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Morals, judgement and kink - 11/18/2007 7:14:31 PM   
exquisitefeline1


Posts: 69
Joined: 9/13/2007
Status: offline 		i am finding that if people become aware of a kink, they are somehow immediately in the understanding that you are a complete freak, and have no morals and ethics.
I had been concerned about my bf's attentions, then it is revealed to me today that he felt like i was guilty for something, maybe because i introduced my kinks to him, and possibly attributed to my sex drive, i must be a slut, with little standards.
Last night when a friend found out that my relationship has been rocky, it took me fours hours to remove him from my house last night, and because he knows i am into BDSM it is again immediately thought that i am a freak with no morals. This person has a partner. and because i am into BDSM, it was thought that no means yes, and that i really want to be kidnapped. My bf and i had words, it seems like it is over but i am a pessimist when it comes to that, however, not only was he my lover but my best friend, and to be sexual with someone immediately after a rocky moment is betrayal to me, i can not do that to my mate.
i am into kink, BDSM, but only with my partner, i have boundaries, morals, and principles that i live by, which i have strengthened greatly with my journey into BDSM. My honesty to myself is stronger, as my self respect, my sense of being has become stronger, and i am far more understanding and committed to my truths, morals, and boundaries than ever.
I am guessing this is a common thing for us kinksters?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Morals, judgement and kink - 11/18/2007 7:21:16 PM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		people with out morals or values are people I would not be around or support  I would say run forest run. This thread has been brought up before. I know people will post those thread links. But i think every question diserves a responsee   It is being respectful.  To the Op good for you stand up for the right thing. that is the path of positive growth  Life will rock for you

(in reply to exquisitefeline1)
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RE: Morals, judgement and kink - 11/18/2007 7:24:47 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: exquisitefeline1
I am guessing this is a common thing for us kinksters?


ummmm....no.

And if someone will not leave your house immediately when you have asked them to, don't hesitate to have them escorted out. 

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to exquisitefeline1)
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RE: Morals, judgement and kink - 11/18/2007 7:27:40 PM   
Dragynsfury


Posts: 79
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline 		Sorry that your "coming out" has been met with such nastiness and heartache.  Like LatexBaby said..THEY obviously have no morals and are "judgemental" of YOU because they have some preconcieved notion of what this is REALLY all about.  Be around people who will love you, respect you and care for you.  Not people who will tear you down and force themselves upon you.  4hours....I would have called the cops after 20mins.  You're good

_____________________________

The artist formerly known as OnyxGoddess

(in reply to LATEXBABY64)
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RE: Morals, judgement and kink - 11/18/2007 7:29:04 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		People are people, which means that not only are we just people because we're kinky, but others are just people when they make incorrect assumptions. If it took you four hours to get your "best friend" out of the house when you said no, I'd doubt his friendship.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to exquisitefeline1)
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RE: Morals, judgement and kink - 11/18/2007 7:29:37 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dragynsfury
4hours....I would have called the cops after 20mins.  You're good


I would have called them if he wasn't moving in a minute and half.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Dragynsfury)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Morals, judgement and kink - 11/18/2007 7:29:58 PM   
topcat


Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

ORIGINAL: exquisitefeline1
I am guessing this is a common thing for us kinksters?


ummmm....no.

And if someone will not leave your house immediately when you have asked them to, don't hesitate to have them escorted out. 


Dear EF1-

erin is quite right, but what really stuck me was that you isssue isn't your lack morals or ethics, it's your lack of boundries. thinking that such a gross violation of social conduct as someone not leaving when asked has something to do with youu, and not them, leads me to think that you might want to carefully consider the people you think are your friends.

Stay warm,
Lawrence

_____________________________

-there is no remission without blood-

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: Morals, judgement and kink - 11/18/2007 7:30:32 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

i am finding that if people become aware of a kink, they are somehow immediately in the understanding that you are a complete freak, and have no morals and ethics.

That's ok lol. I AM a freak  Not a single thing wrong with that. What's more; I like being a slut

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to exquisitefeline1)
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RE: Morals, judgement and kink - 11/18/2007 7:32:11 PM   
topcat


Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline 		Dear Erin-
 
and you are sooo good at it<g>.
 
