stressing over being cared for

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

stressing over being cared for

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> stressing over being cared for

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

stressing over being cared for - 9/17/2007 1:54:33 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline

I know others have posted about this before.. When I have my hip replacement in Nov. Hubby will have to care for me for quite a while and take over most of the household chores. He has never done any of this before and i am stressed out over it. He's never cooked anything, never washed a dish, never cleaned, never done laundry except in college 40 yrs ago, never fed the cat, never even taken out the garbage. I plan to have everything in as good of shape as possible before the surgery. Thank goodness the yard won't need much attention that time of year. I will buy some healthy frozen meals but that can get very old real fast, will also buy a lot of paper plates. I will feel so useless it's really bothering me. Any suggestions?

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

Post #: 1

RE: stressing over being cared for - 9/17/2007 2:00:09 PM

Bobkgin

Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

Yes.

Tell him men have been surviving on their own for tens of thousands of years, and it is time he learned to do the same.

If necessary, write out instructions and post them in a prominent place so he doesn't keep bugging you about how he does this or that.

Sorry for being testy, but I don't do the 'helpless man in the house' and I've little patience for men who can't or won't learn.

_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.

(in reply to proudsub)

Post #: 2

RE: stressing over being cared for - 9/17/2007 2:03:39 PM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

I am wondering if that is going to be more painful after the major pain from the surgery has subsided.

My .02 suggestion is to try to give him some slack whether you communicate it outwards or say nothing to him but think it in your mind. I would imagine after you doing it all these years stuff will done different or not get done that will drive you crazy in addition to not being able to take of your one so it will only add to your discomfort.

I would also, of course this is coming from a nurse, make sure when you start doing more of your things is because you can and are allowed to by your doctors and not about guilt. Your Master will probably know the difference and do not worry him more by him thinking you are pushing yourself when I am sure he will not want you to.

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to proudsub)

Post #: 3

RE: stressing over being cared for - 9/17/2007 2:07:05 PM

heartfeltsub

Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

This is just a suggestion and i don't know if it is helpful in your situation, but when i have been laid up in the past or had submissive friends who were laid up, we would train off helping each other out by picking up some of the workload. For example, maybe cooking some meals for each other or coming in to do some cleaning, whatever you might feel would be most helpful. Like i said, i don't know if where you live you have lifestyle community around you or someone you could trust with those tasks, but it is a thought.

Edited to add, as you mentioned a hip replacement, i don't know how much mobility you currently have, but it might be helpful to start making some meals ahead (Casseroles or pasta dishes) and freezing them. Maybe making one more dinner a week or something so that by the time that Nov. comes you have a couple of weeks worth of meals made up.

heartfelt

< Message edited by heartfeltsub -- 9/17/2007 2:09:24 PM >

_____________________________

Life is an exciting business, and most exciting when it is lived for others.

Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.

Life is either a great adventure or nothing.

Helen Keller

50 NZ points

(in reply to toservez)

Post #: 4

RE: stressing over being cared for - 9/17/2007 2:08:50 PM

SubJordanTyler

Posts: 268
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

Yes.

Tell him men have been surviving on their own for tens of thousands of years, and it is time he learned to do the same.

If necessary, write out instructions and post them in a prominent place so he doesn't keep bugging you about how he does this or that.

Sorry for being testy, but I don't do the 'helpless man in the house' and I've little patience for men who can't or won't learn.

Exactly...........I live on my own and have for years. I do everything - cook, clean, take out the garbage, do laundry, pay bills, shop, etc. And this is while going to school and working at the same time. I agree he needs to learn. Besides, what is it they say in the marriage vows?? For better or for worse, in sickness and in health. He needs to live up to that. If it was my wife in that situation, you better believe I'd do whatever was needed to help her through that time as easy as painless as possible for her. It's what you do.

