RE: The not so stupid Doms how far would you really go poll.

RE: The not so stupid Doms how far would you really go poll. (Full Version)

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Cyntilating -> RE: The not so stupid Doms how far would you really go poll. (9/12/2007 6:04:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: chellekitty quote: ORIGINAL: Cyntilating I ask because.... > it took me years to feel that "soft cushy cloud floaty type "subspace" that most talked about.......the place I went (right off the bat )> was a very dark and primal, almost animalistic place... thankfully I was with someone who could handle this and knew how to keep me ( and himself ) safe from physically hurting myself & would only let me stay a short time.....even then> I would come out shaking and feeling very vulnerable..sometimes afraid....feeling dark myself.. even tho' > there was something about it that was thrilling and euphoric in its own way...and compelled me to want deeper..... and I don't think I was anywhere near " my limit or farthest edges" ..... so...my question comes from feeling all that...and wondering... going deeper? what is there? i was discussing this topic with a female Dominant friend of mine just a little while ago and this came up...she described her scene dynamics with her girl as very primal and i was like...yes thats what i want....but on major major steroids...times a thousand...is the best way i can describe it...and i don't think that a couple of hours of after care would be satisfactory...not even sure if a couple of days would work...i would probably have to have a couple of weeks...and the scene i am imagining, though i have no actual concept, would last much longer than the average scene... just my thoughts for now... Chellekitty thank you for sharing that.. ...interesting... is it the danger? the escape or losing yourself in that ? maybe what happens afterward that is so comforting and soothing after something so hard and harsh? any ideas why? for me, I did/do find a part of myself in there...a part of me that feels( is able to feel ) so intensely... there is a freedom in those noises and sounds that seem to come from my toes..purging things along the path until they exit my body with the noise... that was the part that was compelling to me.. it was freekin scary but afterward ( sometimes hours)> it was cathartic..and I became so soft, content and ( this is gonna sound weird but ) innocent. does any of this sound familiar..?

CreativeDominant -> RE: The stupid Doms how far would you really go poll. (9/12/2007 6:16:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kelika I haven't asked for that type of scene yet, but I have asked to take me further than what I want to go. The thing is, I would only do it with someone I trust completely. I actually have exchanged emails with Fifth Angel who wrote Your Pain, My Pleasure about a possible scene; but not to that extreme. For me, I don't know I would want it from someone I loved so much as someone that was incredibly experienced in both BDSM, martial arts as well as a nurse or paramedic or something. They tend to be able to watch someone's vital's and can stop it, but yet take right to that point from what I have seen. Happy hunting...and be careful for what you wish for Kelika Ahhhhhhhhh...and therin lies a paradox. You say that you could only do this type of scene with someone you trusted in an incredibly deep fashion...yet say you would not do it with someone you love. What does that say to the Master/Mistress you love so very much? That you really, really, really love them and really, really, really trust them but...NOT to take you to this place spoken of. You want to do that with someone you really, really, really trust but not love. Who then will take care of you after the scene? Those you did not want to have do it? They get to "clean up" after the one you trusted enough to take you to this state has moved on because...after all...you are not His/Hers to deal with? But...someone also spoke of the danger of it poisoning the relationship once those really deep demons are brought out. So...given the danger of those demons, a good reason to seek someone you do not love to do this...but then that takes us back to the paragraph posted above, does it not?

CreativeDominant -> RE: The stupid Doms how far would you really go poll. (9/12/2007 6:24:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BoiJen FA is a GREAT guy btw. I got to meet him at an event in NC that he was presenting and playing at. I see a lot of posts from D-type here about "I would if they really wanted to..." I thought you guys were supposed to be in charge? Not to change the subject. As someone else noted...if I decide to do/not do something that they ask for, that IS me being in charge. Just because I don't want to go there or I am not the one to broach it does not take away from my control. quote: I ask for it all the time and get told "nope I don't feel like it" which translates to..."when you least expect it"...it's about enduring and the risk...it wouldn't be what it is If it weren't for the risk that has been posted about. That same risk people don't want to take...it's "edge" for a reason I guess. Then again I do dumb shit like say "I dare ya to try and break my limits...it's not possible" and get the shit kicked out of me anyways. hey I never said I was smart And I use the statements..."I'll consider it and then we'll talk about it and then I will decide" and "Maybe sometime when you are not expecting it and maybe not". There are differing edges...and differing heights to the edges...just because I choose not to go to the highest edge or the most unsafe one does not take away from the edge play I do. Just because someone likes knife play...or rape play...does not necessarily mean they want to play in the manner originally described. Just as playing in the manner originally described does not mean that this same person wants to experience rape play or gang rape play or knife play.

