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Getting to know someone/being "trained" - 8/5/2007 9:42:16 AM

newtothis55

Posts: 8
Joined: 6/2/2007
Status: offline

Ok, I admit I am fairly new to the site, but I am honestly boggled by the amount of emails I get resquesting permission to train me, mostly all of which seems to involve errotic discussions.Why is it when You wish to get to know someone they seem to want to know more about how big your x or y is, before You even know if you have anything in common? I may be way out in space but how can anyone have a meaningful relationship even D/s based solely on sexually explict conversation to begin with? Is there something I am missing or is asking someone what books or movies do You like not part of the lifestyle.

Post #: 1

RE: Getting to know someone/being "trained" - 8/5/2007 9:48:56 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Because they want to make you feel secure and seduce you with the idea of being a good sub by being "trained" so they don't have to deal with the reality that they just want a good lay on demand and be able to call that dominance.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to newtothis55)

Post #: 2

RE: Getting to know someone/being "trained" - 8/5/2007 9:53:58 AM

shyinini

Posts: 550
Joined: 5/4/2007
Status: offline

new,
you have reached the universal dilemna that all folk seem to reach at some point.... never mind them.... dont be suckered in and dont let someone attempt to walk you down a rose petaled walk that leads off a high cliff.

dont be desperate and dont fall victom ..... show spunk and good judgement cause obviously others dont have it and cant exercise it.

good luck !

Sir'sgirl

_____________________________

With grace and gratitude, I am owned.
A Man who always seeks to be the best He can be for you
is the only Man truly worthy of being called Sir.

(in reply to newtothis55)

Post #: 3

RE: Getting to know someone/being "trained" - 8/5/2007 10:01:08 AM

DrkJourney

Posts: 1917
Joined: 5/6/2007
Status: offline

Unfortunately, I get this all the time. And when I bring up to them that the kind of relationship that I am looking for requires us to know each other on a personal level, not just lifestyle...I get the same old manufactured response: "well I need to know what we have in common in bdsm to see if we are compatible there first" of course then all the explicit talk starts, or tries to, and a few times I have said, ok, let's try it their way, see what happens. Same thing happens, they get there little wank and they are gone...of course they show again only when they are "in the mood" with a bunch of excuses as to why they disappeared for weeks.

I've learned just to say thanks but no thanks and move on to the next email...in my experience, they are a total waste of time.

_____________________________

...Look into my eyes and I'll own you....

(in reply to newtothis55)

Post #: 4

RE: Getting to know someone/being "trained" - 8/5/2007 11:02:31 AM

Rover

Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline

I'm with LA on this (again)... "training" is simply a convenient term to make it seem as though there is a purpose and that you will benefit from being sexually exploited. Now, there's nothing wrong with consenting to your own exploitation. But there is something wrong with being manipulated in such a way that precludes informed consent.

John

_____________________________

"Man's mind stretched to a new idea never goes back to its original dimensions."

Sri da Avabhas

(in reply to newtothis55)

Post #: 5

RE: Getting to know someone/being "trained" - 8/5/2007 12:20:44 PM

DarkWriter

Posts: 53
Joined: 7/13/2007
Status: offline

Personally, when I am speaking with a would-be sub for the first time--at times it is the first few times--I avoid the whole sex issue and concentrate on them as a person, and I require them to do me the same courtesy. After all, how am I going to focus on their training if all I see is a girl in cuffs and I don't know the girl beneath the steel? Likewise, how is she going to really let go if she doesn't know why she is submitting to me? The only way for her to do that is to get to know me.

You are not only allowed to have, but you need, standards and those who want to interact with you need to abide by them. Your submission is a gift and you need to know that the Dom you give it to is honorable enough as a person to know what to do with it!

(in reply to Rover)

Post #: 6

RE: Getting to know someone/being "trained" - 8/5/2007 12:21:33 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

To the OP..In most cases this enables some to be able to have convenient sex or even a way to have needs met of any kind without any of the responsibilities and growth that most D/s relationships entail..Keep on questioning and listening to your gut reactions..Tempting

_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to Rover)

Post #: 7

RE: Getting to know someone/being "trained" - 8/5/2007 12:23:43 PM

angelic

Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline

Wow... great new pic tempting!!! (mini hi-jack).

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

Post #: 8

RE: Getting to know someone/being "trained" - 8/5/2007 12:30:01 PM

angelic

Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline

Ya know i see this quite a bit on these forums, luckily i do not have to deal too much with the wannabe trainers...

Maybe they think i am beyond training!!!!

i do have to deal with e-mails from men who start out sounding ok, then within a few e-mails.... boom... they either do not get it or i am not clear enough when i say "i want to go slow" and the next email asks if i would consider moving to their state. (They then wonder why the hell they never hear from me again).

In answer to the OP, partly it is just a fact of internet life.

< Message edited by angelic -- 8/5/2007 12:31:18 PM >

_____________________________

~....and once you have tasted flight, you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been and there you long to return.~ -- Leonardo de Vinci

(in reply to newtothis55)

Post #: 9

RE: Getting to know someone/being "trained" - 8/5/2007 12:53:35 PM

DarkWriter

Posts: 53
Joined: 7/13/2007
Status: offline

Perhaps you are dealing with an issue that comes from the quick and easy throw-away society we now live in. These people know what they want to achieve but are not willing to, or perhaps capable of, putting in the time, work and honesty it would take to find and attract someone of quality.

Just a thought.