(in reply to Bobkgin)

Post #: 5

RE: stressing over being cared for - 9/17/2007 2:10:50 PM

MistressSassy66

Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: proudsub

I know others have posted about this before.. When I have my hip replacement in Nov. Hubby will have to care for me for quite a while and take over most of the household chores. He has never done any of this before and i am stressed out over it. He's never cooked anything, never washed a dish, never cleaned, never done laundry except in college 40 yrs ago, never fed the cat, never even taken out the garbage. I plan to have everything in as good of shape as possible before the surgery. Thank goodness the yard won't need much attention that time of year. I will buy some healthy frozen meals but that can get very old real fast, will also buy a lot of paper plates. I will feel so useless it's really bothering me. Any suggestions?

I can see why your stressed.
If he hasnt taken care of himself in 40 years,how could he possibly care for another.

I would ask a friend or family for help,providing they can and know about your Lifestyle.

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to proudsub)

Post #: 6

RE: stressing over being cared for - 9/17/2007 2:14:26 PM

mmb1

Posts: 304
Joined: 8/3/2007
Status: offline

If he loves you, he will figure out a way, afterall, we don't relinquish all for no reason, there is sunshine as well as clouds:) I hope all goes well for you :)

(in reply to MistressSassy66)

Post #: 7

RE: stressing over being cared for - 9/17/2007 2:41:42 PM

SirCache

Posts: 159
Joined: 3/26/2005
Status: offline

The greatest power a Dom can wield is not in what is exerted over a sub, but in the strength of himself. Definitely have friends help, and as others have said--cook many meals ahead of time. Show him some of the basics, and write out what you can so that he can build on his own confidence. It's going to be hard for him, but the last thing a Dom should be is utterly helpless in keeping the home--and his sub--healthy.

(in reply to proudsub)

Post #: 8

RE: stressing over being cared for - 9/17/2007 2:45:25 PM

Bobkgin

Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

(Casseroles or pasta dishes) and freezing them. Maybe making one more dinner a week or something so that by the time that Nov. comes you have a couple of weeks worth of meals made up.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think a hip-replacement heals in a couple of weeks.

More like six months?

_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.

(in reply to heartfeltsub)

Post #: 9

RE: stressing over being cared for - 9/17/2007 2:49:41 PM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

(Casseroles or pasta dishes) and freezing them. Maybe making one more dinner a week or something so that by the time that Nov. comes you have a couple of weeks worth of meals made up.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think a hip-replacement heals in a couple of weeks.

More like six months?

Depends on the person, but certainly way more then two weeks but less than six months to do a lot of things but more than six months from no restrictions. Not my area but probably a good three months before even having a chance at doing the basic chores of a house without help.

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to Bobkgin)

Post #: 10

RE: stressing over being cared for - 9/17/2007 3:05:54 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: proudsub

I know others have posted about this before.. When I have my hip replacement in Nov. Hubby will have to care for me for quite a while and take over most of the household chores. He has never done any of this before and i am stressed out over it. He's never cooked anything, never washed a dish, never cleaned, never done laundry except in college 40 yrs ago, never fed the cat, never even taken out the garbage. I plan to have everything in as good of shape as possible before the surgery. Thank goodness the yard won't need much attention that time of year. I will buy some healthy frozen meals but that can get very old real fast, will also buy a lot of paper plates. I will feel so useless it's really bothering me. Any suggestions?

I'm rather surprised at some of the responses here. To me, this is a question about 'you', not about your husband, at least if I understand your question correctly.

Okay, some of the things you can do to feel more useful while you're laid up. Hmm.. how about doing some crafts, perhaps selling them on Ebay? Use that money to hire some help around the house so your husband doesn't have to do it all alone? Organize some help before the surgery.. getting together a calender of when and who can help, what days, what they can do. Organizing is a great skill and even if you can't participate, directing the operations so your husband can concentrate on other things can help you towards feeling useful.

There are some things you'll be able to do even if laid up in bed (once you feel well enough to sit up and such.) Polish silverware, keep the checkbook balanced, make sure his favorite shows are being recorded in case he gets caught up and misses them, write letters to friends and family to keep them posted of what's going on, in addition to making crafts for sale you can also make them for holiday gifts, learn how to do something you don't do now (or haven't been able to do because you've been too busy taking care of everything else!) .. knit, sew, crochet .. things like that.

Good luck, proud!

