Questions about BDSM'er cheating (Full Version)

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Justlovemeplz -> Questions about BDSM'er cheating (10/21/2007 3:59:06 PM)

Simple question: How many people on this site cheat?

Guess we shall never know the real statistics but from numerous conversations over 20 years on this site and others I feel comfortable saying the majority cheats. Very few men are single looking for their soul mate on here but perhaps a few might be. Instead you’ll find them married and cheating giving the excuse that the wife wouldn’t understand my needs and I want to maintain my financial stability or maybe divorced looking for that perfect sub to serve him since his ex wife didn’t.  Of course men don’t have to look far to find so many women looking for their knight in shining armor and being submissive is just icing on the cake. Now here’s the kicker, there are those women who don’t care if your married or even if they our. Here’s another high quality trait for us BDSM’er that we should be proud of! (NOT) God knows we wouldn’t want to take responsibility for our sick distorted behaviors.
This lifestyle is supposed to be about Trust, Communication and Respect but instead it’s consumed with Disrespect and Deceit which if you’re in a current relationship while searching online already makes you NO different than any common immoral person. We should be the part of society that stands out in a crowd with values and morals! We talk about safety but yet we put our own families and ourselves in danger by our reckless behaviors.  
To simply trust someone you just met online or even spoke to for 6 months and feel you know them completely is absolutely absurd! Being to trusting will get you killed because whether you want to believe it or not there are those out there who have a totally different agenda. Haven’t you heard “I thought I was such a good judge of character” from the many victims (male & female) that have physical and emotional scares.
Look inside yourself! Are you guilty? Do you owe yourself and others an apology because you compromised your beliefs and it had adverse effects on friends or strangers? Do the right thing and stand up for the lifestyle that you profess to love. Have respect for yourself! Stop the cheating!! Handle your own situation first before adding someone else to it.  

 



AquaticSub -> RE: Questions about BDSM'er cheating (10/21/2007 4:06:51 PM)

This is going to be good...

And btw, neither Valyraen or I cheat. But you'll have to trust us on that. [;)]



onmykneesb4Him -> RE: Questions about BDSM'er cheating (10/21/2007 4:11:57 PM)

This will be a very interesting read.......

i don't cheat and neither does my Sir.

What's your definition of cheating, though? Involving someone else in the relationship even if it's consensual on everyone's part? Or doing it without the other person's knowledge or consent?



KatyLied -> RE: Questions about BDSM'er cheating (10/21/2007 4:15:51 PM)

quote:

This lifestyle is supposed to be about Trust, Communication and Respect


If this is your guiding assumption it's easy to see where you are failing.  Often people who are obsessed with cheaters and being cheated on have those issues because they are the cheaters.



bipolarber -> RE: Questions about BDSM'er cheating (10/21/2007 4:19:21 PM)

I dunno... let me ask my wife....
"Hey, Hon, how often do I cheat?"
"What? At cards or something?"
"No... I mean cheat on you, sexually."
"Have you been playing with anyone I don't know about?"
"Not hardly! Just my Domme in Menphis, and that girl who was interested in subbing to me now and then."
"Do they both know about me, your wife?"
"I think so... I did introduce you to them both at dinner last month."
"Well then, you aren't cheating."

Sorry. Guess I'm not cheating or lying. Sorry if you got hurt and feel like you need to wag your finger at the rest of us. Sure, there ARE unethical, lying people out there... but you should just be sure to check them out more completely before getting involved.



batshalom -> RE: Questions about BDSM'er cheating (10/21/2007 4:20:36 PM)

(Edited to Add :: Fast Reply ::)

While you're kicking and screaming and throwing stones, I'm going to be tending to my own glass house over here.



LightHeartedMaam -> RE: Questions about BDSM'er cheating (10/21/2007 4:26:02 PM)

Try as we might, we are really no different than the vanilla world.

But think for a minute, how many come here just for kinky sex?  How many "discover" after awhile that they might want a poly situation?  How many Dom/mes egos get a bit inflated and feel they have a RIGHT to do as they wish and the submissive must accept it.

Can we really expect RULES in a lifestyle where so many think anything goes, there's no right or wrong ways and there really ARE no rules?

You sound like you have just had a traumatic end to a relationship.  My heart goes out to you.



Dragynsfury -> RE: Questions about BDSM'er cheating (10/21/2007 4:29:47 PM)

define cheating. 



laurell3 -> RE: Questions about BDSM'er cheating (10/21/2007 4:34:41 PM)

mkay................this is all her profile is as well....this post............so while she professes most lifestyler's main goal is to cheat...apparently hers is to bitch...........



TheChauvinist -> RE: Questions about BDSM'er cheating (10/21/2007 4:35:34 PM)

So much for originality.



