The magic switch (Full Version)

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MasterShibari -> The magic switch (10/29/2007 6:30:00 PM)

So there was a thread here a few days back, in which the following idea was put forth. 

If you could pull a magic lever and erase your kink, would you do it?

Significant portions of the responses were in the affirmative, that is, people did not want to be the way they were.  But, all they said is that they didn’t want to be what they were, they never explained why.

Those of you who know me, and know my posts, are aware that I am primarily interested in the psychological aspects of BDSM.  That said, a response such as that, with so little in the way of explanation, cannot help but draw my attention.  I want to know WHY you would give up your kink, give up your interest in BDSM?  What event has happened to you, how were you hurt, that has made you ashamed or unhappy with the way you are?

I understand that I may get very little if nothing at all in the way of responses to this post.  If explaining why you wish to give up your kink will do nothing but cause more pain, please do not do so.

However, if sharing your story will not cause more grief, and especially if it will help, please…. Share it with us all.  Or if you would prefer, by all means send me a response in a personal message.

Best wishes to you on your journey, wherever it takes you.
M. Shibari

Edit:  If you are not one of those people, feel free to tell me why as well.



TakenPet -> RE: The magic switch (10/29/2007 6:48:20 PM)

I am not one of those people, kink and BDSM has helped me feel more complete .. it allowed me to meet Master, but I do know some people who have chosen to leave it and give it up altogether.  Most of the issues are trust issues.  They can no longer trust their Master/Dom/me, they have been hurt, betrayed.  Hurt in a way that left some kind of physical, mental or emotional scar that was not part of the agreed upon "limits."  Some of them left because they were forced to go beyond the limits despite their discomfort, meaning playing with children and animals and so on.  I can further explain if you like, but like I said mostly trust issues.  Without trust you can't have the right kind of relationship. Kinky or otherwise.

I used to wonder how my life would be different if I had never found kink.  I guess in some way I always knew that I was to be a submissive/slave, I just didn't know how to discover it, I suppose looking back, the time I was without it I would still feel incomplete and unsatisfied.  Generally unhappy.
Hope that helps



bipolarber -> RE: The magic switch (10/29/2007 7:08:48 PM)

"significant portions of the responses were affirmative?"

I just reviewed the thread in question MasterShibari, and of the 68 responses (subtracting your own...) there was exactly ONE affirmative response. There were also three "maybes" and several "I tried, but it was no use, so I decided to be happy with who I am." If you are actually studying the psychology of this, you might want to NOT cook the data. The overwhelming response to that thread was "No! I would NOT change." Even subtracting the roughly half "banter" responses, that leaves only a 1/30th positive response, which is hardly "significant."



slave4urneeds -> RE: The magic switch (10/29/2007 10:30:04 PM)

I would not change nor do i regret my kink or involvement in the BDSM lifestyle.  i discovered the lifestyle when i was older and i was trying to figure out who and what i really was.  i did alot of reading and research and came across many sites discussing the lifestyle.  When i did it was like a light bulb went off in my head.  [sm=ofcourse.gif]  i am happier now than i have been in a very long time.  The people in the life that i have met i consider closer friends than my vanilla friends because i can share a very intimate part of myself with them and they understand and do not judge.  These friends have become my family and i am greatful for all of them and every experience that i have been allowed to share with them. 

i hope that you find what you are seeking, but remember if it gives you pleasure and makes you happy there there is no reason to feel guilty about it.



SwPuno -> RE: The magic switch (10/29/2007 10:49:20 PM)

Well, I have been gone a few days and missed participating on the other thread but if there was such a magic, effective switch I would give it some serious thought.  While I enjoy my kink(s) and think it adds spice and another dimension or two of my personality and is part of what makes me who I am (including being relatively open-minded and tolerant of other views/interests) and have had some great experiences through it I think I could also live without the years of wrestling with it and (still occasionally) thinking how others see or feel about me knowing I have it, the years of self-consciousness and doubt or shame, bursts of just trying to be "normal", having things to hide from my family or friends, etc.  Sorry about the run-on sentence.









Dnomyar -> RE: The magic switch (10/30/2007 4:49:23 AM)

Give this question a little thought. If you gave up kink why would you be on here now?



RRafe -> RE: The magic switch (10/30/2007 5:20:13 AM)

I have regretted choices in associations I have made in kink-but never the kink itself.



