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Ever taken? - 10/14/2007 12:59:54 AM   
ready4srvce4all


Posts: 767
Joined: 3/9/2007
Status: offline 		Face it, some people are a broken record. Hell, I'm one.  I never seem to see the warning signs of someone abusing my emotions.  Others, they take, they take, and they take some more.   Oh, but are they good at blaming someone else.  Anyone ever been totally used?  My goodness, I was.  I gave my heart to someone who preyed on insurance money from a dead woman.  Yet, she turned around and "hates" me. 

Has anyone ever been so taken?  What was the wakeup call?  For me, it was a phone conversation, laced with invectives.  I was shocked.  Here, I thought two parties had the right to say, "this isn't working out."  Yet here I am blamed for money problems that developed months, and maybe even years prior to even entering this site.  Amazing how communication problems brought out the true nature of someone, and that being money was the only issue. 

So...my question...has anyone ever been so sucked into a BDSM relationship (especially the novices like I) only to have it go bad?  What happened to you?  Are you still looking for a BDSM relationship? Do you feel foolish, especially after the good advice within these sites was not only neglected, but flauntingly dismissed?  I'd love to hear from others who trusted so much, and were so used.

< Message edited by ready4srvce4all -- 10/14/2007 1:02:42 AM >
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RE: Ever taken? - 10/14/2007 3:12:12 AM   
mons


Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline 		greeting

i am truly sorry someone had use you! but it happens as you grown and learn you will spot a snake as soon as you see them. now i was not use but my dear friend was. she meant a couple and became friend with them she is not into bdsm. but they use the worst thing possible to try and make her into a slave in one night they drug her and rape her. as a dominant i find this to be a cowards way to get a person anyone with honor and a once of respect would never use a person in this manner. as for your person they had problem long before you came and when they had you where they wanted the jump and tried i want to say, to make you suffer but never give all of you to anyone. first friendship then go to the next step words and looks the eyes they tell all . i find that when a person is out to be a bum  a chad they will write and write and then they will make a mistake this is when i drop them i wait a long time to be involve with anyone. i hope you will forgive this person and move on but it takes time . no shame in what happen to my friend or to you. you will find that someone and their are good ones more bad but the good ones are here. and there

i wish you luck in all you do just do not trust to fast

Mons take care

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RE: Ever taken? - 10/14/2007 3:30:25 AM   
MissMagnolia


Posts: 3636
Status: offline 		Everyone who's been "taken" feels foolish, hurt and abused. It's not just in the BDSM world, it's everywhere. Find me one person who hasn't ever been done over by a friend, or a phone company, or a supermarket, or a boyfriend/girlfriend, or an anything. That's life. The trick is to NOT let it embitter you to the point you lose trust in everything. That's a whole lot more damaging than anything else. It alters your dealings with everyone and everything and pretty well will make you unhappy, but not really anyone else.

Living means risk and you're not always going to be treated fairly. That's the risk and the pain will pass. So you can stop living and never get hurt, or recognise that you got done over and move on and live. Remember, the best revenge is living well and mooning  (_I_)the person who did you over as you walk away!!

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.


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RE: Ever taken? - 10/14/2007 5:26:16 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		ever been totally used? - yes

my ex is a prime example of  taking and never giving in return. my (rude) wake up call came 3 months after my 2nd UM was born - he flatly said "i don't love you anymore because you spend more time with her than me" yes, it was a major blow to my face - here i spent almost a week in the hospital delivering a premie PLUS caring for the other with brain injury/seizures and he felt i didn't love him because i spent majority of my time caring for our UMs. since that day (until the divorce was finalized) we basically lived separate lives ...he was very good at blaming me for all of his mental anguish and the breakup of the marriage during the divorce - luckily the judge saw right through that.


