RE: Contact and Compatibility

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RE: Contact and Compatibility - 9/4/2007 4:47:34 PM

LadyHugs

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Dear iammachine, Ladies and Gentlemen;

First--congratulations on creating your first post.

As to your question as far as contact and compatibility, I would venture to say; that it really depends on the 'spirit of intent' by the person contacting you; which is contrary to what you find as compatible. I'm sure there will be a salad bar of choices in responses of why.

For me, I tend to think when I have messages from those who are not compatible; they are usually spamming (multiple mailings to a blanket group, e.g. women); they want to change your mind and see what they can get from you and get their coconuts off as sex read material and fantasy sharing; they may just enjoy tormenting people and enjoy making people angry and behave in a manner which is not flattering at all; they might be testing as to see if you will hold fast or fold. And/or, they know you aren't compatible however, they want to make contact and befriend you. Although very rare; it could happen.

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted with a bit of wit,
Lady Hugs

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RE: Contact and Compatibility - 9/4/2007 5:06:15 PM

innocentdarkness

Posts: 43
Joined: 10/13/2005
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I think that some people, male submissives in particular (no offense guys, but it is true of a lot of male subs), just want attention. Some of them even enjoy the rejection. Equally, it seems like some of the dominants I get letters from get off on asserting themselves into a situation where there is a possibility, whether realistic or fantastic, that they can "change my mind" (direct quote from one such dom-type).

I especially hate the letters from alleged dominants that are less than 5 words long. Doesn't seem very dom-like to me. (Perhaps I am under some delusion of what a dominant should be like; same goes for people in general, for that matter.) I've even gotten a couple that just sent a photo of themselves and an emoticon (usually the devil one), with no introduction at all. Yet, I am always polite and reply nicely.

I will occasionaly drop a note to someone with an interesting picture, profile, or journal entry, but I always state that I am only writing to compliment them or ask where a picture was taken and not because I'm looking to them for anything.

Out of all the contacts I receive, some leave me alone, some continue to try, some tell me I'm a stuck up bitch, and once in a while I make a friend.

Just my 2 cents worth...

< Message edited by innocentdarkness -- 9/4/2007 5:07:41 PM >

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RE: Contact and Compatibility - 9/4/2007 5:39:28 PM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
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As an aside, I'd like to offer a thought for the ladies who are obviously frustrated.

Change your sex from female to male for 72 hours, and see how much email you get.

The choice seems to be between getting emails that don't match your interest, to getting zero email.

On a good month, I'll recieve an email out of the blue from maybe 2 or 3 girls, and always because they are commenting on something I've posted on the forums, as an avid poster.

While this doesn't apply to the OP, the best advice I can give is to have a complete profile, including very specifically what kind of person you do, and do not wish to hear from. Anyone who falls outside of your "don't contact me list" obviously merits no response if your interest isn't piqued. Use your bulk email filters to enforce these restrictions (out of state, out of country, out of age range, etc.) You'll find your email a little less cluttered. Finally, and opinions vary on this, if you're comfortable with it, post a photo. When 'browsing' (using the browse left and right arrows) only profiles with photos will be shown. Those without photos are skipped. Only profiles with photos will show up when you click the 'home' page. It isn't just that men are looking at the pic first; they're shown profiles with photos first. You have to actively click a name to see a profile without a photo. This doesn't mean you'll increase the overall quality of your email, but it does mean you'll increase the quantity; thus having better odds of someone matching your tastes popping up.

Finally, the easiest way to get what -you- are looking for, is to just deactivate your profile. Go looking. Find people who match your interests; height, weight, location, whatever. Men receive very few emails out of the blue. A polite letter of introduction with a couple of photos attached and the same basic information one would find on your profile is likely to not only flatter him, but put you right at the top of his "to talk to" list. In short, those who complain about the quality of the email they receive, would do well to start doing a little more work to write others, instead of just sifting through gobs of junk mail.

Regards,

Stephan

< Message edited by Stephann -- 9/4/2007 6:32:59 PM >

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RE: Contact and Compatibility - 9/4/2007 6:19:57 PM

szobras

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Joined: 9/18/2006
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I don't contact many people here. When I do, there are a variety of reasons. To me there are many types of relationships and levels of compatibility. Sometimes I see something in thier profile of like interest, and seek discussion. Sometimes after reading many of thier posts there may appear some like thinking or something that just stikes me as interesting, and I would to talk to them. I like to get to know people on many levels, and see no reason to dismiss the opportunity to become aquainted with someone simply because a the level of compatibility may not surpass friendly conversation.

< Message edited by szobras -- 9/4/2007 6:21:08 PM >

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RE: Contact and Compatibility - 9/4/2007 7:53:11 PM

iammachine

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Joined: 1/25/2006
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quote:

I'm sure there will be a salad bar of choices in responses of why.

That's kind of what I was after. :)

I have my own opinions on that matter, which tend to agree with a lot of what many have said.

From my experience, a vast majority of the "incompatible" email that I receive is due to what I call a "shotgun effect". That is, someone is casting and incredibly wide net, hoping to catch something, anything, kind of like the scatter spray of a shotgun blast (with just as much force in many cases, too

).

When it comes to obvious forms and one liners, I have a simple remedy: I just don't bother. Messages that seem sincere but sorely misguided, I'll try to extend an olive branch of "sorry, not on the same page, but good luck." Very rarely I might actually turn around and develop a casual interest in the person (banter and the like), usually they move on, or persist in trying to convince me that I should agree with what they want and I force the issue of moving on by simply not participating in the situaton at all from that point on.