MasterShibari -> RE: The magic switch (10/30/2007 11:22:21 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: bipolarber

"significant portions of the responses were affirmative?"

I just reviewed the thread in question MasterShibari, and of the 68 responses (subtracting your own...) there was exactly ONE affirmative response. There were also three "maybes" and several "I tried, but it was no use, so I decided to be happy with who I am." If you are actually studying the psychology of this, you might want to NOT cook the data. The overwhelming response to that thread was "No! I would NOT change." Even subtracting the roughly half "banter" responses, that leaves only a 1/30th positive response, which is hardly "significant."


Thank you bipolarbear.....
Very, ummm. hostile, and slightly pointless.  I really am not going to get into any sort of flame war with you.  I'm sorry you took offense to the use of the words "signifigant portion," so much so that you felt the need to go through every post and count.  But to me, even one person sayng yes is signifigant.

However, thats all beside the point.  I'm not trying to do a study on the percentage of lifestylists who wish they wern't kinky, so I fail to see the point of your comment on "cooking the data."  I'd just like to hear an explanation, if they are willing to give it, from the few who do not.

And honestly, I think its some of the straight out hostility on these forums, like the hostility you just demonstrated for no practically apparent reason, that may be discouraging anyone form doing so.

That said, I bear you no grudge, and I wish you well on your journey, wherever it leads you.

M. Shibari



LadyLynx -> RE: The magic switch (10/30/2007 3:17:46 PM)

At this point in my journey, I would not give my kinks up.  But who knows what my opinion might be later on.



breatheasone -> RE: The magic switch (10/30/2007 3:26:53 PM)

Since only one person said yes i would change, why not email them....Sounds like someone  got caught exaggerating and is trying to deflect attention away from that  LOL.



Prinsexx -> RE: The magic switch (10/30/2007 3:28:25 PM)

I would erase my kink but it would be to erase most of my life so I know this is a purely hypothetical answer to a hypothetical question.
However I am consumed by the psychological aspects of bdsm.
On the plus side i think about bdsm at least once or twice every hour of the day.....dream in it and find those into bdsm some of the most fascinating, sensitive, intelligent peoples i know and so alive!
On the down side....well it is addictive. My limits keep expanding and getting pushed....so only ageing will probably really stop that process and then I shall just write or create fantasy of what the body is not willing or able to do anympre.
Pain is addictive. the mind fuck is addcitive. talking kink is stimulating ............so I guess if I had a magic switch to switch it all off....yes i would throw it only as long as it erased all memory and got me back to the fairy tale land of vaniila Snow White waiting for the kiss of her prince....but then i guess along would come the seven dwarfs and I would think ahhhh....a challenge to my pictures.......how do you bukake that or whatever......



Alexedra -> RE: The magic switch (10/30/2007 11:23:56 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterShibari

quote:


Thank you bipolarbear.....
Very, ummm. hostile, and slightly pointless.  I really am not going to get into any sort of flame war with you.  I'm sorry you took offense to the use of the words "signifigant portion," so much so that you felt the need to go through every post and count.  But to me, even one person sayng yes is signifigant.

However, thats all beside the point.  I'm not trying to do a study on the percentage of lifestylists who wish they wern't kinky, so I fail to see the point of your comment on "cooking the data."  I'd just like to hear an explanation, if they are willing to give it, from the few who do not.



LMAO!  I hope you're not considering taking up scientific research . . . or basic math, for that matter.



MasterShibari -> RE: The magic switch (10/31/2007 12:52:43 AM)

-sighs-

This is not about the number of people who wish to erase their kink.  This is not about the percentage of people who responded "yes."  THis is not a psychological study into the percentage of people within the lifestyle who want to change what they are.  I didn't bother going through the thread and counting how many people responded in the affirmative.  Wanna know why?

Because I didn't care.

It really does not matter one bit to me how many people responded yes.  What matters to me is that at least two people did.  I want to know why.

Again, because you do not seem to understand, let me make this clear.
This thread is not about the NUMBER of people who responded yes in any way, shape, or form.

And the reason I didn't just e-mail them personally is because if there were any others, I wanted them to see this thread and have a chance to post as well.   And guess what, someone did!  So please, if you want to fixate on mocking my math skills, do so in a private message.  Stop wasting everyone elses time when you've missed the entire point of this thread.  Honestly, it makes you seem like your looking to pick a fight where there is none.

