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Prolly E/everyone but me Knows This - 11/10/2007 9:45:21 PM   
pinksugarsub


Posts: 1224
Status: offline 		i talked about a meeting, 1st and 2nd and so forth, with a Dom.  Just idle chat about what we'd like to do.  Then i asked a more serious question:
 
If You play with me do You expect sex too?
 
He said no.....but i have trouble understanding how i can get nakie and play and He wouldn't be aroused and want sex.  Yet i believe Him.
 
Can A/anyone shed light on this topic?  Thank Y/you for Y/your replies.
 
pinksugarsub

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RE: Prolly E/everyone but me Knows This - 11/10/2007 9:46:34 PM   
MissMagnolia


Posts: 3636
Status: offline 		I'm a Domme and sex isn't part of the equation to me either.

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if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.


(in reply to pinksugarsub)
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RE: Prolly E/everyone but me Knows This - 11/10/2007 9:51:54 PM   
scottjk


Posts: 335
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		It's boundaries and limits, pinksugar. Your question implied a limit of no sex, so, considering the specific limit, he agreed to respect it if you set that limit. Sounds like it was a good negotiation session to me. However, don't assume anything, make that implicit limit an explicit limit before you agree to meet. In fact, make sure he understands all the limits you have before you meet, otherwise, misunderstanding will ruin your experience and his, while everyone had the best intentions. ;)

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Thou art fertile ground and I will plant a garden in thee.

(in reply to pinksugarsub)
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RE: Prolly E/everyone but me Knows This - 11/10/2007 9:56:12 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Arrousal and desire doesn't equate to action. Some people really can restrain themselves. I did it for years...and still do on many occassions.

And, for some people, it's not about the sex. A Fetish can either be an object or act that is sexually arrousing...or it can be an object or act that EMPOWERS. There's a difference.

Master Fire


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The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to pinksugarsub)
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RE: Prolly E/everyone but me Knows This - 11/10/2007 10:54:05 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Even for someonel ike me who gains her energy from a sexual wellspring- not everything is directly about sex or needs physical sexual energy involved in order for it to be fulfilling.  Even if it involves things traditionally considered sexual.

Nice to see you back Pinkee.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
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RE: Prolly E/everyone but me Knows This - 11/11/2007 12:57:11 AM   
LadyLegs


Posts: 176
Status: offline 		For me, it is a separate & distinct drive, like hunger is different from sex.  Ther are a lot of interesting combinations of the various drives,  I don't need or want them to be together all the time.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Prolly E/everyone but me Knows This - 11/11/2007 1:11:43 AM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pinksugarsub

i talked about a meeting, 1st and 2nd and so forth, with a Dom.  Just idle chat about what we'd like to do.  Then i asked a more serious question:
 
If You play with me do You expect sex too?
 
He said no.....but i have trouble understanding how i can get nakie and play and He wouldn't be aroused and want sex.  Yet i believe Him.
 
Can A/anyone shed light on this topic?  Thank Y/you for Y/your replies.
 
pinksugarsub


When I submit (which is to a Dom) it is for my pleasure and I assume for his excitement....which usually but hasn't always culminated in his, well what shall we say.....climax.
When I am dominant, as I am a switch, but a Domme with women, it usually does incli=ude seuxual energy but does not lead or involve climax(es). The potential for sexual climasx I can take into the dynamic with a Dom. If I am in the dominant position it involves holding back simply because of the concentration and focus on her.
Not always because where I have 'let go' after being in the control position oh boy it's fabulous.

(in reply to pinksugarsub)
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RE: Prolly E/everyone but me Knows This - 11/11/2007 1:36:54 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pinksugarsub

If You play with me do You expect sex too?
 
He said no.....but i have trouble understanding how i can get nakie and play and He wouldn't be aroused and want sex.  Yet i believe Him.
 
Can A/anyone shed light on this topic? 


master and i just spent two hours playing and neither one of us got sexually aroused from it. we laughed, bantered, enjoyed the energy and the electricity - literally and figuritively.

in other words, we just enjoyed being goofy and the fact there were some toys involved was a plus to getting to spend time doing something we both like - being with each other sharing a life. there is something to be said about enjoying the journey and not worrying about the destination.

celeste

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"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to pinksugarsub)
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RE: Prolly E/everyone but me Knows This - 11/11/2007 2:21:03 AM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pinksugarsub

i talked about a meeting, 1st and 2nd and so forth, with a Dom.  Just idle chat about what we'd like to do.  Then i asked a more serious question:
 
If You play with me do You expect sex too?
 
He said no.....but i have trouble understanding how i can get nakie and play and He wouldn't be aroused and want sex.  Yet i believe Him.
 
Can A/anyone shed light on this topic?  Thank Y/you for Y/your replies.
 
pinksugarsub


Not me.

