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RE: promiscuity tolerance training... - 10/19/2007 12:08:05 PM

sexyred1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: seangrey

I am not monogamous. I don't mind if she is, in fact, I like the idea, although I think that she should at least have some outside play experiences at least. I want to have casual affairs, but I don't want to limit those to cheap sex.

Well, of course you like the idea that SHE is monogamous, how amusing. I would also ask if you say that your connection is so strong why you feel the need to have either casual affairs or cheap sex.

Maybe it is just me, but the title of this thread is just ridiculous..why would anyone want to be trained to be tolerant to promiscuity?

Ah...the double standard never ends.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 10/19/2007 12:09:34 PM >

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RE: promiscuity tolerance training... - 10/19/2007 12:33:03 PM

seangrey

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Thank you all so much for your responses, you've all given me something to think about, and collectively you helped to shape my plan. I've decided to accept this as a challenge, and just be patient and attentive. I've decided that this issue really probably boils down to whether or not I am willing to make the time to and be patient enough, so my choice is simple enough either I reject here petition to serve or take the time and care to train this issue carefully. I have decided on a 30 day consideration. It isn't that I think that this can be done in 30 days, but rather that there needs to be an evaluation and an escape valve at that time I believe because this is such a long shot. My 21 day test was to get her to stop smoking and that went well, (she was a light smoker anyway...) I built in a protocol for expressing anger submissively and then my first assignment for her was to memorize and daily meditate on Shakespeare Sonnet 57. She is a Phd candidate in literature so this will be apropos. Any thoughts? The text appears below...

Being your slave, what should I do but tend

Upon the hours and times of your desire?

I have no precious time* at all to spend,

nor services to do, till you require.

Nor dare I chide the world-without-end hour

Whilst I, my sovereign, watch the clock for you,

Nor think the bitterness of absence sour

When you have bid your servant once adieu;

Nor dare I question with my jealous thought

Where you may be, or your affairs suppose,

But, like a sad slave, stay and think of nought

Save, where you are how happy you make those.

So true a fool is love that in your will,

Though you do any thing, he thinks no ill.

< Message edited by seangrey -- 10/19/2007 12:36:54 PM >

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RE: promiscuity tolerance training... - 10/19/2007 12:50:20 PM

ownedgirlie

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It is one of my favorite pieces of poetry.

You mentioned an escape valve. When I first asked my Master to train me as his slave, I was so afraid (for many baggage-laid reasons at the time). For the first couple of months I would tell him about keeping my eye on the back door - my escape route - should things get too big and scary for me.

I later learned the door was only in my mind, and never really existed. I was there for the duration even then, before I realized it.

I wish you the best.

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RE: promiscuity tolerance training... - 10/19/2007 1:24:01 PM

seangrey

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Your comments and views have been very valuable. It is important to me that she have to engage her will in the process again at that point. Even if it is just for a moment to sign a paper

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RE: promiscuity tolerance training... - 10/19/2007 2:02:35 PM

ownedgirlie

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My Master was the same. I had to want it and display my will along the way. He would not force his dominance on me, I had to ask for it, although he did explain every step along the way, and what was coming next. The result was that we both knew I wanted to be there, and I wanted to learn what was necessary to be his slave. And I was willing to do what was required to be such. It was not an easy process for me, but the rewards have been incredibly sweet.

I am glad what I shared has been helpful. It can be done, but as others have said, the slave needs to want to do it and have the will to do it (two different things which do not always come hand in hand).

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RE: promiscuity tolerance training... - 10/19/2007 2:21:01 PM

dizzy1

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Hi, im submissive and my master has asked me share him.He has explained the reason and i fully understand his reasoning, i cant explain the details but know its true.
Ive told him i can understand why he needs to do this ( its financial) but told him i hate it and will not accept it to continue once hes sorted this mess out.
He has agreed this, and i need to know when hes with her, and my needs come first.I have told him he has till dec to sort this else i will have to walk away as its not what i want.
I suggested that whilst this is happening i should have the freedom to see someone else as now my time is limited with him.....he wasnt happy!!!!!! and said no!
Yes its killing me i hate it, but hes commited to moving closer to me and transferring his job.
Ive told him im not willing to move in with him etc until he can prove he wants just me, my guard is up and i wont be used, time will tell, its about deciding on your views and sticking to them, so yes im accepting this short term, but he knows my plans also.So its not as cut n dried as many people think, my submission is giving him the opportunity he needs but my head is telling him im no doormat!

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RE: promiscuity tolerance training... - 10/19/2007 2:22:04 PM

CreativeDominant

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

quote:

ORIGINAL: seangrey

I am not monogamous. I don't mind if she is, in fact, I like the idea, although I think that she should at least have some outside play experiences at least. I want to have casual affairs, but I don't want to limit those to cheap sex.

Well, of course you like the idea that SHE is monogamous, how amusing. I would also ask if you say that your connection is so strong why you feel the need to have either casual affairs or cheap sex.

Maybe because he WANTS to, despite the connection? There are plenty of dominants on here who feel the same way. Plenty of submissives also. It may not be your thing but to categorize what he does as cheap sex without him specifying just what type of encounters he engages in certainly puts down another's kink.

