iammachine
Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
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quote:
Face it, some people are a broken record. Hell, I'm one. I never seem to see the warning signs of someone abusing my emotions.
Then maybe you should stop and think about what lands you in these situations. It certainly sucks that you were hurt, but we all have choices to make, and are responsible for the consequences of those decisions whether we are fully conciously aware of the ramifications when we make them or not. Do you not see the signs, or do you choose to overlook them?
quote:
I gave my heart to someone who preyed on insurance money from a dead woman. Yet, she turned around and "hates" me.
We are not passive players in our lives. Did you knowingly give your heart to someone that you knew "preyed on insurance money from a dead woman"? Had you given over your emotions, and later found out about the decision? Did you choose to stay?
There are survivors and there are victims. There comes a point, if you keep seeing yourself "victimized" in the same ill fated situations, in failing to learn from your experiences, you cross the line into becoming a volunteer.
Stop being a victim and start taking responsibility your part in things. That doesn't justify anything, it doesn't make any experiences any less shitty, or anything anyone has done any less wrong, but it does give you something to grow from instead of spinning the same broken record over and over.
That said, everyone has experienced some flavor of bad shit in their time, and everyone has made mistakes in which to learn from. I like to call it "another fucking opportunity for growth".
Once upon a time, myself, I was young, dumb and "in love". I compromised personal goals of mine for the sake of a relationship, hoping that things would eventually fall into place. I spread myself too thin, and wasted time that I should have been devoting to my education in the name of "love". We were married without any of the legal obligations (or protections!) of marriage. That is, everything was joint, and being the more responsible party, in my name as the primary. I bet you can guess where this story goes. I knew sometime before the relationship ended that it wasn't going to work. I was very unhappy for quite some time, but I was so intent on not "failing" (like one person can make a relationship work! it takes two to tango!), and I was "in love". I thought that if he loved me, he would do what was neccessary to "make it work".
Well, he did love me, and I him, but it didn't work and it wasn't going to. I was growing up, and he was staying the same (if not regressing), and our paths were becoming ever more divergent. Things ended, I was free from being in a un-negotiated/non-consensual TPE (we were a vanilla couple, but he needed to be told what to do and micro-managed to function at all in the relationship or in life, and we resented eachother for it as a result), free from trying to one-sidedly make a relationship work (we loved eachother, but love isn't enough. love transcends nothing, and both parties have to be active in working for the health of the relationship), free from trying to support two people on essentially one income, free from trying to "help" someone who didn't seem to have an interest in helping himself, free from constantly second guessing myself, my partner, and the relationship, and free from sacrificing my own desires and identity in the name of "love" and "my other half" (I was no longer just me, I was part of this new entity "Greg and Isis").
These days, my math says that 1+1 makes 2. I'm complete on my own, thanks. Being complimentary is great, but no one can "complete" that which is already whole.
Love makes you fabulously stupid, but I learned my lesson. I learned the hard way, but instead of wallowing and pointing fingers, I simply view it as a really big, really difficult lesson, obstacle and set back. Two and a half years after breaking it off, I'm still learning my lesson. The credit that took years to build was easy to destroy in a matter of days; but it was my decision to share financial burdens while we were together, and my responsibility to deal with the fallout that resulted after we separated. Does he share in those responsibilities? Sure, but that doesn't mean much in the long run on what I have to do about it, being as he has chosen to shirk those responsibilities. :) "Should" I have my bachelor's degree by now? Sure, but it was my decisions that resulted in my taking time away from school. Oddly enough, the fact that everything kind of blew up in my face is a big part of why I am back in school now, and so incredibly single minded about it.
So yeah, it's all about the afog (another fucking opportunity for growth). Damn growing pains, right?
< Message edited by iammachine -- 10/14/2007 2:48:46 PM >
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I still hear you scream... in every breath, every single motion
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