MstrSkyWoIf -> RE: The stupid Dogs how far would you really go poll. (9/12/2007 6:25:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Cintilating To anyone who answered " yes" to this post...or has experience doing this... ( real question..not being sarcastic FYI ) how do you know what you will "find" when you go that deep into someone? emotionally, mentally... they(sub/maso/bottom/etc) may ask for it, having not even thought about the same question.. How do you know: Years of experience, paying very close attention to your sub/slave and where they are at mentally, knowing them so well they are an extension of you...... you are talking an extreme edge here and it should never be taken lightly and it should also never be attempted by anyone who is new to the lifestyle or new to a relationship with each other.

Kelika -> RE: The stupid Doms how far would you really go poll. (9/12/2007 8:39:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant quote: ORIGINAL: Kelika I haven't asked for that type of scene yet, but I have asked to take me further than what I want to go. The thing is, I would only do it with someone I trust completely. I actually have exchanged emails with Fifth Angel who wrote Your Pain, My Pleasure about a possible scene; but not to that extreme. For me, I don't know I would want it from someone I loved so much as someone that was incredibly experienced in both BDSM, martial arts as well as a nurse or paramedic or something. They tend to be able to watch someone's vital's and can stop it, but yet take right to that point from what I have seen. Happy hunting...and be careful for what you wish for Kelika Ahhhhhhhhh...and therin lies a paradox. You say that you could only do this type of scene with someone you trusted in an incredibly deep fashion...yet say you would not do it with someone you love. What does that say to the Master/Mistress you love so very much? That you really, really, really love them and really, really, really trust them but...NOT to take you to this place spoken of. You want to do that with someone you really, really, really trust but not love. Who then will take care of you after the scene? Those you did not want to have do it? They get to "clean up" after the one you trusted enough to take you to this state has moved on because...after all...you are not His/Hers to deal with? But...someone also spoke of the danger of it poisoning the relationship once those really deep demons are brought out. So...given the danger of those demons, a good reason to seek someone you do not love to do this...but then that takes us back to the paragraph posted above, does it not? I realize it is a paradox in many ways. The reason why I would want a scene that intense with someone I don't love is because if a landmind is found...if it takes me beyond what I can handle emotionally, I don't want to end up hating the person I love. Plus, ultimately, I'm not in a relationship with someone and I don't know when I will be in a relationship with someone. I don't get pleasure from the pain, I am not a pain slut, nor do I even get excited physically (in the obvious way) from bottoming save for one person who is a great teacher in the community at large. What I get from it typically is the servitude part of it. Now, I do have a need to push myself so I demo a fair amount. At some point I would like to explore it on a deeper level though. That is part of the reason why I think it could be good with someone I don't love, but trust and respect. Plus, FA has put people through a spiritual journey many times before. I would like to get to that place. Eventually, if all things worked out with the scene, and it would make my dominant happy to do it to me as well, I would probably be okay with it. Hell, there isn't much I wouldn't try once...lol. I've even been stapled with a power stapler for a demo at SINSations; I was the demo doll ;) . Well wishes, Kelika

MzMia -> RE: The stupid Doms how far would you really go poll. (9/12/2007 8:43:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TotalState Nope. Hard limit. Very, very hard limit for me. In fact I would run like hell away from them.

