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RE: Contact and Compatibility - 9/4/2007 10:23:50 AM   
iammachine


Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Damocles809

Hmmmm, maybe conversation?  

I've often said hello or made a friendly comment about someone's profile. 

And I get the knee-jerk reponse of 'hellooo!  I said I'm only looking for friends, that means no guys!'



I think the fact that many women get sooooo many responces from wankers or people that are just otherwise incompatible, puts some on the defensive. I know that I, for one, tend to look sideways even at messages that seem they have good intentions.

I have a question for you, the people that say "just friends mean no guys", did you notice that they said no men on their profile? How exactly did you go about approaching this person (give a small example of something you might have said?)?

Curiousity and the kitty and all that.

Meow.


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Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Contact and Compatibility - 9/4/2007 10:34:54 AM   
iammachine


Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
Status: offline
quote:

Or even better - silence. Then again, no response is a response. Kind of disheartening, but it makes sense in a sick way.


I admit, I'm guilty of this a lot. Yep, guys, you may feel free to hate me. Granted, if someone seems to have good enough intentions, or took time into writing whatever it is they had to say, I'll usually at least make an attempt to send a no thanks. Nine of ten times, unfortunately, there just isn't anything *for* me to reply to.

"I want to know you"

... That's nice, mine sharing why I might want to know you?

"ur hawt"

... thanks?

"How do you want to know me?"

... That's funny, I don't know you from Adam and didn't know that I wanted to know you at all?

Maybe I'm cynical. Maybe I'm callous. Mostly I'm just too damn busy. I feel bad sometimes because I will get distracted and totally forget about someone I wanted to write to.

quote:

What I'm more confused about are those users who have 1 profile up saying that they're sub and another saying they're ProDom. I'm not against them or capitalism in the least, don't misunderstand. I'm simply curious as to which one is the person I'm talking to. I know which one I emailed, but am I talking to her, or the other her?


I've seen a lot of switches have both D and s profiles. I, myself, have a switch profile and a Dominant profile, the secondary not being a pro classified, but a very specific ad that way what I'm looking for is more visible (unlike the blog I posted that is now buried. Hardly anyone reads my profile anyway, how am I to expect a blog to be noticed?). Similarly I hear it's not too uncommon for pros to also be subs, but that is a whole different can or worms, so stop trying to jack my thread! :) To answer your query though, I would guess you are talking to whatever aspect is appropriate to the profile you contacted.


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RE: Contact and Compatibility - 9/4/2007 10:39:12 AM   
submittous


Posts: 345
Joined: 6/12/2004
Status: offline 		I scanned through the thread and wonder if I just missed it or did anyone mention alcohol?

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RE: Contact and Compatibility - 9/4/2007 10:47:26 AM   
iammachine


Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
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quote:

Its just easier to have someone.


I'd have to disagree with that statement. I find it much easier to fly solo. One and one, by my math, make two. No "one" is ever going to be my "other half", complimentary, maybe, but never a completion. I'm whole on my own.

quote:


Alot of Doms on CM are offended that some subs state on here exactly what they are looking for. To me that is a sign of a healthy submissive.


Yes and no. I appreciate a sub that knows what they want, where I take issue is when it's all about things that they want, and the ball stops there. That kind of attitude tends to make things seem very impersonal, and I question  if what they want is an exchange, or just a transfer (two way vs one way street). To quote a friend of mine (waves to pollux) "you are not your obsessive bundle of kinks"


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RE: Contact and Compatibility - 9/4/2007 10:51:08 AM   
iammachine


Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire

For me, I get a lot of the "exceptions".
Obviously I am not looking only becasue someone wonderful enough to turn my head hasnt come along yet.


I'd have to agree with you there.

quote:


There is also the assumption here in this thread that someone actually read the profile before contacting and knows there is mention of incompatibility.   Thats a very big assumption, and quite often really offbase


I also unfortunately will have to agree with you here, as well. That's an assumption that I suppose I wish that I could make, but I know better. :)


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RE: Contact and Compatibility - 9/4/2007 10:57:46 AM   
phoenixsub999


Posts: 49
Joined: 11/17/2006
Status: offline 		LOL, it's so funny when you get an obvious 'form letter' - gee, I wonder what they want? Those I just delete right away. And then there are the ones who keep emailing you if you don't reply or, if you stop replying, and try to guilt you into a response.

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Contact and Compatibility - 9/4/2007 11:15:03 AM   
twistedkytten


Posts: 240
Joined: 9/8/2006
Status: offline 		I hate those ones that appear the author simply did not seem to think enough of me to add a second or two and type out the entire word... I read typoneese quite well and understand the accidental added or ommited letter here and there... but the how r u? or u r hot .. was up? ewwwww.

