RE: Doms speaking bad about others

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Squeakers -> RE: Doms speaking bad about others (10/27/2007 11:32:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SoulPiercer quote: ORIGINAL: Squeakers quote: ORIGINAL: SoulPiercer Men do tend to want to fix things. But hey, we gave you the wheel, fire, computers and GPS so you don't get lost between the kitchen and the laundry room. I always was under the impression that it was men who got lost, therefore invented the GPS so they could navigate without stopping to ask for directions. [:)] Oh .. yes .. well .. but .. but .. [&:] LOL actually I want a GPS for those time when I get lost---but I'll wait until I get my pink Escalade.

ShadesofTaboo -> RE: Doms speaking bad about others (10/27/2007 11:36:49 AM)
Ok, first off, you are talking to this guy and he's saying he's perceiving red flags from what you are saying soo what exactly are YOU telling him? I doubt he's telepathically picking up on all these warning signs, so it seems likely you are presenting your Dominant in a bad light, or he's translating what you are saying as negative. Either way, the communication started with you. It has to end with you, one way or the other.

Squeakers -> RE: Doms speaking bad about others (10/27/2007 11:43:39 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Missokyst Wow. I didn't know that talking to another dominant, or anyone for that matter would be such an issue with many of you. I think if I had to stop all communication with other men so that my mate wouldn't feel threatened he is probably not someone with enough confidence for me. I like men who are a tad more secure. As for that dom "dissing" her current dom, I have found that happens often. Men in my experience can go out of their way to assert their position over another. Some women buy into it and that is where problems occur. But if you develop enough confidence in yourself and your relationship, then it is pretty easy to call them on their poor behavior. I am amazed at how many player types back down on their opinion of your relationship when you let them know that you don't listen to BS from people who are not in your life. To the OP. Don't let a player play the game. Call him out. Let him know that it's fine to have his opinion but do NOT try to undermine your relationship. If you let it continue as is, it only escalates until something snaps. Kyst I tend to agree with you. While I do not think anything is wrong with communicating with others male or female outside of your relationship, if someone is talking trash about a SO, end the communication with the trash talker if it was possible. I do not think that all Dom's speak bad about others but some do. Submissives talk bad about other submissives. They may or may not have a hidden agenda when doing so. It simply is a fact of life. Some people talk ill of others in all walks of life. Why let it worry you and post it? Block him and communicate with those who are not bent on causing drama in your life. IMO, when the OP posted this thread she sort of opened herself up to the negative comments and caused more drama.

grlneedstolearn -> RE: Doms speaking bad about others (10/27/2007 11:51:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Missokyst Wow. I didn't know that talking to another dominant, or anyone for that matter would be such an issue with many of you. I think if I had to stop all communication with other men so that my mate wouldn't feel threatened he is probably not someone with enough confidence for me. I like men who are a tad more secure. As for that dom "dissing" her current dom, I have found that happens often. Men in my experience can go out of their way to assert their position over another. Some women buy into it and that is where problems occur. But if you develop enough confidence in yourself and your relationship, then it is pretty easy to call them on their poor behavior. I am amazed at how many player types back down on their opinion of your relationship when you let them know that you don't listen to BS from people who are not in your life. To the OP. Don't let a player play the game. Call him out. Let him know that it's fine to have his opinion but do NOT try to undermine your relationship. If you let it continue as is, it only escalates until something snaps. Kyst Thank you for pretty much the only positive post on here. i can agree with you on it, and that's why i told him no more. i'm happy where i'm at now with my Dom. And i also have to agree with you on your opening statement Also Squeakers, i am over it but for me i don't worry about it at all, just had to share. Wasn't expecting so much negativity though, actually i wasn't really expecting any responses

Phoenixandnika -> RE: Doms speaking bad about others (10/27/2007 12:02:39 PM)
Fast reply OP: Sometimes we are so close to things we can't see the truth and it takes our friends our true friends to tell us but in the same note, a true freind will tell us once then let us make our decisions. Never leaving you, or walking away always hopping they are wrong and for the best for you and if the worst comes they are there to pick up the peices. However, a true friend will NEVER disrespect the relationship your in. quote: ORIGINAL: InkedMaster So why are you "talking" with another Dom when you already HAVE a Dom? Why shouldn't a submissive have friends that are Dom/mes even if they are owned by someone else? I have several very close friends who are Doms, my owner he encourages it and isn't the least bit put off by my friendships with these men because he is secure enough in himself and in our relationship. Blessed Be, Nika

RaynaSub -> RE: Doms speaking bad about others (10/27/2007 12:03:29 PM)
Well as your name says, you need to learn. Now you have learned and you won't make this mistake again. You can't control other Doms, don't try.

grlneedstolearn -> RE: Doms speaking bad about others (10/27/2007 1:01:52 PM)
Why shouldn't a submissive have friends that are Dom/mes even if they are owned by someone else? I have several very close friends who are Doms, my owner he encourages it and isn't the least bit put off by my friendships with these men because he is secure enough in himself and in our relationship. Blessed Be, Nika [QUOTE] Thank you for understanding where i'm coming from on having friends who are Doms. And RaynaSub, i will never try to control a Dom in anyway. It's not my place to do that nor will i ever. i may disagree with them yes, but i won't try to control or change them. Everyone is different and may come across as being harsh, too direct, controlling, etc. but that is not how most people intend for it to come out.

