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Fantasy vs reality - 9/2/2007 8:34:08 AM

RRafe

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I find kink culture to be terribly odd at times. So much romanticiing-so many wierd ideas. For those of you who went from fantasy to real-what struck you as the most difficult parts to reconcile?

Were your dreams crushed by the reality-or did it make them even better?

< Message edited by RRafe -- 9/2/2007 8:44:01 AM >

Post #: 1

RE: Fnatasy vs reality - 9/2/2007 8:42:56 AM

Aine

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I've had fantasies...and acting them out has never been what I built them up to be. Instead, I have realistic wants that are on the outer edge of the every day, and if I ever get the chance to act upon them, I won't go into them starry-eyed and leaving myself open for complete disappointment.

I have much of what I want within my relationship right now, and that is special and worth putting my energies toward, and it grows every day. Why dream of things all the time when I have so much right in front of me. I treasure what I have and explore many things with my partner, so little is left to fantasy anyway. Neither one of us had any grand fantasies anyway.

_____________________________

Honey, you obviously missed the "want to be used as a toilet fetish" thread or "where do I get instructions on setting my sub on fire" thread. LOL

Thank you, DelRay for that one.

(in reply to RRafe)

Post #: 2

RE: Fnatasy vs reality - 9/2/2007 8:45:29 AM

RRafe

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Day by day works for me too-rather than try to fit into something unrealistic-less pressure makes for more fun.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aine

I've had fantasies...and acting them out has never been what I built them up to be. Instead, I have realistic wants that are on the outer edge of the every day, and if I ever get the chance to act upon them, I won't go into them starry-eyed and leaving myself open for complete disappointment.

I have much of what I want within my relationship right now, and that is special and worth putting my energies toward, and it grows every day. Why dream of things all the time when I have so much right in front of me. I treasure what I have and explore many things with my partner, so little is left to fantasy anyway. Neither one of us had any grand fantasies anyway.

(in reply to Aine)

Post #: 3

RE: Fnatasy vs reality - 9/2/2007 8:48:08 AM

rmanrr

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Joined: 7/25/2006
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Greetings
As we are all individuals, even twins have different personalities, I might suggest politely, that weird to you might be completely normal and acceptable to someone else. That out of the way, I have had real time experiences, on line experiences, on the phone experiences...and they are all different yet the same. Communication of ideas just took different forms. I do find however that real time face to face so to speak is the best. Now that I have My Woman, well lets just say that experiencing reality with her is a magical mystery tour, one that I know will not end.

_____________________________

Be Well, Be Careful

Jarl Rmanrr

"the road untravelled is the loneliest." Me
Courage...the ability to overcome obstacles during the course.
"to be insane is to be original!"...Me

(in reply to RRafe)

Post #: 4

RE: Fnatasy vs reality - 9/2/2007 8:50:54 AM

RRafe

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Oh yes, the tours are very entertaining-lust conspiracies usually are-especially when they get to more. I think that the "weird" I spoke of is more like people setting the bar so high-they can't even jump it themselves. Sort of self defeating.

quote:

ORIGINAL: rmanrr

Greetings
As we are all individuals, even twins have different personalities, I might suggest politely, that weird to you might be completely normal and acceptable to someone else. That out of the way, I have had real time experiences, on line experiences, on the phone experiences...and they are all different yet the same. Communication of ideas just took different forms. I do find however that real time face to face so to speak is the best. Now that I have My Woman, well lets just say that experiencing reality with her is a magical mystery tour, one that I know will not end.

(in reply to rmanrr)

Post #: 5

RE: Fnatasy vs reality - 9/2/2007 8:59:46 AM

rmanrr

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Greetings
My Woman and I have just begun our journey, and we are both about to expand and push our limits. there are 4 which we both know are non negotiable and fit with us just fine, the rest is all open to exploration. Not without discussion and pre and post briefing though.

