Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Preferable to express some hesitation or agree to things you'll never accept?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Preferable to express some hesitation or agree to things you'll never accept? Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Preferable to express some hesitation or agree to t... - 11/15/2007 8:16:21 AM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		I see a lot of issues here. But the thing of it is that pisses me off is that people feel we have to act like monkeys. we are not apes.  We do not have to have sex with lots of partners or belong to a herd. How stupid is that. There is a natural order to things. Each of our lives is a discovery process. But you will never get there tying to imitate or fallow someone Else's life path. People lie all the time. Everyone does about sexual relationships. call it cheating your way to someones heart. When the truth is found out about a situation. It is pretty devastating.
Polly is not for everyone, I would be willing to bet the majority.  Sure try everything be a kid in a candy store.  But when it comes time to pay for the candy make sure you have your bases covered and can pay up. ( Jobs, family, responsibility, mental ,physical ,fiscal. )  Remember it is your life. Not your friends or Dom's, domes, or subs. What you do with it is your choice. In the end you are held accountable.

(in reply to pseudopsychotic)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Preferable to express some hesitation or agree to t... - 11/15/2007 8:41:36 AM   
daddyncherry


Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline 		i think the most important thing is trying to tell yourself the truth, and searching yourself and trying to get to what that truth actually is.

Once you can distinguish the truth and reality for yourself vs. what you fantasize about, then you can speak the truth to your M or D.

i think the biggest issue is that so many of us don't know what or how we might react in a given situation until it occurs, and then there can be trouble. The s may not be intentionally deceiving.

So i think that after really soul searching the s should speak the truth and if they have issues with something the M or D may desire they should tell them that as soon as they learn it....Then leave things open to growth over time.

The truth can vary depending on the relationship...things i have done and would do with my Master/Daddy and things i would've done with ex's is soooo vastly different. If i were to ever be with someone else, things could change again, depending on what that person brought out in me.




_____________________________

Hugs,
cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

(in reply to sammy7626)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Preferable to express some hesitation or agree to t... - 11/15/2007 9:24:00 AM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline 		I think I mentioned this elsewhere.

I have some pretty edgy kinks.  I like things that many people would probably consider borderline abusive.  I am very aware that submissives are often willing to bite off more than they can chew, so I intentionally include a ramping up process.  I talk about a topic several times, gauging the submissive's reaction, and then start including elements of whatever that topic is.  I refuse to take an inexperianced submissives word for it that 'she'll be alright' or 'of course she'll love it.'  I make her show that to me in bites, until I'm satisfied that she's ready for the new activity.  Even then, the first couple times I'm very cautious to ensure that she's not in distress or being damaged.

In short, I have to decide for myself if the slave is being honest or not.  If I thought for a second she is holding back on how she really feels, I draw those feelings and statements out.  Maybe I'm overly cautious in my approach, but I see no rush to engage in any particular type of play, and it's always better to err on the side of caution.

Stephan


_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to daddyncherry)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Preferable to express some hesitation or agree to t... - 11/15/2007 9:25:38 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

I think I mentioned this elsewhere.

I have some pretty edgy kinks.  I like things that many people would probably consider borderline abusive.  I am very aware that submissives are often willing to bite off more than they can chew, so I intentionally include a ramping up process.  I talk about a topic several times, gauging the submissive's reaction, and then start including elements of whatever that topic is.  I refuse to take an inexperianced submissives word for it that 'she'll be alright' or 'of course she'll love it.'  I make her show that to me in bites, until I'm satisfied that she's ready for the new activity.  Even then, the first couple times I'm very cautious to ensure that she's not in distress or being damaged.

In short, I have to decide for myself if the slave is being honest or not.  If I thought for a second she is holding back on how she really feels, I draw those feelings and statements out.  Maybe I'm overly cautious in my approach, but I see no rush to engage in any particular type of play, and it's always better to err on the side of caution.

Stephan


nicely said

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to Stephann)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Preferable to express some hesitation or agree to t... - 11/15/2007 9:27:05 AM   
BossyShoeBitch


Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline 		I am really working hard on being as honest with my feelings to Michael as I possibly can.  It's very hard for me though because I spent a lifetime telling partners what I thought they wanted to hear, becoming resentful because they weren't doing what I wanted (because they should have been able to read my mind, right?)  then making us both unhappy by acting out in a very passive-aggressive manner..
There have been several scenarios that Michael and I used to talk about on the phone at the beginning of our relationship where I was like "oh yes, that is so HOT!  I would love to do that for you"  while thinking to myself, "He is out of his mind if he thinks I'm doing that!"  Well  last month Michael informed me that he would be sharing me with a dear friend of his. I honestly thought he was sort of joking.. I soon found out he wasn't. Dead silence...
"Talk to me Lisa.  What's the matter?"  Well, I told him about my fears, concerns and hesitations. About not really meaning it months ago when, in the context of fantasy/phone sex I agreed to being shared..  We went over every concern I had (and he had) and talked about it in great detail over the next couple of weeks.  Michael told me he would get me through it. One thing was made perfectly clear though.  This was going to happen.  This was what He wanted and frankly, the fact that it was difficult for me and I was to do it regardless of my hesitations made it SO much hotter for both of us.  For days and days, as the reality began to sink in, my knees were so weak I could hardly stand..lol  ( I can hardly sit still in my chair right now writing the story. ) 
When I went to California this past trip though, plans got changed and it didn't happen..   I know eventually it will happen though and I can tell you this:
If I hadn't been honest with Michael about my concerns, fears and hestitations, not only would it have been detrimental to our relationship, but we would have missed out on ALOT of good, fun stuff along the way...
There are lots of other things we do now that 6 months ago would not have been a no but a HELL NO! 
What can I say?  He has a very good way of planting a seed in my mind, watching me struggle with it, and getting me through it..  But sometimes it's not even Michael planting the seed.. It might be something I saw in a porn movie, or read here on the boards that never interested (or maybe even repulsed) me before...But the thought of doing with Him or for Him...That's what does it for me...

< Message edited by BossyShoeBitch -- 11/15/2007 9:35:53 AM >

_____________________________

A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to slaveluci)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Preferable to express some hesitation or agree to t... - 11/15/2007 4:10:13 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline 		As a sub....
I usually argue the toss.......
lip back.........get a need to hold onto my needs
and then get punished.......
I sometimes blank out on the connection between the disobedience and the punishment
and after the punishment I get a deep arousal (secrets out) and just go back for more.......hetero-masochism


as a domme I mostly withold what my own needs are, focus on hers by gently denying options, it's more of a gentle softer physicality and a  psychological approach because of the same sex orientation...

(in reply to slaveluci)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Preferable to express some hesitation or agree to t... - 11/15/2007 4:15:00 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

I think I mentioned this elsewhere.

I have some pretty edgy kinks.  I like things that many people would probably consider borderline abusive.  I am very aware that submissives are often willing to bite off more than they can chew, so I intentionally include a ramping up process.  I talk about a topic several times, gauging the submissive's reaction, and then start including elements of whatever that topic is.  I refuse to take an inexperianced submissives word for it that 'she'll be alright' or 'of course she'll love it.'  I make her show that to me in bites, until I'm satisfied that she's ready for the new activity.  Even then, the first couple times I'm very cautious to ensure that she's not in distress or being damaged.

In short, I have to decide for myself if the slave is being honest or not.  If I thought for a second she is holding back on how she really feels, I draw those feelings and statements out.  Maybe I'm overly cautious in my approach, but I see no rush to engage in any particular type of play, and it's always better to err on the side of caution.

Stephan


I always appreciate the care you take in writing posts and adding to the thread

(in reply to Stephann)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Preferable to express some hesitation or agree to t... - 11/15/2007 7:21:53 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci
Yup.  And, as always, you have given what I consider the perfect answer.  I love how you summed it up with this statement.  Thanks so much...............luci


Aww, thanks, luci.  Do I get a prize??

(in reply to slaveluci)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Preferable to express some hesitation or agree to t... - 11/16/2007 4:16:28 AM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BossyShoeBitch
I am really working hard on being as honest with my feelings to Michael as I possibly can.  It's very hard for me though because I spent a lifetime telling partners what I thought they wanted to hear, becoming resentful because they weren't doing what I wanted (because they should have been able to read my mind, right?)  then making us both unhappy by acting out in a very passive-aggressive manner..

I think many of us have had to break that cycle.  It's difficult but necessary.  I think you sum up what so often happens when subs/slaves aren't honest.  Just as in any relationship, resentment can build when someone isn't meeting the needs that you won't express (that mind-reading you mentioned is a bit difficult, I think).  Good for you for recognizing that pattern and doing what you can to break it.........luci


_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Preferable to express some hesitation or agree to t... - 11/16/2007 4:18:23 AM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie
Aww, thanks, luci.  Do I get a prize??

Nope.  If I gave you a prize everytime you gave a perfect answer, you'd get spoiled way too quickly............luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 50
Page:   <<   < prev  1 2 [3]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Preferable to express some hesitation or agree to things you'll never accept? Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094