Stephann
Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline
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Howdy,
Rest assured, I wouldn't be addressing your thoughts if I didn't think them interesting enough to discuss. Disagreeing doesn't equate with a lack of respect in my book.
ORIGINAL: Iunderstand
Honesty I don't think I am using this message board right, I am trying to reply to each person and instead I see all my replies on the same page at the bottom...Umm well ok, if I knew it was going to be like that...I would not have had to type and copy that stuff over and over! Alright well this one is from Stephan...
The easy way to respond to individual posts, is to click the 'Quote' box, at the top of the message you are actually responding to. Every message has "reply, quote, and fwd." I hit the quote box, myself (and just deleted the [ quote ] code, so that I could reply to you without making an actual box; that's just personal taste. As for my actual font, you can highlight it, unbold it, and apply 'Times new roman' or something.)
Well from what I am reading so far we are in agreement except that you believe there are more exceptions to the mold than there are people who fit it reasonably close. In fact you believe there really is no mold, it is just a false idea that fails when tested.
Yep, that's about the gist of it. I find the concept of overgeneralization to be a lazy tool (no offense intended.) It's the same dismal approach Bush uses in his Middle Eastern views.
I believe that there are molds that majorities of people fit reasonable close. I think this is because of the way all of the elements of society condition us to act a certain way. Here's an example...
Most men believe that they have to be able to fight (physically) or they are considered weak and invalid.
Except for priests, teachers, politicians (ever see a politician in a fist fight?) Ever watch Fight Club? He's right on; most people will actually do everything they can to avoid a fight. On the flip side, threaten a woman's children, and you'll see a woman get mean -- FAST. If she's not, she's considered weak, ne?
Some men don't. Some men say "Hey I'll just call the police, I couldn't care less." But wouldn't you agree that it is a belief system that most men typically have?
I'd say that's these standards are why some kids grow up not "fitting in" because there is a majority of kids that fit a certain mold that they do not. Granted all of those kids together are different in some way or another, there usually is a majority that shares alot of traits. Now look at the behavior of the online wankers (as we like to call them.) Each one of them is different no doubt, but look at them line up and do the exact same thing, nagging these women for a nutt.
Works both ways; I've known no few number of female 'wankers.' The chatrooms are filled with it. I'll concede that physiologically, men and women are different. Testosterone vice estrogen does, in fact, have an impact in how men and women view relationships. Thus, I find men tend to be more sexual activity driven, while women are more emotionally driven. Male wankers are out there looking for a way to bust a nut, while female wankers are out there looking for McDonald's style romance, with equal value, taste, and satisfaction.
Here's another trait for you, this one actually is masculine related...why is it that female's message boxes fill up with 100's of messages fast, where as men don't get nearly as many? Granted not all males are rude and pushy, not all are even aggressive "go getters". (I'm not).....but here we see a trait of the majority of males on this site.
Because most websites reflect the computing habits of females, verses males; that there are usually 50%-500% more men on any given website, than there are women. Couple that with the natural drive of men and women; testosterone encourages a man to seek out a mate, in a way that women aren't driven. Traditionally, women have been gatekeepers; it's biological male instinct to seek out as many sexual partners as possible while it's female biological instinct to pick and choose amongst the available suitors. We see the exact same behavior mirrored on the dance floor on any given night at a dance club/discotech.
Well... Yes I admit that if I were to say "People are made up of masculine and feminine traits and that is all." Then yes that would be inaccurate and just looking at 2 colors when really there is a much bigger spectrum of personality traits.
However what I am saying is "Hey there are many colors in the personality spectrum, but for a second let's zoom in and look at Red VS Blue because those are the two colors that are most relevant to the situation that I am focusing on.
Nah, don't agree; I think that the traits you're painting as red and blue, in fact have many more colors. Many traits that are traditionally male or female are in fact inherent in both sexes; again, individuals are almost never even close to the mold we cast for them, thus we're trying to say that 'men like blue shirts, women like red shirts' when in reality men like red, blue, green, orange, black, grey, and pink shirts (well, pink shirts in latin america when I lived there; ew.)
I think that's where we need to start when it comes to solving it. I once again didn't make that clear I know, but it's hard to think of everything that needs to be said when there is so much typing to do and it wears you out.
No, you're clear, I just don't agree with your (and Grey's) premise.
Anyway I've got the feeling you are probably going to disagree with most things I say, but hey never mind that, I do have a question for you, or maybe two.
1.Do you think that there is a problem with the function of this site as far as the success rate of people meeting and getting what they want…Is the number of unsuccessful encounters and frustrated people to high or just normal?
I think it's no greater or worse than traditional dating methods. It's just easier to express our frustration to the general public, here, online, than it is in reality. I've only had a handful 0f successful online to offline relationships (four to be exact.) Yet, in the scheme of all of my relationships, they were excellent, and I feel quite content with the results (compared to the three or four successful offline only relationships I've had.) There are positive and negative elements to online dating vice offline; I've found the better grounded and mentally sound I was before going into any relationship (online or off) the better the odds of having that relationship go well were.
2. If there is a problem, how should it be fixed how can we see people hooking up, and getting what they want?
We see the positive experiences in the forums over there ---> Beyond that, it's easier to get what you want, when you have a better idea of what that is, yet don't try to force it either way. There's a correlation between excessive internet usage and depression; people who aren't happy with their real lives seem more prone to seeking out an 'alternate' life online. Thus, I think there are simply a higher ratio of emotionally unhealthy people online, and this contributes to a much larger pool of potential relationship partners who aren't healthy enough to sustain long term, healthy, satisfying relationships. I don't see it being a gender based division in the least.
Take care,
Stephan
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