paranoia about bdsm/ds

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defiantbadgirl -> paranoia about bdsm/ds (9/22/2007 8:12:59 PM)
I was wondering how many unmarried kinksters are afraid of others discovering their bdsm or d/s interests. Such fears can include but aren't limited to: 1. Fear of career being ruined 2. Fear of family, friends, or roomate(s) finding out 3. Fear of intruducing partner to family, friends, or roomate(s) because something might accidentally "slip out" 4. Fear of revealing home phone # or address (roomate might find out, family or friends might stop by) Have any of you experienced paranoia to this extent or do you know someone that has? If so, how did you get past it or help another to get past it?

bipolarber -> RE: paranoia about bdsm/ds (9/22/2007 8:16:58 PM)
I used to... but I came out in the early 90's. These days, if someone asks me, I tell them. I don't try to be a BDSM "evangilist," but I do try to be honest. So far, after nearly 17 years, I've only lost two friends, and one job. The friends I miss... but the job was replaced easily enough.

BeingChewsie -> RE: paranoia about bdsm/ds (9/22/2007 8:19:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl I was wondering how many unmarried kinksters are afraid of others discovering their bdsm or d/s interests. Such fears can include but aren't limited to: 1. Fear of career being ruined 2. Fear of family, friends, or roomate(s) finding out 3. Fear of intruducing partner to family, friends, or roomate(s) because something might accidentally "slip out" 4. Fear of revealing home phone # or address (roomate might find out, family or friends might stop by) Have any of you experienced paranoia to this extent or do you know someone that has? If so, how did you get past it or help another to get past it? I was terminated from a contract recently because of it. It ended up being a fine time to retire and pursue other projects with R, so it all worked out.

slaverosebeauty -> RE: paranoia about bdsm/ds (9/22/2007 8:23:42 PM)
I WAS found out a few years ago, I DID lose my job with the temp agency I was with at that time, how they found out, I never fully discovered, but when I fuiled a sexual harassment sute against the client and against my agency, things got BAD. I was blacklisted for over a year; do I regret my decision to press the lawsuite or to be invovled in M/s or bdsm, not once. I handled things with my head held high an I have since signed with another agency an I take a few mroe precautions in my personal life as far as work goes, I am carefull s to who I email and who I associate with at work and who knows about any part of my personal life. Nothing major. I'm not paranoid, if someone finds out, oh well, its not their business; and if its because they see my pics on a site, then good for them, by 'exposing' me they are exposing that tey were on such a site as well. I'm not worried; I talk about this part of my life in public places at times, not a big deal, people need to be adults and deal with it. I'm an adult, an I am in an adult relationship, it may not be mainstream or 'normal' by most standards, but it IS a consenting, healthy and caring and safe realtionship.

defiantbadgirl -> RE: paranoia about bdsm/ds (9/22/2007 8:25:34 PM)
Sorry to hear you lost your job, but glad it worked out for you. Did you ever discover how they found out?

laurell3 -> RE: paranoia about bdsm/ds (9/22/2007 8:29:42 PM)
Good topic and questions. I don't know if I'm paranoid as much as overly cautious. No fear of my partner letting something slip though, I can't say I've ever been with anyone where that has been a concern. Certainly, however, career, family (they're not the type you can really share, more the store the ammunition to shoot you in the head with it later type), and finally having had it happen and being female and single, the stalker types worry me, I'm not out mostly because of career, but also because of some of the lifestylers themselves I have encountered. l

MissMagnolia -> RE: paranoia about bdsm/ds (9/22/2007 8:37:15 PM)
No one get narky about this question please. I'm not making fun, I'm asking because I don't understand. Please note, I am in Australia, so our workplace relations laws will be different to the US. How does ones private life become a reason for losing a job? I mean if you aren't doing anything illegal, why would anyone consider it sufficient grounds for dismissal? I can understand people being worried about family finding out, I can't say my dear old Mum would be stoked to find out her daughter is a screaming Domina, lol, but losing a job just sounds ridiculous.

DarkDaddyZ -> RE: paranoia about bdsm/ds (9/22/2007 8:44:01 PM)
I lost my job with Georgia Building Authority based on my kink as well, of course they didn't say that's why I lost my job. I was open and out, now I am very selective except with kink friendly people. I'm not paranoid but I realize as my children get older and my (vanilla) responsiblities become more profound, that I must balance being kinky and being a professional, parent and more. Z-

laurell3 -> RE: paranoia about bdsm/ds (9/22/2007 8:47:01 PM)
Well I guess I should once again point out that it's not legal in most states to do what we do....so it is grounds for termination in some respects.

Pyrrsefanie -> RE: paranoia about bdsm/ds (9/22/2007 8:54:31 PM)
I used to worry, but I honestly stopped caring. I can always get another job or just start my own business back up, the friends I do have are kink-friendly, and my family isn't really a concern since it's incredibly tiny. Of the family members I have, my mother is in the lifestyle, my grandmother knows much worse things about me and loves me in spite of them (and has even helped me through a lot of them), and my grandfather likes strippers, watches porn and drinks all day so he's a fine one to preach about lifestyle choices. I guess my theory is that if somebody is worth my time or compassion they're going to stick by me no matter what. If they don't, then to Hell with them, they can be replaced. That being said, I don't rub people's faces in it out of common courtesy, but if they find out, then meh, they're better detectives than I thought they were. I really don't think the people who know me would be very surprised, though. I pretty much radiate "weird."

