RE: Pursuit of Happiness

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Pursuit of Happiness

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Pursuit of Happiness

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Pursuit of Happiness - 10/17/2007 2:38:37 AM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

Happiness isn't something outside of myself that I have to pursue. It resides within me. At the same time, there have been times in my life - long periods of time - where I have not been happy. Those are the periods of my life when I've not been feeling right about myself.

Even in the movie "Pursuit of Happyness," happiness isn't found when someone gives him something. Happiness is found when he struggles (sometimes beyond what I think I'd be capable of) and in the end, succeeds in achieving his goal, becoming the person he'd been striving so hard to become. Happiness came from inside him. (yea yea, it was achieved when he got the job, but HE earned that position. No one "gave" it to him.)

Happiness within me happens when I've set a goal for myself, pursued it and achieved it. The times when I've not been happy have been times when I've been without significant goals, unable, unwilling or not ready to engage in the struggle - or, I've been so involved in the struggle that there simply was no energy left to "discover" happiness. However, once I have been able to achieve those goals, and looked back...it's all been worth it.

I don't go looking for happiness. It's inside me. It's there any time I want it. All I have to do is recognize this.

juliet

(in reply to Gwynvyd)

Post #: 21

RE: Pursuit of Happiness - 10/17/2007 3:57:54 AM

gypsygrl

Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline

Its been a while, but there's been times in my life when things have been really bad. So bad, all I could do was giggle because it felt like I've been marked by fate or something to absorb a bunch of bad shit that would otherwise float around the universe. During those times, its like I'm a lightening rod for negative energy. Its during those times that my masochism reveals its purpose: if I weren't a masochist, I'd be miserable.

In a sense, I do pursue sadness. Or, when it happens, I try to embrace it and let myself feel it. Its an honest emotion and, in my experience, as much a part of life as happiness. Alot of times, the day after a sm session, I feel weepy even though I'm not actually sad. I really like that feeling. I almost never cry anymore, so anything that reminds me of when I used to be able to cry is kind of cool. There's a kind of innocence in tears; an innocence I miss sometimes.

_____________________________

“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 22

RE: Pursuit of Happiness - 10/17/2007 4:14:31 AM

dawntreader

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

Nice post KoM

I especially liked where you said that ‘so many pursue happiness only to end up with sadness and despair” Been there, done that, not going down that road again.

I find myself now-a-days just content to let life unfold by itself. I don’t pursue happiness; I don’t pursue sadness; I just live life as in unfolds and take each single day to it’s fullest. If, at the end of the day I can claim happiness; well then good for me; if not, then that’s ok too because I have learned something new that day while wading through the sadness and despair.

Greetings Irishmist and KoM,
i could not have said this any better. This too is my take on things. And, when i applied this way of thinking to sex...it was amazing how much better the sex became. No longer outcome driven but enjoying the pleasure of the moment.

For me, i enjoy viewing the rainbow and it brightens my world...but i don't need to "catch" it...if that makes sense~

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 23

RE: Pursuit of Happiness - 10/17/2007 4:36:02 AM

Cyntilating

Posts: 581
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline

[ Is pursuing happiness a worthy goal? Have you know anyone that doesn't pursue happiness? ]

a worthwhile goal?   yes, for me it is.
    as opposed to what? goal to be UNhappy?
    I prefer happy. "Happy" ( an emotion) is something we choose to be ( or not) and something we individually define.

example: standing in the "wild animal food" section of a local petstore. I was looking for something to fill the squirrel feeders in my backyard. Standing next to me, complaining to another person, was a man looking for squirrel repellant and cussing about the squirrel population in his yard.
feeding and watching the squirrels in my yard makes me happy...apparently, not him lol his happiness is found in keeping them out.

I think what we pursue are the things/choices in our lives that lead to happiness, rather than pursuing "the happiness" itself.
we find/achieve them and we feel happy/happiness.

are there those that do not pursue happiness?    oh sure! I knew/know a few personally. They seem to prefer to live in their feelings of dissatisfaction and displeasure with themselves and with those ( people and things ) around them.

why? ::looking around for Lucy's 5cent "sykology" stand:::

but then again, if one goes with the premise that we each define what "happiness" is > and their goal is to find displeasure, sadness, discontent.....then they are actually achieving happiness ( for them ) .

I want to feel! and happy is one of those feelings.

