Padriag
Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MHOO314
My questions are:
1. What things DO you control with your submissives,
Only one thing, behavior. But then that's really just about everything isn't it. For much of what is discussed regarding control, authority, etc. what is really being controlled is behavior. There are discussions of what sorts of behavior to control, to what degree behavior is, can be, or should be controlled. Your question appears to question how behavior is controlled, which is also frequently discussed in various ways, from various perspectives and in various guises.
quote:
3. How did it happen? Immediately, over time
I've had both occur. I've frequently encountered submissives who both allow and expect me to control some form of behaviors almost immediately. In most of those cases the expectation came from a desire to "feel" some form of dominance from me which in turn furthered their attraction to me (this tends to be a "delicate" grey area, too little and there's no attraction, too much and it becomes offensive, something else often complained about in these forums). Conversely, in most cases the more "overt" (by that I mean the kinds of things we generally associate with an established relationship or negotiated scene) take more time and builds as the trust and relationship are progressively established.
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4. What would you NEVER control or allow to be controlled?
Personal preference on this one, religious choice, won't touch that one. Other than that, I wouldn't rule out controlling anything else in a slave's life.
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4. Was it a smooth transition or a hostile take over?
A bit of both generally. Most things go smoothly as trust is built up and a relationship is established. This assumes the submissive both genuinely wants the relationship and is committed to it (there are plenty who are not, and that's another case entirely). However, even with a submissive who is committed to the goals of the relationship, some resistance is inevitable and natural (its natural in anyone to exhibit some resistance to change, and some change is inevitable in the formation of any relationship). Overcoming that resistance involves controlling behavior despite the resistance, and is often a watershed moment in establishing dominance in the relationship. In that regard some of it might, depending on how you want to look at it, considered "hostile" or at least "forceful".
quote:
asked "how do I take control from the beginning"---although there were some suggestions--there really weren't many on what things TO control ( as a means to teach others or share for new ideas)---so here is My post---We talk of control and that we "do it"---submissives ask Us to control them---yet we don't seem to address here what it is many of us really control---
This, I think, was the central point in your post. I see two central questions here, what to control and how to control. Above I answered the "what" in a very general term... behavior. But you seem to also be seeking more specific examples of what behaviors are controlled. In doing so, what is also being asked for are specific examples of how to control that behavior. Lastly, I think the question of "how to take control from the beginning" is also key because if a dominant does not do so from the start, it become increasingly difficult to do so later. So, based on those points, here are a couple of general examples.
Personally I establish control from the beginning by requiring simple, mildly intrusive changes in behavior. I might require that they sit in specific positions, use specific forms of address, as permission for specific behaviors they normally might not have to. These are not pointless exercises in "power", they're about establishing who is in charge, who has authority, and most importantly, making the submissive aware of these changes. Some ques can be taken from most military forms of basic training which have in common that they "shock" recruits out of their comfort zones. This forces recruits to change their level of awareness, become open to change while letting go of past expectations. This is necessary in modifying or shaping behaviors. The same can and I would recommend should be done with submissives, shock them out of their comfort zones, raise their awareness, force them to let go of past expectations while opening themselves to change. When we require a submissive to use different forms of address (such as Sir, Master, etc.) we're forcing them to do something unfamiliar, forcing them out of a comfort zone and this signals to them that change is occurring. At that point the submissive mentally has to either accept and surrender to it, or choose to resist it... if they resist we as dominants have to choose to either overcome that resistance or walk away. We should also be aware of when a technique (such as using Sir) becomes ineffective because of overuse... it has become something of a cliche' for some, and in such cases we need to adapt and change our methods, keeping in mind the reason for the method and not getting caught up in the specific techniques.
I'm short on time just now, so I'll stop here. If I have the chance I'll try to elaborate more later, until then I hope my points were clear enough.
_____________________________
Padriag
A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer
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RE: Taking/Asserting/Control - 
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