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RE: Master needs Vs subs Needs - 9/2/2007 2:42:28 PM

YourhandMyAss

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No. I would not. The needs would be discussed weighed carefully, and then a descion made. Sometimes like if he's dead tired has to be up at 9 tomorow, but I wanna yack some more, simple things like that get put above my own desire for him to stay up.

Daddy has put my needs and in some cases wants above his own many many times. I try not to make a situation where he compromissses all the time and I none however.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDraco7

....

My question is this... As a sub would you automatically put your Masters needs over your own? Should you? or should she?

As a Dom, would you ever put your subs needs over your own?

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RE: Master needs Vs subs Needs - 9/2/2007 5:34:23 PM

SirDraco7

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin
In that case, I as master decide her needs get met first.

In my relationships, I hold the power to make decisions, she does not. With that power comes the responsibility to care for her, for she's given up the power to care for herself trusting I will do it for her.

Thus if 1, 2, and 3 above are equally valid for both of us (we've both been thrown into the water and the boat is capsized, and only one of us can hold onto it while the other must swim, in a storm) I would decide she is the one to hold on and I am the one to swim.

Ever see "Titanic"?

Good reply. I agree with your comments here. Thank you. And so very Nobel of you as well. :)

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RE: Master needs Vs subs Needs - 9/2/2007 5:48:23 PM

SirDraco7

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quote:

ORIGINAL: arayofsunshine55
And no he didn't promise to protect and take care of me with owning me.

What I meant by this is the unspoken agreement of sorts, bond of trust, whatever it is or you'd like to call it where the Dom would not abuse his girl, or break her limits or bring her harm(in a bad way)

As your Dom you trust him to take care of you and not to cut your arm off or something during a scene. And as a Dom he takes your trust and sees to it that no damage comes to it by damaging or breaking it in any way.
Not really anything that needs to be said, just a basic foundation of sorts in d/s. ::shrugs::

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RE: Master needs Vs subs Needs - 9/2/2007 5:51:33 PM

SirDraco7

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie
But there is no "always." And yes, if I were bleeding on the floor and he said "spread 'em" I would spread 'em. Less than a week after surgery he wanted just that, and that is exactly what I did. And I was grateful for it, because I really needed him to!

I'm sure you would do that. :) But I'm also sure that he wouldn't order such of you knowing it means your death.(I'd hope he's not that sort of Dom anyways. lol)
Surgery is different. lol You're not dying then. just recovering :) So it's ok. ;)

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RE: Master needs Vs subs Needs - 9/2/2007 6:22:19 PM

burningdesires47

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The idea that a sub wouldn't be thinking of her dom's needs astounds me. I simply would be incapable of trusting someone to take care of both his needs and my needs, and at the same time only checking to be sure my needs are met. How rude and selfish would that be! It may be his responsibility to make the decisions, but gorram it we are a team--if I think he's taking care of me too much, I'll say so! If he continues to do so, then fine--but one of my needs is for my Dom to be happy and hale. So even if I have to put it that way to get him to take care of him self first, I will.

Personally, I am in charge of my own needs. Where those needs require a second (or third or whatever many) person, I can ask/arrange for those needs to be met, but ultimately if the other person doesn't do it, it's still my responsibility.

So to answer your question: My NEEDS come first for me, and his needs should come first for him. If his need is in direct conflict where neither can be met if the other is, then I'm willing to discuss strategy. But I cannot think of a single situation that couldn't somehow be worked out, whether it's determining a hierarchy of needs, or deciding that one is just a very important want, or even if it's the ultimate dec ision-maker--there's no longer a relationship to worry about, every man/woman for themself.

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RE: Master needs Vs subs Needs - 9/2/2007 6:28:01 PM

DiurnalVampire

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I often put Angel's needs above my own. He is a student, and he needs help and time away sometimes that I am not thrilled with but I have to allow for. Sometimes, regardless of how much I'd like to play, I have to back up and make sure emotionaly and mentally he is alright before I can address my desire for contact. He is my baby, and I have to make surecertain needs are addressed before I worry about minor things.
I have needs that go unmet because they ar not part of the nature of our relationship persay. He knows what he is expected to do for me and with me, but that doesnt mean that he is responible for seeing to ALL my needs. There are some that are outside his scope. And I love him anyway, even if he cannot be everything I want all the time.
I can always find someone else to take care of the little stuff. He is far more important to me than a few minor needs. I consider it compromise for now, until he is at a point where he can address them all.

DV

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VampiresLair

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RE: Master needs Vs subs Needs - 9/2/2007 6:36:12 PM

mmb1

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I think if you can't reach your master by any form of communication-you don't have one!!!!

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RE: Master needs Vs subs Needs - 9/2/2007 8:06:35 PM

arayofsunshine55

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDraco7

quote:

ORIGINAL: arayofsunshine55
And no he didn't promise to protect and take care of me with owning me.

What I meant by this is the unspoken agreement of sorts, bond of trust, whatever it is or you'd like to call it where the Dom would not abuse his girl, or break her limits or bring her harm(in a bad way)

As your Dom you trust him to take care of you and not to cut your arm off or something during a scene. And as a Dom he takes your trust and sees to it that no damage comes to it by damaging or breaking it in any way.
Not really anything that needs to be said, just a basic foundation of sorts in d/s. ::shrugs::

Actually trust is not such a big deal for me. Not as big as it seems to be for many. I think everyone's foundation is their own, I don't buy a universal basic, and mine is different which is why I made the point. If I felt like he was gonna cut my arm off I'd move it out of the way. I still have responsibility. We have agreements about non-intentional long-term damage. but shit happens.