Stay warm,
Lawrence

_____________________________

-there is no remission without blood-

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Morals, judgement and kink - 11/18/2007 7:35:57 PM   
exquisitefeline1


Posts: 69
Joined: 9/13/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam
If it took you four hours to get your "best friend" out of the house when you said no, I'd doubt his friendship.

Master Fire




Sorry i was not clear... my lover has been my best friend, he is totally respectful. This was another friend. i was trying to keep it light, as we are part of a community. it was another good lesson into human nature, if i remained resigned and in silent submission, he would stop, if i struggled i was in trouble, the fight seemed to activate the Dominant expression. i guess in the end i have the gift of the gab and can become a stuck record.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
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RE: Morals, judgement and kink - 11/18/2007 7:40:08 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: topcat
erin is quite right, but what really stuck me was that you isssue isn't your lack morals or ethics, it's your lack of boundries. thinking that such a gross violation of social conduct as someone not leaving when asked has something to do with youu, and not them, leads me to think that you might want to carefully consider the people you think are your friends.


Thank you Lawrence and I will agree with you about the boundaries.

To the OP, I noticed that twice in your post you stated how important your boundaries are to you, but honestly, it is just as important to ENFORCE your boundaries as it is to state them. If you don't back them up they are meaningless. I don't know for sure but it almost sounds as though this "friend" was pressuring you for sex. For four hours. If you had asked him to leave and he persisted that behavior is completely inappropriate. Yes, maybe it might be time to take a look at who you call "friend".

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to topcat)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Morals, judgement and kink - 11/18/2007 7:44:00 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: exquisitefeline1
This was another friend. i was trying to keep it light, as we are part of a community. it was another good lesson into human nature, if i remained resigned and in silent submission, he would stop, if i struggled i was in trouble, the fight seemed to activate the Dominant expression.


I am assuming that when you say "part of a community" you mean that this "friend" is a Dominant in your local community? I have to tell you that the behavior you describe are not the traits of anyone I would call a Dominant....but they are the behavioral traits of someone I would call an assailant.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to exquisitefeline1)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Morals, judgement and kink - 11/18/2007 7:48:36 PM   
exquisitefeline1


Posts: 69
Joined: 9/13/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

ORIGINAL: exquisitefeline1
This was another friend. i was trying to keep it light, as we are part of a community. it was another good lesson into human nature, if i remained resigned and in silent submission, he would stop, if i struggled i was in trouble, the fight seemed to activate the Dominant expression.


I am assuming that when you say "part of a community" you mean that this "friend" is a Dominant in your local community? I have to tell you that the behavior you describe are not the traits of anyone I would call a Dominant....but they are the behavioral traits of someone I would call an assailant.


No not part of a BDSM community, there is not such community that i am aware of in my parts. Thankyou for your concern but.

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Morals, judgement and kink - 11/18/2007 7:51:34 PM   
Dragynsfury


Posts: 79
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline 		Yes...definitely not someone to let your guard down with(keep a knife handy).  No means yes...?  In what language?  If he'd done it to you without us knowing you were into D/s it would still be a form of acquaintance* rape/sexual assault.  MistofErin and Topcat are right.  With friends like that you don't need ANY enemies.  A dom/me doesn't take what isn't thiers to take.

_____________________________

The artist formerly known as OnyxGoddess

(in reply to mistoferin)
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RE: Morals, judgement and kink - 11/18/2007 8:05:15 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: exquisitefeline1


quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

ORIGINAL: exquisitefeline1
This was another friend. i was trying to keep it light, as we are part of a community. it was another good lesson into human nature, if i remained resigned and in silent submission, he would stop, if i struggled i was in trouble, the fight seemed to activate the Dominant expression.


I am assuming that when you say "part of a community" you mean that this "friend" is a Dominant in your local community? I have to tell you that the behavior you describe are not the traits of anyone I would call a Dominant....but they are the behavioral traits of someone I would call an assailant.


No not part of a BDSM community, there is not such community that i am aware of in my parts. Thankyou for your concern but.


