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Strong desires - 11/25/2007 8:49:57 AM

Kaiynasha

Posts: 172
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline

I have such strong desires to get a female slave it is driving me crazy. I don't know why the desire for a female is more important to me than a male slave. I notice and see many Female Dommes who have male subs and mind you I don't mind having a male slave, but why do I HAVE to have one? Sometimes I feel it is part of the Female Domme's menu- but does it have to be? I am straight and find more pleasure in seeing a female slave submit than a male slave. Am I crazy to want such a desire? Am I out of the loop if I do?

I see male slaves/sub especially on collarme so eager yet so many players waste my time- that it has become a turn-off. I can see myself falling in love with a female slave- and never falling in love with a male slave. Although seeing a man bow before excites me- its meaning for me is different than a female slave.

Any thoughts on this from both sides is appreciated.

<--- I don't know what it means but it is my favorite color.

Post #: 1

RE: Strong desires - 11/25/2007 11:22:20 AM

Kaiynasha

Posts: 172
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline

I was being serious about receiving anyones thoughts on this. So I am bumping this up again for one more round. If no one answers, I will just assume, I should be reflective on it, and call it a day.

(in reply to Kaiynasha)

Post #: 2

RE: Strong desires - 11/25/2007 11:29:19 AM

Dragynsfury

Posts: 79
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline

First time I'm seeing this so I'll share with you this...you are not alone in your strong desire to find the one you want. Unfortunately, like so many other sites, this one also has its fill of losers,users, and wankers (male and female.) Just have to weed through and persevere. It's all any of us who are serious can do. My two pennies.

_____________________________

The artist formerly known as OnyxGoddess

(in reply to Kaiynasha)

Post #: 3

RE: Strong desires - 11/25/2007 11:34:06 AM

yourMissTress

Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

Of course you don't HAVE to have a male slave. If you want to explore having a female slave start talking to a few of them and see what happens.

I have had both male and female subs and slaves in the past. The differences didn't seem to be about gender or sex as much as they did simply the differences between people. But that may have something to do with my sexuality and preferences. You, being straight, may attach additional meaning to the sex or gender of the person submitting.

I do have a question...you are straight but you could fall in love with a female slave? Please explain that.

_____________________________

Tress

"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother

(in reply to Kaiynasha)

Post #: 4

RE: Strong desires - 11/25/2007 11:34:38 AM

SunNMoon

Posts: 1058
Joined: 3/18/2007
Status: offline

Hi Kaiynasha,

First for your question :)

“do I have to have one (male slave)?” Nope. I don’t see why you would have to have a male slave anymore female slave.

I think you know what you want and what you desire really isn’t that out there. (It’s not like you’re looking for a purple spotted female slave.)

On the topic of players ect. I was taking to my friend (he’s nilla) about his dating problems, he keeps running into girls only wanting to hook up. Everyone has players connecting them just keep looking plenty of nice people out there.

The only problem that I can foresee you having is in regards to the female slave possibly wanting a sexual relationship. And your being straight might put a damper on that. If you are just looking for a play partner (no sex) that there shouldn’t be a problem.

Best of luck,
Kat

_____________________________

"We agreed to S&M only, sex and mockery." - Gray’s Anatomy.

(in reply to Kaiynasha)

Post #: 5

RE: Strong desires - 11/25/2007 11:42:22 AM

Kaiynasha

Posts: 172
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline

Tress & Kat, see I do not see the matter of me being straight as a problem. However, I also do not view having a female slave just about sex. I am straight and very open about sex. Therefore, I do not base my idea of having a female slave just about sex. Yes, I could fall in love with a female slave, but does that mean I am NOT straight? For me the answer is no, it just means I am open. Some will say she is a closet lesbian or bisexual. I will tell them no. I love the idea of just having a female companion in which I owned- which of course would probably include some sex. I value the relationship of submission more.

< Message edited by Kaiynasha -- 11/25/2007 11:45:16 AM >

(in reply to SunNMoon)

Post #: 6

RE: Strong desires - 11/25/2007 12:03:03 PM

yourMissTress

Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaiynasha

Tress & Kat, see I do not see the matter of me being straight as a problem. However, I also do not view having a female slave just about sex. I am straight and very open about sex. Therefore, I do not base my idea of having a female slave just about sex. Yes, I could fall in love with a female slave, but does that mean I am NOT straight? For me the answer is no, it just means I am open. Some will say she is a closet lesbian or bisexual. I will tell them no. I love the idea of just having a female companion in which I owned- which of course would probably include some sex. I value the relationship of submission more.

Ok, I am not trying to make this about sex, and I am not trying to challenge your sexuality.

Straight = sex with only those of the opposite sex
Bi= sex with those of either sex
Gay/Lesbian=sex with only those of the same sex

If you have sex with a woman, that is bisexual. Now, the reason that I bring up this point has nothing at all to do with your sexuality. I don't care if you call yourself a lesbian and ONLY have sex with men. But here is what I'm getting at...