_____________________________

Cyndi

.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 24

RE: Pursuit of Happiness - 10/17/2007 4:46:58 AM

Sabella

Posts: 265
Joined: 7/26/2005
Status: offline

Great topic KoM! A wise man (thank you Husband) finally got it thru my head that most of our reactions to life events, great and small, are just perceptions. Something that is perceived as turmoil to one person will not effect another at all. Happiness is a state of mind as others have noticed as well. We choose our perceptions on any given situation and whether we'll be indifferent, pleased or displeased by whatever is going on at that time.

I choose to be happy or content (most of the time

) tho sometimes being thwarted in a goal can be aggrivating, I have to occassionally remind myself of Edison's journey on creating a lightbulb. He had tons of failures that he didn't let get him down, he just told himself that he'd discovered yet another way to not make a lightbulb.

_____________________________

“The giant Grof was hit in one eye by a stone,
and that eye turned inward so that it looked into his mind and he died of what he saw there.”
From The Forgotten Beasts of Eld, by Patricia A. McKillip

(in reply to dawntreader)

Post #: 25

RE: Pursuit of Happiness - 10/17/2007 4:51:43 AM

Kalista07

Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline

KOM,
i was taught a while ago that there were some realities in life that were unavoidable, if i were going to do this whole 'being human thing'. (versus the remaining numb and fucked up thing). One is pain is inevitable, but misery is optional. Another one was that happiness is not a constant feeling, it's a short term one... One that, by nature of it being what it is also brings about times of sadness.... Do i seek to be happy? Not necessarily, however i do seek to be content... Content in my own skin, content with who and what i am, content with how i behave, content with who i interact with, etc. etc. etc.
Not sure if that really answers Your question or not... Guess that's what i get for trying to form a complete thought this early in the morning.
Kali

_____________________________

“Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.”
~~Sweedish Proverb

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 26

RE: Pursuit of Happiness - 10/17/2007 5:10:29 AM

kirii

Posts: 79
Status: offline

Happiness is a feeling; it is not something that can actively be pursued. A person can choose to pursue activities that they know will bring happiness.
Personally, everyday is a day in which I strive to achieve any and everything that brings about that feeling. I don’t settle for anything less than 100% from myself.
As for my being in this lifestyle; I do it for selfish reasons. My participation brings me a feeling of contentment; a feeling that I truly enjoy. So, I actively pursue the activities that bring that feeling into my life on a daily basis.
Since I do not pursue relationships within this life; I do not worry that my activities may bring sadness or even despair. There have been times that I was left feeling ‘shortchanged’ after a scene; but never sad or in despair.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 27

RE: Pursuit of Happiness - 10/17/2007 5:31:48 AM

lateralist1

Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline

I came into the lifestyle for the opportunity to discover myself and others not necessarily to be happy.
I have never been happy in my life because I have always been in emotional pain.
However the more I discover about myself the more I realise that I take on things that I am not capable of doing and want things that aren't possible. And haven't until recently tried to do the things that are possible because the payback never seemed worth it. However the ideas of the lifestyle have changed my attitude to life.
I now take on things that are possible and if I fail after trying my best I move on to something else. Of course the best way to do that is with someone who wants to do the same things as I do. Haven't found anyone yet but who knows he maybe out there. He may even be one of the people I am talking to now. Or of course I might have to accept that one person is not ever going to be enough.Or even accept that I have to do them alone. It's a bit difficult to be a Domme without a sub though lol.
So being a Domme maybe something I have to accept I have failed at.
Pity though as I got the sack for it but then do I want to work for people who can sack somone for their private life. I think I'd rather starve first.

(in reply to Kalista07)

Post #: 28

RE: Pursuit of Happiness - 10/17/2007 5:40:18 AM

ELUSIVE1

Posts: 536
Joined: 9/11/2005
Status: offline

KoM...great thought provoking post...and yes as I identify as a pure 'hedonist' I can honestly say I am in the lifestyle because of the happiness and contentment it brings me...I cannot say I came into this way of life because I was not happy and looking to change...more as a natural progression from the things I had already done and places I had been

_____________________________

"Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality"

*Poe
http://alt.com/blog/ELUSIVE1NC
http://users.adultspace.com/ELUSIVE1NC/

(in reply to lateralist1)

Post #: 29

RE: Pursuit of Happiness - 10/17/2007 5:50:14 AM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

After careful thought i have to say i just pursue being me! I pursue all the things that being me brings, be that happiness or sadness. I don't believe you can have one without the other. After all the soul would have no rainbows, if the eyes had no tears.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to ELUSIVE1)

Post #: 30

RE: Pursuit of Happiness - 10/17/2007 6:16:02 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

To pursue is to catch something that does not wish to be obtained. Even to over take it.
Why would anyone wish to overtake happiness?
Why would anyone wish to capture something that has no wish to be had?

