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Has my submissivness turned into addiction? - 9/23/2007 4:35:38 PM   
ownedslavebitch


Posts: 20
Joined: 4/2/2007
Status: offline 		Hello all I am having a very hard time dealing with a situation and I hope all my lifestyle friends may asist me in this. I am a male submissive who has been searching for quite awhile to find the one I was meant to serve have travelled to some and it has not worked out. Which I realize happens in this way of life but my deliema is that it seems to be consumming my whole life I wake in the middle of the night and look at profiles and do send some letters of introduction but also I find my whole day looking at people in a strange way their eyes their feet and wonder if they are a Domme and if they need a sub maybe I am just a crazy freak I am begining to believe maybe I am , I am getting more dazed and confused as days and nights go by . Please if anyone else has ever had to deal with this or have any suggestions please let me know . Thank you all cw
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Has my submissivness turned into addiction? - 9/23/2007 4:55:38 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5175
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		It sounds as if you're putting too much weight into finding the Domme of your dreams. 

A wise man once told me that my happiness should not be dependant on someone else.  If i wanted to be truly happy, only i could do that.  I took his advice to heart and within 2 weeks had gone from very depressed to content beyond my dreams.  The only thing i changed in that 2 weeks was my attitude.  I decided to get involved in activities i'd enjoyed in the past.  Finally i was no longer lonely or depressed.

Rather than center your search on finding you Domme, perhaps you should take time for self improvement.  Some of this self improvement could be things that will make you more attractive to a Domme.  You could take a massage class, a cooking class, a foreign language class, or an etiquette class.  You might even find that Domme you've been looking to serve at one of those classes, however, for a time self improvement and getting your own head together should be your goal. 

(in reply to ownedslavebitch)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Has my submissivness turned into addiction? - 9/23/2007 4:58:09 PM   
ownedslavebitch


Posts: 20
Joined: 4/2/2007
Status: offline 		thank you peppermint , I appreciate that and will take that advise very seriously

(in reply to peppermint)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Has my submissivness turned into addiction? - 9/23/2007 5:02:27 PM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		perhaps the internet is your addiction not your submissiveness....turn off the computer...don't turn it back on for a month, if you must use it for work, JUST use it for work...go out and live life....love life...there are things other than the internet...

this is coming from a self professed addict......usually we don't want to identify the real source of our problem so we try to shift the focus...."smoking crack is fucking up my life so i'll just smoke meth"  "drinking tequilla makes me black out so i'll switch to vodka...."  does that make sense? 

well...your case may not be so extreme, but from the outside it looks like "looking at collarme.com is dissrupting my sleep, so it must be my submissiveness..." which may or may not turn into "i will try not to be a submissive" and you will be up in the middle of the night reading the adult friend finder profiles in 3 months....or something....

and i am not trying to over analyze or dismiss your feelings but....honestly...get back in touch with reality then come back...i have become obsessed with the internet too...i still ocassionally have to take breaks....when what people around here say, hurts, its time for me to leave and go deal with people in the real world...

good luck...
chelle


_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to ownedslavebitch)
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RE: Has my submissivness turned into addiction? - 9/23/2007 5:07:46 PM   
ownedslavebitch


Posts: 20
Joined: 4/2/2007
Status: offline 		Dearest Chelle, thank you for your imput I am a recovering alcholic myself been sober since 96 I have tried very hard to surpress my submissive feelings before and it did not work it only made them grow stronger I dont think it is the internet that is my addiction sorry to disagree but it is hte feeling of being in someones service that I miss and desire so much and dont feel complete unless this is in my life thank you for your thoughts though and I do appreciate it

(in reply to chellekitty)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Has my submissivness turned into addiction? - 9/23/2007 5:26:25 PM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		ummm i would like to talk more with you in private but i can't send out emails from collarme, if you want you can send me a private email address through collarme cause i can still get them...

