RE: LDR, How to cope

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RE: LDR, How to cope - 11/27/2007 6:53:36 AM

domiguy

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I sincerely hope that you have been seeing this guy for quite awhile....It's a shame to introduce your daughter to people who most likely will be running in and out of her life....Not cool.

LDR's suck ass. There is little need for taking them to a full time level. I have known some women that I developed feelings for that were not in the vacinity...Checked the emotions and just kept things cool. If I was out there it was on....Back home it was off. For it seems that every time I left the Domidong came right along with me. It only makes sense. If the distance was closed than I would bring the relationship to the front. Other than that....I ain't got time to bleed.

< Message edited by domiguy -- 11/27/2007 7:39:45 AM >

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RE: LDR, How to cope - 11/27/2007 7:27:50 AM

RCdc

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You decide whether the relationship is worth continuing and if it fulfils you. If yes to both, then you decide as to whether you can cope with the distance and then you simply deal with the cards you have. You already stated that eventually you could end up together, just that right now it isn't an option. We are in that position right now. It sucks but it does mean there is a goal to strive for.

Life doesn't go on hold. You make improvements to your life as you can. Your studying so keep studying. Enjoy the moments with your family. Look forward to the visits with your partner. Keep healthy, keep your life full and active and just go with the flow. It does suck at times - some days will also pass faster than others. But if you trust what he says - and know you are able to keep your end too - then it makes it much easier.

the.dark.

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RE: LDR, How to cope - 11/29/2007 6:44:50 AM

sammiebabygirl

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I don't understand it at all. I read a lot of posts by subs/slaves that are totally devoted to their Masters/Mistresses. They live, eat, breathe for them. Then I look at the profile and find that they live thousands of miles apart. I wonder if they have even met.

How do you commit yourself to someone that you rarely or never see? Personally, I could not do it unless we were together and if not living together, that was the next step.

jen

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RE: LDR, How to cope - 11/29/2007 11:35:52 AM

goodgirl08

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Well. You have two choices - feel shitty and pessimistic about the distance and let it negatively impact your relationship (petty fights etc.) orrrr keep on trucking, acknowledge that it's hard, and let it be what it is right now instead of spending too much time dreaming how it could be...
Not that I am an expert, but I always strive for the latter option.

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RE: LDR, How to cope - 11/29/2007 12:02:47 PM

RCdc

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sammiebabygirl

How do you commit yourself to someone that you rarely or never see? Personally, I could not do it unless we were together and if not living together, that was the next step.

jen

Good communication and commitment.
Pretty much rocks. Sucks at times. But when you have everything, why give that up for nothing?
Would seem pretty pointless.

the.dark.

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RE: LDR, How to cope - 11/29/2007 12:32:41 PM

batshalom

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quote:

ORIGINAL: igobacktoblack

I live in Texas, he lives several states away, and at best we could see each other once a month till he finishes school.

Im not sure how to think or proceed, I feel like Im predicting a bitter end too soon, but I just am not sure how to deal with this void in my heart. Anyone dealing with anything similar?

~smiling~ You're thinking well, black. Good for you. As an older sub, I kind of like my freedom, a little distance. My last LDR was from country to country instead of state to state, although we managed to carve out a great deal of time together because of his job and my situation.

I like the ache that accompanies a LDR - it means the other person is special to me and it means that the time we share will be extremely special (one of my main kinks is orgasm control so maybe withholding other things from myself is part of the same kink - I dunno).

I add the caveat, though, that I have been in marriages and live-in situations in the past and maybe I've just had my fill of them. Good for you that you're remaining logical about your situation. You seem to know what you want and need. Relationships are nice but life is for living - wherever life takes you, enjoy it, and don't settle for less than you deserve.

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RE: LDR, How to cope - 11/29/2007 1:29:21 PM

subtee

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quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

I sincerely hope that you have been seeing this guy for quite awhile....It's a shame to introduce your daughter to people who most likely will be running in and out of her life....Not cool.

I agree and I think it's an important point. I've been divorced from "the creature" for 7 years and I've never introduced my UMs to anyone who was not very long term. So since that time they've met...um, let's see...carry the one...oh yeah. No one.

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RE: LDR, How to cope - 11/29/2007 3:19:18 PM

CreativeDominant

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quote:

ORIGINAL: igobacktoblack

Im currently involved with a dominant man who could possibly be everything I could ever want in a man. We share a very similar sense of humor, we share interests, we can talk for hours about nothing and everything and make each other smile and laugh - but we are hitting rocky waters.

