Lets see...

Lets see... (Full Version)

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satyrsnymph28 -> Lets see... (9/29/2007 10:41:58 AM)
Lets see if I can state this as correctly here as I've found that I'm able to in conversation with others... I've encountered many a Dominant man who believes that the "On Your Knees Bitch" mentality is ENTIRELY the way to go... from the very first second of conversation. I can't figure out why this is so... Dominant males would have much more success (with me anyway...) If they read my profile, expressed some interest in getting to know me, and approached me as an equal. In any relationship, I NEED to feel nurtured, valued, cared for, supported, and like i can enjoy the casual company of my partner as well as whatever dynamic plays a part in our relationship. I NEED to trust... and thats not something that can be done when all a Dom wants to talk about is how he's above me... and he's gonna force me to do all these things... Why not establish the needs of your potential submissive, cater to them, allow her to feel all those things she needs to feel as a REAL part of the relationship... because I can gaurentee she's much more likely to give a blow job... or let someone spank her... or even let her partner pick the movie they watch... if she feels emotionally fulfilled. My submission is something a Dom has to earn... its not something handed over because they demand it of me. So, if thats a consistant thought among most submissives, why won't Dominant men behave in a manner that is along those lines? Then they could get the girl (probably much more frequently than they do now)... and there would be a positive dynamic to the relationship... I'm convinced more subs would have Doms... and obviously the opposite as well... So what impairs a man from behaving in such a manner. I've put it all out on the table... this (along with a few other things individual to each person) is how to create a positive, strong relationship with a woman... Or at least with me... And if you take out the D/s words its also something you can apply to a vanilla relationship... I just don't understand why its so hard... Give us what we want, and we WILLINGLY give you what you want... for as long as we feel our needs are being met...

breatheasone -> RE: Lets see... (9/29/2007 10:47:09 AM)
I wish you all the best in finding a dom that fits YOUR needs

niveauinconnu -> RE: Lets see... (9/29/2007 10:52:31 AM)
quote: So, if thats a consistant thought among most submissives, why won't Dominant men behave in a manner that is along those lines? I'm not sure I understand your post. You seem to be claiming that as a rule, Dominant men don't care for their submissives and that they otherwise disregard the submissives' needs. I haven't found that to be true at all. I think you may be saying that you haven't yet found a Dominant partner to meet your needs yet, and that's a very different thing than characterizing all Dominant men with the same broad brush... I wish you the best of luck in your search.

ThinkingKitten -> RE: Lets see... (9/29/2007 10:56:26 AM)
OP: Surely you've been around these boards for long enough to see that this is an all-too common complaint. I'd tend to say that the ones who do the pathetic "on your knees" from their first email, are categoricaly not Dominants at all (they're just vanilla tourists who think that is how it works) - and their communication needs to be treated as such. File under 'G' for garbage. The wording of your profile needs to be looked at too. (I haven't looked - I rarely look at others) to see if it in anyway invites such attention. I've never gotten an email like that. I've generally only received polite enquiries (plus the occasional mindless one-liners viz to wit: "Hi", or "Where do you live?"). Its a filtering process, and you just have to know what to filter out.

satyrsnymph28 -> RE: Lets see... (9/29/2007 11:29:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ThinkingKitten Its a filtering process, and you just have to know what to filter out. Thats not my point... my point is that most men (vanilla or D/s) don't understand why they CAN'T get into a good relationship with someone... and most of the women i know tend to value (and complain about the lack of) the same things i stated above... its not rocket science, its common sense... if you're in a relatonship just to take from your partner, its not going to be very successful... and survey says... men are takers... they want the women to do all the giving... its just... an aspect of life, no matter what side of the spectrum a man is on... and to address an earlier response, this is not to suggest that all men are this way, but i've only met 2 or 3 respectable, real men in my entire life... including my own father. i'd say that the women in relationships are lucky... to have met their match, and to have their needs met... but statistically, there are a lot more single people than there are couples (at least according to my sociology class)... and anyone who's happily in a relationship with one or more people, wouldn't necessarily think along these same lines...