_____________________________

Be Well, Be Careful

Jarl Rmanrr

"the road untravelled is the loneliest." Me
Courage...the ability to overcome obstacles during the course.
"to be insane is to be original!"...Me

(in reply to RRafe)

Post #: 6

RE: Fantasy vs reality - 9/2/2007 9:01:31 AM

fungasm

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This has been a thread in my universe lately- the fantasy vs. the reality. I generate fantasies on a regular basis... It's part of my professional life. So I often create snippets like:

"You are in a corset- tightly laced- it pushes your barely there cleavage together. It goes from your chest, almost to your hips, and that is all you are wearing, except stockings.. and restraints which go around each thigh like a garter. You lay on your back and your hands are on your sides.. held to your thighs by restraints... you can't move. I kneel- my knees are on the sides of your shoulders... and it gets rather explicit from there." But this is where it gets fuzzy for me. I won't generate a fantasy I can't imagine doing. I don't believe in public play unless there is complete consent. (Part of why I love things like Burning Man, Lush, Power Exchange, or Folsom- because there is consent there...) As to whether the reality matches the fantasy... Almost always, at least for me, the reality is SO much better. Odd for a woman who types so much... But whenever you get the equipment and the open minded humans, it's almost always good- if not fabulous. Alison

_____________________________

"Science is a lot like sex. Sometimes something useful comes of it, but that's not the reason we're doing it." (Richard Feynman)

Blog: http://antidomme.sensualwriter.com

(in reply to RRafe)

Post #: 7

RE: Fantasy vs reality - 9/2/2007 9:08:37 AM

RRafe

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Hmm, equipment. I make the sort of thing you described (in my spare time) As far as fuzzy? It's always less so in the flesh. I think how good it is depends on how much we are willing to step outside of ourselves, so that we can bask in the moment.

Therin lies the art of the best fantasy-suspension of disbelief.

quote:

ORIGINAL: fungasm

This has been a thread in my universe lately- the fantasy vs. the reality. I generate fantasies on a regular basis... It's part of my professional life. So I often create snippets like:

"You are in a corset- tightly laced- it pushes your barely there cleavage together. It goes from your chest, almost to your hips, and that is all you are wearing, except stockings.. and restraints which go around each thigh like a garter. You lay on your back and your hands are on your sides.. held to your thighs by restraints... you can't move. I kneel- my knees are on the sides of your shoulders... and it gets rather explicit from there." But this is where it gets fuzzy for me. I won't generate a fantasy I can't imagine doing. I don't believe in public play unless there is complete consent. (Part of why I love things like Burning Man, Lush, Power Exchange, or Folsom- because there is consent there...) As to whether the reality matches the fantasy... Almost always, at least for me, the reality is SO much better. Odd for a woman who types so much... But whenever you get the equipment and the open minded humans, it's almost always good- if not fabulous. Alison

(in reply to fungasm)

Post #: 8

RE: Fnatasy vs reality - 9/2/2007 9:11:25 AM

RRafe

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Yes, communication is good. But too much analyzation can kill spontenaety. I prefer to get things like that out of the way during the first phases of a relationship-so we have more freedom to explore. This is very little that can shock or disgust me. Which offers my partners quite a bit of freedom in itself-lack of fear.

quote:

ORIGINAL: rmanrr

Greetings
My Woman and I have just begun our journey, and we are both about to expand and push our limits. there are 4 which we both know are non negotiable and fit with us just fine, the rest is all open to exploration. Not without discussion and pre and post briefing though.

(in reply to rmanrr)

Post #: 9

RE: Fantasy vs reality - 9/2/2007 9:25:56 AM

Squeakers

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        My favorite quote has always been---"What is reality without fantasy?"
       For me fantasy enhances my life.   I like to think of things that may be, like what my life would be like in ten years.   Is it reality? No, would I even like it if my life were like that, who can say.   What I dream of today can totally change in a heart beat.
      In a D/s sense, I can make up a scene in my mind.   It doesn't mean it will happen that way and if it does it does not mean I will like it.
      Sometimes, I will read someone elses 'life' on the message boards and think okay that person is full of bullshit, real life does not happen that way.   I think this way not REALLY knowing if their life happens that way or not.    I also think this way because I am comparing my life to their and just because it does not happen that way for me does not mean it is not happening for them.    Even if they are full of bullshit and putting something out there that is just what they want and what they desire and is not reality at all, it does not really effect me.
      I think the fine line between fantasy and reality is knowing yourself which represents YOUR fantasy and what represents YOUR reality.
       The only time I can say I found disappointment in a fantasy vs. reality was sexual in nature.   I really want to try (blank) because the thought is such a turn on.   Sometimes I tried it and did not like it.   The thought is still a turn on but the reality of it is not.   How did I reconcile it, I put it in the fantasy bag and left it there.    If my partner takes that thought out of the bag and says we are going to do (blank) I will get excited, but in reality I know we won't because it is not a reality that I truly would enjoy.   I think it is knowing the difference within myself.   For example, if my partner says, "I am going to tie you up and beat you for two hours."   I can get excited at that thought, but I do not seriously expect it.   Reality dictates.    I can not take two solid hours of being restrained and beaten.   My wrists will become numb, his arm will be tired. On the flip side, I do not get so stuck in reality that I say, "That is not possible.   That could never happen.   You are stuck in a fantasy."
        My dreams have never been crushed by reality.   I know the difference within myself.   But sometimes, my dreams have become reality that I have never thought possible.   That part is way cool.