I think many of the above simply suffer from being over eager, lazy, simply have poor social or communication skills, or any combo of the above. I tend to get annoyed at the persistant buggers that I am obviously not compatible with on any level, and have conveyed such to 'em. But whatcha gonna do?

I will also add that I, myself will periodically drop a line to someone that I don't have a particular interest in, or don't think I would be compatible with on any meaningful level (this includes friendship), just to make a comment about some random this or that that I noticed (they said something I found interesting, they have a really neat photo that I want to compliment for artistic merit, whatev). But I think that's a different ballpark. As LadyHugs mentioned, it's a matter of the spirit of intent.

My .02

< Message edited by iammachine -- 9/4/2007 7:55:41 PM >

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RE: Contact and Compatibility - 9/4/2007 7:54:27 PM

RRafe

Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
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Ego

masochism

stupidity

Or any combination thereof.

quote:

ORIGINAL: iammachine

At the request of MisPandora, I'm starting this as a new thread. My very first thread start, woo!

This came from one of the many discussions about transactional, pro, and financial domination, but I think my question has the potential for a wider scope. I've edited my original comment very slightly to encompass a broader relevance.

So here goes!

ORIGINAL: iammachine

What possesses someone to contact someone they know from the get go is not compatible?

Discuss!

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Post #: 46

RE: Contact and Compatibility - 9/4/2007 8:45:33 PM

exogenous

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Joined: 3/10/2007
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When I receive messages I go to the home page and type in the sender’s name to review their profile. If the profile lists common interests and/or an intriguing profile text then I will read the message and respond. If the message turns out to be a lame “I wanna do u” blurb I will respond with a polite “No thank you.” If the message is articulate, interesting, and respectful then I will respond in kind. I will admit that I simply delete messages, without reading them, if someone’s profile is completely at odds with what I’m looking for. After all, if they took the time to read mine, and it is not in tune with what they are (supposedly) interested in, then why did they bother to write in the first place?

It really irks me when someone writes a nice message then concludes (or starts with) questions about my sexual proclivities (or theirs, for that matter). First, they are listed in my profile; take a few moments to read it! Secondly, the common denominator of this site is obvious (various BDSM related interests). How about starting out getting to know someone on a personal level; to verify if there is compatibility beyond the kink? D/s is much more than physical. Unfortunately, I get a lot of messages that are solely focused on the physical aspects. It’s a big world out there and my brain and heart are also engaged, not just my body.

Is the writer just hoping for a no-strings-attached playmate? Is the writer hoping I’m so desperate to jump at the chance of anything I can get? Or just a patronizing SOB who thinks, “Well, she may think this or that but I can convince her she will like whatever I choose to dish out…blah, blah, blah.” Hmmm…in my mind, anything after “but” is BS.

I have stopped reading and responding to messages from Doms whose profiles are blank, as in no interests or profile texts. I simply don’t know how to relate to someone who is “blank” and cannot take a few moments to click on a few choices (while setting up his profile) to share any sort of connection to what others may be looking for in a possible partner. I also have a difficult time corresponding with those whose profiles are compatible to mine, but only write things such as “I like your profile” or “I’d like to get to know you.” I feel like writing back… “Ok…and?”

I am shy and reserved with folks I don’t know. I find it difficult to make initial contact, or write to someone who only makes closed-ended comments. I wonder if those folks are shy and reserved, as well? I am not socially inept; at least I don’t think I am. I have all sorts of conversations (casual, silly, or deep) with friends and co-workers. I just don’t know how to break the ice with people I don’t know or people who don’t (or can’t) give me something more to go on other than “hello”.

LOL, I suppose for one who has trouble breaking the ice, I sure have a lot to say.

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RE: Contact and Compatibility - 9/4/2007 9:21:52 PM

Prinsexx

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GGGGAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWD......About contact........
it's really very intersting that differen bdsm boards hve different dynamics around the contact dynamic as opposed to the compatability/content.
On the British only Informed Consent the dynamic is hugely different to here.....on IC there is a prediminance of submissive males who will 'rush' and impose themselves, often overwhelmingly so,and one ends up having literally hundreds (relatively huge number proportionately) of memos. The memos start off with (apparently) male submissives immediately on their knees. Get a life!
But this dynamic of contact, which I have felt so critical of in others, has, (well it would wouldn't it) back fired on me and the dharma of it is that I am getting a heavy dose of my own medicine....let me explain.....
I was viewed, and my journal originally read, by a Canadian dominant. GAWWWWWDDDDDDDDDDD how I love em!
I replied, I resonded and I FELL hook line and sinker, right into divine sub space wih him....and volia! there I was within days, on cam, on my knees. His psyche, (his thang man) is really very powerful and I am finding it very very difficult to let go even hough he has stopped responding to my mails.
To say I am in love is an understaement; I already feel enslaved, despite the distance and age difference and therefore compatability.
I know I appear to be one of those begging, cringing, apologetic submissives that so beset me here in the UK.
But to me he is and will remain the most beautiful. he is being extremely polite given the way I am mailing............
SO conslusions?
I would say that my form of contact is merely mirroring my essential bdsm nature...........submissive and dare I say it somewhat emotionally high maintainance and needy. And difficult to get off my knees despite there being little evidence that he wants me there.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO BE SO COMPATABLE AND SO BEAUTIFUL????

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Post #: 48