IrishMist -> RE: Questions about BDSM'er cheating (10/21/2007 4:35:38 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

This lifestyle is supposed to be about Trust, Communication and Respect


If this is your guiding assumption it's easy to see where you are failing.  Often people who are obsessed with cheaters and being cheated on have those issues because they are the cheaters.

Bingo...



onthedl94 -> RE: Questions about BDSM'er cheating (10/21/2007 4:50:43 PM)

So I am currently talking to a Dom that is married to a very vanilla wife who is not interested in D/s.  She knows that He and I have a D/s relationship and has even seen me and requested additional meetings.  She has also been involved in some of our conversations.  So do you consider Him a cheater if His wife has consented to our D/s relationship?  Hmmmmm, I don't think so.  Maybe you are involving yourself in the wrong types of relationships and should be more careful about who you get involved with.  Just a thought!



RRafe -> RE: Questions about BDSM'er cheating (10/21/2007 6:43:01 PM)

Believe it or no, I'm actually single.

I HAVE turned down married women on bdsm sites in the past. Even if it didn't disrupt my moral sense of peace-just not worth the headaches.



sweetnurseBBW -> RE: Questions about BDSM'er cheating (10/21/2007 6:45:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

This lifestyle is supposed to be about Trust, Communication and Respect


If this is your guiding assumption it's easy to see where you are failing.  Often people who are obsessed with cheaters and being cheated on have those issues because they are the cheaters.


[sm=applause.gif]



LATEXBABY64 -> RE: Questions about BDSM'er cheating (10/21/2007 6:52:00 PM)

i NEVER have  NOR WILL EVER CHEAT  i know the harm and mental damage that does.  I have seen friends hurt. I guess i have values on what it is to be more then. Sorry but cheating is not my cup of tea.  people that do
never respect those that they are with. maybe they are just to stupid to get it the common sense of what it is to be apart of someone. or taking things for granted. I have seen tons of excuses.  like this here are some of the dumb ass excuses

  1. I t hought i told her or him it was an open relationship
  2. we are just dating nothing serious
  3. if she or he does not know it will be ok
  4. he or she does not meet my needs but i still love them
  5. well we sorta fell out of love
  6. we are just sexual buddies

I am sure you can come with a whole lot more. Be smart have a heart don t cheat



secretagentgirl -> RE: Questions about BDSM'er cheating (10/21/2007 7:07:35 PM)

Well, I am one of the people here who are cheating.  It is stated clearly in my profile and has not seemed to have curtailed the contacts I get.
The question I would pose back is who are you to define "immoral?"  Immorality is a relative concept.  I think everyone would agree that murder, theft, etc are immoral.  But sex outside of a LTR could be up for discussion.

Yes, I would agree with you the there puh-lenty of people online who are interested in pursuing a relationship outside their marriage/LTR.
So if so many people want it, perhaps the concept of lifetime monogamy just does not work for everyone.

Granted, I have not been open about my outside activity.  In theory, I should be.
But when I'm old and grey and thinking back on my life, I just don't want to be wishing I'd had these experiences and wondering "what if?"



MasterDemiurge -> RE: Questions about BDSM'er cheating (10/21/2007 7:09:42 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: batshalom

(Edited to Add :: Fast Reply ::)

While you're kicking and screaming and throwing stones, I'm going to be tending to my own glass house over here.


Hmmm... Sounds like passive-aggressive stone throwing to me... or is it just being holier-than-thou.  Don't break your arm patting yourself on the back.



Skittishkat -> RE: Questions about BDSM'er cheating (10/21/2007 7:20:39 PM)

quote:

Granted, I have not been open about my outside activity.  In theory, I should be.
But when I'm old and grey and thinking back on my life, I just don't want to be wishing I'd had these experiences and wondering "what if?"


There is something to be said for the 'courage' of your convictions. 

Skittishkat



apiercedkitty -> RE: Questions about BDSM'er cheating (10/21/2007 7:20:43 PM)

i have never cheated - nor do i ever plan on cheating. i'm one of those rare ppl who believe in being honest and, if and when i feel the need to look elsewhere, the SO is going to hear about it before anyone else.
That being said, i have played in the past with guys that were married or involved in vanilla relationships. Did their SO know about me or their activities? i have no idea nor do i care - that's their life to live - not mine and i try not to judge anyone else unless i've actually walked a mile in their shoes. To clarify - i will not continue to play/date someone who is involved and i find out at a later date - i expect them to be honest about it up front so i can make the decision as to whether or not it's worth the potential headaches down the road.
It sounds as if you've had a bad experience or two... i have a lot of sympathy as my marriage ended because the ex couldn't accept the fact that i wasn't going to share him - so i've been on the other side of the equation myself. i hope you can heal quickly.



LATEXBABY64 -> RE: Questions about BDSM'er cheating (10/21/2007 7:38:58 PM)

so if someone gave you a gun and said it is ok to shoot your self cause it feels good would you lol i mean come on thats lame excuse i guess someone only thinks about themselves



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