M. Shibari



Alexedra -> RE: The magic switch (10/31/2007 1:06:41 AM)

Methinks the more subtle points of Prinsexx's reply might have escaped your attention.



CuriousLord -> RE: The magic switch (10/31/2007 1:59:59 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterShibari

If you could pull a magic lever and erase your kink, would you do it?


I'm sure that if I could, and did.. that I wouldn't regret it.  I could devote myself fully to my studies, looking away from this animalistic practice.

At the same time, I'm often reluctantly able to acknowledge that, should I do such a thing, this "animal" part of me may be a consquence of something far more reasonable and that doing away with it may be also doing away with the source.  Or, perhaps, without this appeasement, I would need another, more problematic one.

And, in the end; is this who I am?  This lifestyle strikes me as a rather minor component of my identity, yet it is a component nonetheless.  If my doing away with it would contribute to a net gain in my identity (such as via surficiently benefitting a powerful component or aspect of my identity), then, perhaps, I might find in favor of it.

Therefore, it seems the problem lies in that I simply don't know how I would be different if I didn't embrace this lifestyle; as such, and given the fact that I'm content with my current situation, giving it up may simply be an unnecessary risk.



BlindUnknown -> RE: The magic switch (10/31/2007 2:37:37 AM)

<OP>

This is a little too open ended...

Am i simply removing the kink? Or, am i removing ALL the psychological damage that made me this way?

If i'm just removing the desire for the abnormal, i wouldn't.  Removing the BDSM from my life simply leaves me clingy, unable to accept affection, bipolar, and an emotional wreck with abandonment issues that breaks down into tears whenever i make my partner the least bit unhappy.  At least, as things stand now, i stand a CHANCE of finding someone who will accept me as i am.

If there was a magic switch, that makes me physically and emotionally normal...that made me able to tell the difference between getting hit, and getting kissed...yes...i would have to, as much fun as i've had, i want to be able to do that.  That isn't to say, i'd be left without remorse, but i want that, i want to feel a kiss, and identify it as such, and not have to look down to make sure.



applecandy -> RE: The magic switch (10/31/2007 5:00:20 AM)

I wouldn't change my kink for anything. Too much of my self-exploration has been spurred by trying to cope with being kinky, and now with being poly - I'd be taking a gigantic step backwards. Besides - why change such an enjoyable part of me? I'd rather rewire that switch to take away something that actually serves as a detriment to me as a person instead of giving me a challenge and a constantly changing horizon to explore.



Isabellalee -> RE: The magic switch (10/31/2007 8:56:38 AM)

Hello! What a great subject!  I have been involved in the Bd/sm lifestyle now for almost all my adult life..... I have known since I was an early teenager that I was at least bisexual,  and since I was raised to believe that women can do anything or more than a man,  I was the oldest of three girls,  so I got the part of  being the "son" to my father. And doing all the things growing up that boys normally do,  it almost seemed natural for me to take the more dominant "Male" role in most all of my adult relationships.... I did try a few years back to quit being a Mistress,  and try to lead a more "Vanilla" Lifestyle,  but,  I guess you can take the Mistress out of the dungeon,  but, you cant take the dungeon out of the Mistress!!! Im just too used to being worshiped as a goddess for settle for anything less,  and trying to be in a straight monagamous relationship is definatly not what I want anymore!!! I am looking for a 24/7 submissive "Daddy".  I want a man,  a real man, that wants to be my submissive slut at night,  and work hard to take care of me.



fleshslave -> RE: The magic switch (10/31/2007 9:10:37 AM)

I didnt  see the previous post, so i will reply to this one alone.

yes, i would erase my kink.
Why? because i am very happy in my life, with my vanilla husband and my children. IF i could live my life with them, and not have the need  to serve,  not have the desire to search out a Dom or Master to serve in my limited free time, i would be thrilled, but i can't. I have tried, i have tried to stay away from CM and the other sites,  tried to not search out what i need. I have focused on my home and family, but i always come back. it is a need to serve, to hear "Good Girl" as i fly through space.



MasterShibari -> RE: The magic switch (10/31/2007 9:21:00 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlindUnknown

<OP>

This is a little too open ended...

Am i simply removing the kink? Or, am i removing ALL the psychological damage that made me this way?



For the purposes of this thread, I would say simply removing your kink, not any damage.

Thank you for the frankness and honesty of your response.

M. Shibari



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