feels funny to call him Sir... (Full Version)

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octavia -> feels funny to call him Sir... (10/15/2007 9:33:44 PM)

Hi all,
I was just struggling with something and wondering if anyone else had dealt with this before.  I have been dating a Dom for a few months now and all is going well really, just the regular ups and downs...     [8D]   
The problem I'm having is regarding how I address him.  Me calling him by his given name is pretty much what we have done although we have both questioned if we wanted to use a more respectful address.  The problem for me is well, Daddy doesn't fit, The idea of calling him Sir  feels corny to me when I think of saying it, and Master just feels to intense.  My feelings toward him are beyond the realm of simply playing, I am feeling a genuine urge to be  submissive to this man in particular.   Has anyone else struggled over what to call a Dom? 

Thanks in advance,
oct



CuriousLord -> RE: feels funny to call him Sir... (10/15/2007 9:44:37 PM)

Is this a question you meant to post in "Ask a Submissive", or is it up for anyone to talk about related experiences?

In any case, I've never had a relationship in which is started out as D/s or M/s and the sub/slave called me by my given name and changing later.  I mean, it's what you've learned to call him, you know?  It's almost part of the him you know.

So, there's three large possibilities I see.

1.  Stick with what you're doing and enjoy it.  (Why change a good thing?)

2.  Don't worry about changing his name but how you say it.  Perhaps the manner of voice you speak his name with can reflect the respect without having to call him by an alien title.

3.  Go through some sort of major change, picking up the new title with it.  Such as, if you haven't been formally collared, perhaps you can go through a formal collaring, at which time you'd be to refer to him by "Sir" or whatever new title he decides on.



KiandPhoenix -> RE: feels funny to call him Sir... (10/15/2007 9:57:16 PM)

I don't like "Sir" and to be called "Master" I feel like I need to have mastered something. Phoenix had a desire to call me by a title, so we settled on "My Lord". To me it is a refrence to the lord of the manor, or head of the house type of thing.

~Ki



MzMia -> RE: feels funny to call him Sir... (10/15/2007 10:06:59 PM)

I am not a Dom, but personally I like "Sir".
It is short and a simple sign of respect.
But then I love the old ways of "Yes Ma'am and Yes Sir".
 
I have no problem at all with the term "Sir".
But then the choice will be up to you, you can always call
him by his first name.
[;)]



LaMistressa -> RE: feels funny to call him Sir... (10/15/2007 10:10:45 PM)

If you are submissive, call him what he likes and what makes him happy.

Me, I like "ma'am" - I like "Mistress" when I find the right person, but "ma'am" makes me smile no matter what.

Focus on him what he prefers, and you'll be fine.



Stephann -> RE: feels funny to call him Sir... (10/15/2007 10:11:21 PM)

Hiya octavia,

try this; call him Sir for a week.  If it still feels weird, chuck it.  I think once you get over the giggling "this is so silly feeling" you'll find the Sir form of address coming quite naturally.  Say it aloud, when he's not around, and see how you feel.

Every woman I've had a significant D/s relationship with struggled with titles at first.  I insisted on them (well, without being overly aggressive) because of my military experiences giving me a perspective on what they mean, and the power they can hold.  Every one of them came to embrace the usage of the words, and genuinely seemed to enjoy them.

Good luck,

Stephan



Daddysjezzy -> RE: feels funny to call him Sir... (10/15/2007 10:13:20 PM)

I dont like the word Sir either and my Dom isnt keen on being called Master.  So after trial and error we decided that I would use either Daddy or my Lord.  If Im being a brat who doesnt agree with the task I have been given I sometimes call him Sir.  Go with what feels respectful and right to you both even if you end up with something like the Grand Poobah.  If you are both happy with it, who cares what others may think. 



BossyShoeBitch -> RE: feels funny to call him Sir... (10/15/2007 10:15:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: octavia

Hi all,
I was just struggling with something and wondering if anyone else had dealt with this before.  I have been dating a Dom for a few months now and all is going well really, just the regular ups and downs...     [8D]   
The problem I'm having is regarding how I address him.  Me calling him by his given name is pretty much what we have done although we have both questioned if we wanted to use a more respectful address.  The problem for me is well, Daddy doesn't fit, The idea of calling him Sir  feels corny to me when I think of saying it, and Master just feels to intense.  My feelings toward him are beyond the realm of simply playing, I am feeling a genuine urge to be  submissive to this man in particular.   Has anyone else struggled over what to call a Dom? 