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to proudsub)

Post #: 11

RE: stressing over being cared for - 9/17/2007 4:11:00 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline

Thank you all for the replies and suggestions. Those who said He should learn these things anyway are right, i have spoiled Him way too much over the years. I will show Him some basics before the surgery, and will write out some instructions.

quote:

I would imagine after you doing it all these years stuff will done different or not get done that will drive you crazy in addition to not being able to take of your one so it will only add to your discomfort.

I would also, of course this is coming from a nurse, make sure when you start doing more of your things is because you can and are allowed to by your doctors and not about guilt. Your Master will probably know the difference and do not worry him more by him thinking you are pushing yourself when I am sure he will not want you to.

Thank you toservez, you are absolutely right and i will be careful of that.

quote:

This is just a suggestion and i don't know if it is helpful in your situation, but when i have been laid up in the past or had submissive friends who were laid up, we would train off helping each other out by picking up some of the workload.

Good idea but we are very private about our lifestyle. My daughter will help when she can.

quote:

i don't know how much mobility you currently have, but it might be helpful to start making some meals ahead (Casseroles or pasta dishes) and freezing them

I plan to do that but unfortunately our freezer is very small. Hubby will probably get a lot of take out for us.

quote:

If it was my wife in that situation, you better believe I'd do whatever was needed to help her through that time as easy as painless as possible for her. It's what you do.

Oh i know He will do what He has to, it just bothers me that He has to.

quote:

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think a hip-replacement heals in a couple of weeks.

More like six months?

It's 1-2 weeks needing full time care; 6 weeks for driving; 4-6 weeks using a walker, then a cane for a few more months.

quote:

To me, this is a question about 'you', not about your husband, at least if I understand your question correctly.

Thank you celeste, you are right but i still appreciate all the other suggestions. Thank you also for the suggestions of ways to feel useful. I do plan to continue taking care of our finances; all my silver needs polishing so that is a good idea; when i can sit long enough at the computer i will do more to help Him with some aspects of His business, there is a lot He still wants me to learn. The crafts are a good idea but probably just for myself not to sell, maybe make some Xmas decorations, will add that to my list of things to buy ahead of time.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 12

RE: stressing over being cared for - 9/17/2007 4:17:33 PM

Rover

Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline

My own suggestion is to talk this issue over with your husband/Master. I presume you look to him for guidance, and I have no doubt that he can determine for himself how best to handle this situation. How any of us may decide to handle this in our own relationship dynamic means absolutely nothing.

None of us (and I mean none of us) know your specific relationship dynamic and have any right to be deciding what is or isn't "right" for you.

John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to proudsub)

Post #: 13

RE: stressing over being cared for - 9/17/2007 4:26:24 PM

celticlord2112

Posts: 5732
Status: offline

I would suggest both of you say "I'm sorry" ahead of time for everything that's going to get done wrong over that initial recovery period when he's having to do everything you have been accustomed to handling. Realize that he's going to do everything "all wrong", he's going to put everything in all the wrong places, yet you're going to have to let him win every argument about whether you can get up and do it yourself--because your recovery will rather insist on it!

Submissive or not, he's moving into your "space" for a time, and that's not going to be entirely comfortable for either of you. Recognize disorientation for what it is and don't let it disrupt your core dynamic more than necessary.

A lesson I learned some time back from a slave who assured me that if I wanted dinner on the table in a timely fashion I should get my domly ass out of the kitchen!

_____________________________

(in reply to proudsub)

Post #: 14

RE: stressing over being cared for - 9/17/2007 4:32:23 PM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

Proudsub...i feel for you, i do. I am very sorry you are having trouble with your hip and i hope the surgery helps...When i was with my Master on one of His trips i got a migraine.It was awful. He brought me ice packs for my head...made me tea...it was terrible!!! i felt SO guilty...He assured me that taking care of His property was a joy to Him...that helped...i realize you will be needing care ALOT longer...but i do empathize with you some...i wish you a speedy and as painless as possible recovery.

