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RE: Newbie seeks starter advice - 9/24/2007 2:50:00 PM

Pyrrsefanie

Posts: 1222
Joined: 9/18/2007
From: NEW HAMPSHAAAAAAH!
Status: offline

Taking part in discussions on the forums helps to get you "out there." Don't feel bad, I think I got one reply on my introduction thread! Just shake it off and keep trudging through. The more you expose yourself to the community, the more people are going to start taking notice of you as a regular and not just a face in the crowd.

(in reply to joehandey)

Post #: 21

RE: Newbie seeks starter advice - 9/24/2007 3:03:35 PM

LaMistressa

Posts: 460
Joined: 12/4/2006
Status: offline

I firmly believe that being active in your local scene helps tremendously. There's a very active scene in both DC and Baltimore (if that is closer to you.) If you don't find what you're looking for via google, shoot me an email.

(in reply to Pyrrsefanie)

Post #: 22

RE: Newbie seeks starter advice - 9/24/2007 4:13:04 PM

apiercedkitty

Posts: 569
Joined: 2/22/2007
From: Michigan
Status: offline

~FR~

What everyone else says about getting out in the community. As for me personally, i always preferred a nice, thought out (non C&P'd) email telling me a lil about who was sending. Give a brief description of what You are and what You're looking for. Also - as others have said - posting here will get You exposure as well.
Good luck in Your search!

_____________________________

normal is a setting on a washing machine...

(in reply to mistressdiva137)

Post #: 23

RE: Newbie seeks starter advice - 9/24/2007 4:38:34 PM

DivaDuchess

Posts: 402
Joined: 8/17/2006
Status: offline

Suggestions:

1. Add something to your list of things you do ... such as painting or shopping, anything.
2. You profile is VERY sparce.
3. According to a friend of mine who is a submissive ... she said you need to be a litlle less needy. She's the one that needs, you should be seeking.

Anyways, so far, that's it.

Diva

_____________________________

Duchess

Courage is not the absence of Fear,
But rather the judgement that,
Something else is more important than Fear.

The Brave may not live forever,
But the Cautious do not live at all.

(in reply to mistressdiva137)

Post #: 24

RE: Newbie seeks starter advice - 10/28/2007 2:12:54 PM

joehandey

Posts: 5
Joined: 6/10/2007
From: Western Maryland
Status: offline

Thanks again, all of you, for lots of helpful advice. I've finally gotten around to updating my profile. Please feel free to comment again!

(in reply to DivaDuchess)

Post #: 25

RE: Newbie seeks starter advice - 10/28/2007 2:34:08 PM

apiercedkitty

Posts: 569
Joined: 2/22/2007
From: Michigan
Status: offline

i only read the first few posts so forgive me if i'm repeating advice but it's dinner time and i'm starving and don't wanna read the rest :)~
my advice about sending messages to prospective subs is to be polite and treat her like You would any other woman You met - not on a kink site. i've always been more likely to reply if the message is well thought out, tells me a bit about the Dom in general and what kinds of things He likes - both vanilla and BDSM... oh yeah, also include what it is You're looking for - so she doesn't necessarily have to read Your whole profile to find out.
Like others have said, just be You and good luck!!!

*edited to add... and i just realized i pretty much posted this same thing before - sorry - i thought this post looked familiar... lol*

< Message edited by apiercedkitty -- 10/28/2007 2:37:07 PM >

_____________________________

normal is a setting on a washing machine...

(in reply to joehandey)

Post #: 26

RE: Newbie seeks starter advice - 10/28/2007 2:36:48 PM

sammiebabygirl

Posts: 465
Joined: 10/23/2004
From: Upstate, NY
Status: offline

Joe,
I want to echo what others have said about local community. Living where you do gives you access to Black Rose, which is one of the largest and IMO, one of the best communities in the country, second only to TES.
They have tons of educational demos, munches and SIGs(Special Interest Groups). They also have a yearly event that usually is sold out and takes over at least 2 whole hotels for the weekend.

Add to your profile as others have suggested.

Personally, I love your vanilla interests and if you were not married, I would take an interest. You are my type.

jen

_____________________________

"Men are like pianos. When they get upright, i feel GRAND!!!"

http://charldine.com/jen2820

(in reply to joehandey)

Post #: 27

RE: Newbie seeks starter advice - 10/28/2007 2:39:10 PM

MasterDaveM

Posts: 78
Joined: 12/5/2006
From: Tampa
Status: offline

to the OP (original poster)

first off.. be yourself. women dont have to view profiles, their mail box is already full... think i am kidding? create a fake fem profile someday... make the narrative really fucked up and put in a pic of a hot chick... no matter what you had to say you will have 4000 mails by lunch

secondly...a good place to read and learn more would be www.castlerealm.com this a pretty good site although it can be a little "no duh... i KNEW that much" sometimes

also try munchs... get to know people in the real world in the lifestyle. the online world is often times more than a little "tore up from the floor up" (think i am kidding? wait until you have your first online relationship)

(in reply to mistressdiva137)

Post #: 28

RE: Newbie seeks starter advice - 10/28/2007 2:40:50 PM

RosesHaveThorns

Posts: 312
Joined: 10/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

I'm a writer and musician, a thinker and an artist.