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to ownedslavebitch)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Has my submissivness turned into addiction? - 9/23/2007 5:30:22 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		I'm guessing you are lonely....just an assumption....I would try to find more people to spend time with while you search, just a suggestion.
Don't ever let any relationship or lack thereof consume you, you are more worthy than that.

l

(in reply to ownedslavebitch)
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RE: Has my submissivness turned into addiction? - 9/23/2007 6:49:26 PM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline 		Find something else fun to do for six months.

_____________________________

I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

(in reply to ownedslavebitch)
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RE: Has my submissivness turned into addiction? - 9/23/2007 6:56:28 PM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline 		Your profile mentions volunteerism among your "loves".  Depending on how you articulate your submissiveness, perhaps donating some time to a church, non-profit, or other other charitable endeavor would help--channel your energies towards rewarding activities that comport well with your submissive personality.  If along the way, you find a compatible Domme, then its a bonus.


_____________________________



(in reply to ownedslavebitch)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Has my submissivness turned into addiction? - 9/23/2007 7:05:04 PM   
BlackKnight


Posts: 767
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Funny, every woman I meet I see (in my minds eye) on her knees with her leash in my hands. I can't stop thinking about owning controling dominating women(and not getting arrested)

< Message edited by BlackKnight -- 9/23/2007 7:06:02 PM >

_____________________________

'Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.'
Life of Reason, Reason in Common Sense, Scribner's, 1905, page 284"
George Santayana

Just because I'm paranoid, doesn't mean they're not out to get me!

(in reply to celticlord2112)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Has my submissivness turned into addiction? - 9/23/2007 8:51:30 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline 		Hi ownedslavebitch,
To me your name indicates you are owned, so i am wondering if some potential dommes may be passing you up without reading your profile.

As for addiction--if it is interferring with your normal activities, chores, responsibilities, and/or work then it may be a problem and should be addressed.  Hubby made me leave CM for 6 months a few years ago because i was spending way too much time here. It might help to set aside a certain amount of time per day or week that you spend here and stick to it. Good luck in your search.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan


(in reply to ownedslavebitch)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Has my submissivness turned into addiction? - 9/24/2007 1:34:52 AM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		OK, I'll admit it, I'm confused. your name says "ownedslavebitch" ... ie it sounds as if you are currently owned. That would keep Me (if I was looking for boys in your country which I am not!) at arms length to start with, because no way do I want to poach someOne else's boy! your journal entry acknowledges this but says it's a name you chose because you DESIRE to be owned. Well you're not giving that impression with that name ... try want_to_be_owned, seekingOwner or something similar!

However, also in your profile I note that you are "expert" in a whole array of activities ... so this begs the question of how you acquired this expertise? Were you formerly owned and have been released? If so, this should be addressed too in your profile.

Seriously think about changing your nick for greater chances of success. And I agree with the others, don't sit around moping or focusing on this all the time. "you may be right, i may be crazy, but i just might be the lunatic you're looking for" isn't always going to work! Get out there, work on yourself ... that will make you all the more attractive when you contact Dommes. And it seems you're getting through a divorce at the moment ... that has to have had some emotional impact on you, even if only to represent the opportunity to finally live the lifestyle you've been secretly desiring! Which would explain the sort of subby fever you seem to be in the grip of. Chill out ... work on you ... the "right" person takes time for everyone to meet, very few people here have had instant success!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to ownedslavebitch)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Has my submissivness turned into addiction? - 9/24/2007 9:05:34 AM   
destroymyballs


Posts: 5
Joined: 9/21/2007
Status: offline 		Just relax. If it happens it happens.

(in reply to ownedslavebitch)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Has my submissivness turned into addiction? - 9/24/2007 9:44:41 AM   
AFlyInYourWeb


Posts: 284
Joined: 8/30/2007
Status: offline 		One productive method may be to spend less time with CM's Search Engine and more time on the Message Board.  Read the threads, and where appropriate, try to add something to the discussion at hand.  An intelligent post can net more attention than one thousand solicitation notes...or, when you finally send that note to a Domme, she might recognize your screen name from the Boards and look upon your application more favorably.