(in reply to phoenixsub999)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Contact and Compatibility - 9/4/2007 12:04:25 PM   
jmslilbytch


Posts: 26
Joined: 3/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: submittous

I scanned through the thread and wonder if I just missed it or did anyone mention alcohol?


LOL, depends on how coherent the writing is. 
Most don't read profiles before they write, or they wouldn't have bothered writing to me. For if you read my profile, it clearly states all they need to know.
They may have considered me rude for not answering, but without His permission, I can't answer any emails. 
As for actually reading it and still contacting regardless of noticeable incompatibility? I'd have to say they don't think it will matter in the long run, ie. they think they can change your mind. Or, they only care about the short term in which that doesn't enter the equation.
    

(in reply to submittous)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Contact and Compatibility - 9/4/2007 12:05:35 PM   
desiroustoserve


Posts: 17
Joined: 8/18/2007
Status: offline 		I'd have to disagree with that statement. I find it much easier to fly solo. One and one, by my math, make two. No "one" is ever going to be my "other half", complimentary, maybe, but never a completion. I'm whole on my own.


I agree.  My response was to give a reason why others might respond to someone who is clearly not compatible.  Its hard to find a match in the vanilla world and even harder when you are looking for the D/s aspects.   I guess laziness is part of the equation too.  I have no fear in being alone because I've never bought into the idea that someone else can make you happy.  That has to be done all on your own.  Its nice to have someone to share it.  But being alone is always the better option rather than being with someone who is incompatible.  I dont buy the idea that two halves make a whole.   Both need to be whole to be complete.   

(in reply to twistedkytten)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Contact and Compatibility - 9/4/2007 12:49:37 PM   
iammachine


Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: desiroustoserve

I'd have to disagree with that statement. I find it much easier to fly solo. One and one, by my math, make two. No "one" is ever going to be my "other half", complimentary, maybe, but never a completion. I'm whole on my own.


I agree.  My response was to give a reason why others might respond to someone who is clearly not compatible.  Its hard to find a match in the vanilla world and even harder when you are looking for the D/s aspects.   I guess laziness is part of the equation too.  I have no fear in being alone because I've never bought into the idea that someone else can make you happy.  That has to be done all on your own.  Its nice to have someone to share it.  But being alone is always the better option rather than being with someone who is incompatible.  I dont buy the idea that two halves make a whole.   Both need to be whole to be complete.   


I appologize if my statements seemed directed specifically at you. I tend to rant.... a lot. More about ideas than anything else. I think I need to put a disclaimer in my sig or something. ^_^

Thanks for your input!


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RE: Contact and Compatibility - 9/4/2007 1:13:20 PM   
desiroustoserve


Posts: 17
Joined: 8/18/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: iammachine

quote:

ORIGINAL: desiroustoserve

I'd have to disagree with that statement. I find it much easier to fly solo. One and one, by my math, make two. No "one" is ever going to be my "other half", complimentary, maybe, but never a completion. I'm whole on my own.


I agree.  My response was to give a reason why others might respond to someone who is clearly not compatible.  Its hard to find a match in the vanilla world and even harder when you are looking for the D/s aspects.   I guess laziness is part of the equation too.  I have no fear in being alone because I've never bought into the idea that someone else can make you happy.  That has to be done all on your own.  Its nice to have someone to share it.  But being alone is always the better option rather than being with someone who is incompatible.  I dont buy the idea that two halves make a whole.   Both need to be whole to be complete.   


I appologize if my statements seemed directed specifically at you. I tend to rant.... a lot. More about ideas than anything else. I think I need to put a disclaimer in my sig or something. ^_^

Thanks for your input!


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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Contact and Compatibility - 9/4/2007 1:18:16 PM   
desiroustoserve


Posts: 17
Joined: 8/18/2007
Status: offline 		Ranting is a good thing That is what I've enjoyed alot about some of the threads here.  Makes me think. 

(in reply to iammachine)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Contact and Compatibility - 9/4/2007 1:57:01 PM   
desiroustoserve


Posts: 17
Joined: 8/18/2007
Status: offline 		Be patient with me I'm just learning how to operate the quotes and responses here. I do not  know where the blue face came from on my last post lol.

Thanks for that reply.  I think that is one of my biggest downfalls.  I am trying to learn how to communicate effectively what my needs and desires are without sounding like I have attitude.  I have a hard time expressing it and it comes out in my behaviour.  I'm seeing a pattern that I really dont like about myself and I want to change it.  Would you say its a good or bad thing to state what you want and need in a profile? 

(in reply to iammachine)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Contact and Compatibility - 9/4/2007 2:57:29 PM   
iammachine


Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: desiroustoserve
Would you say its a good or bad thing to state what you want and need in a profile? 


In my opinion, it's not what you say, but how you say it.