What sort of writer? What do you write? Do you write professionally, or not? What sort of music do you play? What does artist mean to you? Which sort are you?

quote:

I love good conversation. For me Shakespeare and Plato and Dante, Beethoven and Rembrandt and Einstein, are perennial interests, not just things I studied in college.

Anyone can name names. What do you like to study? What topics intrigue you most?

quote:

I'm a gentleman, considerate and respectful and well-mannered. I'm interested in erotic dominance, but not in actually running anybody's life.

I like how you clearly state what you want, but this statment implies that anyone who is a 24/7 master is not a gentleman, resepectful or polite. Consider dirvorcing these two statements.

quote:

I'm in an open (vanilla) marriage, but I want to find a serious, long-term D/s relationship that also involves other shared interests.

Wait...Are you saying you won't settle down into a D/S relationship or with anyone kinky? I'm somewhat confused by this.

Also, use the forums to your advantage. See what advice has been given to others, and look to see if a woman has posted on the forums if you are unclear about her profile, maybe a post of her says something about training. (Would others think that is stalking? I don't)

< Message edited by RosesHaveThorns -- 10/28/2007 2:42:36 PM >

(in reply to apiercedkitty)

Post #: 29

RE: Newbie seeks starter advice - 10/28/2007 2:44:17 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Well, the thread probably got you more profile views, if not actual contacts.

I'd like to add Myself to the folks who suggested you get out to your r/t community. While there is a lot of information on the net, I don't think it compares to what can be found out there in the real world. I'd also agree with the suggestion about reading some books about the lifestyle. It will help you become more familiar with some of the terms that you'll hear people use.

As to why you're not getting as many responses to your profile as you might like, I'll tell you what I say to most who are starting out. If you were a submissive, what would be your criteria in searching for a match? Would you want someone who's just learning how to use that whip, or someone who's got some skill? Would you want someone who's got some experience as a Master, or someone who's still working on figuring it all out? I know that sounds kind of rough, but it also happens to be true. It means you're probably going to have to have some patience in waiting for someone who wants something with some substance. Don't feel bad about this. It's common for males on both sides of the kneel.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to joehandey)

Post #: 30

RE: Newbie seeks starter advice - 10/28/2007 3:58:22 PM

grlneedstolearn

Posts: 728
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline

To answer your first question: For i look for what a person has to say in their profile, both in this lifestyle and in a vanilla. If i don't see what he has put down on what they like in this lifestyle, a little more about who they are as a Dom, what their looking for in a submissive then i tend to read more. Also, and i won't speak for anyone else, but i prefer for the Dom to be single and not already in a relationship, but that's just me.

2) i am being trained by a wonderful Dom, and yes it may not sit well with others the term "training, being trained" etc., but i'm again not speaking for everyone else either. For example, my Dom has been in this lifestyle for quite a while now learning more and more until he was comfortable taking on his own submissive. But he has also trained other females on being a submissive as well, me included and his longest so far

. He most likely learned from books, watching others, and had a knack for it since he was young, though we didn't really discuss his side of it oh well.
Hope this answers your questions and first and foremost, like others have said, be open, patient, and honest

(in reply to joehandey)

Post #: 31

RE: Newbie seeks starter advice - 10/28/2007 4:05:45 PM

MrSpectacular

Posts: 1153
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

To the OP - Always be polite - don't send a constant stream of email - if someone does not respond give up. Don't expect too much - and when you do make a connection it will then be all the more fun. Also, relax there is no race to be won, take your time get to know people here.

_____________________________

Yes I am Spectacular and they are real!

(in reply to grlneedstolearn)

Post #: 32

RE: Newbie seeks starter advice - 10/28/2007 7:37:40 PM

Goddess20

Posts: 73
Joined: 7/12/2007
From: Birmingham, England
Status: offline

Its entirely up to you but maybe you could do with putting a few more BDSM interests.

And add more about you rather than what you want.

If you don't want the whole of CM knowing everything about you then you need to go searching and sending. and when you send emails to subs you like explain yourself in detail there.

But as someone else send be youself.

That way you'll attract the subs/slaves you're actually looking for, quality over quantity.

< Message edited by Goddess20 -- 10/28/2007 7:39:33 PM >

(in reply to joehandey)

Post #: 33

RE: Newbie seeks starter advice - 10/29/2007 8:55:42 AM

Matadorr

Posts: 25
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline

Ok so I already privately messaged the main thrust of my adivce for you...but ill just enlighten a few peopl here while im at it.