Thanks in advance,
oct

Of course!  In fact when Michael and I first got together, it took me a really long time to  call him anything other than "Michael"..  He completely understood and never asked me to call him anything else.  He loves to hear me say (er..scream) his name..
When I began to call him by other names, it was when I felt comfortable..But I still prefer Michael...



chellekitty -> RE: feels funny to call him Sir... (10/15/2007 10:18:45 PM)

i'm quite fond of UberLordGobblyGook...or if that doesn't work for you, every time he says anything say "aye aye Cap'n" ....of course i like having fun with whatever i do...so....my options might not work for you....but seriously....there are a huge number of male titles out there in the world...if the english language titles don't work for you...try another language....there are some great titles in other languages....find what suits you...bablefish is a great tool...



Damocles809 -> RE: feels funny to call him Sir... (10/15/2007 10:19:16 PM)

Call him Admiral Van Hugen-Schlong.   



octavia -> RE: feels funny to call him Sir... (10/15/2007 10:21:57 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BossyShoeBitch

quote:

ORIGINAL: octavia

Hi all,
I was just struggling with something and wondering if anyone else had dealt with this before.  I have been dating a Dom for a few months now and all is going well really, just the regular ups and downs...     [8D]   
The problem I'm having is regarding how I address him.  Me calling him by his given name is pretty much what we have done although we have both questioned if we wanted to use a more respectful address.  The problem for me is well, Daddy doesn't fit, The idea of calling him Sir  feels corny to me when I think of saying it, and Master just feels to intense.  My feelings toward him are beyond the realm of simply playing, I am feeling a genuine urge to be  submissive to this man in particular.   Has anyone else struggled over what to call a Dom? 

Thanks in advance,
oct

Of course!  In fact when Michael and I first got together, it took me a really long time to  call him anything other than "Michael"..  He completely understood and never asked me to call him anything else.  He loves to hear me say (er..scream) his name..
When I began to call him by other names, it was when I felt comfortable..But I still prefer Michael...



Exactly!  I haven't felt a bit of pressure, it's just something we have both mulled over a bit.  We have tried a few things in dialouge to see if something would pop out of my mouth more naturally or comfortably, but i just felt this resistance.. I don't know how to explain it.  The funny thing is, ( and this relates to what you said Stephan) is that I take martial arts and I felt very weird at first bowing and calling my instructor by sir, but now I do it gladly. It feels good to show respect in those ways.   Maybe that has colored the title Sir for me?  I mean, I use it in TKD class for pete's sake! [:D]



trappedinamuseum -> RE: feels funny to call him Sir... (10/15/2007 10:29:15 PM)

Is it really important to have something you call him?  Is what you call him going to have any effect on the relationship you have, or the D/s dynamic you feel?  I would call him what you are both comfortable with, at the moment, and try not to stress overmuch about it. I think it will come naturally over time.  I know when people insist on me calling them "Sir" before I am ready, I get very uncomfortable (well, in most cases), and ti has ruined any chance of a good relationship. 

Just don't call him "boy"...or "asshole"

That might go over so well.  Good luck.  [;)]



Tigrita -> RE: feels funny to call him Sir... (10/15/2007 10:56:04 PM)

I'll pipe in as one of Stephan's sucess stories and vouch for the "oh, I don't know about that..." and giggling phases, but yes, it feels very natural, fitting, and enjoyable after just a few days.  I even say it in public whether on the phone or in person and don't have a second thought about it, because it just fits, it is what I want to say and who gives a hoot if other people wonder what is up with that. 

What I do still have confusion about is what to call him in the third person.  My _____ ?  Neither of us likes "Dom", Sir sounds dumb to me as a noun, I'm not a slave so Master doesn't fit, my Man sounds too vanilla and trite...  I've mostly been just using his name, but it seems like there should be some other way to refer to him that would fit...  I should ask him I suppose lol.  Oh Sir...

Edited to add: I think she's saying that calling him by his given name doesn't feel quite right anymore and they want something more demonstrative of the D/s dynamic.  I relate to that, and for me, at this transition time, Sir didn't quite feel right at first, but grew on me very quickly once I actually started using it.  I think it goes back to an almost Biblical notion that the power to state something or someone's name gives you power over it.  Doesn't feel quite right to use his given name most of the time, though there are some times I still do. 



MaamJay -> RE: feels funny to call him Sir... (10/16/2007 1:44:25 AM)

Given you use Sir in a different context, perhaps you and He could check out other male titles. Sire might be useful ... very Knightly, seems to roll off the tongue quite easily, and similar enough to Sir. Or use a specific term of endearment ... my Dear, my Beloved ... they can be respectful also. Or do as another poster suggested and check out other languages. And do try one consistently for at least a week (research says it takes 21 days to create a new habit!) to see if you get past the odd feeling.

