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RE: The value of silence - 8/7/2007 1:40:37 PM

SimplyMichael

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In your case it might simply be a blessing.

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RE: The value of silence - 8/7/2007 1:44:10 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub
He will occasionally tell me I can't speak anymore, but that is only to annoy me when he feels like watching me do the frustrated kitten dance.

Heehee, mine is the bunny dance.

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RE: The value of silence - 8/7/2007 1:48:51 PM

mmb1

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I appreciate all the input, but silence to me is still blocking off communication, whether as a punishment or in any other circumstance. There is an appopriate way to communicate, kindly and quietly, but silence is not the way to go in my opinion.

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RE: The value of silence - 8/7/2007 2:02:03 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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I think it depends on the intent and personality. I tend to get shrill and hyper sometimes, and it really is best to just stop me cold and tell me to be silent for at least a few moments.

But I'm a switch, so that doesn't help Shylah in her trying to understand "dom" and "sub" reasons for things.

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RE: The value of silence - 8/7/2007 2:05:39 PM

heartfeltsub

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What if it is silence for a period of time, for example, you as an s-type want to ask for something and the D-type is currently engrossed in a very difficult or demanding task. Silence would be helpful at that moment both for the D-type getting the task done and also for the increased probability of getting permission because the permission was asked for at a "better" time. i'm not sure that really is silence so much, but more having a good sense of timing.

For me, during play, i need silence to be able to get to deeper level, take more pain, because if i am either asked to talk and answer questions or have to figure out what is being said to me, i have to struggle to do so. It feels like i am having to surface like coming up from the bottom of a pool or deep body of water.

heartfelt

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RE: The value of silence - 8/7/2007 2:11:15 PM

Grlwithboy

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I'm D and a talker. It's really good for ME to shut up and listen more er...often than I am prone to.

I also find I play with other talkers, putting them into positions where they can't talk enhances their relationship to their body, their awareness and focus. Making myself not say something the second I think it is good for me. I also find that when I don't say something and my sub or bottom jumps to a conclusion about it, the conclusion reached tells me a lot about THEM.

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RE: The value of silence - 8/7/2007 2:12:37 PM

nmjardine

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Sometimes it's just useful to meditate or reflect. To the time to appreciate who you are, what you have, where you are. My last Dom and I would sit quietly, holding hands or cuddling, not saying anything, just appreciating each other. New Agey, I know, but a different aspect of on the benefits of silence.

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RE: The value of silence - 8/7/2007 2:18:07 PM

atendersoul

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Silence in the past meant that Owner was within the residence for living within a large poly family, everyone talking was just too much so a verbal house rule was placed, do not speak when He is home unless asked to.....this within it's self opened the door to the written journal that is now seeing it 39th year and growing......
silence allows thoughts, something in normal day living.....many people talk without thought to their words.
The quiet time within this Master is to allow Him peace from the outside world business that was His day. Words can be spoken by touch as He does in His silence as He strokes this one's hair.....

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RE: The value of silence - 8/7/2007 2:56:15 PM

domiguy

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RE: The value of silence - 8/7/2007 3:35:55 PM

VadFarkas

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quote:

ORIGINAL: earthycouple
That only confuses me more.

Hmmm... Me too. I was reading and thinking these are some very good answers.
I guess I'll go read some more but don't see how there would be a difference.
I have a lot to learn, I can see that in my short time on here already.

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RE: The value of silence - 8/7/2007 3:56:15 PM

Aine

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: OwnedShylah
Why is silence important in a D/s relationship?

For the Submissive?
For the Dominant?

I think sometimes kinky people try and make things too difficult in their attempts to be "special." Focus more on why ANYONE would find silence important. Since D/s isn't about what we DO, then those same motivations can apply to dom and sub.

I will, however, once again use my love of Alanis Morissette to elaborate a point on silence:
Why are you so petrified of silence
Here can you handle this?
(long silence)
Did you think about your bills, your ex, your deadlines
Or when you think you're gonna die
Or did you long for the next distraction

Ask people what the difference between silence/stillness/quiet are. Why are people not prone to being silent? What are some good AND bad thoughts about silence?

quote:

Times to be silent
For the submissive
For the Dominant

When something needs to be listened to.

Once again, making me smile.

I love that song, and have worn out my original bought copy of that cd from when it came out.

Definitely good points, something that I personally need to ponder. I've inadvertantly found wonder in silence.

It is not forced upon me, I choose it.

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RE: The value of silence - 8/7/2007 4:02:18 PM

Cyntilating

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Many years ago I use to be uncomfortable with things like >pregnant pauses during a conversation, having a meal in a restaurant by myself, sitting alone in a house without music or tv on or some kind of noise happening. This was also before I taught myself to meditate and the benefits of relaxing and emptying/quieting the mind for a time. I also learned that I was not comfortable with myself and in my own skin, hence the reason I had trouble being alone etc.
Now, I hear so much more when my mind is still and I am not predicting what someones going to say next.. I have no problem with pauses in convos> I like to be reflective and I think I have actually slowed my pace down. The pace that I think and move and respond verbally. They are more intentional and calm.
maybe Im just old....shrug ...lol
but I feel more peaceful and more satisfyed by/with simple conversations, peaceful moments and seeing and hearing things around me that were drowned out by chatter and noise before...
Silence can be used as a weapon, Bill ( commenting on your post) but I dont think of that as "being silent" > to me that is being manipulative and immature.

