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RE: Getting to know someone/being "trained" - 8/5/2007 5:27:29 PM

slavegirljoy

Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: chey

You know, I always thought the use of the word "dominates" as a noun was just a typo but I'm beginning to think I'm wrong!

"Dominate" is a verb. "Dominant" is either an adjective or a noun. But, then again, "submissive" is actually an adjective that's used as a noun, within BDSM, as in "she's a submissive", rather than "she's a submissive woman". "Dominance" and "submissiveness" are both nouns.

slave joy
Owned property of Master David

"Commitment transforms a promise into a reality."

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RE: Getting to know someone/being "trained" - 8/5/2007 5:42:44 PM

hereyesruponyou

Posts: 770
Joined: 1/22/2007
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There is a converse to this phenomenon, the sub/slaves who send mail begging to be "trained". Many times it is a request for online training...to which my response is how does this serve me...because it doesn't. I am not someone who gets something out of that... These seem to be the same people who don't get why you would ever say no to doing them if you are really Domme.

hmmmm, maybe because i don't like you....

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RE: Getting to know someone/being "trained" - 8/5/2007 5:44:51 PM

LATEXBABY64

Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
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with anything in this lifestyle there is going be pros and cons iand the cons are the ones that are dangerous.
they will say anything. blend in. mask them selves as sheep and are really wolves.. so how do you know. change the odds learn about human behavior not in the D's sense. about normal and abnormal and when you do the three mental make ups of a persons character. spiritual.( morals so to speak) education ( problem solving ability how they deal with liefs problems) outside stimulus ( alcohol, drugs, addictions ) this all deals with the mind. take a few classes on criminal behavior or find some good books on mental health.. once you understand patterns of human behavior you can then make good choices yep yep

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RE: Getting to know someone/being "trained" - 8/13/2007 12:28:07 PM

Azurenee

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Joined: 7/9/2007
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I am so grateful I visited here today. I was beginning to think I was at InsanityIsland. I've become very disheartened of late. To know that there are actually real people who share the same view that I have in regard to this subject is a balm to my spirit. Thank you, OP and others who have responded.
~renee

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RE: Getting to know someone/being "trained" - 8/13/2007 12:46:47 PM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
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I can see wanting to know in general if you are compatible. If one is big into ws and the other has that as a hard limit for example, but that kind of overall info is in the profiles. I have zero interest in painplay for example so I would read the profile of a person who emailed me and never responded to the sadists. I'm into bondage so I was more likely to answer someone who also was.

But the truth is, I don't care if they do shibari or freeform and I didn't need that much info upfront. As long as you list some general ideas on your profile, refer them to that with a pointed comment about reading the profiles in the future, not just emailing every female within 200 miles!

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RE: Getting to know someone/being "trained" - 8/13/2007 12:56:41 PM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
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I'm thinking this may be more of a female sub thing because to be honest, I have yet to have a female dominant contact me and state she wants to train me. I've been contacted by a lot of different people in the past, but usually it's more of a "here's what I want you to do if you want to serve me" rather than "here's where I intend for you to fit in this relationship."

I guess that's part of my problem. I'm more of the same mindset a lot of female submissives are in these types of relationships, but I'm paddling upstream because no one else really thinks the same way in the way of potential partners.

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RE: Getting to know someone/being "trained" - 8/13/2007 1:03:58 PM

aplayfulsub

Posts: 8
Joined: 7/30/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Tinman1960

There was a time, not so long ago in this lifestyle, when there was training - of both Dominates and submissives - and training was required of each individual by the local BDSM community in order for a person to be accepted as a local member. What we see now-a-days on the net is nothing like the old days or the old school BDSM community I grew up in. With the popularity of the net, things have changed and we have become more acceptable of ideas and practices which were not acceptable 20 yrs ago. Gone are the apprentiships required of wannabe dominates; the safety training and submissive training of would be Dominates by the elders of said community... But, before the training, the persons character was completely examined - sincerity questioned, and someone within the local community invited you to join. For the most part, this is all but gone -

I wanted to say this is not true. But I do not know how it is everywhere else. It is not true where I live. And it is not true with the Master that I am getting to know on the other side of the country. But that is part of why I am drawn to him.

At first we were going so fast. He offered me a training collar and I acepted. But then quickly I realized my mistake. I did not realize the weight or responcibiliy of accepting a collar, any collar from a Master. I had not yet made the decissions that I needed to make first and I was still talking to other Dom/wanna be's/ Masters. So I talked this over with him and the collar was retracted.

I have now chosen this Master. And we are getting to know each other. I gained some respect for him because of this incident. And I am now working towards a training collar again with him.

The community I belong to trains subs/slaves and Dominants. Tops/bottoms. There are those that have been in this community for many years. And they help teach the rest. We also take care of each other. I have told them about my choices. And they want 3 references to check into for me. So not only is a community like this good for training. It is also good for the people in it as well. No empty promises. Responcibility for your actions and words. Sure not everything works out. But it is all a part of learning and teaching each other.

So it might be that it is not this way in general overall. But communities who train, Masters who train, subs/slaves who train do still exist and hopefully this type of community is growing and not dwindeling away.

aps

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RE: Getting to know someone/being "trained" - 8/13/2007 1:07:26 PM

Jeffff

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"Because they want to make you feel secure and seduce you with the idea of being a good sub by being "trained" so they don't have to deal with the reality that they just want a good lay on demand and be able to call that dominance. "

I don't know how to do the box thing......but Beautifully put

Jeff

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RE: Getting to know someone/being "trained" - 8/13/2007 1:30:53 PM

lateralist1

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Lots of different people interested in different things having a different view of the kind of relationship they want. They vary from one night stand to lifetime commitment living together in a monogomous relationship.
BDSM is about sex for me. I 'train' my lovers if they need it. But first of all I have to get to know them well to see if I want them as a BDSM lover.
I want a long term partner but some people just want to do it with pretty much anyone that fits their kink.
That's ok why not?
The fact that I have been there done that and got the Tshirt and am now looking for the right ltr doesn't mean that I view everyone else as wrong.
We make personal choices as long as we are completely honest about what we want that's not a problem.
A vanilla connection is the most important thing for me and will probably continue to be now I have tried various BDSM areas and know I love it.
Men can get too personal too quickly but you just have to control them.

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RE: Getting to know someone/being "trained" - 8/13/2007 1:34:32 PM

violetaelf

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Joined: 5/29/2006
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The two reasons that so many emails involve sexual information being requested are (In my humble opinion)

a) There are people (sadly) think that BDSM is equal to just kinky sex... "who cares what the person is like inside, what his/her interest is.. This is about sex".. and they try to either get the titillating info online to get off on it.. or this is all they are really interested in Real Life too. They just don't see BDSM being "not only sex"
And before people jump on me, I want to clarify that sex is definitely a part of it but not the only part... and if it's just sex to some people.. fine for them but that's apparently not all the OP is seeking..

b) The first attraction when you meet someone in Real Life as opposed to online, is physical. So some people want those physical details up front and thus asking "size of x,y and z" Though I honestly think that's silly... Just because you going to tell them your measurements, one won't still know what you look like unless they look at the photo... and even still people tend to look different in 2-dimensional still image than in real life.

My suggestion.. don't bother with those who offend you and just see those few who you find interesting and who finds you interesting.. not just your sexual preferences and measurements.

Best of luck.
'violet'

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