Maybe it is just me, but the title of this thread is just ridiculous..why would anyone want to be trained to be tolerant to promiscuity?

Ah...the double standard never ends.

Because as a slave or a submissive, they accept being in a relationship where monogamy of the dominant is NOT a given? Because they want to be in a D/s or M/s dynamic with this dominant and want to get past an area that may give them trouble? Perhaps you should read ownedgirlie's posts on the subject on this very thread.

It is a bit ironic referencing double standards in a negative tone when dealing in the D/s world, isn't it? Many, if not most, D/s dynamics have at least some element of a double standard for one aspect or another of the relationship...even if it is only the basic premise of "Dominant = leader and order-giver" and "submissive = follower and order-taker".

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RE: promiscuity tolerance training... - 10/19/2007 2:48:53 PM

toservez

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From: All over now in Minnesota
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

quote:

ORIGINAL: seangrey

I am not monogamous. I don't mind if she is, in fact, I like the idea, although I think that she should at least have some outside play experiences at least. I want to have casual affairs, but I don't want to limit those to cheap sex.

Well, of course you like the idea that SHE is monogamous, how amusing. I would also ask if you say that your connection is so strong why you feel the need to have either casual affairs or cheap sex.

Maybe because he WANTS to, despite the connection? There are plenty of dominants on here who feel the same way. Plenty of submissives also. It may not be your thing but to categorize what he does as cheap sex without him specifying just what type of encounters he engages in certainly puts down another's kink.

Maybe it is just me, but the title of this thread is just ridiculous..why would anyone want to be trained to be tolerant to promiscuity?

Ah...the double standard never ends.

Because as a slave or a submissive, they accept being in a relationship where monogamy of the dominant is NOT a given? Because they want to be in a D/s or M/s dynamic with this dominant and want to get past an area that may give them trouble? Perhaps you should read ownedgirlie's posts on the subject on this very thread.

It is a bit ironic referencing double standards in a negative tone when dealing in the D/s world, isn't it? Many, if not most, D/s dynamics have at least some element of a double standard for one aspect or another of the relationship...even if it is only the basic premise of "Dominant = leader and order-giver" and "submissive = follower and order-taker".

My .02 worth this issue is never debated objectively. It is almost always someone personal value turned into a right or wrong.

You would have seen completely different answers if the OP had decided after they became a monogamous relationship he then did not want to be monogamous. The fact is though he was open with her, spent considerable time discussing it and she agreed to it. It comes back down to simple relationship 101 in the end, if he truly needs this in his life and she cannot handle it then they are not compatible. There was no misdirection or evil intention here.

This is no different then if a person agreed to be dominant or submissive in a power exchange relationship and then when reality set in they said sorry I cannot do this but we still have to be together. There simply is no difference when you take out personal values on such a hot button topic that a very high majority have one way. Well for some of us monogamy is not a must have in a relationship.

< Message edited by toservez -- 10/19/2007 2:50:18 PM >

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RE: promiscuity tolerance training... - 10/19/2007 2:48:58 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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30 days? Wow you're as understanding as a vacuum cleaner seller with a 30 day back guarantee.

You want to try and build a relationship with someone who has a vastly different perspective and way of dealing with relationships and think that 30 days will be sufficient to make it all fit together?

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RE: promiscuity tolerance training... - 10/19/2007 3:54:48 PM

seangrey

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No, I'm not that naive, but I think that 30 days is a good checkup point and a time to allow her and insist that she engage her will. I have no desire to make another person miserable long term just because they may not have the will to choose thier own happiness without my prompting.

Originally I said 90 days, but the conflict intensified and she requested a shortened period, and then unrequested it. I accepted the request but not the unrequest.

< Message edited by seangrey -- 10/19/2007 3:56:08 PM >

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RE: promiscuity tolerance training... - 10/19/2007 6:10:09 PM

MissSCD

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Greetings sean:

I notice a couple of flags in your statement. First you indicated you are poly and she prefers mono. From my experience as a Domme so far, I can tell you that this will more than likely cause issues of jeaslousy. Being new yourself, it is difficult to manage several subs at once. It takes a lot of time and energy. I don't think she would really like it if she found someone else.
My next concern is that you want to release her, but you are demanding her to do everything your way. It does not work out that way, sean. Put yourself in the sub's shoes. What will happen is she will eventually back away from the relationship and ask for release. They can do that.
I wish you both all the best, but have a little fun in the meantime. Don't sweat the small stuff.

Regards, MissSCD

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RE: promiscuity tolerance training... - 10/19/2007 7:50:57 PM

Celeste43

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You're having sex with others without using barriers at all times. You risk transmitting diseases to her. You really think this is something she should just put up with?

Unless every time you want to bring someone new into your harem, you are willing to have only safe sex for six months with testing before and after the waiting period, you aren't demonstrating sufficient concern for her health that you merit her agreeing to a no limits relationship.

Seems to me you want it all one way. No wonder she can't trust you enough to feel safe emotionally or physically. She isn't.

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