Sincerely, Candy

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to proudsub)

Post #: 15

RE: stressing over being cared for - 9/17/2007 5:38:05 PM

Cyntilating

Posts: 581
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline

Proudsub

I'm sorry that I am responding to this a little late, But I wanted to also include my well wishes for a speedy recovery..Hope all goes well ...
a dear friend of mine had hip replacement 3 years ago...It is a long tedious process( as Im sure youve been advised ) of important recovery and rehab...her family really had to step up and help and she had to LET them help and do for her........but she says it was worth it all to get her abilities back and do away with all the pain she was in..

I also really liked what Candy added....when her master re-assured her that taking care of his property is a joy.. : )

wishes for a fast but thorough healing..
smiles

_____________________________

Cyndi

.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

(in reply to proudsub)

Post #: 16

RE: stressing over being cared for - 9/17/2007 5:49:17 PM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

Hire a housekeeper to come in once a week. Really. It will allow him a learning curve in keeping things in shape between her visits and alleviate your stress at living in a pigsty because he doesn't know what to do.

They also sell books about learning to cook and clean. Look on amazon and get him some. That way he can study up without having to come running to you all the time.

It's a long recovery, good luck getting back on your feet.

(in reply to Cyntilating)

Post #: 17

RE: stressing over being cared for - 9/17/2007 5:59:53 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

quote:

ORIGINAL: proudsub

I know others have posted about this before.. When I have my hip replacement in Nov. Hubby will have to care for me for quite a while and take over most of the household chores. He has never done any of this before and i am stressed out over it. He's never cooked anything, never washed a dish, never cleaned, never done laundry except in college 40 yrs ago, never fed the cat, never even taken out the garbage. I plan to have everything in as good of shape as possible before the surgery. Thank goodness the yard won't need much attention that time of year. I will buy some healthy frozen meals but that can get very old real fast, will also buy a lot of paper plates. I will feel so useless it's really bothering me. Any suggestions?

I'm rather surprised at some of the responses here. To me, this is a question about 'you', not about your husband, at least if I understand your question correctly.

Okay, some of the things you can do to feel more useful while you're laid up. Hmm.. how about doing some crafts, perhaps selling them on Ebay? Use that money to hire some help around the house so your husband doesn't have to do it all alone? Organize some help before the surgery.. getting together a calender of when and who can help, what days, what they can do. Organizing is a great skill and even if you can't participate, directing the operations so your husband can concentrate on other things can help you towards feeling useful.

There are some things you'll be able to do even if laid up in bed (once you feel well enough to sit up and such.) Polish silverware, keep the checkbook balanced, make sure his favorite shows are being recorded in case he gets caught up and misses them, write letters to friends and family to keep them posted of what's going on, in addition to making crafts for sale you can also make them for holiday gifts, learn how to do something you don't do now (or haven't been able to do because you've been too busy taking care of everything else!) .. knit, sew, crochet .. things like that.

Good luck, proud!

Celeste

I think these are excellent suggestions, Celeste.

Regardless of Ds role or orientation I think it can be very difficult of some of us to let go of our responsibilities even when it is what is best for us. I am terrible at this myself.

One thing I have done is make a to do list that consists of things that I can do. For example when I broke my foot I had a list of books to read and daily check ins with everyone in the house. This gave me something to do but also made sure I stayed in touch with everyone even when I didn't need to to fetch for me.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 18

RE: stressing over being cared for - 9/17/2007 6:03:02 PM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline

If you have the money, maybe you could hire out some help.

Keep in mind the situation is temporary, and a little role reversal might be fun.

Psychologically, too, know that your being sidelined serves a greater purpose of you having improved health and mobility. This will make you more "useful" on the back end.

And as a real non sequitor, if I were your neighbor, I would have loved to pitch in to help somehow.

(in reply to proudsub)

Post #: 19

RE: stressing over being cared for - 9/17/2007 6:03:19 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Train him well, and then be happy in doing such a great job in your service that he finds no problems in stepping up to the plate when called upon.

It's very hard not to feel a loss of self when we lose a lot of what we DO which brings us fulfillment, and especially so when it calls upon OTHERS to do it FOR us as well.

But you must simply look deeper to the strength you have together- who you are is NOT what you do, what your relationship is is NOT who does the cooking. You'll be fine.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> stressing over being cared for

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094