LATEXBABY64 -> RE: The stupid Doms how far would you really go poll. (9/12/2007 9:22:04 PM)
so like when they turn on you and shoot you they can plead the insanity defense and go i was not in my right mind

rmanrr -> RE: The stupid Doms how far would you really go poll. (9/12/2007 10:01:25 PM)
Greetings Well, I am about to find out about My limits this weekend coming up as I travel to meet My woman for the second time. I will most likely push some of Mine being newly opened to My darker sadistic side by her, but as she wants it and I am beginning to also enjoy giving pain...we shall see how far it goes. First meeting went better than all possible expectations...I am guessing this one will too....but perhaps not.... I see no reason for it not to go well. I will report back on monday night or perhaps tuesday...heh heh.

RRafe -> RE: The stupid Doms how far would you really go poll. (9/12/2007 10:20:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kelika quote: ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant quote: ORIGINAL: Kelika I haven't asked for that type of scene yet, but I have asked to take me further than what I want to go. The thing is, I would only do it with someone I trust completely. I actually have exchanged emails with Fifth Angel who wrote Your Pain, My Pleasure about a possible scene; but not to that extreme. For me, I don't know I would want it from someone I loved so much as someone that was incredibly experienced in both BDSM, martial arts as well as a nurse or paramedic or something. They tend to be able to watch someone's vital's and can stop it, but yet take right to that point from what I have seen. Happy hunting...and be careful for what you wish for Kelika Ahhhhhhhhh...and therin lies a paradox. You say that you could only do this type of scene with someone you trusted in an incredibly deep fashion...yet say you would not do it with someone you love. What does that say to the Master/Mistress you love so very much? That you really, really, really love them and really, really, really trust them but...NOT to take you to this place spoken of. You want to do that with someone you really, really, really trust but not love. Who then will take care of you after the scene? Those you did not want to have do it? They get to "clean up" after the one you trusted enough to take you to this state has moved on because...after all...you are not His/Hers to deal with? But...someone also spoke of the danger of it poisoning the relationship once those really deep demons are brought out. So...given the danger of those demons, a good reason to seek someone you do not love to do this...but then that takes us back to the paragraph posted above, does it not? I realize it is a paradox in many ways. The reason why I would want a scene that intense with someone I don't love is because if a landmind is found...if it takes me beyond what I can handle emotionally, I don't want to end up hating the person I love. Plus, ultimately, I'm not in a relationship with someone and I don't know when I will be in a relationship with someone. I don't get pleasure from the pain, I am not a pain slut, nor do I even get excited physically (in the obvious way) from bottoming save for one person who is a great teacher in the community at large. What I get from it typically is the servitude part of it. Now, I do have a need to push myself so I demo a fair amount. At some point I would like to explore it on a deeper level though. That is part of the reason why I think it could be good with someone I don't love, but trust and respect. Plus, FA has put people through a spiritual journey many times before. I would like to get to that place. Eventually, if all things worked out with the scene, and it would make my dominant happy to do it to me as well, I would probably be okay with it. Hell, there isn't much I wouldn't try once...lol. I've even been stapled with a power stapler for a demo at SINSations; I was the demo doll ;) . Well wishes, Kelika This is one reason people sometimes seek experiences at the hands of a so called "trainer". Someone experienced-but with an objective, rather than subjective view of an individual. They aren't so much worried about as relationship-as teaching in the sense of giving a particular experience.

MzticStormz -> RE: The stupid Doms how far would you really go poll. (9/12/2007 11:27:42 PM)
I choose not to *break* my toys, so that I may play with them again on another day. That doesn't mean that when conditions are exactly right that I don't push them up to that breaking point. Mz Stormz

Grlwithboy -> RE: The stupid Doms how far would you really go poll. (9/13/2007 5:28:20 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MadRabbit quote: ORIGINAL: Grlwithboy No. Make me cry, make me genuinely afraid, make me confused, make me pissed off, make me remember - sure. But I don't have confidence in my skills to land RIGHT on the margin and I'm not willing to go over it and literally have someone need to be hospitalized because I wanted to get to the margin. This is my general opinion. I am way too inexperienced to even contemplate something like that. (And "Screw the Roses, Give Me the Thorns" told me not to....so there you go [;)]) Haha. And I consider myself experienced enough. Five years into all this that sounded so badass. I've been doing this for ten - and yep, it pretty much sounds like an all expenses paid trip to aftercare island. I'll pass. For me the opportunity to just go out there for out there's sake is not enough rationale to do anything. Have I played with catharsis with my slave? Absolutely. It's edge enough to open up the possibility that he's going to freak out without opening up the probability that he's going to freak out. I honestly don't understand what people would get out of this, other than "wow, man we went to the limit" - I'm really lukewarm on that these days.

