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sadist or misogynyst - 11/26/2007 6:21:37 PM   
ELUSIVE1


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ok--it is no secret that I am a painslut...I actively seek out sadistic dominant males...but sometimes the 'sadists' that I meet say such derogatory things about the females in their lives, past and present, that I question if they are simply sadists that enjoy inflicting pain on willing participants, or actually misogynists working their demons out on me...anyone have any insight how to discern the difference BEFORE the shackles go on??


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RE: sadist or misogynyst - 11/26/2007 6:24:16 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Seems like you've already found a good way.  Sadism is just about causing pain.  Misogyny is about negative attitudes and behavior towards women.  The two can of course be easily combined.  But the key is to ask exactly what the attitudes regard and where they came from.  Are they seeking to enhance their own experience, or to tear down someone elses?

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RE: sadist or misogynyst - 11/26/2007 6:25:05 PM   
midnightwench


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quote:

ORIGINAL: ELUSIVE1

...but sometimes the 'sadists' that I meet say such derogatory things about the females in their lives, past and present,
 
I would consider this a red flag personally.

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RE: sadist or misogynyst - 11/26/2007 6:26:40 PM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline 		I agree with LA, it sounds like you already have your way *and* your answer.

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RE: sadist or misogynyst - 11/26/2007 6:28:52 PM   
neph


Posts: 32
Joined: 4/4/2006
Status: offline 		If someone said that shit about their dog, you wouldn't let them watch your dog, would you?



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RE: sadist or misogynyst - 11/26/2007 6:33:50 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline 		I ask questions about their previous relationships.  If they always blame everyone but themselves and speak in derogatory terms it gives me a clue what they will probably say about me later on.  It takes two to make or break a relationship.  If someone isn’t willing to accept their responsibility for the past, I take it as a very bad omen.

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RE: sadist or misogynyst - 11/26/2007 6:36:32 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		Usually in talking to them a time or two the misogynist will come out and you can figure it out from there. Like LA said asking about previous relationships or attitudes towards women gives you a clue also.

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RE: sadist or misogynyst - 11/26/2007 6:39:46 PM   
juliaoceania


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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

ORIGINAL: midnightwench

quote:

ORIGINAL: ELUSIVE1

...but sometimes the 'sadists' that I meet say such derogatory things about the females in their lives, past and present,
 
I would consider this a red flag personally.



And this how she could tell the difference before the shackles go on if you ask me.

I always listen to how a man talks about his mother. Now it is not a deal breaker if he does not have a close relationship with his mother, but it is something I pay attention to. If they do not have respect for all the women in their life... majorly big red flag, if not a deal breaker. They at least better admire their sisters and daughters and grandma, even if they had a crappy mother. But that is just me....

And that is how I can tell the difference between a misogynist and a sadist. I have never had a misogynistic dominant beat me, although I have only been with two.

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RE: sadist or misogynyst - 11/26/2007 6:40:27 PM   
pinksugarsub


Posts: 1224
Status: offline 		My sadist Dom Friends love women; all sorts of women friends, play partners, and serious D/s relationships abound.  Amoung the "non-sadist" Doms i have "met" here i find many are mysoginsits.  It isn't at all linked in my opinion.
 
pinksugarsub

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RE: sadist or misogynyst - 11/26/2007 9:06:06 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


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quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

I ask questions about their previous relationships.  If they always blame everyone but themselves and speak in derogatory terms it gives me a clue what they will probably say about me later on.  It takes two to make or break a relationship.  If someone isn’t willing to accept their responsibility for the past, I take it as a very bad omen.
I have to agree with catize here..I usually make a point of asking about previous relationships..ones with friends, family, ex-lovers etc..it definitely gives you a look into a persons mindset...Tempting

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RE: sadist or misogynyst - 11/26/2007 9:18:29 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
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Status: offline 		I love women.  Every man should own at least two.

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RE: sadist or misogynyst - 11/26/2007 9:19:26 PM   
grlneedstolearn


Posts: 728
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline 		At least i learned a new word tonight, Misogyny. Never heard it before till now.