And his needs/desires versus my desires doesn't come near to a conversation of long-term damage. And his "needs" don't come near a conversation of limits. Cause let's be clear, there's not that much that he actually needs. And cause he likes us, he's real flexible around his desires so that he in the long run gets what he wants. He's ruthless and "conniving" like that. And with that point of view he has taken me some very "strange" places.

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Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

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RE: Master needs Vs subs Needs - 9/2/2007 8:27:48 PM

KnightofMists

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All your questions are very much dependent on what you identify as needs in the first place.

I have a very restrict, limited and narrowed view of what a Need is. I see it as any condition and/or situation that is required to keep a person from Harm. Now harm in of itself can be immediate or delayed. Also, harm can be of a permanent nature or very long-term nature. Lastly, with any future event there is a degree of probablity of it happening. Therefore, the possibility of Harm occuring due to a lack of a need being fulfilled could be certain or uncertain.

As Kyra has already stated, I make all choices with in the relationship. I established the foundation and all the rules that continuely grow and evolve. However, one edict exist for my girls that doesn't and will not change.

"Protect Thy Property"!!! It is first and foremost a requirement of my girls to protect their well-being and be free from harm to the best of their ability. Even if that protection is required against myself!

Therefore, the only need is conditions that protect us from harm. As a result, if one of my girls are to have conflicting needs with myself, It would be a situation that would result in a choice of one of us being harmed. It is difficult to comprehend a situation such as this and the probability of this occuring is extremely remote. But, it is established... the property is to be protected. They are the most important to me, their harm is not acceptable to me in any form.

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RE: Master needs Vs subs Needs - 9/2/2007 9:58:02 PM

NControlofU

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It's a case-by-case basis. For instance there are the occasions where she and I end up having conflicting doctor's appointment and one or the other will need to reschedule. I decide who will reschedule, depending on which appointment is more urgent. Usually it's her appointment that needs to be kept more urgently than mine, so I put her need ahead of mine and change my appointment. When my mother was being treated for cancer and I had a need to get her to her appointments, I put my need ahead of myslave and had her reschedule. Most of my needs I take care of myself, except for the ones that I have assigned to her. And, one of my needs that I insist she put ahead of all others is to take good care of my special property, my slave. She is of no use to me if she doesnt take care of herself and keep herself healthy, fit, well rested, and in a state of mind to be able to fulfill her duties.

We havent really had many needs that conflict with each other, which is why we came together as master and slave to begin with. The reason we have stayed together and do well together is because before we made that decision to join our two lives and live together, we told each other what our needs and want were and if there had been a conflict in her needs and wants with my needs and wants, we wouldn't have gotten togethr. We both know better than to set ourselves up for failure or, at least a struggle. Neither of us wanted that. For example, if she had a need to sleep in my bed, we would not be together because that would conflict with my need to sleep alone. Or if she had a need to smoke cigarettes or I had a need to chew tobacco or either of us had a need to drink a six pack every night, we would not have gotten together because those needs would have beenin confict with the others needs. We're a good fit for each other and we work out whatever happens to come up that causes some temporary adjustement in our day to day way of doing things.

< Message edited by NControlofU -- 9/2/2007 10:03:20 PM >

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RE: Master needs Vs subs Needs - 9/2/2007 11:40:39 PM

ownedgirlie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDraco7

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie
But there is no "always." And yes, if I were bleeding on the floor and he said "spread 'em" I would spread 'em. Less than a week after surgery he wanted just that, and that is exactly what I did. And I was grateful for it, because I really needed him to!

I'm sure you would do that. :) But I'm also sure that he wouldn't order such of you knowing it means your death.(I'd hope he's not that sort of Dom anyways. lol)
Surgery is different. lol You're not dying then. just recovering :) So it's ok. ;)

Heh...you are correct. He would rather have me alive than dead. As he has said to me a few times before, "You are of no use to me dead. I didn't invest all this time and energy into you just to kill you off."

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RE: Master needs Vs subs Needs - 9/3/2007 5:28:08 AM

BeingChewsie

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I'm going to echo kyra on this. R decides how and when needs, his, mine, the kiddo, the new puppy etc. get met based on a long term relationship outlook. Our life isn't quite static and things ebb and flow. Different circumstances warrant different actions and reactions. So I guess my best answer is I don't put anyones needs in any order, he prioritizes and I do my best to obey.

quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

As his slave it is not up to me to decide whose needs come first. He decides how and when my needs will be met. I do not have authority over that decision.

He makes his decisions based on the needs of the relationship. If in that moment it best serves the relationship to put my needs first, then that is what he will do. If it doesn't then, my needs will not come first. For all of us, the relationship comes first and that means that there are times that we will sacrifice what we want and need as individuals to ensure the health of the relationship.

Knight's Kyra

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RE: Master needs Vs subs Needs - 9/3/2007 8:43:36 AM

Celeste43

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Simple, around here we do what's best for the relationship as a whole. Because sometimes neither one of our needs would serve the relationship best. Example, Friday night we found ourselves childless and he wanted to play. I had a headache and wanted to go to bed. Solution first we ate dinner because I hadn't eaten anything since breakfast at 7:30, and I had two Advil, followed by a half hour nap on his shoulder. Following which it was playtime and a good night's sleep. Now he could have tied me up and delayed dinner but he likes me aroused and doing that then would not have garnered him what he wanted. Allowing me to take care of my physical needs got him what he wanted and allowed both of us to lie there afterwards happy with each other.

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