I also endorse CelticLord's suggestion.  Getting out into your vanilla community may not lead to meeting a Domme directly, but it will make you more interesting for a Domme to chat with when that moment comes.  I am active in groups that revolve around local history, the enviroment, veteran's affairs and politics.  One Domme I met on-line had just been elected to her condo's Board of Directors.  I spent three years on a co-op Board of Directors, and spent almost a decade in a real estate management firm..  I was able to render assistance to her that had nothing to do with BDSM, and which she found valuable.

Remember that most Dommes are women first, many times mothers second, sometimes career women third, and being a Domme can be a distant fourth.  Learn that credo...and alter your approach to finding a Domme accordingly. 


(in reply to destroymyballs)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Has my submissivness turned into addiction? - 9/24/2007 10:18:51 AM   
DarkDaddyZ


Posts: 805
Joined: 4/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

perhaps the internet is your addiction not your submissiveness....turn off the computer...don't turn it back on for a month, if you must use it for work, JUST use it for work...go out and live life....love life...there are things other than the internet...

this is coming from a self professed addict......usually we don't want to identify the real source of our problem so we try to shift the focus...."smoking crack is fucking up my life so i'll just smoke meth"  "drinking tequilla makes me black out so i'll switch to vodka...."  does that make sense? 

well...your case may not be so extreme, but from the outside it looks like "looking at collarme.com is dissrupting my sleep, so it must be my submissiveness..." which may or may not turn into "i will try not to be a submissive" and you will be up in the middle of the night reading the adult friend finder profiles in 3 months....or something....

and i am not trying to over analyze or dismiss your feelings but....honestly...get back in touch with reality then come back...i have become obsessed with the internet too...i still ocassionally have to take breaks....when what people around here say, hurts, its time for me to leave and go deal with people in the real world...

good luck...
chelle


WORD!  While I feel I "need" power exchange relationships and it is a part of me and I've tried to be without it, I try not to be "addicted" because I believe then it can become unhealthy and I've had unhealthy BDSM relationships based on (what I felt was) addiction and I take ownership of that.


_____________________________

"Flirting is part of the job description." DJ Jesus (Lucy Daughter Of The Devil)

Vanilla Official Music Page http://www.myspace.com/djzulu

(in reply to chellekitty)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Has my submissivness turned into addiction? - 9/24/2007 1:56:24 PM   
Pyrrsefanie


Posts: 1222
Joined: 9/18/2007
From: NEW HAMPSHAAAAAAH!
Status: offline 		You're horny, not addicted.  Spank that naughty monkey till it learns to behave itself.

(in reply to ownedslavebitch)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Has my submissivness turned into addiction? - 9/24/2007 8:33:47 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Pyrrsefanie

You're horny, not addicted.  Spank that naughty monkey till it learns to behave itself.


ROFL 

(in reply to Pyrrsefanie)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Has my submissivness turned into addiction? - 9/24/2007 9:12:57 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		its a hunger, and you are starving, and yet there is something beautiful about that.

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Has my submissivness turned into addiction? - 9/24/2007 10:36:52 PM   
littlebitxxx


Posts: 732
Status: offline 		Hello osb,
Personally I, too, find submissiveness addictive.  I look at people differently while at work or out shopping wondering if they are a Dom or Domme, seeing sub in some other eyes.  I found the headspace to be the part that did it for me.  With my ex-Master, I was more of a bottom for scenes - he just couldn't take me any deeper than that.  I had become addicted to submission, or what I thought it should be, in my own mind and became dissatisfied with only scening.  Upon release, I felt almost lost and searching.  Playing within the local community helped and I learned more about myself in the process.  I still find it very important to me, I still want to be Mastered not necessarily controlled or managed, you could say it is still an addiction.  But I have also learned patience will earn me that place again someday.  The time has to be right.

_____________________________

There is no such thing as can't unless it is followed by yet

It is the meaningless little acts that become meaningful in the doing.

The people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind.

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Has my submissivness turned into addiction? - 9/24/2007 11:07:15 PM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		you might as well face it your addicted to subs  or was that to love how ever that robert palmer song  goes lol

(in reply to littlebitxxx)
Profile   Post #: 20
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