Good luck!
Maam Jay aka violet[A]



Daddyskittin -> RE: feels funny to call him Sir... (10/16/2007 3:47:41 AM)

My Daddy is Daddy to me because it's a simple shortening of a past inside joke nickname... but when it comes to others he prefers to be addressed as Mr. R... of course he is sir'd which is fine with him too... master isn't often something thats tossed around so that is really a nonissue for him... perhaps a simple Mr. infront of his name might work for you... or perhaps.... you old sick dirty perverted bastard might work too.... works for me sometimes lol.




TotalState -> RE: feels funny to call him Sir... (10/16/2007 4:03:52 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CuriousLord

2.  Don't worry about changing his name but how you say it.  Perhaps the manner of voice you speak his name with can reflect the respect without having to call him by an alien title.

Agree with this.  Sometimes, it's all in the way you say it.  You can think 'master' but say his name, until his name is a prayer on your lips, a promise and a reverence.



CreativeDominant -> RE: feels funny to call him Sir... (10/16/2007 7:50:32 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: octavia

Hi all,
I was just struggling with something and wondering if anyone else had dealt with this before.  I have been dating a Dom for a few months now and all is going well really, just the regular ups and downs...     [8D]   
The problem I'm having is regarding how I address him.  Me calling him by his given name is pretty much what we have done although we have both questioned if we wanted to use a more respectful address.  The problem for me is well, Daddy doesn't fit, The idea of calling him Sir  feels corny to me when I think of saying it, and Master just feels to intense.  My feelings toward him are beyond the realm of simply playing, I am feeling a genuine urge to be  submissive to this man in particular.   Has anyone else struggled over what to call a Dom? 

Thanks in advance,
oct


You have to find what works for the two of you.  My first submissive called me by my given name or Sir at first, using Sir mainly in scenes and as she became more comfortable with it and developed more respect for me, it was used more often.  My second submissive used my name at first, then Sir and then, after collaring, Master.  My last submissive went from Sir to my Sir.  It differentiated me from other dominants that she respected and yet, did not go the Master title which we both felt uncomfortable with without the collaring.

You noted that you use Sir in your TDK class because you respect your teacher.  If you are beginning to respect this man more and more, then do not let the intimacies and romantic feelings you are experiencing divert you from the fact that you ARE in a D/s dynamic.  When considered from that point of view, it might become easier to address him in a more formal ... and yet with its own intimacy ...way.



toservez -> RE: feels funny to call him Sir... (10/16/2007 7:56:50 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: octavia

Hi all,
I was just struggling with something and wondering if anyone else had dealt with this before.  I have been dating a Dom for a few months now and all is going well really, just the regular ups and downs...     [8D]   
The problem I'm having is regarding how I address him.  Me calling him by his given name is pretty much what we have done although we have both questioned if we wanted to use a more respectful address.  The problem for me is well, Daddy doesn't fit, The idea of calling him Sir  feels corny to me when I think of saying it, and Master just feels to intense.  My feelings toward him are beyond the realm of simply playing, I am feeling a genuine urge to be  submissive to this man in particular.   Has anyone else struggled over what to call a Dom? 

Thanks in advance,
oct


A word is basically a word. What you call him only depends on what you two agree and works for both of you.

If he likes Sir just concentrate on using it and after awhile it will cease to be an abstract thing and become very personal to you. You could call him fluffy bunny at first and laugh every time but after enough times and intense situations fluffy bunny would probably be between you a very sincere respectful term.





GhitaAmati -> RE: feels funny to call him Sir... (10/16/2007 7:59:29 AM)

We've always both had an issue with the "Sir" title....him from the military...he's basically gonna remind you that he is neither an officer or a knight and tell you not to use Sir with him....Master..well...he just hates that..seems soo...over the top roleplayish to him.....so for years...I called him Boss....we came up with it one night after watching "cool hand luke" on the classic movie channel...and it stuck. Lately its morphed into Daddy...but our relationship has changed dynamics a bit too. There is no age play or regression or anything like that..it just..well..works for us..I wrote a bit about it in my profile....

besides...we have UMs...and well..they call him Daddy..and so it doesnt get all confusing cause the littlest one was learning to talk and started calling him Boss too....and well...anyway....

Sir to me...well, just isnt all that "special"...I was raised in the south. Calling all males Sir just kinda comes naturally...why would I call someone whom I love cherish and respect that much, the same thing I call every other male I talk to in the day at work?.....



sapphirepleasure -> RE: feels funny to call him Sir... (10/16/2007 8:04:35 AM)

I have always struggled with calling anyone Sir.  Here's a thread I started not too long ago about it that might be helpful to you:  http://www.collarchat.com/m_1248069/mpage_1/key_sir/tm.htm#1248144



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