e01n -> RE: The stupid Doms how far would you really go poll. (9/13/2007 5:44:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Perplex You have found a sub who really wants to be broken (define in any of the ways it can be, but at the end of the session they want to be near hospitalization (physically, mentally, emotionally). They have made it clear to your satisfaction they are both sane and understanding what it is they are asking you to do. No, I wouldn't do this. Not because of ethics. Because it's too easy and pointless a waste of energies. If I wanted to break someone, I have I70 at my disposal and a number of overpasses to direct them to. Equally, the questioning of ethics by the OP in this and a number of other threads is curious. Why not just come out and ask what you're trying to get at, instead of creating fantastic hypotheticals that have little basis in human behavior or even BDSM?

Cyntilating -> RE: The stupid Doms how far would you really go poll. (9/13/2007 5:52:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: rmanrr Greetings Well, I am about to find out about My limits this weekend coming up as I travel to meet My woman for the second time. I will most likely push some of Mine being newly opened to My darker sadistic side by her, but as she wants it and I am beginning to also enjoy giving pain...we shall see how far it goes. First meeting went better than all possible expectations...I am guessing this one will too....but perhaps not.... I see no reason for it not to go well. I will report back on monday night or perhaps tuesday...heh heh. Hi rmanrr I really hope I am not out of line in doing this.....after all it is a forum for help and information.....so, wanted to speak up. as someone who is the receipient of her limits being pushed...and who is also aware of the feelings happening long after I have left his presence and had to go back to being alone or away from him ( ie distance)>>>>> it does come with some special challenges..emotionally.. especially in the beginning of the relationship, when things feel so wonderful when together..exploring, pushing, urging, giving..euphoria..etc...............then you separate..and boom... the thoughts of " what have I done?????" come into play....."what does he think?" "what are these feelings of insecurity Im having and what do I do with them, since hes not here?" left with emotions raw and exposed..can be a challenge to deal with even for people who see each other daily or couple times a week( and even with good aftercare)....but add the longdistance factor and it can get especially difficult at times.. You might have already talked this through....kewl : ) ...she might be completely different than me and this wont even be an issue for her ::shrug:: kewl too.. just wanted to bring it up..in case not. smiles

Driver1961 -> RE: The stupid Doms how far would you really go poll. (9/13/2007 6:47:43 AM)
He dips His lid; Horses for courses and there doesn't seem to be many courses here for some of the horses! Yes edge play is called that for a reason. I have looked critically around my local scene and I question how many edge players have experienced the edge buzz within scenarios where all or primary blame can be attributed to themselves should something go drastically wrong. Bungee jumping, parachuting, a climb to Mt Everest are examples. I personally have a hard limit when consentual play may mean that an arbitary finger is pointed at me because I am left holding the bag. The benefits of the healing or relaxation that edge play can give is often an opening to satiation of one's dark side. Little different than examining One's liking for extreme sports. Unlocking an avalanche of the dark side may not allow careful examination but require extensive psychological treatment. A bit much for this little black duck! I'll leave that to the Psych professionals thanks. Many apparently very experienced people with this Edge Buzz experience have explained here they consider the risks to be too great for what appears to be the 'holding the bag' concept. Temporary and short mind fucks are one thing to laud over or to hanker/fantasise for, but a systematic breakdown of a person's will is what Amnesty International and other groups protest over because of the well documented sustained damage. To the O.P. and others I accept you have carefully examined instropectively and so wish you well in your search. Warm regards to all.