LadyHugs -> RE: Doms speaking bad about others (10/27/2007 3:38:00 PM)
Dear grlneedstolearn, Ladies and Gentlemen, In communications, people can get a variety of things from the identical exposure to the communications. No different from reading a book, people can get things from the same identical chapter, verse and such. At times it will lead to seeing a glass half full or a glass half empty. Neither is wrong but, entirely a matter of perception and personal interpretations. Some individuals can be very discreet about their implied comments and keen eyes/ears can pick up on that and register with great correctness of the veiled comments made. In written correspondences, I have found that those who have their own work/expertise and talk with like minded individuals--such as legal/law enforcement based communication--there are rarely crossed wires as far as understanding and picking up on implied/suggested conversations verses very factual ones. Yet, having someone speak from a legal frame to a person who is talking from a chef/baker/prep chef--things may be a similar language but skewed just enough to be taken the wrong way--as language of trade may be different and have different implications. In communicating, there is a difference of seeking information verses seeking facts and yet again, just being a good listener and offering advice/guidence. How people say thing really can set the tone of any conversation. That said, and not using your personal situation. It needs to be said that there will be times when Dominants will speak bad about others. Sometimes it is very justified, as they have personal and first hand knowledge about the person and or witnessed something that makes alarms and red flags waiving--not just because they're dominants--just because of behaviors and or attitudes that pose enough to be warned about. Some speak because of a personal conflict or trying to compete with or vie with and or extremely insecure, the only way to lift themselves is by kicking others down and it really is a case of sour grapes but, these types shoot themselves in their own foot--needing no help by others to show what is going on. You have people with the Arch-types; the protector, the healer, the fixer-upper, the teacher, etc. Many people can self identify their Arch-types and this can be used by one's self to help identify the unique personalities of Arch-types that you're dealing with and alter your mannerisms as to help the communication exchanges. All individuals need to rant sometimes. Its frustration. It has built up a while until the cap needs to be blown and frustrations released and then you (in general terms) can get back to life. Sometimes people need to understand first, before you start written correspondences to know if this is a rant or a complaint. I have yet to be a good mind reader [smiles] so, when anybody writes to me--they tell me if its a rant or a complaint. Then I adjust how I read the letter. Perhaps this may work for you and others as well. I think people in general mean well but, they need help in understanding how they may/can help you best. Not given a understanding prior to the words--the tone may be set as to be a cry for help instead of a cry of frustration. Everybody tends to fear the worst when there is any negative flow. I think society has us trained by the sensations in the news of which negatives and evil make front page and good deeds rarely do. Just some thoughts. Respectfully submitted for consideration, Lady Hugs

KiandPhoenix -> RE: Doms speaking bad about others (10/27/2007 4:53:17 PM)
He probably has his own ideas about what a healthy relationship should be. I know I have my own ideas. When he sees something that makes him uncomfortable, it sends up red flags to him. Take the argument about safewords. Some use them, and some don’t. Some subs would not submit to a dom who insists on using them, and I wont play with a sub who does not have one, even if it is never used. In my case I see a red flag when a sub wont use one, because I am not comfortable with it. That does not mean the people who don’t use them are wrong, it just means they are not the sub for me. You have been talking with this dom for a couple months now. He probably feels like you are friends in some way, and wants to express his concerns for his friend. The thing I always remember about advice is this. Only you can know what exactly your situation is, because only you are in that position to know all the little details. Advice from others is always going to be below standard because of that. Any advice that I give, I expect for it to be picked over and the person to take what they need from it, then discard the rest. ~Ki

mnottertail -> RE: Doms speaking bad about others (10/27/2007 5:05:36 PM)
Well, the central question is, are you blowing this fellow or is this online? Ron

grlneedstolearn -> RE: Doms speaking bad about others (10/27/2007 10:58:16 PM)
mnottertail: In response to your question, this fellow was online only and that's also how it ended. With me blocking and deleting him. LadyHugs: In response to your answer, i do like the way you posted and helped me more with understanding of which it can come out differently that what you expected. Thank you to both

ResidentSadist -> RE: Doms speaking bad about others (10/28/2007 12:27:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: grlneedstolearn i have been talking with a Dom for a couple months now… Why do Dom's feel like they know what is best for the sub/slave if they don't know their Dom? Perhaps after a couple of months he feels he knows you well enough to proffer advice?