BeingChewsie -> RE: paranoia about bdsm/ds (9/22/2007 9:07:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl Sorry to hear you lost your job, but glad it worked out for you. Did you ever discover how they found out? Yup, they had my profile, my picture and my forum posts from here. It was someone I worked with who belongs here or stumbled on it and searched for people in her area and up I popped in search. She didn't think it was ethical or indicative of good moral character in a nurse. I don't think the hospital gave a fuck really but it was an HR issue and not wanting it to become a "bigger" issue. I was an agency nurse my contract was almost up anyway. R planned on pulling me fully from out the of the home work by mid 2008 anyway so he just did it sooner.

defiantbadgirl -> RE: paranoia about bdsm/ds (9/22/2007 9:16:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkDaddyZ I lost my job with Georgia Building Authority based on my kink as well, of course they didn't say that's why I lost my job. I was open and out, now I am very selective except with kink friendly people. I'm not paranoid but I realize as my children get older and my (vanilla) responsiblities become more profound, that I must balance being kinky and being a professional, parent and more. Z- How do you balance your d/s relationships? Do any of your subs meet your vanilla friends or family or is it similar to a married man with a secret mistress?

DarkDaddyZ -> RE: paranoia about bdsm/ds (9/22/2007 9:24:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl How do you balance your d/s relationships? Do any of your subs meet your vanilla friends or family or is it similar to a married man with a secret mistress? I don't have "many" vanilla friends honestly. I have clients and business "social friends" because I'm promote and DJ. Most of my leather family/submissives/friends support my business by attending events and interacting at them as well as doing the basic tasks I need for them there, but they are never over the top as submissives or serving as I don't throw my lifestyle out on non lifestylers. My parents know I am kinky. 10 years ago my Mother asked a lot of questions about the lifestyle, she hasn't in about 8 years. It got to a point where she really didn't want to know. She clearly knows that I am involved in kinky relationships anytime she meets anyone in my life. 2 of my three children are now teenagers and they aren't stupid. They know that a lot of times I'm catered too. Sometimes they think it's because I'm a DJ though, othertimes they probably question more than they should. So far it's been an pretty okay ride with them. One of the strongest reactions I remember was with my ex slave and her children and a slave came over to assist me in surprising my slave in a birthday celebration. She called my "Sir" over and over. Because I was used to it I didn't even think it was weird to the kids. When she left, one of them asked me why she addressed me as Sir instead of my name. I was taken aback but I answered, she was a southern girl after all we lived in Atlanta and everyone should be like that [:D]

defiantbadgirl -> RE: paranoia about bdsm/ds (9/22/2007 9:26:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BeingChewsie Yup, they had my profile, my picture and my forum posts from here. It was someone I worked with who belongs here or stumbled on it and searched for people in her area and up I popped in search. She didn't think it was ethical or indicative of good moral character in a nurse. I don't think the hospital gave a fuck really but it was an HR issue and not wanting it to become a "bigger" issue. I was an agency nurse my contract was almost up anyway. R planned on pulling me fully from out the of the home work by mid 2008 anyway so he just did it sooner. I'm suprised she wasn't questioned about what she was doing on this site herself. Even if I was a prude like her and thought bdsm was unethical, I damn sure wouldn't tell anyone at work because I'd be narking myself out as well as the other person.

domiguy -> RE: paranoia about bdsm/ds (9/22/2007 9:26:36 PM)
Every time we go out...I make sure she wears a short skirt with a huge butt plug, nipple clamps, ball gag....and latex hood.....Her tshirt reads "stupid sub." Mine of course says "I'm with stupid sub." And she is required to ask all of my family and friends if they require any sexual servicing at every family gathering or BBQ or funeral that we might attend.

DarkDaddyZ -> RE: paranoia about bdsm/ds (9/22/2007 9:29:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: domiguy Every time we go out...I make sure she wears a short skirt with a huge butt plug, nipple clamps, ball gag....and latex hood.....Her tshirt reads "stupid sub." Mine of course says "I'm with stupid sub." And she is required to ask all of my family and friends if they require any sexual servicing at every family gathering or BBQ or funeral that we might attend. Hey Domiguy: Do those t shirts come in 3X and 4X? If so, can I get 2?[:D]

defiantbadgirl -> RE: paranoia about bdsm/ds (9/22/2007 9:35:49 PM)
Domiguy, have you ever considered becoming a comedian?

MissMagnolia -> RE: paranoia about bdsm/ds (9/22/2007 9:42:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: laurell3 Well I guess I should once again point out that it's not legal in most states to do what we do....so it is grounds for termination in some respects. WOW, thank you SO much!! How kind. I guess I should point out ONCE AGAIN that I am in Australia and that we have entirely different work laws. I should also point out that, contrary to your seeming belief, I have not followed your OMFG 70 whole posts in this forum. ROFLMAO. Domi, I love you and want to have your babies.

defiantbadgirl -> RE: paranoia about bdsm/ds (9/22/2007 9:48:30 PM)
You did make it clear that you weren't from the United States.

LDRandAstarte -> RE: paranoia about bdsm/ds (9/22/2007 9:49:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: bipolarber I used to... but I came out in the early 90's. These days, if someone asks me, I tell them. I don't try to be a BDSM "evangilist," but I do try to be honest. So far, after nearly 17 years, I've only lost two friends, and one job. The friends I miss... but the job was replaced easily enough. Ditto, We are open about it. My car in fact has a license plate ring which reads "Chains Required, Whips Optional". It does draw lots of questions, including from people at work. If they ask, I tell them, Including my boss, he had the balls to ask such a question in the work place and if he had not liked the answer to the extent that I lost my job, I would have owned him!

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