CreativeDominant -> RE: The stupid Doms how far would you really go poll. (9/13/2007 7:26:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kelika quote: ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant quote: ORIGINAL: Kelika I haven't asked for that type of scene yet, but I have asked to take me further than what I want to go. The thing is, I would only do it with someone I trust completely. I actually have exchanged emails with Fifth Angel who wrote Your Pain, My Pleasure about a possible scene; but not to that extreme. For me, I don't know I would want it from someone I loved so much as someone that was incredibly experienced in both BDSM, martial arts as well as a nurse or paramedic or something. They tend to be able to watch someone's vital's and can stop it, but yet take right to that point from what I have seen. Happy hunting...and be careful for what you wish for Kelika Ahhhhhhhhh...and therin lies a paradox. You say that you could only do this type of scene with someone you trusted in an incredibly deep fashion...yet say you would not do it with someone you love. What does that say to the Master/Mistress you love so very much? That you really, really, really love them and really, really, really trust them but...NOT to take you to this place spoken of. You want to do that with someone you really, really, really trust but not love. Who then will take care of you after the scene? Those you did not want to have do it? They get to "clean up" after the one you trusted enough to take you to this state has moved on because...after all...you are not His/Hers to deal with? But...someone also spoke of the danger of it poisoning the relationship once those really deep demons are brought out. So...given the danger of those demons, a good reason to seek someone you do not love to do this...but then that takes us back to the paragraph posted above, does it not? I realize it is a paradox in many ways. The reason why I would want a scene that intense with someone I don't love is because if a landmind is found...if it takes me beyond what I can handle emotionally, I don't want to end up hating the person I love. Plus, ultimately, I'm not in a relationship with someone and I don't know when I will be in a relationship with someone. And if that landmine is found...as I noted in my post and which you quoted above...who is left to deal with it? Will you then be left to do aftercare on yourself? If you are involved with someone whom you love and trust but don't want doing this scene, do they get to handle the pain and hostility from this landmine discovered during the course of someone else having fun with you? Or will you rely on the one taking you on this fantastic journey to now follow through with the aftercare needed to deal with this landmine? These are questions you have not answered yet. [:)] quote: I don't get pleasure from the pain, I am not a pain slut, nor do I even get excited physically (in the obvious way) from bottoming save for one person who is a great teacher in the community at large. What I get from it typically is the servitude part of it. Now, I do have a need to push myself so I demo a fair amount. At some point I would like to explore it on a deeper level though. That is part of the reason why I think it could be good with someone I don't love, but trust and respect. Plus, FA has put people through a spiritual journey many times before. I would like to get to that place. I understand the curiosity about being taken on a wondrous journey through carefully applied BDSM and D/s techniques during a scene...I have watched it done here...but if this journey uncovers these emotional demons, what then? You seem to be looking at this from only the mental and emotional aspects...what about the physical aspects? And again, I wonder...if you do become involved with someone that you love and trust but choose not to do this journey with, how do you approach them with this? How do you go through what I asked above with them and make it sound appealing to them when what it seems like...looked at in cold, harsh reality...is that you want to go on this fantastic, spiritual journey that MAY uncover deep emotional demons at the hands of another BUT you want your loved one to pick up the pieces because the guide will not be around to do so? quote: Eventually, if all things worked out with the scene, and it would make my dominant happy to do it to me as well, I would probably be okay with it. Hell, there isn't much I wouldn't try once...lol. I've even been stapled with a power stapler for a demo at SINSations; I was the demo doll ;) . Well wishes, Kelika There are a lot of differences between various scenes. I have discussed with my submissives and with other submissives the idea of them playing with others when it came down to things they wanted to do that I did not or things that I had no experience in and I am O.K. with those. I am O.K. with the mental and emotional bonding that takes place during some of these scenes. But I become more leery with the more intense scenes. And the deep, deep level of intensity spoken of in the OP is the type of scene I would be extremely leery of allowing my submissive to participate in, for reasons noted.

RRafe -> RE: The stupid Doms how far would you really go poll. (9/13/2007 7:29:03 AM)
The only real reason I have had to do this in the past was one. I saw it as an expression of trust.

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