I also find that the other senses are heightened when one is not being used... when there is silence ( no speaking ) I find alot of touching takes it place...and looking deeping at something or someone...

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RE: The value of silence - 8/7/2007 4:20:40 PM

julietsierra

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Silence is a time to listen to the people most important in our lives.
Silence provides the opportunity to listen to OURSELVES
Silence provides the opportunity to think beyond the superficial, beyond what's obvious, to reach ideas and insights that rushing around and non-stop noise very rarely lets us achieve.
Silence is a significant part of ritual
Silence centers
Silence is a communication art form very rarely done right and even less frequently appreciated
Silence allows for the entrance of spirituality - whatever that may be for each individual person
Yes, Silence can be a threat and a punishment
Silence can be a source of control - yet while most often thought of as something horrible, it can also aid learning and achievement
Silence can be a time where a dominant can watch his submissive process something difficult to arrive at a new and perhaps more enlightened place than they were before.
Silence can be a time where a submissive can see his/her dominant process something they've told them instead of presenting a knee-jerk response to something important to the submissive.
Silence can be a time where a submissives discovers more inside him/her than they imagined they could/would/should.
Silence is a time for a dominant and submissive who happen to not be living together to reconnect after a time of being apart.
Silence is a time for a dominant and submissive who DO live together to reconnect after a busy day or week.
Silence is a time where the world and our other responsibilities take a back seat to the D/s portion of how we live. It can be a shedding of control or a picking up of control, depending on who is engaging in it.
Silence is often feared and avoided by many people. Silence can help someone come to understand why this is and surmount old scripts that may be running other parts of their life as well
Silence can be companionable and involve other activities, pedicures, massages, tantric exercises for those learning this process or those who know it and enjoy its benefits and more.
Silence can be a time to practice restraint and patience without damaging each other.
Silence is not ignoring each other
Silence, done right, is not a passive aggressive activity
Silence can involve two people wholely involved with each other on a plane that involves more than just physicality
Silence should never take the place of conversation and conversation should never take the place of silence. The trick is in knowing when to do each of these with the greatest possible effect.
Silence is indeed

Golden

juliet

< Message edited by julietsierra -- 8/7/2007 4:25:58 PM >

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RE: The value of silence - 8/7/2007 6:44:18 PM

VeryMercurial

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I could not have a submissive that would not shut up.
I value silence, it is certainly golden.
If my submissive does not realize this, that is what gags are for.

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RE: The value of silence - 8/7/2007 6:57:30 PM

umisprite

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Just a funny side story regarding silence as punishment: My previous, very long term partner and I were readying for a play party. I was very excited and felt the need to talk through sex. As punishment I was challenged to not speak a single word throughout the party, a very difficult task since all of my girlfriends were there, many I had not seen in quite a while. I was, of course, successful because I am a good girl.

In general, I think silence as punishment is a bad idea but sometimes necessary.

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RE: The value of silence - 8/7/2007 7:04:08 PM

Estring

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It's so quiet you can hear a sub drop.

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RE: The value of silence - 8/7/2007 7:22:12 PM

Elorin

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For me, as a sub, it is important to consciously be silent when I am receiving instruction, as I am more likely to impress his intentions/words into my mind than if I am busy questioning, talking, responding, critiquing.

Together, silence provides a chance to commune. Often when giving body service we are silent and it helps me, at least, to center into my submission and find myself in a very deep state mentally of submission, adoration, and a feeling of worship of his body as I perform my task.

As a dominant, silence is a time for me to listen to my submissive's body in a scene and know how they are reacting. It is also a chance to try to hear what is really wrong when a submissive uses their words to try to voice a complaint. If I am trying to defend myself, I am not hearing what the sub is saying, and I can't actually learn what they are expressing.

Silence is also a wonderful way to hear praise and compliments, instead of instantly denying it with self deprecation. By being silent, a compliment settles in and kicks out some of my poor self image. When I deny it, I place my partner in the role of having to defend themselves (as though they had lied) as well as wanting to change my point of view (something I don't take well to). Just a small dose of silence lets me accept their opinion, and takes away the defensiveness.

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RE: The value of silence - 8/7/2007 7:28:24 PM

LadyHeart

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I have been enjoying reading the responses to this thread. As someone who talks a lot (often too much) I can see the value of silence for me is in making me listen. I was also picturing a completely silent scene, where the only talking was through body language. It would be very sensual, very focussed, very different, and it's something I'd really like to try.
:))
LH

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RE: The value of silence - 8/7/2007 7:39:07 PM

rmanrr

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Greetings
"Hello darkness, My old friend, it's nice to ....."
Simon and Garfunkel....
nuff said except that.....so much can be communicated in silence, comfort achieved and maintained through softly listening to breath, sigh, heartbeat....but that is just us. and it works, for us...

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RE: The value of silence - 8/7/2007 7:49:27 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Ooo ok you win. Much better silence in song reference.

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