I live in Texas, he lives several states away, and at best we could see each other once a month till he finishes school. Every day it gets harder and I find myself getting more depressed because I want to be able to touch him, and be with him, be there for him in everything, and I do the best I can but sometimes its just not enough. Sexually we talk on the phone a lot in between and sometimes it helps but as Im sure you all know its just not the connection most of us are looking for. I worry because of our ages (we're both 23) that in the end its just going to prove too hard. I know a lot of you are going to say "well, if you love each other blah blah blah" but I worry regardless. My love for him is endless and I feel like he feels the same, but in the end he is a 23 year old guy in college and Im a single mom waiting to move forward with my life.

Im not sure how to think or proceed, I feel like Im predicting a bitter end too soon, but I just am not sure how to deal with this void in my heart. Anyone dealing with anything similar?

I have been in three long distance relationships. I've discussed them on here before. My last LDR left me in such a state that I have been very cautious in dealing with people. Yes, it is difficult. Yes, it gets damnnnnnnnnn lonely sometimes. Yes, I would prefer that I could find a submissive who lives in my state...hell, preferably my hometown.

But...the LDR that tore me up was due to her lies and deceit and my own inability to see past the good in her and my unwillingness to uproot my practice and move across country (and I do mean across country) and start over again.

But...difficulties can be found in any relationship. Sometimes, closeness results in its own difficulties. Is closeness better than distance? Of course it is. But sometimes, things that are not discussed because "being together" gets in the way do get discussed when you have only communication with each other as a way of staying in touch.

But...loneliness can be eased by having friends and family and other things in your life. Is it negated by those things? No...but let's be honest, sometimes you can be lonely when the one you love is right there. Not being alone does not equate to not being lonely. It is better than being alone but there again, having someone...even someone long distance...that you are working things through with and exploring with and, hopefully, coming to a deeper understanding and craving for all the time is better than being completely alone.

But...the fact is that I live in a small town. A town where many who do not already know of my penchant for perversion would be shocked to find it out and would possibly turn away from me in a professional manner. Sooooooooo...as you can imagine, dating a vanilla woman here and "turning" her (as discussed in another thread) could backfire in a reallllllllllllly bad way for me. The nearest city to me where there is any D/s or BDSM action going on and where I have found submissives is 80 miles away. Oddly enough, many of those submissives state that they do not want to leave a big city for a small town, even for a guy like me. And, in fact, if I were to become involved with them...and have with a couple on a semi-casual/semi-serious basis...they were still, in reality, long distance.

Working towards something good...as well as attainable...is work whether it is with someone right in the same town or miles away. It depends on what the two (or more) of you decide you want and how bad you want to work towards having that with each other.

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RE: LDR, How to cope - 11/29/2007 6:44:15 PM

CelticPrince

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goingback,

To be honest, your thinking that a 23yo guy is going to b able to handle an instant family and your somewhat still back. Perhaps, I hope so but I do doubt it.

CP

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RE: LDR, How to cope - 11/29/2007 7:02:36 PM

igobacktoblack

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Well, he and I were very good friends before the relationship, and he lost a child when he was 21, so its easier for him in that aspect. (To those of you worried about my daughter, he has not met her.) But I think the missing thing is we didnt meet through this lifestyle, and we've known each other for months.

It was kinda funny how we came to realize that we had shared interests

< Message edited by igobacktoblack -- 11/29/2007 7:03:19 PM >

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RE: LDR, How to cope - 11/29/2007 7:13:19 PM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BossyShoeBitch
Sometimes Michael likes it when I call him very early in the morning, around 6 or 6:30a.m. He says that hearing my voice upon waking, still in a dreamlike state, he can almost feel me there next to him..

90 percent of the time, I am awaken by a phone call from Kyra. It is a great way to start the day! It can be rather annoying when I am awaken ahead of time because of work and disappointing as well. I still get that call at the usually time... but it not the same as being awaken from sleep.

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RE: LDR, How to cope - 11/30/2007 12:36:40 AM

LittleWench

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If you think an LDR is going to suck, then indeed it will. Whether you think you can, or you can't, you are right.

My Owner and I have spent time together in real life, but we are currently thousands of miles apart. We don't have the luxury of a once a month visit. It's been 3 months since I touched him, expect it will be another 9-12 before I am in his arms again. I believe we started out much the same way as you did. He was a dominant man, some time into the relationship we discussed BDSM and found we had similar interests.

You said you are arguing? If he is the Dom and you the Sub, then why is he allowing the argument to continue? As the submissive why are you arguing with him? You should be communicating, not fighting.

My Master and I talk every single day. When I stop communicating and start whining, he will simply say my name and say "Don't whine". I stop. When I start bickering he says "You would do well to remember your tone". Honestly, without his calm nature I dont know if we would make it through :)

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