MisterP61 -> RE: Doms speaking bad about others (10/28/2007 12:37:26 AM)
grlneedstolearn.... You had a rant.... and I do believe it is a valid one.... I encourage My girl to have friends outside of O/our relationship. I am not the SME (Subject Matter Expert) on all that is BDSM, hell, I have only been in this lifestyle for a little over a year now, and with limited experience. This way she gets to learn as I do by talking to other submissives and Dom/mes. I believe I would be a hypocrite to say I can you can't. My Wife and I are both Dominant and I have learned very much from Her (imagine My surprise after 4 1/2 years of marriage and waking up next to a Domme, when I have always been interested in the lifestyle but come from the era when it was "sick" and needed a "shrink" to get Me out of it). So I am learning, I have met some wonderful people locally (ok Atlanta is two hours away, but it is better then nothing), and even got a compliment when My girl and I were playing at the local club by a long time Dominant. He said He saw a whole lot of potential in Me and that I have a style that is different, and refreshing from many newbies. I never talk bad about anyone elses Dom/me... like it was stated earlier, what is good for Me and Mine, may not be good for Your One and yourself. If another Dominant starts trying to give My girl orders or advice, I do ask them to go through Me first, but casual conversations and hanging outs (I know bad english) I think are beneficial to her as a person first. Yes I believe that I am human first, Dominant second. I have feelings, wants, desires and dreams, and I want My girl to have the same. OK, enough rambling from Me. I hope things still are going well for you and Yours. MP

juliaoceania -> RE: Doms speaking bad about others (10/28/2007 10:04:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: grlneedstolearn Just a rant i have to let go: i have been talking with a Dom for a couple months now and he knows very little of what my current Dom and i do, which i feel is no one's business unless of course i decide to post on here. Why do Dom's feel like they know what is best for the sub/slave if they don't know their Dom? i had an interesting conversation earlier about that where he said that my Dom sends up red flags all over the place. Excuse me, but i will choose when i want his help, and he's helping me out of concern, even if i don't take his offerings. My Dom has helped me with grocery shopping, misc. buying such as laundry soap, dishwater soap, etc. He raises no red flags with me in anyway, we've been together for 8 1/2 months now and he's always been faithful to me and vice versa. i don't the one Dom from earlier to tell me why i should not be with my current Dom. Thanks for letting me vent I have a sister that does the same thing to everyone she knows... tells them exactly who and what and how they should do things. Her advice is always unsolicited... perhaps and maybe it is not a "dom" thing and it is a nosy people thing?

ExSteelAgain -> RE: Doms speaking bad about others (10/28/2007 10:30:52 AM)
Unless you've been living in an amphora at the bottom of the Aegean Sea for the last 200 years, scuttling across the floors of silent seas with a pair of ragged claws, you would know that he has you in a conversation which is half the battle in getting you to play with him. Of course you know this and find the flirting conversation with him exciting.

grlneedstolearn -> RE: Doms speaking bad about others (10/28/2007 10:46:06 AM)
Thank you to all who have posted after my last post. i am glad to hear that i'm not the only one who can talk to other people in this lifestyle, and yes MasterP61, my relationship with my Dom is still going strong and we're not ready or even thinking about changing that. juliaoceania it very well could be just nosy people getting a kick out of knowing what is right and wrong with my personal life when they know very little of it ExSteelAgain: Talking to him was fun yes i must admit, but after it got a little too serious i had to continue talking with my Dom on what we had talked about, since he is the one that i will confide in most instances, and we both have agreed to stop talking with him

slave4urneeds -> RE: Doms speaking bad about others (10/28/2007 11:50:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: grlneedstolearn ? i had an interesting conversation earlier about that where he said that my Dom sends up red flags all over the place. Coming from the other side of the coin, which is no fun to be on, stop and think about the specific reason the other Dom is telling you that he senses a red flag. One of the most important thing we can rely on is the experience of others. And believe me if your dom is a manipulator, he is going to turn this around to his advantage. If you are talking to someone about things that are happening in your life with another Dom, there is an obvious reason that you are doing this. Is it for reassurance, is it for approval? What ever the case maybe you are questioning the motives of your dom and your friends sense this from you. Sure no one person is perfect there are going to be things that we are going to question, But when 2,3,4 flags come up, then we need to wake up and start looking at things realistically. Don't wait until it is too late. These so called doms are very good at what they do. They manipulate and isolate you from your friends and others that are seeing what is really happening and are trying to help you before it is too late. My feeling here is the reason you are ranting is because something has struck a chord in you and you do not want to accept it. Just my opinion, but really stop and think about things before you continue to dedicate yourself in what can be a very destructive relationship. Be safe and take care.

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