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LaTigresse -> RE: Personality-Dynamics in BDSM (8/11/2007 8:17:45 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Jolielaide
Thought provoking, isn't it? Even though with over 50+ years of life, I *know* that almost any human characteristic is actually more likely to be some sort of "Bell curve" affair, it seems to be very human to sort things into discreet little piles. [:)] For those with a traditional religious bent, I'm sure you'll remember that the first job G-d gave Adam was to name all the animals!
I would, with much sadness, like to suggest yet another (admittedly arbitrary) category: those who are trying to work out past grievances and hurts. Some are trying to make whatever the trauma was "come out right this time", some seem to be trying to use BDSM as some odd sort of immersion/shock therapy and so on and so on.
As usual, I digress. I seem to be dominant... period. Not domineering, which in some circles gets me a lot of teasing. I've actually had a partner in a fit of pique call me a Mominatrix... shortly before he learned how very unhappy his "Momme" was with his disrespect and smart mouth.
I attribute my drive to dominance a bit to basic nature. The mere thought of me submitting in a BDSM and/or sexual sense makes my skin almost literally crawl. Conversely, I almost WISH I could do that, as I think it would make me a stronger, more balanced, wise and complete person to be able to experience both. I think more of it my need to be in control is actually enculturation.
Weird, for someone born in the time and place I was, isn't it? I predate most of the social revolutions that make this forum possible. For four generations that I can remember, the women in my family were tough, strong, take charge women within the confines of the roles they were culturally allowed to possess. My great-grandmother, born in 1867, actually told me once "Daughter, there is no point in getting angry with a man, because most men are just *pitiful*. But the only thing more pitiful than that is a woman who can't cope". This was a woman who raised fourteen children to adulthood (she never lost even ONE) and outlived three husbands, in the days before both antibiotics and anesthetics.
Add to that being the oldest nine children, and I'm afraid the pattern was set for life just about the time I decided to walk. LOL
This post made me smile, thank you. Perhaps because it is somewhat in line with a writing project I have been working on.
Another thing that I think can affect how and what we identify with, is our own maturity. For myself, I have found that as I have aged I have become more comfortable expressing my inner self with less concern for "fitting in" or trying to be something I am not. Whatever the reason behind it. As we mature we become more comfortable within our own skin, we allow the garbage of the past less dominance in our lives, we are happier with who we are and how we fit or not within the world around us.
As a woman, growing up where and when I did, being dominant was just sooooooo not cool. There were expected roles and ways to be. Getting past that was a struggle. Add a bunch of other issues piled on by life and it was a difficult growth process that is still ongoing. Gladly so, I might add. Weird as that might appear, I love the process.
Life involves other people and things that will always be beyond our control wether we are a dominant or submissive person. Maturity is in recognising that and finding the best avenues for coping and most importantly, disciplining and, in essence, dominating ourselves........regardless of what else, or whom else, we can or cannot, or even should, dominate.
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