Some time ago, I knew a female slave (lesbian) whose Mistress (by definition bi, but identified as straight) would say, whenever questioned, "I'm not a lesbian" as if it were a derogatory term. She would say it during conversations with others when her slave was present. She never meant any of these comments as a slight to her slave, but her slave was hurt by these comments and eventually came to resent her Mistress for them.

By the defensiveness that I'm reading in your last post, I hope that you evaluate your own feelings and attitudes before you proceed with such a relationship.

_____________________________

Tress

"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother

(in reply to Kaiynasha)

Post #: 7

RE: Strong desires - 11/25/2007 12:03:38 PM

ShaktiSama

Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline

I wouldn't say "closet lesbian", but certainly I find it strange for someone to insist they are straight in the same posts that they are talking about a desperate emotional need for an intimate DS love relationship with a woman.

For me, sexuality is about who you are able to feel love for as much as anything else, which is why I picked the term "bisexual" out of the limited range of options. I can feel love for both men and women, and enjoy dominating both men and women, even if my strongest emotional needs and desires are for men.

*shrug* Anyway, to address the other part of the OP...I think many of us can identify with your frustration. I certainly would like to meet the Sub of My Dreams someday--sooner rather than later!

(in reply to Kaiynasha)

Post #: 8

RE: Strong desires - 11/25/2007 1:45:31 PM

Kaiynasha

Posts: 172
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline

I wasn't trying to come off defensive but merely answering a question asked. However, I see your point Tress- it is something to be reflective about. I will keep this in mind. Also, to Shakti, I guess, a D/s relationship with a woman just isn't sexual for me. I know that sounds strange, but I want the relationship and I would never be ashamed to say, "This is my pleasure slave." Or "This my beautiful companion and slave." But I will most definitely reflect. Thank you for your thoughts on this.

_____________________________

"Intimacy is based on shared vulnerability...nothing deepens intimacy
like the experiences that we share when we feel flayed, with our skins
off, scared and vulnerable, and our partner is there with us, willing
to share in the scary stuff"

(in reply to ShaktiSama)

Post #: 9

RE: Strong desires - 11/25/2007 1:58:36 PM

Bloodrose88

Posts: 42
Joined: 10/27/2007
Status: offline

As a bisexual female submissive, I must say that I would find it odd if I were talking with a Domme who identified herself as straight. Now, if she had said that it was purely for play, no sex involved, that I can see. But if she said it was possible that sex could occur...I would be highly confused. In my opinion, if you are going to be contacting female submissives, tell them you are "bicurious" and you would like to have a female slave, but are unsure if the relationship would become sexual. To me, anyway, that makes a bit more sense.
In whatever you decide to do, be patient, and stick to your guns, and you will find the person for you! Best of luck!

(in reply to Kaiynasha)

Post #: 10

RE: Strong desires - 11/25/2007 2:51:06 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

Sees here's how I look at it.

Being a female dominant only means two things: You are female (or woman) and you are dominant (or a top).

Beyond that it is a matter of you. Why would it be otherwise?

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Kaiynasha)

Post #: 11

RE: Strong desires - 11/25/2007 3:07:58 PM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline

Female slaves are rare and delectable treats. I'd love one, too.

Especially with long hair so I can drag her around by it sometimes.

But for that bit ^ it doesn't need to be a slave or submissive, just a girl who I like and is willing.

_____________________________

Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

(in reply to Kaiynasha)

Post #: 12

RE: Strong desires - 11/25/2007 4:17:43 PM

Kaiynasha

Posts: 172
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline

Oh how I agree with you both. This is how I see it. I am a female dominant seeking a female slave. Whether I want sex with her or not should not be the issue. As long as she serves me. I want to look at her, I want to discipline her, I want to play with her.

I do believe I should be considerate of the fact that she may be bi-sexual or lesbian. But I just want her to serve me.

_____________________________

"Intimacy is based on shared vulnerability...nothing deepens intimacy
like the experiences that we share when we feel flayed, with our skins
off, scared and vulnerable, and our partner is there with us, willing
to share in the scary stuff"

(in reply to RumpusParable)

Post #: 13

RE: Strong desires - 11/25/2007 4:58:05 PM

Politesub53

Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

To the OP, from a male submissive...... Please dont judge us all as players, some of us are very genuine. Hopefully in time You will find someone for You, male or female.

(in reply to Kaiynasha)

Post #: 14

RE: Strong desires - 11/25/2007 5:36:09 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

Don't conform to who you think other people say you should be. Conform to your own likes, dislikes and style.

Why would you think it was wrong for a Fem Dom to have a fem sub? Unless, you're dealing with internal issues about it. Most likely the percieved public disapproval is you projecting these uncomfortable feelings. It might be that you're also assumig that the relationship has to have some sexual connotation. It doesn't.