For example, (taken from a blog on my Domme profile):

"I am looking for a lifestyle friend, and service oriented play partner. Someone that will not simply black my boots because I asked them to, or because they hope that in doing so that I might give them something else which they desire, but because they enjoy making me happy by being in my service. I won't say that service does not come without rewards, but that is something that is at my discretion, and if you are not the kind of sub to really enjoy being of service to a Dominant friend, then I am probably not the Domme for you."

Is a lot different from, say, saying:

"I am a real Domme looking for a true submissive! You will be used for my own desires and be obedient to me! You will not expect anything in return from Me."

I'll stop there because I really can't think of much more without actually being usefully descriptive. Blurb one, while brief and albeit vague (my profile has way more details), gives some indication of what I want. The second blurb... while it has statements about wants, is really kind of generic and doesn't say a whole lot to give an indication of the type of things that hypothetical person actually wants in practice.


< Message edited by iammachine -- 9/4/2007 3:00:51 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Contact and Compatibility - 9/4/2007 3:45:22 PM   
desiroustoserve


Posts: 17
Joined: 8/18/2007
Status: offline 		Your second analogy is what I've read on alot of profiles and just doesnt suit me.   I agree that your first one has a better effect.  I really dont say what I want in my profile other than I'm sure of what I want.  Funny thing is that when I joined I had a flood of contacts.  Once I put up that I was only looking to meet socially at local Munches etc... I hardly see New Messages when I sign in...lol.


(in reply to iammachine)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Contact and Compatibility - 9/4/2007 3:51:20 PM   
iammachine


Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
Status: offline 		Maybe take a look around at profiles of some of the forum posters here, and use them as inspiration (don't copy, just learn from styles that "work" for you)?

Right now I'm seeing a blank profile for you. :)


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I still hear you scream... in every breath, every single motion

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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Contact and Compatibility - 9/4/2007 3:56:22 PM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline 		A few thoughts, good, bad, and inbetween.

I often contact people who are local and who seem like they'd make good coffee conversation.  I don't expect to sleep with them, but a profile alone (no matter how many warnings, skulls, and crossbones are plastered all over it) doesn't tell me if the person would be interesting lunch company.  Granted, I just moved here.

I know of one local male dom off hand who emails every female who struts across his screen.  He ignores every warning sign that they are 'involved' in the hopes that they might make him the exception.  He's patient enough to stay 'just friends' until the chance to push for more comes.

I occasionally write people who are clearly not compatible, to compliment them on something they wrote that I liked, or because they simply seemed like they'd be good conversationalists.  And, on occasion, those good conversationalists have told me "No, don't worry, I only have "I am owned" on my profile, to keep the wankers away."  Or "well, I know I said that, but it's just a guideline... "  Go figure.

Having said that, I rarely write people outside my locale unless I am confident that they might write back.  I have about 80% of such emails responded to.  Just my experience.

Stephan


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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Contact and Compatibility - 9/4/2007 4:33:43 PM   
Joseff


Posts: 505
Joined: 6/2/2007
Status: offline 		I have begun to formulate a theory based on threads similar to this, and complaints or statements I have seen in many posts. While still in its early stages, I've dubbed it the "serial emailer" theory. I think that someone, or a few someones, have adopted the "quantity over quality" approach to contacting others.  Basically, each and every female gets a more or less form letter, in the hopes that one, or some, of them will get a response. Kind of like a bot generated message, only not as intelligent for the most part. Might be what you are experiancing.
Joseff

(in reply to Stephann)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Contact and Compatibility - 9/4/2007 4:38:16 PM   
desiroustoserve


Posts: 17
Joined: 8/18/2007
Status: offline 		I have seen some familiar faces on here and I have found it comforting.  A few years back and being curious I attended a few things.  I really wasnt ready then to get involved much but looking back now I see that I met some really nice people.  Seeing them here has made me smile.

There is no doubt some locals who could be really good friends if nothing else.  My motives are clearly not looking to have sex anyway.  I definitely have modified how I'm approaching this.  I would like to get to know someone on a different level and see what it is they are looking for long term. 

I know that corresponding with someone on here would be harmless.  I dont find that I am offering right now what most are looking for.  So it seems like a bust from get go..

(in reply to Stephann)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Contact and Compatibility - 9/4/2007 4:42:32 PM   
desiroustoserve


Posts: 17
Joined: 8/18/2007
Status: offline 		I had just checked out your profile and alot of thought and input was put into it.  I felt it was deep and thought provoking.  I actually thought when I was signing off that I needed to go back and read it again !!

Yes, my profile is very bare.  Which is where it needs to be at the moment.  In time that will change.  Good advice on reading some regular posters profile. 

(in reply to iammachine)
Profile   Post #: 40
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