breatheasone -> RE: Lets see... (9/29/2007 11:31:46 AM)
quote: but i've only met 2 or 3 respectable, real men in my entire life... including my own father. Then you need to get out more...trust me...there are ALOT of good people out there...men and women...

kdsub -> RE: Lets see... (9/29/2007 11:46:18 AM)
Of course you can’t group all men, dominant or no, together but I do think you can make some generalizations. There is still a lot of herd animal in us…males must be able to mate instantly or guard their harem so they must be aggressive to be successful. Females on the other hand must select a mate wisely to pass on the genes… they take more time evaluating the worthiness of the suitor. The males respond most strongly, at least at first, to visual stimuli and are instantly ready for sex. When we think of sex it is not the romance but the actual mating. Direct action and direct talk is the norm. Not so with the females…they want to know their mate IS THE ONE… I hate to say it but often us men could care less about relationships… just well…passing genes. So that is why I think a lot of doms come out with” On your Knees” rather than may I help you to your knees.Butch

Prinsexx -> RE: Lets see... (9/29/2007 11:50:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: satyrsnymph28 I've encountered many a Dominant man who believes that the "On Your Knees Bitch" mentality is ENTIRELY the way to go... from the very first second of conversation. I agree with what you have said completely. Many of your theme's I touched upon also in most post On Interviewing Dminants.

LATEXBABY64 -> RE: Lets see... (9/29/2007 11:56:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: satyrsnymph28 quote: ORIGINAL: ThinkingKitten Its a filtering process, and you just have to know what to filter out. Thats not my point... my point is that most men (vanilla or D/s) don't understand why they CAN'T get into a good relationship with someone... and most of the women i know tend to value (and complain about the lack of) the same things i stated above... its not rocket science, its common sense... if you're in a relatonship just to take from your partner, its not going to be very successful... and survey says... men are takers... they want the women to do all the giving... its just... an aspect of life, no matter what side of the spectrum a man is on... and to address an earlier response, this is not to suggest that all men are this way, but i've only met 2 or 3 respectable, real men in my entire life... including my own father. i'd say that the women in relationships are lucky... to have met their match, and to have their needs met... but statistically, there are a lot more single people than there are couples (at least according to my sociology class)... and anyone who's happily in a relationship with one or more people, wouldn't necessarily think along these same lines... I do know this sometimes you have to go through a mountain of crap to get to the gold. but beware of fools gold it looks the same even sparkles but it is not gold take you time find the right one

Prinsexx -> RE: Lets see... (9/29/2007 11:58:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kdsub Of course you can’t group all men, dominant or no, together I also paradoxically agree with this. Recently I have been very pleasantly surprised to get what I call insider information on a Dom. We have known each other for four years. We have met three times. Each time quite illicitly meaning that i was officially in a closed relatioship with another Dom but hell I'm just a haughty girl at heart and he is young and handsome and on the scene, has all the right equipment and well....rocks.... about 6 months ago he text me out of the blue and it turned out he had fallen for an older woman, a submissive 'like a stone' as he put it. She only wanted him as one of her fuck buddies and he went inward, became very intrverted and had thought to give up the lifestyle he had never shared that with me before, almost as if a cold heart was one of the impressions he had wanted to give as part of his domianant role. But to hear him admit EMOTION, to hear him admit feelings, well to hear him admit dare i say it, a capacity for love blew me away. So yes: being an all-round human being, rather than a dominant robot....this is now my ideal.....but I suppose many Dmoinants find a soft heart difficult to admit which in turn narrows what they project they want from a submissive.....

Prinsexx -> RE: Lets see... (9/29/2007 12:03:44 PM)
[/quote] . but statistically, there are a lot more single people than there are couples (at least according to my sociology class)... [/quote] demand characteristics baby....that's just what certain socio economic groups feel they have to say in the surveys.....when actually mayve they are all just fuckin around like rabbits

windchymes -> RE: Lets see... (9/29/2007 12:55:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: satyrsnymph28 I've encountered many a Dominant man who believes that the "On Your Knees Bitch" mentality is ENTIRELY the way to go... from the very first second of conversation. I can't figure out why this is so... It's because lot of them already have someone in their life that fulfills their "nurturing" and "cared for" needs. All they WANT is someone they can say "On Your Knees Bitch" to when the wanking urge hits them. Don't worry about them, just keep looking for what YOU want.