(in reply to RRafe)

Post #: 10

RE: Fantasy vs reality - 9/2/2007 10:31:10 AM

chellekitty

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the non-consensual diaper play...i went through a period of a few weeks when my blood sugar was wildly out of control and i had pnuemonia so i was coughing and peeing all the time...well...eventually i got tired of changing my clothes and invested in some depends and it was all better...no one but my very closest friends knew about it...but, if they did, it would have been really embarrassing...in a non exciting way....i lived through it and am happily panty-less again on an almost regular basis (i subscribe to the only reason to wear panties is if they are gonna be seen, so they better be pretty philosophy)...
oh the other thing that was hard on the fantasy to reality thing was that i don't always physically feel like serving...and for someone that is wired like me it is fucking hard when your Sir goes, sit your ass back down i will get my own tea/soda....
edited cause i missed the last question...i made it so much better...it makes it so much better when they like or even love all the aspects of you...the part of you that pees on yourself that coughs cause you're so fucking sick but is still thinking about how to make his day an iota better...and the part that is still trying to get him something to drink when you're foot has 9 stitches in the bottom of it....reality sometimes sucks...but its real...and when your partner loves the real stuff too...its all that more powerful...

chelle

< Message edited by chellekitty -- 9/2/2007 10:34:08 AM >

(in reply to Squeakers)

Post #: 11

RE: Fantasy vs reality - 9/2/2007 2:57:52 PM

ownedgirlie

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Actually the hardest part for me was to hand over complete control of everything. To submit as he wants me to submit, not how I thought I should submit. To know that pleasing him sometimes meant doing incredibly difficult things that I would have never imagined doing, and that I would end up loving them for the sole reason that he enjoys when I do them.

One thing that truly surprised me, though, was to discover that I get extreme anxiety when totally immobilized (particularly when mummified *shudders*).

For the most part, my reality has been better than my fantasies, because there is no way I can duplicate in my fantasies that huge smile of amusement, pride and pleasure on his face when I've gone through something huge for him.

(in reply to RRafe)

Post #: 12

RE: Fantasy vs reality - 9/2/2007 3:14:06 PM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

I find kink culture to be terribly odd at times. So much romanticiing-so many wierd ideas. For those of you who went from fantasy to real-what struck you as the most difficult parts to reconcile?

Were your dreams crushed by the reality-or did it make them even better?

Some fantasies are best left as that. Very little is the same as it was in my dreams but it's better. What I have is real but it's nothing you'd find in erotic fiction.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to RRafe)

Post #: 13

RE: Fantasy vs reality - 9/2/2007 4:11:21 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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For me it was realizing that people into kink were exactly like people not into kink. That actually was not a truth that was easy for me to bear at all and it did surprise me.

Which is probably why I try and grind it into newbies heads ASAP.

And then it was realizing that most people only give lip service to the concepts of informed consent and open communication- in reality again, most of us are just as fucked up about how "free" we are in our relationships as anyone else.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 14

RE: Fantasy vs reality - 9/2/2007 5:09:04 PM

MstrSkyWoIf

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Joined: 10/26/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

I find kink culture to be terribly odd at times. So much romanticizing-so many weird ideas. For those of you who went from fantasy to real-what struck you as the most difficult parts to reconcile?

Were your dreams crushed by the reality-or did it make them even better?

For me when I discovered this lifestyle I like many felt like I had finally found a place I fit in. I consider myself to be naturally Dominant in my soul. It is not what I play at being (I am not a top), It is who I am, I can not turn it on and off. When I first found the lifestyle I like many read everything I could get my hands on, I became what I like to call a book Dom. I had no real life experience as to the play that can so many times be the center of many relationships. I had never use a flogger, a cane, a whip, ETC. ETC. the list could go on and on. I had however always taken control in Bed and Life in my relationships.