(in reply to angelic)

Post #: 10

RE: Getting to know someone/being "trained" - 8/5/2007 1:00:27 PM

CutieMouse

Posts: 81
Status: offline

When I was looking, the few email chats in which men attempted to get explicit information of an intimate nature, were told I did not discuss such things outside of a developing relationship - the fact that I'd not informed them they had "potential", meant they hadn't earned a right to the information. I also nipped any sort of familiarity which made me uncomfortable in the bud, the second it occured. I didn't use statements like "I want to go slow"; I flat out said "___ statement in your last email was inappropriate; continuance of said behaviour will be viewed as an incompatability issue." (Hi! I'm CutieMouse, the Ice Princess...

) Somehow I've managed to avoid the HNGs, almost entirely; I think I only got two or three really inappropriate emails while my profile stated I was looking, and even those were tame compared to what I've seen some women complain about...

(in reply to angelic)

Post #: 11

RE: Getting to know someone/being "trained" - 8/5/2007 1:16:29 PM

Tinman1960

Posts: 46
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline

There was a time, not so long ago in this lifestyle, when there was training - of both Dominates and submissives - and training was required of each individual by the local BDSM community in order for a person to be accepted as a local member. What we see now-a-days on the net is nothing like the old days or the old school BDSM community I grew up in. With the popularity of the net, things have changed and we have become more acceptable of ideas and practices which were not acceptable 20 yrs ago. Gone are the apprentiships required of wannabe dominates; the safety training and submissive training of would be Dominates by the elders of said community... But, before the training, the persons character was completely examined - sincerity questioned, and someone within the local community invited you to join. For the most part, this is all but gone - deemed too old fashion for todays lifestylers. All one needs today to join the BDSM community is an interest, a computer and a self proclaimed title. When many "lifestylers" today speak of training, I am affaid that more often than not, it is not training but sex that is desired. Personally, I want to know someone really well before having sex with them - or accepting them for serious training...I still believe in the old fashion ways - get to know the person first - before anything.

(in reply to angelic)

Post #: 12

RE: Getting to know someone/being "trained" - 8/5/2007 1:42:29 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

Thank You Angelic..I appreciate that..

..Tempting

_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to angelic)

Post #: 13

RE: Getting to know someone/being "trained" - 8/5/2007 1:56:58 PM

earthycouple

Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline

I personally want to know all about someone. Interests, ideas, thoughts, etc. I want to have an idea that on many levels and facets we connect. I want to know that if I'm in some weird industrial accident and I can't screw and I can't toss a flogger and I can't bite that I'll still be Mistress to whom ever I am currently Mistress.

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

Post #: 14

RE: Getting to know someone/being "trained" - 8/5/2007 4:14:39 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tinman1960
Dominates by the elders of said community...

On all those decades you've still never learned the difference between "dominants" and "dominates"?

Twenty years ago there wasn't much of a scene to speak of for heterosexuals at all, and it rarely ever went like that when they did socialize.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Tinman1960)

Post #: 15

RE: Getting to know someone/being "trained" - 8/5/2007 4:20:32 PM

chey

Posts: 121
Joined: 7/1/2005
Status: offline

You know, I always thought the use of the word "dominates" as a noun was just a typo but I'm beginning to think I'm wrong!

I am with Cutiemouse, I am learning to be more direct. At one time I was too subtle and the hint was not taken. I have also never had to block anyone, usually I just ignore the email and they never write back.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 16

RE: Getting to know someone/being "trained" - 8/5/2007 4:27:28 PM

mbes

Posts: 465
Joined: 12/14/2006
Status: offline

The guy who wants to "train" you before knowing whether or not you like to read was the same guy who wanted a blow job for taking you to dinner in high school.
Ok, I'm a pessimist, but at least I don't have to train for everyone!

~~disclaimer~~ If you like that sort of thing, I have no problem at all! I've always been a big fan of one night stands.~~end disclaimer~~

(in reply to chey)

Post #: 17

RE: Getting to know someone/being "trained" - 8/5/2007 4:43:01 PM

umisprite

Posts: 132
Joined: 6/16/2007
Status: offline

I'm with you newtothis55. I just don't get the whole training angle. What I have come to believe is that when a Domly type uses the word training in a profile or initial email it merely means the playing of a role in an effort to get a desperate subbie to roll over.

When the word training is used as a come-on to me I politely state that I am not anyone's newly purchased puppy, I'm 52 years old and certainly don't need any training. I already know where to pee and poop and I know not to drag my dinner all over the floor or hump the company's leg.

If I enter into a relationship I will happily learn all the things he wants me to know by simple communication...and it IS called getting to know you.

< Message edited by umisprite -- 8/5/2007 4:44:48 PM >

_____________________________

My mistakes are neither pretty nor little.

(in reply to newtothis55)

Post #: 18

RE: Getting to know someone/being "trained" - 8/5/2007 4:52:45 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Well there is getting to know you and there is training. A person who gets involved with me WILL be trained- there are methods and perspectives which are unique to me and take time to learn, time to practice, time to perfect, and it most definitely is training.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to umisprite)

Post #: 19

RE: Getting to know someone/being "trained" - 8/5/2007 4:54:44 PM

slavegirljoy

Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline

Because this is the Internet and it costs nothing to type out a few sentences and ask anything they want, with the thought that eventually they might get lucky and someone will say "Yes" to them and, if not, they've lost nothing by asking. It's not unique to CM. Try putting a search-able profile on Yahoo or MSN or MySpace or any place else on the web and you will undoubtedly get the same thing. You can ignore them or simply reply "No thank you." slave joyOwned property of Master David

(in reply to newtothis55)

Post #: 20

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