Girls like fun playfull guys...it shows alot of things, it creates fun, destorys logic (which is boring and doesnt make a girl attracted to you), creates positive conversation and flow (more positive than anything logical can be) and it shows your very secure with urself (takes alot more balls to come in smiling when meeting new people than to be a 'gentleman' or a hardass.)

thats whats wrong with ur profile. Also woman like men who hav standards...no need to be extreme but u shoudl def list what ur looking for. INterests?? ive never had a conversation with a girl about my hobbies or interests...im sorry but that shit it boring and lame...girls DO NOT LIKE IT. MAYBE one will tolerate it...or MAYBE one will like you still...but the conversation itself will do NOTHING for you.

Girls like this.

HEr: I like Tv too
you: 'thats so cool! we r so totally getting married'

her: what was that?
you: u wernt listening :O 'omg we r like soooo broken up... I want my cds back'

HEr: I play violin....
You: really omg !!! I do too...we have sooo much in common! ...ok thats a lie I dont play violin but like, if I did...man we would get along so good.

Her: i have a stomach piercing

YOu: no way...I cant even hang out with you now...those peircings are too cool...

U will notice all of this is playfull and takes her logical conversation and turns it into meaningless dribble...cose guess what? attraction is about allowing her to get along with you or 'vibing'...and allowing her to hav fun and laugh.You create bullshit social situations that dont exist just to HAV FUN. If you say...I cant even hang out with you now (because of some lame reason) she will know its just flirty and fun. SHe might say 'oh well fine then!! we r not even friends'. and then u say 'I know we arnt. I hate you! we r so broken up' ...'ok now im lonely come here I need love and affection'...'ur such a good hugger I giv you 5 stars...im quite the conesuire u know...ur like top ten material even top 5.' she might say ' what only top 5!! I should be number 1'...'maybe one day you might reach that level of mastery...i see some talent in you, you might just need some practice..its ok im here all night'.

shit like this. you can see how it ALLOWS for dynamic and flirtation. For fun and positivity. For pretend push and pull PRETENDING that your not into her at times...and the pretending ur WAY too much into her.

PLayfullness will let her laugh (even if its not technically 'funny'...its playfull and not boring and you WILL get laughs) When someone says to you 'hey how are you?'... the purpose or subbcommunication of the message is...'hey I like you, lets get along and hav some conversation'. SO obviously....everyone says 'good', 'great'...positivity is called vibing...because the purpose of conversation is to get along THATS IT.

SO with woman...illogical playfullness and super positivity = alot.

Your profile is exactly like the anti-christ of this. YOu are like the god of logic...the gentleman who will 'teach you the ways of the world' ect. ect. That spells ZERO attraction to a girl apart from looks (which dont mean much unfortunatley).

Why not hav apic of you smiling and hanging out with some women? That will show anyone who looks at ur profile that ur fun and that women enjoy ur company.

Why not show u hav standards.

Why not be a bit more out-there...and alot less conservative. So what im suggesting for you is an identity change. U wont take it. or care. but at least try mixing it up abit.

YOu probably wont believe me...but I hav a high IQ, im very intelligent and do well at university and intellectual discourse in general. But I dont define myself by that....that will lead to no lovin for u.

Thats my massive 2 cents. If people disagree thats YOUR OPINION and you are welcome too it but please dont flame me cose u wont change my mind and I dont care about changing urs.

< Message edited by Matadorr -- 10/29/2007 9:05:07 AM >

(in reply to mistressdiva137)

Post #: 34

RE: Newbie seeks starter advice - 10/29/2007 12:51:42 PM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline

Words of advice that have gotten me through a LOT of hard times and helped me to find my current slave and wife.

To Feel alone when by yourself is to be in Bad Company

If even you don't want to be around you why wuld anyone else?

Always do what makes you happy that way anyone you meet will already have that in common with you.

Once a day look in the mirror and say:

You are one sexy bitch!

Always Always Always be yourself! That way you don't have to work so hard on remembering someone you aren't.

WORK TO YOUR FAILURES

If you suck at something say so most people can relate to not being good at something but only someone who is just as good at something can relate to being good at it.

And Finally

No Matter what always be Honest

A lie is something you tell to someone who you don't give a shit about. Why tell someone you don't care about them from the beginning? Unless that is what you wanted.

As Always

Steel

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to Matadorr)

Post #: 35

RE: Newbie seeks starter advice - 10/29/2007 1:04:09 PM

SmokingGun82

Posts: 575
Joined: 6/19/2004
Status: offline

I took a quick gander at your profile, and except for fleshing it out a little more, I'd say it's fine. As others have said, if you add a little more about what you like (in or out of the lifestyle) you might get a little more notice.

Although the best advice, which someone else has given but I'll echo, is to keep posting on the forums. I've gotten more emails from people who liked something I said on the forums than anything else... some of them have gone places, some haven't, but it's been decent conversation, for the most part.

I think anything else I'd say has already been said, so I'll just say best of luck and be done.

_____________________________

It frightens me, the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
- Bob Dylan

Proper capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse" and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse."

(in reply to mistressdiva137)

Post #: 36

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