After I read these books I had all theses ideas of how I was going to find me a woman who would worship at my feet stay home naked 24/7 have my dinner on the table and meet me at the door every night naked hands palms up legs apart head slightly down. I would use her anytime I wanted and did not have to care how she felt.. That was fantasy and I might add a very selfish one. I know there are those out there who do live this way and I am not saying they are wrong it is there life and more power to them.

For the rest of us It is true this can be done sometimes but not every day day in and day out. Again I am sure there are some who this is reality for but lets face it, for most of us it is just not possible as we much first live life. I am happy to say over the years I have learned from many people that this lifestyle is different for each couple and we all grow at different passes.

I was fortunate in the beginning to meat someone who told me A Master is only a Master if he has a slave and a slave is only a slave if she has a Master until then we are all human and must treat each other that way. He also said to be a Master dose not mean you have all the answers it means you have the honor and integrity to admit you do not. Two ask questions when necessary for the safety of you and your slave and to be open to find the lessons you still must learn.

For me the hardest part to reconcile was it was ok to be me and admit I did not have all the answers and know everything in the lifestyle, to admit I did not just want that I am Dominant but human and that was ok..

< Message edited by MstrSkyWoIf -- 9/2/2007 5:15:14 PM >

_____________________________

this is just my opinion, I do not claim to be an expert on life. I am just Me, Love me or Hate me I really don't care. I am the culmination of my life's experiences. I am an ever changing block of clay molded by life's experiences on a daily basis.

(in reply to RRafe)

Post #: 15

RE: Fantasy vs reality - 9/2/2007 5:12:23 PM

MadRabbit

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

For me it was realizing that people into kink were exactly like people not into kink. That actually was not a truth that was easy for me to bear at all and it did surprise me.

This is why I stopped going to my first munch group.

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 16

RE: Fantasy vs reality - 9/2/2007 5:25:48 PM

callistaIn

Posts: 62
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

I find kink culture to be terribly odd at times. So much romanticiing-so many wierd ideas. For those of you who went from fantasy to real-what struck you as the most difficult parts to reconcile?

Were your dreams crushed by the reality-or did it make them even better?

I never had fantasies about BDSM or slavery; it was not even something that I paid much attention to until I met this woman in college who was a kajira. Through my friendship with both her and her Master; I learned of the beauty that could exist; I learned of the romance that could exist. Mixed up with both of those; I also learned, first hand from observing and talking with them of the harshness that could also exist.

I never entered into slavery with dreams of what it would be like. I entered into relationships with realistic expectations of what could be if I was willing to give it a chance to grow. Yes, I struggled; I still struggle. But not in an effort to reconcile my dreams or fantasies with the reality; rather to reconcile my own nature with what I know to be reality.

Not sure that made much sense at all

callie

(in reply to RRafe)

Post #: 17

RE: Fantasy vs reality - 9/2/2007 5:36:30 PM

breatheasone

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For me its letting go so i can be in the moment....its very hard for me to relax enjoy stuff....but i'm working hard to get over that.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to callistaIn)

Post #: 18

RE: Fantasy vs reality - 9/2/2007 6:05:09 PM

celticlord2112

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafeFor those of you who went from fantasy to real-what struck you as the most difficult parts to reconcile?

For me, the greatest challenge...and the greatest satisfaction...came when the fantasy of having a slave became the reality.

The fantasy: she is under my complete command, she will do my every bidding....she is a creature devoted entirely to my needs and my pleasure.

The reality: she is a woman, a being unto herself...and it time and energy are required to mold her, and guide her along the path.

The reality is not at all like the fantasy...and yet time and again I find the reality vastly more gratifying than the fantasy ever could be. In the fantasy all I see is an end result; in reality, I get to experience her growth, her change...and find myself changed as well.

The fantasy motivates me to pursue the reality, but the reality has its own rewards no fantasy could hope to contain.

_____________________________

(in reply to RRafe)

Post #: 19

RE: Fantasy vs reality - 9/2/2007 6:15:09 PM

LATEXBABY64

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Joined: 4/8/2004
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truth you can not handle the truth the illusion delusion of fantasy becoming reality

(in reply to celticlord2112)

Post #: 20

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