Celeste43 -> RE: Lets see... (9/29/2007 12:55:23 PM)
Yes, the submit now slut first email is very irritating. As far as my needs, I told them to him. I never figured he'd be a mind reader. I knew what I needed and what was a dealbreaker and laid it all out there in conversation way before we met. He had time to decide if I was compatible or not.

SirCache -> RE: Lets see... (9/29/2007 1:16:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: satyrsnymph28 Lets see if I can state this as correctly here as I've found that I'm able to in conversation with others... I've encountered many a Dominant man who believes that the "On Your Knees Bitch" mentality is ENTIRELY the way to go... from the very first second of conversation. I can't figure out why this is so... In my experience, the people who go around 'demanding' things right from the outset are generally bedroom BDSM only--they want someone to have sex with, maybe get the chance to have sex the way they want for a change, and the second your out of the bedroom with them they either drop you or keep asking you to make decisions for them. I detest people like that. They have no idea of the depth and value a submissive brings to a relationship and they have no respect for themselves or their partners. I looked at your profile and you are very specific about your wants and needs--it's something I appreciate because while I enjoy seeing who's out there, I don't like wasting mine or anyone elses time. On the bright side, when you are that concise about who you are looking for, it's very easy to weed out all those who do not meet your criteria for a solid relationship. What I have always found best when approaching a sub is the same as I would in any polite social setting--use good manners, judgement, language. Be honest, but not desperate (lots of desperate people here that pop up every now and again); and get to know them beyond what is stated in their profile--just because a female sub says she's hot for ass play doesn't mean that it defines her as a human being. And for heaven's sake--FLIRT a little. It's those little hints and bits of fun that spice up both a conversation and a relationship as you spiral closer and closer to one another.

ThinkingKitten -> RE: Lets see... (9/29/2007 8:06:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: satyrsnymph28 quote: ORIGINAL: ThinkingKitten Its a filtering process, and you just have to know what to filter out. Thats not my point... my point is that most men (vanilla or D/s) don't understand why they CAN'T get into a good relationship with someone... I know, and what I'm saying is that I'm not entirely convinced that the "on your knees now" group or the "Me Dom, you sub" group are generally looking for a "good" relationship inspite of what they may say. I think they are usually looking for the NSA fuck buddy. They'll just say they want a relationship because they think thats what we (women) want to hear. and most of the women i know tend to value (and complain about the lack of) the same things i stated above... its not rocket science, its common sense... if you're in a relatonship just to take from your partner, its not going to be very successful... There's a lot of things in life that aren't rocket science. But a lot of people still can't see any further than the ends of their noses! and survey says... men are takers... they want the women to do all the giving... i'd say that the women in relationships are lucky... to have met their match, and to have their needs met... but statistically, there are a lot more single people than there are couples (at least according to my sociology class)... But how many of those couples consist of happy and fulfilled individuals?

DocRudy -> RE: Lets see... (9/29/2007 8:10:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SirCache And for heaven's sake--FLIRT a little. It's those little hints and bits of fun that spice up both a conversation and a relationship as you spiral closer and closer to one another. Flirting is good for you! Really, it's science. [:D] -DR

RRafe -> RE: Lets see... (9/29/2007 8:16:15 PM)
I usually behave as a gentleman. Getting me to be the kind rogue in the bedroom has to be earned too. I need to trust that a woman's baggage is going to be able to be dealt with in a resonable manner. I'm not able-so she will have to get over whatever it is-herself. I need her to have the compassion to know I am human, and do all I can to be a responsible, decent human being. And not go off into some fantasy land of what I "should be" because she said so. I need her to be able to love without fear-much easier said than done. I need her mind to be open to the possibility that she has not done everything, does not KNOW everything-and that a lot of what she THINKS she knows may not be truth-but programming. And lastly, to realize that if I'm going to make any changes in myself I'm going to do it for me-not for her. I just don't understand why its so hard... Give us what we want, and we WILLINGLY give you what you want... for as long as we feel our needs are being met... ???????[;)]