_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

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RE: Ever taken? - 10/14/2007 6:04:37 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		i have learned that perception = reality and when we cannot change our reality we need to change our perception.  i also believe that every person comes into my life for a reason.  When i have had bad relationships i look for the lesson in it.  Blaming the other person is counter-productive even if you are right to feel used and/or abused, there is no profit from dwelling on those hurts, just find the lesson and move forward to becoming whole and complete. 



_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

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RE: Ever taken? - 10/14/2007 6:13:45 AM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline 		My first foray into the world of bd/sm involved something along the lines of a swindle.  When the dust was settled, I realized I really got off on it so its hard for me to play the victim.  If anything, I tend to complain that I'm not being used enough.

I dunno...do ya think maybe I'm kinky?


_____________________________

“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin


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RE: Ever taken? - 10/14/2007 6:35:42 AM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline 		Eh, I have had bottoms do this to me. I wrote it off to a poor match  and got over it. No biggie, you have to kiss a few frogettes to find the decent ones.



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I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

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RE: Ever taken? - 10/14/2007 6:48:19 AM   
sweetNsmartBBW


Posts: 167
Joined: 5/16/2007
Status: offline 		It happens, like MissMagnolia said, in bdsm and elsewhere.  Sometimes, it's hard to trust your own ability to spot the truth after something like that occurs.  If you turn it into a learning experience, and don't get mired down by it, it can actually turn out to be a positive thing in the end.  However, if you let it consume you and stay 'stuck'- it can cause you to put up protective barriers that are almost impossible to penetrate.  Take your time, and don't trust until it's ~earned~.  Learn to listen to your instincts- I think that they can help us a lot- if we actually let them (I know I have second guessed myself in several instances- and each and every time could have avoided a lot of pain had I followed my instincts early on).   

_____________________________

There are two kinds of strengths: the strength to lead, and the strength to follow; the strength to control, and the strength to yield. There are two kinds of power: the power to strip away another's soul bare, and the power to stand naked. Yaldah Tova

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RE: Ever taken? - 10/14/2007 6:53:15 AM   
TNstepsout


Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gypsygrl

My first foray into the world of bd/sm involved something along the lines of a swindle.  When the dust was settled, I realized I really got off on it so its hard for me to play the victim. 



You know, this is an important point in situations like this. (and one I have to remind myself of often) We get into relationships with people because we get something out of it. Sometimes what we get is not worth what we pay, but we ALWAYS get something or we wouldn't have been attracted in the first place. So the lesson is to recognize where we were needy and vulnerable and how that was filled within the relationship, so that moving forward we can avoid that same pitfall. In most cases there are warning signs, but we don't heed them because we are so consumed with fulfilling the need that we choose to overlook them.


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RE: Ever taken? - 10/14/2007 9:17:09 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I think most people have been taken at one time or another.  It doesn't have to be bdsm related.  If you are lucky you learn from it without becoming jaded.  I find few people who have been taken will assume their own part in the mess.  We are not moving through life without any people experience.  We choose to get involved, we choose to stick to it, we ignore clues that might have made us uncomfortable along the way.  If in life I have been hurt, it was something I walked into on my own. I am responsible for the choices I make, good and bad.
Kyst

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


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RE: Ever taken? - 10/14/2007 9:34:38 AM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		Hello robert,
When I first "discovered" this lifestyle, I used to spend a lot of time talking online to liars, losers and
time wasters.  I never had anything happen to me, other than wasting my time and my life.
I can totally see how this sort of situation can happen.
Many people want a BDSM relationship so much, they are blind to the reality of the person they are dealing with.
I am so sorry you feel that you have been taken advantage of, I admire you for coming forth and sharing.
This thread may save someone else some grief, money, and emotional hardships.
 
There is NO substitute for moving slowly and taking a long time to get serious in life.
 Hang in there robert, we all have made mistakes, we are all only human.
Good luck with your future relationships.
You live, you learn.