But? But what? It doesn't matter if you are part of a lifestyle community or not...it doesn't matter if this "friend" calls himself dominant or not. His behavior was inappropriate to the point of being criminal...and you should view him as nothing less than a threat.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to exquisitefeline1)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Morals, judgement and kink - 11/18/2007 8:08:14 PM   
exquisitefeline1


Posts: 69
Joined: 9/13/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dragynsfury

Yes...definitely not someone to let your guard down with(keep a knife handy). No means yes...? In what language? If he'd done it to you without us knowing you were into D/s it would still be a form of acquaintance* rape/sexual assault. MistofErin and Topcat are right. With friends like that you don't need ANY enemies. A dom/me doesn't take what isn't thiers to take.



Thankyou. I did not feel assaulted, there was no fear. I guess that is the confusing thing for people who are not involved with BDSM, but have a multitude of kinks, understanding the energy and when it is right. In another situation where he did not have a partner, and i am not wholeheartedly devoted to another, it may have all been okay. It could have been my fault of misinterpretation, i had said "if i dont hear from in 48 hours i know it is over, i have been single for 6 hours, i am not waiting round for 2 days to see if he wants this or not, if he can't see what is in front of him then stuff him, and i need another boyfriend, do you have any single friends?" Stoopid, but part of my grieving... denial that i care, fix it and find another, but i moved through that in about 10 mins. removing the anger i am respectful.

Yes a Dom does not take what is not theirs. I am devoted, i am not owned, but i am his, completely, he can take me when and how he wishes, and i love it, because i love him. It is not right with another.

(in reply to Dragynsfury)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Morals, judgement and kink - 11/18/2007 8:10:54 PM   
exquisitefeline1


Posts: 69
Joined: 9/13/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

ORIGINAL: exquisitefeline1


quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

ORIGINAL: exquisitefeline1
This was another friend. i was trying to keep it light, as we are part of a community. it was another good lesson into human nature, if i remained resigned and in silent submission, he would stop, if i struggled i was in trouble, the fight seemed to activate the Dominant expression.


I am assuming that when you say "part of a community" you mean that this "friend" is a Dominant in your local community? I have to tell you that the behavior you describe are not the traits of anyone I would call a Dominant....but they are the behavioral traits of someone I would call an assailant.


No not part of a BDSM community, there is not such community that i am aware of in my parts. Thankyou for your concern but.


But? But what? It doesn't matter if you are part of a lifestyle community or not...it doesn't matter if this "friend" calls himself dominant or not. His behavior was inappropriate to the point of being criminal...and you should view him as nothing less than a threat.



okay understood. i will remove all threats from my life. it was disrespectful if nothing more. i deserve to be respected. Thankyou.

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Morals, judgement and kink - 11/18/2007 10:14:08 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I'll second that it's most important to learn how to enforce your boundaries and act when necessary.  I find that inaction can be as bad of a "sin" as action when it comes to doing what we need for ourselves.

I'll also say that people like black and white and easy boxes.  THey don't understand subtlety or nuance, they don't get mixtures and lack of definition.  So either you're normal and sweet and in the groove, or you're deviant and black and nasty. 

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to exquisitefeline1)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Morals, judgement and kink - 11/18/2007 10:27:10 PM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		when life is as busy as it is. Some of us are out trying to make dreams happen thats why nice little neat boxes work. Its a quick resolution to simple problems people make difficult and should not be.
.
  If you like drama go for it. Just when you get older the stupid stuff seems pretty lame and you just want no part of it. If you do maybe you have issues. There is a balance to things for each of us it is different but the end result is the same. We all want to be happy.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Morals, judgement and kink - 11/19/2007 3:25:36 AM   
exquisitefeline1


Posts: 69
Joined: 9/13/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I'll second that it's most important to learn how to enforce your boundaries and act when necessary. I find that inaction can be as bad of a "sin" as action when it comes to doing what we need for ourselves.

I'll also say that people like black and white and easy boxes. THey don't understand subtlety or nuance, they don't get mixtures and lack of definition. So either you're normal and sweet and in the groove, or you're deviant and black and nasty.


Yes i guess it is like that, when i first was interested in BDSM, i saw it as a dark world with aspects of danger and everyone would be so deviant, and a lot of nastys, oh and there is that, but i learnt that there are many different types. But there are just as many nastys out there in society anyway, and we find a way to stay out of the dogs ways.
tis a shame really when the world is full of such complexity's, it is easier to solve a problem black and white, but understanding people....

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 20
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