugarsub

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RE: LDR, How to cope - 11/27/2007 12:26:05 AM   
igobacktoblack


Posts: 10
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		I didnt actually meet him on this site, or any other "personals" site.

Thanks guys, for all the advice, I think for now Im going to try to take a step back and see how things pan out and stop worrying all the time.

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RE: LDR, How to cope - 11/27/2007 6:29:54 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

LDRs suck, simple as that.


that's a matter of YOUR opinion. 

i'm in a LDR with Daddy (and for now with my SO) and i find that my relationships with both Doms are stronger than ever.  unlike most, i'm not dependent having constantly their physical touch or snuggling every night. i have my UMs, friends, and bands keeping me busy as well as other interests.

OP, despite what the naysayers advised, if you dwell on the aching need of your Dom then that will be the main driving force for you to break up with yours. you're a single mom - focus your energy and time with your UM ...join a book club ...learn  a new hobby ...do something that will keep the aching need of having him close to you down to a minimum.  yes it's hard to do yet like any relationship - it takes two people willing to work on it together.


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