|
TigerNINTails -> RE: Personality-Dynamics in BDSM (8/11/2007 8:22:51 PM)
|
To the OP:
"The idea of types is, for him, only a heuristic device, meaning a useful fiction, not an absolute reality!" -- Adler's "types" or rather, his view of his types is pretty close to how I feel about it, when it comes to the types that so many lifestyle practitioners tend to identify with.
Merely a useful fiction of an identifiable archetype, not so much for themselves to know who they are in themselves, but rather so that others may be able to identify them as something they wish to be percieved as. I identify as a switch, not because I'm less dominant than others, or less submissive, or moreso, in either case, or even balanced in my leadership and following aspects.
Rather, I identify as a switch, rather because it's an easy to identify with archetype that makes sense of how I am in public and my relationships.
I tend towards fluidity, taking charge when I'm exceptionally good at something and those around me are not, or have something that needs to be done that those around me cannot do either for the situation, or for themselves.
I identify as a primarily aggressive personality, with a bent towards leadership, and a lack of patience for indecision (though sometimes I can be highly indecisive) and I'm a perfectionist. I don't do something that I don't strive to do perfectly.
But Dominance, the sort that comes about in a lifestyle relationship is something I see more as a by-product of the interaction in my relationships, rather than something that starts with and exudes from my person.
Just like if I begin to feel submissive and concede to leadership from someone else, it's due to a length of time interacting with that person, not because I inherently feel that way. It's a result of the dynamic established in our relationship. This encompasses huge factors. Not any one would be responsible for it, by themselves, but when you take all the factors (hundreds probably) into account, suddenly there's this dynamic by-product of dominance or submission.
And Saya, I think that what you experience might be more akin to something that is a term I picked up in marketing, and studying the different types of sales messages that we apply in direct response sales, and that is the position of the "reluctant hero"...
The person that normally is quietly in the background, but when the need arises will step up and say "Ya know, I really hate to shove myself in here, but..." And then deliver the goods that fixes the situation.
I tend to view the different people in the lifestyle as how they state themselves to identify, though I understand that not all submissives are totally meek, nor are all bottoms submissive, or Dominants those that attempt to perfect mastery of themselves or their slaves, or Masters that are really dominant in and of themselves...
For example, and perhaps it's my switchy and fluid nature, I might well not be dominant at all, and even as a Master I rarely get that sort of "I am Dom... hear me roar!" attitude.
I guess I can't say I might not be dominant, as I do inspire obedience in others on occasion. More-so though, with those that are naturally more compliant.
And switches... Sometimes though, I'm aggressively dominant in my atitude, but that' might be when I'm dealing with situations in which there is another Dom in play, and they don't have the experience to be making the demands in those situations. Then I might bellow... LOL...
But I think now, I'm rambling on random thoughts here.
I agree there are three main archetypes, but it's only superficial in that sense. Almost a false identity. It's much deeper than that... There are more aspects to everyone, even those that can't see themselves submitting, or dominating and (this might cause controversy) in those instances, I see it could be (I'm not saying it is, mind you) fear, for some reason or another. But that's still a healthy response. If you don't feel fear... At some point... There's something seriously wrong with you.
Fear should though, be controlled and overcome, never allowed to run your life. But that's a different subject altogether.
I really appreciated that Jollielaide (I'm sorry if I misspelled your name) recognized that she could be a much more expansive individual, if she could enable herself to learn from bottoming or submitting to someone.
Oh! Another point... There are two types of submission, imo... Also... Just as I think this applies to every archetype of personality or role within the lifestyles... This goes back to what CreativeDominant was saying earlier.
The submission of sorts that he was referring to in the Military is one type of submission, where the submission, as the gift that is so often spoken of in the lifestyles, is another.
In the military, it isn't a submission of nature, or a submission of eroticism, or will's, but rather a submission of action. You do what must be done, and you do it because lives depend on it, ultimately.
The submission that is given in our forms of relationships in the lifestyles aren't like that at all. The submission is given, not in service to country, or to customers, or professionally, but rather in a very personal and intimate fashion, and there's a total difference between the two forms.
In the military, you take orders and give orders depending on the situation. Rank in many cases doesn't apply either, as a commander of a river boat throws rank over a Fleet Admiral, even if the guy's just a Warrant Officer. So when it comes down to it, even those in leadership positions in the military must, unders certain circumstances, concede to the command of another, but the purpose is so different.
The demeanor is bottom, not submissive. It's the demeanor of a follower, not a submissive. But it could be described as such I suppose.
But there's a different feeling between the different types of command and submission as a whole. This is what leads me to look at them as two different types of command or submission... To identify with both differently.
It's the same in martial arts. In order to learn, or succeed in anything, you first must obey and listen and work at doing something based on what someone else tells you to do, or you never learn it.
Either that, or learn the hardway, through the school of hard-knocks[:D].
In anycase, I've taken up too much time. So I'm out of here... Me and my hour long posts.[&:]
Peace & Prosperity folks.
|
|
|
|