I'm het-flexible, meaning I'm attracted to male energy. I have a girl, collared, who is het. We are not sexual partners. We are, however, spiritual partners.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Kaiynasha)

Post #: 15

RE: Strong desires - 11/26/2007 12:21:52 AM

MaamJay

Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline

I agree D/s isn't ALL about sex ... but in many cases it involves sex. Kaiynasha, You seem to be talking about quite a deep relationship with a fem slave ... not just a play situation or a service situation. And when love gets mentioned, sex tends to tag along for the ride! So, while how You think of Your sexuality is Your business ... when it comes to choosing "labels" on a site such as this and hoping to attract the right people ... it helps to choose a label that doesn't become confusing! I recently tried out a fem sub ... who identified as lesbian despite having been previously married ... she did get a bit hung up on labels, choosing to believe I was "hetero" (almost as if it was a disease or a defect!) whereas I was happily describing Myself as a little bit bi (in that I had only had limited sexual experience with other women, enjoyed that and was quite prepared to have more!). Have to admit that part of My rationale for that is "a tongue is a tongue!" and as my sub side has Master for a good fuck ... that equipment wasn't essential in My sub! A good attitude towards submission was what I was seeking.

There's certainly nothing wrong with a FemmeDomme having a female slave ... as long as the fit is good in the other criteria also. However, if You decide You are not interested in sexual relations with her, then You need to think about how her sexual energies will be channelled ... masturbation or another (perhaps vanilla) male or female partner as appropriate? You might also want to think about what type of female slave You want ... if You want a "girl" or whether a more butch type will please You. I've definitely worked out My choice for the future, although skirts were by no means the only issue that led to the demise of the trial.

Regards
Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 16

RE: Strong desires - 11/26/2007 12:48:10 AM

Aceton

Posts: 97
Joined: 9/2/2007
Status: offline

No, you're not. I'm a female switch seeking to be sub to a Domme (or I was seeking before the general insanity hereabouts got to me), but because of my location there are quite literally none in the area. I personally like the idea of no sex relationships, I think they're hot. Even if that is an oxymoron.

(in reply to Kaiynasha)

Post #: 17

RE: Strong desires - 11/26/2007 4:55:03 AM

YesMistressIrish

Posts: 1135
Joined: 5/1/2007
From: Calif
Status: offline

I haven't yet found a female sub/slave in my area. Seems I get so busy with real time fun and a clogged up mail box on cm that I don't have time to connect with women subs unless I see them at a munch, etc.

To the Op: As a domme it helps to be clear on what you need and want in your relationship with a female sub of course.

This is what you say in your profile text:
Single m/w, divorced m/w, widowed m/w...should all apply.
What you wrote is a little confusing. It could be viewed by someone reading it as male/white, instead of man/woman.
You could say in your profile that you consider yourself straight and are very interested exploring anything with a woman sub/slave.
You said above 'sex shouldn't be an issue' well, any female sub may have sexual needs. How will you see that they are met?

We all serve eachother in some way. Unless you just want to use people?

Ms Irish

(in reply to Aceton)

Post #: 18

RE: Strong desires - 11/26/2007 3:54:03 PM

Kaiynasha

Posts: 172
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline

I truly appreciate all the feedback. Especially those that is making me lean more reflective. I for one have a desire for a female slave and I do not really see sex involved. However, I could see that should this be a long-term relationship, that the possiblity me connecting with her strongly would be possible. However, I am sure by then, I would have discussed this and gotten her feelings on it. At least I hope.

I am glad that all of you are asking the questions because it is making me think about many things. I am not perfect and don't have all the answers. I have been so caught up seeking a male sub/slave that I have completely denied myself the pleasure of seeking what I need.

I am thinking.

_____________________________

"Intimacy is based on shared vulnerability...nothing deepens intimacy
like the experiences that we share when we feel flayed, with our skins
off, scared and vulnerable, and our partner is there with us, willing
to share in the scary stuff"

(in reply to YesMistressIrish)

Post #: 19

RE: Strong desires - 11/26/2007 10:38:52 PM

ItalianSMistress

Posts: 427
Joined: 1/19/2007
From: Niagara Region Ontario Canada
Status: offline

Perhaps you were too fast to judge yourself as straight. Many people think in just terms of gay, str8 and bi, but there really are many other inbetweens. I identify as gay, but am really a 5.5 on the Kinsey Scale, as I do interact with some males, just not as in "sex". Here is a basic copy of that scale. It only deals in whole numbers, but most of the copies are in halves, hence My 5.5, LOL

Rating
Description

0
Exclusively heterosexual

1
Predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual

2
Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual

3
Equally heterosexual and homosexual

4
Predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual

5
Predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual

6
Exclusively homosexual

X
Asexual

< Message edited by ItalianSMistress -- 11/26/2007 10:39:40 PM >

_____________________________

Governess

"Dominance is the ability to create a hunger in someone that's so strong they will do anything, anytime, anywhere just to please you."

http://italianmistress.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Kaiynasha)

Post #: 20

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