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RE: sadist or misogynyst - 11/26/2007 11:19:03 PM   
Phin


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

I love women.  Every man should own at least two.
agreed.

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RE: sadist or misogynyst - 11/27/2007 3:37:01 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		I Love men and women, everyone should own at least one of each.

To the OP yes if he speaks of women as if we are a lower lifeform, particularly those from past relationships, then you can bet he has some issues with women. It takes 2 to make a relationship and rarely is it totally one persons fault. Misogynists are sad, hateful people and better off being left alone.

~Lashra

< Message edited by Lashra -- 11/27/2007 3:40:43 AM >

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RE: sadist or misogynyst - 11/27/2007 4:54:28 AM   
ELUSIVE1


Posts: 536
Joined: 9/11/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

I love women.  Every man should own at least two.
so true--my favorite sadistic dominants have a whole harem of women in their life...very apparent they truly love women

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RE: sadist or misogynyst - 11/27/2007 6:15:05 AM   
Manawyddan


Posts: 701
Joined: 1/2/2005
From: Petaluma (Northern California)
Status: offline 		I love scratching women until they are black & blue and biting women until they bleed (although for safety reasons I typically stop before the latter occurs). I think if you told any of the women in my life that I was in any manner a misogynist, they would laugh in your face.

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RE: sadist or misogynyst - 11/27/2007 7:18:07 AM   
ELUSIVE1


Posts: 536
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Manawyddan

I love scratching women until they are black & blue and biting women until they bleed (although for safety reasons I typically stop before the latter occurs). I think if you told any of the women in my life that I was in any manner a misogynist, they would laugh in your face.
the difference in a sadis and a mysogynist is not the kind or level of play, but rather the motivation behind it...which in turn then leads to safety issues

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RE: sadist or misogynyst - 11/27/2007 10:15:35 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		They may not be misogynists, they may just be stuck in the grief stage after a relationship ends. However, in either case they aren't now available for any kind of relationship with a woman including friendship or negotiated play. Keep looking and if you meet them again in a year's time when they are over their ex, then you can take a chance.

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RE: sadist or misogynyst - 11/27/2007 11:23:36 AM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline 		I agree that you have to listen to them and get their general attitude towards women.  I don't believe you can judge it based on how they feel about one particular woman or even several but if every woman they speak of is a "ball-breaking bitch" and they do not seem to be friends with any women other than you, that would indeed seem to be a red flag.

I love women.  I count several on here and in my outside world as friends of mine and though many of them find me quite sadistic, I think you would be hard-pressed to find any of them who would say I just don't like women.  Even my ex...spoken of on here several times...will tell you, if she is being honest, that I do not mistreat or dislike women.  But I have several male patients whose attitude and statements regarding women make it easy to see why they have either only been married once or have never married at all.

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RE: sadist or misogynyst - 11/27/2007 12:25:34 PM   
sweetfem


Posts: 2
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline 		I find that there are some ways to tell. Not all are foolproof but I think they are good starting points.
a.  The guy doesn't have female "equal" friends in the vanilla or kink world. Ie he doesn't know any Dommes and has no women friends from college.
b.  The guy tends to use words that indicate that he thinks that women (and their parts) are somehow dirty -- ie equating shaving with cleanliness, etc.  I don't mind a Master having me shave as part of my slavery, but don't tell me that my natural body is "dirty".  If so -- he should shave his  balls and overgrown ass---- , lol!
c.  That there is some real disconnect about what he wants to do to me and the fact that I am a real person -- for example wanting me to not attend to my job so I can meet his needs right now. 
d.   A cookie cutter quality to his kink.  His fantasies sound a lot like everyone else's -- like his sexuality has come from porn rather than from one on one interactions with another person.
e.  Homophobia toward gay or bi men. 

I agree, I weed them out.  I want to be beaten by someone who is engaging with me, not some projection of a monster with a toothed vagina...

sweetfem

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