< Message edited by MzMia -- 10/14/2007 9:41:21 AM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

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RE: Ever taken? - 10/14/2007 9:36:09 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Every time I've been treated inappropriately in terms of a committed relationship, I can look back and easily see where I allowed myself to ignore what I knew I shouldn't.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Ever taken? - 10/14/2007 9:50:12 AM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ready4srvce4all

Face it, some people are a broken record. Hell, I'm one.  I never seem to see the warning signs of someone abusing my emotions.  Others, they take, they take, and they take some more.   Oh, but are they good at blaming someone else.  Anyone ever been totally used?  My goodness, I was.  I gave my heart to someone who preyed on insurance money from a dead woman.  Yet, she turned around and "hates" me. 

Has anyone ever been so taken?  What was the wakeup call?  For me, it was a phone conversation, laced with invectives.  I was shocked.  Here, I thought two parties had the right to say, "this isn't working out."  Yet here I am blamed for money problems that developed months, and maybe even years prior to even entering this site.  Amazing how communication problems brought out the true nature of someone, and that being money was the only issue. 

So...my question...has anyone ever been so sucked into a BDSM relationship (especially the novices like I) only to have it go bad?  What happened to you?  Are you still looking for a BDSM relationship? Do you feel foolish, especially after the good advice within these sites was not only neglected, but flauntingly dismissed?  I'd love to hear from others who trusted so much, and were so used.
 Not in a BDSM context no, but in many other areas of my life yes. I tend to think that the person has a need/compulsion to take, that often it is the way that they interact. So in a weird probably warped way I turn it around and instead of thinking they 'take', I see it as I 'gave' something they needed despite the pain it causes me. As an example when Katrina hit New Orleans I invited a girl [online friend of 4 years] to come live with me until she knew what and where she wanted to be. She lived with me for a full year, never paid rent and did absolutely no housework. At the end of the 12 months things were extremely tense here and I spent most of my time in my bedroom. She was angry and felt lost never having been away from her hometown before. She was unable to lose her bitterness and it flowed onto me. So I had to ask her to leave, I gave her 90 days to find accomodations and by the end she blamed me for all of the anger inside of her. I understood it, she had no one to blame and is not the type that could ever take responsibility for her own position in life. She truly needed a refuge for a while and I was able to give her that. When she moved out I gave her a king sized bed, bedding and some other stuff. She still lives in my teensy town but we will never see/speak to one another again because she detests me for seeing her weakness. I understood that as well. I gave her someone to hate and blame because she needed to do it. It still hurts inside [yeah especially when I count up the rent/utilities/food/gas she never repaid me lol], but that is who she is. It wasn't me, she would have done it to anyone but not just anyone would have accepted it. I have no idea if what I wrote here makes sense or shows what I'm trying to say. It's like.. I took her rage and pain because I could do that for her and for the most part I am glad I was able to. I do wish however that we could have remained friends but I saw the darkness in her and she couldn't handle someone knowing.

_____________________________


~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).




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RE: Ever taken? - 10/14/2007 9:52:41 AM   
e01n


Posts: 1472
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst
I find few people who have been taken will assume their own part in the mess. We are not moving through life without any people experience. We choose to get involved, we choose to stick to it, we ignore clues that might have made us uncomfortable along the way. If in life I have been hurt, it was something I walked into on my own. I am responsible for the choices I make, good and bad.

Exactly.

Generally, there's more to the story than "I'm the victim of someone else." In fact, you owe it to yourself to at least admit your part in the catastrophe (at least to yourself) so that you can see what you did to get yourself into this position. Even if you are the victim of some one with evil intent, you should know how (the process) you were victimized in order to prevent it from happening again. Most of the time, such "taken advantage of" situations come from having divergent expectations from the reality of the situation.

Heading back to the OP---
quote:

Face it, some people are a broken record. Hell, I'm one. I never seem to see the warning signs of someone abusing my emotions. Others, they take, they take, and they take some more. Oh, but are they good at blaming someone else. Anyone ever been totally used? My goodness, I was. I gave my heart to someone who preyed on insurance money from a dead woman. Yet, she turned around and "hates" me.