I don't pursue happiness, I embrace it. I exude it - because happiness isn't something to be had or caught, but something that you have within you. You can give it to others, you can give it to yourself and leave yourself open to have it. But to pursue it - is like trying to pass the blame onto someone else because you don't have it.
Of course you have it. You just have to realise its within you, nothing can 'make' you happy, only you.
Personal responsibility et al.

Peace
the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 31

RE: Pursuit of Happiness - 10/17/2007 6:21:24 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sabella

Great topic KoM! A wise man (thank you Husband) finally got it thru my head that most of our reactions to life events, great and small, are just perceptions. Something that is perceived as turmoil to one person will not effect another at all. Happiness is a state of mind as others have noticed as well. We choose our perceptions on any given situation and whether we'll be indifferent, pleased or displeased by whatever is going on at that time.

Thank you for this post... How we choose to percieve our world will dictate our emotional and mental state. Learning how to manage perceptions of our world is a key step in reaching states of happiness and contentment.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Sabella)

Post #: 32

RE: Pursuit of Happiness - 10/17/2007 7:45:29 AM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

Great question, Knight.

I try to be happy each day. Each day has its own irritants and stressors and you can either deal with those by letting them get you completely down or by buckling down and doing what you can to remove them from your path of happiness that day.

My teen years resulted in a restless spirit that in my youth, I mistakenly took as a sign that I would always be searching for the "one true way to happiness". That quickly turned frustrating and, upon reflection, I realized that even during the chaos of those turbulent years, I found ways to be happy. This led me to the conclusion that my restlessness was my inner being's way of turning me away from that which could not be fixed and which seemed to lead to deeper unhappiness. Though it is not always right, I have learned to listen closely when that inner restlessness begins to speak up and use it as a clarion call to examine what I am doing at that point in my life. Do I need to work more? Am I letting things pile up unattended? Do I need to ...to use a cliche...be more dominant and regain control, whether it be of a person or my own life?

Happiness is what you make. Tempting mentioned how reading a good book makes her happy. One thing that I really love is being in bed with someone who cares about me cuddling up next to me and knowing that she is content to do so while I read.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 33

RE: Pursuit of Happiness - 10/17/2007 7:53:35 AM

Gwynvyd

Posts: 4949
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sabella

Great topic KoM! A wise man (thank you Husband) finally got it thru my head that most of our reactions to life events, great and small, are just perceptions. Something that is perceived as turmoil to one person will not effect another at all. Happiness is a state of mind as others have noticed as well. We choose our perceptions on any given situation and whether we'll be indifferent, pleased or displeased by whatever is going on at that time.

I choose to be happy or content (most of the time ) tho sometimes being thwarted in a goal can be aggrivating, I have to occassionally remind myself of Edison's journey on creating a lightbulb. He had tons of failures that he didn't let get him down, he just told himself that he'd discovered yet another way to not make a lightbulb.

*smiles*

That is exactly what I teach those in my family... sometimes you cannot stop what befalls in your life.. the only thing you can do is determine how you will react to it.
Most folks most of the time are too busy to really look at what is going on and see a lession or deeper meaning.. they just think they are being shite apon by the cosmos. Every thing happens for a reason, and nothing is trivial. Each experiance and hardship shapes who we are. You can either roll with the punches, and go through life gracefuly, or combat everything and every one, and be a miseriable wretch.

In my younger years I surely must have been cursed.. or at least that is how I felt about it. Now I *know* I am blessed. All depends on how you precive things as you said.

Gwyn

_____________________________

Self avowed Geek-Girl~
Come for the boobs, stay for the brains.

Be the kinda woman that when your feet hit the floor in the morning the Devil says "Oh shit, shes awake..."
~ Softandshy's "Shiney"

(in reply to Sabella)

Post #: 34

RE: Pursuit of Happiness - 10/17/2007 8:07:40 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

I do not mean to put down anyone here. I really do not and all responses I certainly agree or understand but to me this question is just a definition game. We all pursue happiness in our life. As others have written happiness is a feeling. Being satisfied with what we have, being comfortable with who I am and many of the other responses to me are nothing more then personal definitions of what is happiness to a person.

The problems with the pursuit of happiness is that to many they at some point in their life lose track at what makes them happy and it is a feeling and not some magical destination. Certainly there are people who will rarely or never feel happy/satisfied in their life but that does not mean they do not pursue happiness, it is they just do not know how to obtain it for themselves. This is why too many people in this life play the magic pill game. If I find a significant other I will be happy. If I get a new job/career I will be happy. The person staying in a crappy relationship is still pursuing happiness but is just trapped thinking they would be more unhappy if they left the relationship.