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You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to pinksugarsub)
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RE: Prolly E/everyone but me Knows This - 11/11/2007 4:22:30 AM   
TNstepsout


Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline 		He was answering your question specifically. If you play, does he expect sex, and the answer was no. He didn't say he wouldn't prefer it or that he wouldn't be excited and want it. He also didn't say that play doesn't include sex for him. Just said it didn't have to.

You sounds a little disappointed. *g*

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Prolly E/everyone but me Knows This - 11/11/2007 5:00:25 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		The same way you can agree not to have sex. Doesn't mean you wouldn't prefer it, just not yet. If you're asking how you can trust him to keep his word, there is no guarantee in life.

(in reply to TNstepsout)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Prolly E/everyone but me Knows This - 11/11/2007 8:10:23 AM   
SweetSarijane


Posts: 3788
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
Status: offline 		Play isn't always sexual or about sex. For me, unless I'm in a relationship, I don't play sexually, it's just not my thing. I have fun, the energy is wonderful. Some of the play is sensual, but that's as far as it goes. Also, just because there's arousal during play does not mean anything is done about the arousal.

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Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers KCSass

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Prolly E/everyone but me Knows This - 11/11/2007 8:19:32 AM   
peppermint


Posts: 5175
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		I'm collared and living full time with my Dom.  As a rule our play does not include sex.  For us they are two different activities. 

Perhaps it would make more sense to you if you would attend a play party.  At the ones i've been to there is lots of play, including flogging, electro, fire, ice, wax, canes, whips, knives, clamps.  However, sex is something you don't see at the party. 

(in reply to pinksugarsub)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Prolly E/everyone but me Knows This - 11/11/2007 9:40:47 AM   
SirJohnMandevill


Posts: 546
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetSarijane

Play isn't always sexual or about sex. For me, unless I'm in a relationship, I don't play sexually, it's just not my thing. I have fun, the energy is wonderful. Some of the play is sensual, but that's as far as it goes. Also, just because there's arousal during play does not mean anything is done about the arousal.


Hmmmmmmm. Once again, I seem to be something of a maverick on these boards. For me, sex is an integral part of the overall experience for both my sub and me. I can't imagine how I could play with someone and both of us not have multiple volcanic orgasms! (Yes, based on past experience....)

But that's just me and my .02 zlotys. Obviously, your milage may vary.

Les (Illegitimate son of Pee Wee Herman and Betty Page)

_____________________________

Iam an eroticist
I am a fully eroticized being
No more neuroses
I found my strip naked soul soup
With the deviant ingredient
---The B-52s

(in reply to SweetSarijane)
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RE: Prolly E/everyone but me Knows This - 11/11/2007 10:06:58 AM   
LadyLynx


Posts: 1098
Joined: 7/24/2007
Status: offline 		for me, play rarely includes sex.  play (when I am bottoming.)is usually more cathartic to me.  Out of curiousity, what were you thinking when you asked the question? were you getting all hot and bothered at the thought of him taking you after the session? heh.

_____________________________

Our community maybe openminded as a whole, but it is still made up of individuals who bring in their own opinions,baggage and agendas!

Known as SwitchWitch in my local community,and on IRC Bondage.

I also go by the nic SwitchWitch on MDS.

(in reply to SirJohnMandevill)
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RE: Prolly E/everyone but me Knows This - 11/11/2007 10:12:18 AM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline 		Get him to define sex to you.  Sex isn't only limited to full blown intercourse - it could include intimate touching, oral etc.  i have heard doms say they never have sex with their subs, but they expect blow jobs - they don't think of bj's as sex.  

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Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to pinksugarsub)
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RE: Prolly E/everyone but me Knows This - 11/11/2007 10:17:08 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		For me, its all sexual. Therefore, I would not play with someone I did not intend to, want to or expect to have sex with and vice versa.

(in reply to velvetears)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Prolly E/everyone but me Knows This - 11/11/2007 10:41:04 AM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

For me, its all sexual. Therefore, I would not play with someone I did not intend to, want to or expect to have sex with and vice versa.


Whew!  I was beginning to think it was only me!

Cali

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Prolly E/everyone but me Knows This - 11/11/2007 11:50:02 AM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		Not everyone wants sex also and play does not equal sex automatically. Some just want the control , pain etc but no actual intercourse. Some don't have sex involved until things get more permanent or serious. I have played with others and no sex was involved. It was just play and pain for me and that was all I wanted from it.

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Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to pinksugarsub)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Prolly E/everyone but me Knows This - 11/11/2007 11:51:41 AM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: velvetears

Get him to define sex to you.  Sex isn't only limited to full blown intercourse - it could include intimate touching, oral etc.  i have heard doms say they never have sex with their subs, but they expect blow jobs - they don't think of bj's as sex.  


Exactly!!

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Sir Pain's pain slut

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Profile   Post #: 20
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