  1. Starts out seeing the pattern...
  2. Moves to blaming the other person...
  3. Edits the reality of the interchange down to "I gave my heart to someone who preyed on insurance money from a dead woman. Yet, she turned around and 'hates' me."

I've yet to see a situation such as this that was really just as "simple" as that.

In fact, when I see something like that, I have to examine what someone is looking for from this. Generally, it's sympathy and emotional energy being given the "victim" at the expense of the listener (or respondent in online threads such as this). Occasionally, it's the prelude to a flavor of scam similar to the Russian Bride ones.

And this is my normal response to this sort of thing: Are you still alive? If you feel it's criminal, call the cops. Legal? Call a lawyer. Otherwise, put on your big girl panties and learn from it. And that requires being honest with yourself and you should also share that honesty with others...

OP - I'm sorry that you feel that way. If I had known that you saw it that way, I'd have still done what I've done - because it seemed like the right idea at the time, no?

(in reply to Missokyst)
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RE: Ever taken? - 10/14/2007 10:08:12 AM   
dawntreader


Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline 		Greetings r4s4all,
 
Yes, i have been "taken". Not financially, although i wonder about one relationship if it might have gone that way, but emotionally , yes. i have been opened emotionally several times by Dominants wanting my complete submission and devotion but unwilling or perhaps incapable of returning it with dominance and responsibility for me.
 
Fortunately, i have maintained friendships with a few of these people, the others have either left the "face of the earth" or we just have nothing more to say to each other. i have learned from them all and experience has been a wise teacher. i would say, and my experience is a quite varied 1 1/2 years (which i know is not much), that i have not met too many Dominants. Atleast not in the context of the full scope of what i am learning of BDSM, D/s and M/s.
 
i am at the point that i only seek out Dominant play partners because i have become jaded that there is even a Dominant counterpart for me. Fortunately, those that i serve in that capacity have become very dear to me and invaluable on my journey.
 
For you, it was a phonecall...for me it was the lack of one. At the time, it nearly broke me :-(  That was when i discovered an inner strength that i had not realised existed - that could NOT be broken, by or for anyone.  i was told by my dear Mentor, Lady Katherine, that a "slaves" life is hard, not for the weak or needy. She was right - no truer information has ever been given to me and i have taken it to heart and meditation.
 
i do not want a life that is any harder than it can already be. i want someone to compliment my life, someone i enjoy and who enjoys me. i don't need to learn about hardships anymore than life already dishes out. i want to experience the incredible with someone and if it is only a "moment" with a trusted playpartner... i can live with that. But to give myself over to someone "lock, stock and barrel"...He would have to be alot stronger than i. And at this point in time, i don't think such a person exists~
 


_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

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RE: Ever taken? - 10/14/2007 11:59:37 AM   
Silky918


Posts: 15
Joined: 8/17/2007
Status: offline
quote:

Sometimes what we get is not worth what we pay, but we ALWAYS get something or we wouldn't have been attracted in the first place.


That is a very important point.  My first D/s relationship fell apart because I wasn't getting my needs met.  It wasn't until much later that I realized this, of course, but I did learn from it.  I know now some of what causes that attraction and what I want to do about it.  We have to remember that we are all works in progress and keep learning.

(in reply to TNstepsout)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Ever taken? - 10/14/2007 12:20:58 PM   
LadyLegs


Posts: 176
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

I think most people have been taken at one time or another.  It doesn't have to be bdsm related.  If you are lucky you learn from it without becoming jaded.  I find few people who have been taken will assume their own part in the mess.  We are not moving through life without any people experience.  We choose to get involved, we choose to stick to it, we ignore clues that might have made us uncomfortable along the way.  If in life I have been hurt, it was something I walked into on my own. I am responsible for the choices I make, good and bad.
Kyst


Couldn't have said it better.  People are what they are and the experiences, good and bad, are what help me grow

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Ever taken? - 10/14/2007 12:36:55 PM   
kc692


Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dawntreader

Greetings r4s4all,
 
Yes, i have been "taken". Not financially, although i wonder about one relationship if it might have gone that way, but emotionally , yes. i have been opened emotionally several times by Dominants wanting my complete submission and devotion but unwilling or perhaps incapable of returning it with dominance and responsibility for me.
 