We all pursue happiness in on our own terms and personalities. For most or all who answered this we are very fortunate to have a solid understanding and acceptance of ourselves and know this is a feeling and not a tangible destination.

Not everyone is happy in life but does not mean everyone is not pursuing it on their own terms or ideas. It is just the differences in personalities, ideas and life experiences that make it often look so different.

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 35

RE: Pursuit of Happiness - 10/17/2007 8:12:04 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

for some folks...misery and/or suffering IS their happiness.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 36

RE: Pursuit of Happiness - 10/17/2007 8:22:21 AM

beargonewild

Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

For myself, happiness is a state of being where I have a measure of balance between the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual being. Whether I indulge in a hobby, participating in this lifestyle, enjoying the simple things in life, these all enhance my state of happiness.

I don't believe happiness is an entity which needs to be pursued, it is an entity which I learnt I always had, I just had learn that happiness is what I defined it to be for myself.

_____________________________

Do Not Rile da Chosen Bear

Promiscuous boy you already know
That I’m all yours what you waiting for?

Resident MANWHORE ~1000 Bear pts~

10 NZ points
Whips~n~Cuffs

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 37

RE: Pursuit of Happiness - 10/17/2007 8:31:20 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

I disagree toservez (and agree to do so ). I do not and never have pursued happiness - I may have a goal I aim for but I do not pursue it. To pursue, means that whatever you are aiming for is trying to escape you. Something you wish to overcome, to beat.
But happiness is what you make it, like life... and people can be happy if they choose to be so. So when I am sad, that is my choice. When I am happy, that is my choice to be also. Not because I pursue it, but because I accept it.

Peace
the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to toservez)

Post #: 38

RE: Pursuit of Happiness - 10/17/2007 9:14:55 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

I am not sure. I don't really think about happiness persay.

I don't think, "if I do x will it make me happier than if I do y or z?" I just focus on doing what feels like the correct thing to do for all concerned. I also strive for personal growth and education. Both of which are not always condusive to, or guarantee, happiness. At least not short term. I mean, if happiness was the goal, I could think of a dozen other things I would rather be doing than working today. And, I could have called in a personal day to do them. But I have a responsibility that overrides my personal happiness at times.

Yet, one could say that the bigger picture is long term happiness. Perhaps yes, but is it always, really. I don't know. I feel that much of my life, and many other's lives are a compromise of personal happiness and what is best for all involved. I might be happiest today at home on the farm, out riding my horse, in reading a book, taking the dogs hiking, or whatever. But my responsibilities dictate that I should be here at work. Again, you could argue that is just a long term happiness goal. Keeping my job. Not really, this job does not make me happy. Yet I have a responsibility to the owner, the employees and the people that also benefit from me paying my bills. The things that paying my bills gets me, do not make me happy. I've lived happily with much less.

So you see, I am not sure that we all do pursue happiness. I live my life with a deep undercurrent of joy or perhaps peace or serenity would be a better way to describe it. None of which guarantees happiness. I think that happiness just exists in moments of life. Like unexpected gifts.

Also, from my perspective, happiness does not guarantee joy, peace or serenity. The simpliest way I can describe what I mean is by creating an over simplistic example......Candy is overweight, and she is miserable. She buys monster bag of candy and eats it at home all by herself. The act of eating the candy makes her feel happy at that moment. Yet it does not bring her peace or joy in her life. What may be better for long term would be to not eat ALL of the candy and to focus on why she was the driven to eat it in the first place. Which, may not make her all that happy, in process. However, the long term effects may help create more joy, peace, serenity in her life.

I don't know if any of that made any sense, I had too many interuptions here.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to toservez)

Post #: 39

RE: Pursuit of Happiness - 10/17/2007 9:18:11 AM

velvetears

Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline

i agree happiness is a choice we make no matter what the external circumstances are in our lives. Happiness has a lot to do with acceptance. If someone dies and the passing makes you sad it doesn't mean that it has to upset the whole balance of who you are and create "unhappiness". Understanding life and circumstances are transitory, and experiences we have, even the challenging ones bring growth and meaning is important in developing an inner state of balance and peace which to me is what happiness really is. i think many people confuse moments of excitement or joy (like getting a new "someting", or finding a mate) to be "finding happiness".... yet once the "something" or "someone" is gotten what then? Life is course of challenges and along the path people get to experience so much - your innner state will ultimately determine how you will face those obstacles and challenges.

< Message edited by velvetears -- 10/17/2007 9:21:10 AM >

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 40

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Pursuit of Happiness

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.109