Kirata -> RE: Lets see... (9/29/2007 10:28:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RRafe Give us what we want, and we WILLINGLY give you what you want... I think that is an excellent point, and I want to thank you for making it. I have no time for a "prove it" attitude. My interest is much more likely to move toward a girl who behaves respectfully and submissively (I'm not talking about sex here) than one who expects me to bend over for a proctological exam before she will consider that I might be a fairly decent sort. K.

exogenous -> RE: Lets see... (9/30/2007 1:25:13 AM)
quote: Dominant males would have much more success (with me anyway...) If they read my profile, expressed some interest in getting to know me, and approached me as an equal. Yep, there are some real piss-ants out there, Doms and subs alike, actually. Get in line, take a number, etc. There are many female (and male) subs who feel the way you have expressed. However, there are some “subs” who are only looking for Fw/B, and for them, their only need is instant gratification. Thus, those are the subs that the players are hoping to target. Stop taking the messages you find so obnoxious so personally. As far as the one who sends the offensive message is concerned, it never hurts to "try," they might just get lucky. quote: In any relationship, I NEED to feel nurtured, valued, cared for, supported, and like i can enjoy the casual company of my partner as well as whatever dynamic plays a part in our relationship. I NEED to trust... I suspect Doms who are looking for a long-term relationship feel the same way. quote: Why not establish the needs of your potential submissive, cater to them, allow her to feel all those things she needs to feel as a REAL part of the relationship... because I can gaurentee she's much more likely to give a blow job... or let someone spank her... or even let her partner pick the movie they watch... if she feels emotionally fulfilled. It goes both ways…Doms are people, too! Except for the giving blow jobs or letting someone spank them part, unless they have the tendancy to be a switch. [;)] quote: My submission is something a Dom has to earn... its not something handed over because they demand it of me. Now, I agree with you, here. Yet, a sub also has to earn the trust and respect of the Dom, through the sub's actions. quote: So, if thats a consistant thought among most submissives, why won't Dominant men behave in a manner that is along those lines? Why won’t Dominant men behave…x,x,x… one sub’s poison is another sub’s treasure. So far, I have not found there to be a rule book of standardized type of behavior (damn it! [;)] ). Actually, it’s whatever works for those involved. quote: And if you take out the D/s words its also something you can apply to a vanilla relationship... Absolutely, but what works for some doesn’t have to work for others. It’s all a matter of personal preferences and if a suggested situation doesn’t suit you then you can simply respond with a “No, thank you” or choose not to respond at all. Sure, some messages are asinine, the “delete button” comes in handy in those instances. Just try and remember…*not everyone thinks like you do,* and that's perfectly fine. Get over it or work around it. No need to inflict self-stress over it.

exogenous -> RE: Lets see... (9/30/2007 1:42:32 AM)
quote: I usually behave as a gentleman. Getting me to be the kind rogue in the bedroom has to be earned too. I need to trust that a woman's baggage is going to be able to be dealt with in a resonable manner. I'm not able-so she will have to get over whatever it is-herself. I need her to have the compassion to know I am human, and do all I can to be a responsible, decent human being. And not go off into some fantasy land of what I "should be" because she said so. I need her to be able to love without fear-much easier said than done. I need her mind to be open to the possibility that she has not done everything, does not KNOW everything-and that a lot of what she THINKS she knows may not be truth-but programming. And lastly, to realize that if I'm going to make any changes in myself I'm going to do it for me-not for her. I just don't understand why its so hard... Give us what we want, and we WILLINGLY give you what you want... for as long as we feel our needs are being met... ??????? Absolutely, it definitely goes both ways. Eloquent and so very true. (in response to RRafe)

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