Fortunately, i have maintained friendships with a few of these people, the others have either left the "face of the earth" or we just have nothing more to say to each other. i have learned from them all and experience has been a wise teacher. i would say, and my experience is a quite varied 1 1/2 years (which i know is not much), that i have not met too many Dominants. Atleast not in the context of the full scope of what i am learning of BDSM, D/s and M/s.
 
i am at the point that i only seek out Dominant play partners because i have become jaded that there is even a Dominant counterpart for me. Fortunately, those that i serve in that capacity have become very dear to me and invaluable on my journey.
 
For you, it was a phonecall...for me it was the lack of one. At the time, it nearly broke me :-(  That was when i discovered an inner strength that i had not realised existed - that could NOT be broken, by or for anyone.  i was told by my dear Mentor, Lady Katherine, that a "slaves" life is hard, not for the weak or needy. She was right - no truer information has ever been given to me and i have taken it to heart and meditation.
 
i do not want a life that is any harder than it can already be. i want someone to compliment my life, someone i enjoy and who enjoys me. i don't need to learn about hardships anymore than life already dishes out. i want to experience the incredible with someone and if it is only a "moment" with a trusted playpartner... i can live with that. But to give myself over to someone "lock, stock and barrel"...He would have to be alot stronger than i. And at this point in time, i don't think such a person exists~
 



**Smiles and big hugs**  It took you a little bit for you to figure out you were not weak or needy, but I knew it all along!!!!!! **hugs you again and misses you**

Edited to add;  I truly love your new pics, you look awesome!!!!

< Message edited by kc692 -- 10/14/2007 12:39:19 PM >

_____________________________

Anyone can overpower; not many can INSPIRE.....

This is only MY opinion. If it's not yours, let's agree in advance to agree to disagree, OR, you can just get the fuck over what I had to say:)

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Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Ever taken? - 10/14/2007 1:08:31 PM   
Kalista07


Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline 		Ready4srvc4all,
Have i been 'taken'? hmm..That is difficult for me to separate out...i believe i've given myself, and i'm a firm believer that (except in cases of rape or other abuse) a person can not take from me what i'm not willing to give... Having said that, however have i acted completely stupidly? Yes.  Have i gone against what my best judgment would have (or should have) told me not to do? Yes.  Have i done things that even people in this lifestyle would tell me were asinine? Yes...
However, like others have said, i believe it took everything that happened resulted in making me the person i am today.. So, i can either sit around and feel sorry for myself or i can get over it...Today i choose to get over it...
Incidentally, today i'm in the healthiest relationship i've ever been in, one which happens to be BDSM oriented. One of the reasons, however, we have to take things so slow is because of the messed up relationships i've been in throughout my past, and the despicable ways i've allowed myself to be treated in the past.
Not sure if this helped or if there was even a point to it.....
Kali

_____________________________

“Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.”
~~Sweedish Proverb


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Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Ever taken? - 10/14/2007 1:22:30 PM   
dawntreader


Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kc692


**Smiles and big hugs**  It took you a little bit for you to figure out you were not weak or needy, but I knew it all along!!!!!! **hugs you again and misses you**

Edited to add;  I truly love your new pics, you look awesome!!!!


Greetings Lady Katherine,
 
Some lessons are best learned going thru the dark but it was and is always a comfort to have you to turn to i am trying to get time to return to your House...i have a feeling it will be an even better visit than before because this time i am closer to "knowing myself"~
 
Thanks for the compliment on my picture! The reason it is so awesome is that i was having the best birthday of my life...a gift from someone extremely dear to me!

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

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Profile   Post #: 20
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