RE: Personality Traits In the lifestyle

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RE: Personality Traits In the lifestyle - 8/1/2007 10:56:05 PM

SusanofO

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I can change my conclusions about things. Some are static, and many are not. Consider, for example, the "learning curve" one faces when first venturing into the "BDSM world". "Newbies" are on a steep "learning curve" IMO (at least the ones who are very curious and open).

To answer your question further, some people are more "set in their ways" than others, and I am not sure why (even in the BDSM world, which I used to think might be just magically more open than "the rest of the world" - and in some ways, it is, there are some amazing people here - but on the whole, this is just a bunch of human beings, and everyone is different and so is their background, and personality (except they're interested in BDSM). I have opinions about some things that haven't changed in 20 years (although some have). But I do think sometimes about why I have them.

People are are still individuals, and IMO, they get their "ideas about things" and how the world operates, and change their opinions, perhaps - based on many different things. Education. A shocking sudden experience that is contrary to their past experience. Curiosity. Mood. A desire to learn new ways of looking at ideas. And the list goes on.

*Are you maybe asking why BDSM developed as a sub-culture at all? My short answer is: Because in this time period, for whatever reason, it's just not considered by many to be "the norm" as far as "sexual and-or-intimate-relational behavior" - beyond that I'm not sure why - because I think the people here and involved in BDSM that I know personally, are basically a lot like many "Vanilla" people - as far as their non-BDSM attitudes (I mean beyond an interest in BDSM).Possibly more "liberal" (although some aren't, except when it comes to promoting "BDSM actvism" etc). The kinds of folks here are (IMO) pretty varied, BDSM interests in common, or not.

Personally, I am glad I got interested in BDSM, because it helped me get in touch with "basic instincts" (sexually), and I believe I can also help me feel more intimacy in a relationship with a partner. I have passed the point where I consider it "weird" in almost any way.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/1/2007 11:50:40 PM >

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RE: Personality Traits In the lifestyle - 8/2/2007 2:49:41 AM

WhiplashSmile

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Most of the things I write in my post come from either my experiences, or are my own point of view or opinions.

In terms of the media, I often have made remarks about so many people acting out Fantasy BDSM porno when interacting with others online.   For instance, Doms expecting or demanding to be called Sir when talking with prospective submissives online. Just because somebody has submissive on their profile does not mean they have submitted to anybody.

Another thing I find laughable is are the precanned slave contract/agreements that are floating around the internet. There are a number of potential Doms that read this shit and think this is how everything should be.

I can simply rant on and on about fucked up shit. I'm a Dom that has a slight Maso side to me as well. This simply means I enjoy a little pain from time to time, however I'm not the type to give somebody free reign over my body. I will simply top from the bottom.

Amazing as it was, there was some So Called Experienced Domly Dom on here, that was making remarks that True Doms would never have a sub flog their back, and non of the Dom/Master he knew would even think about doing this. This was coming from somebody with a lot of experience in the public BDSM community as well. Amazing Bullshit coming from somebody that proclaimed to have so much experience.   Yes, this dude got under my skin in 2.5 message postings flat.

I actually found myself, overcompensating a little on my posting on other threads. Basically a natural reaction when somebody has challenged who or what you are. LA picked up on me over compensating for something at the time too.. Yes, people who are regulars on here can see shit plain as day.   Anyways, the whole experience made me back up a bit.   Refind my sense of humor, that there are simply people that post shit from more of a media or stereotyped brainwashed perspective.   That there reality is not from personal experience as much as it comes from propaganda.

I'm not pefect, I have had my share of misconceptions about things at times. Generally though, I will admit when I'm wrong about something, and I'm willing to change my perspective a little at time. I do try to keep an open mind within reason.

There are things I have yet to experience even in BDSM activitities. I'm not one of those I've done everything before type of people. I do have my own thoughts and views about a lot of things.

At times, I have tried to include or share little stories from my past that relate to a topic at hand.   Perhaps people that have had similar experiences would relate, perhaps those that have never had the experience would get a better sense where I was coming from.   It's our own experiences in life that help shape our own views of the world.

I don't proclaim to be Lord Master of the Universe, nor that I'm the better mighter best dom there is in the world.   I am simply me being me.   Love me, Hate me, like me or find me odd or off the wall at times.   At the end of the day, I'm just another human being with my own strengths and weakness.

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RE: Personality Traits In the lifestyle - 8/2/2007 2:59:56 AM

SusanofO

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People in the BDSM world have been influenced by the society in which they've grown up, and all of the "enculturation" that goes along with it - each to different degrees, in their own ways, I think. Is this "bad"? Not necessarily (but it depends on who it's affecting, and if it's detrimental or enriching for them, I guess).

I think it doesn't matter what I think about it happening, because it's inevitable anyway. Some social attitudes might be (or might have been, at one time) necessary to the survival of the human race (if you want to look at it from a strictly biological and anthropological viewpoint, I suppose).

Then have to wonder why there are so many different ones - but in varied societies, you'll always find "roles" for males and females (and they're not always the same, although in many they might be similar).

I think specific kinds of "enculturation" are multi-generaltional (are "passed on" from one generation to the next) and people's attitudes about how the sexes should interact with eachother is a good example of this (both inside of and outside of the BDSM "world".)

I do think sometimes, that the folks "inside" of the BDSM "world" can be more tolerant of eachother's "orientational" differences (much of, but certainly not all the time) than what I perceive in the world at large (the small part of it I've inhabited, anyway). I think individuals' attitudes are affected by the society they are raised in, and which they currently inhabit.

*I think there are reasons for social attitudes about people's (sexually related) "orientations" to have taken root.

And part of the reason(s) might be biologically induced and ingrained for "survival-of-the-species" reasons (like their sexual orientations, for instance - even if in some cases, those reasons are still "mysterious" to some. Or a need for females to be protected against predators while raising their young). And so on (and I realize there is a lot of variation).

Anyway, then I think maybe people feel a need to find reasons to "justify" the orientations that exist - and so they do - and then various attitudes consequently take root in society.

Pretty soon you have entire culture(s) (maybe) built around various "orientations". Developed because -bottom line - people have to be able to live with eachother, and at the same time find a way to be able to get along with eachother (whether they end up doing that "badly" or pretty smoothly together is up for grabs, though, IMO).

That's my theory anyway (and I'm pretty sure it's not all that original). I don't consider this process to be "bad" or "good" -It just "is" - I'm just thinkin' about this stuff, I guess.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/2/2007 3:53:17 AM >

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RE: Personality Traits In the lifestyle - 8/2/2007 3:00:42 AM

RCdc

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quote:

do you find Dom's Dommes have more correct input for lifestyle things then subs

No.

quote:

do you feel this is just all media hype trying to persuade the left and right of things kinda like the political correctness side of BDSM .....

Not media hype no, however I do believe some peoples ideas are formed by the incessant (and unproductive) prodding of 'one true wayisms' of some people or sets of peoples - that is until they have been practising for a while and break free and find themselves instead of following a lie.

Peace
the.dark.

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RE: Personality Traits In the lifestyle - 8/2/2007 3:03:57 AM

spiral23

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every individual....is an individual.....for every person their will be a lifetimes worth of experiences that created their personality, their views, their thoughts, their attitudes...which will be unique....and this is for me, what makes people so fascinating..

< Message edited by spiral23 -- 8/2/2007 3:08:01 AM >

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RE: Personality Traits In the lifestyle - 8/2/2007 3:39:58 AM

sambamanslilgirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

my question to you is do you find Dom's Dommes have more correct input for lifestyle things then subs or do you feel this is just all media hype trying to persuade the left and right of things kinda like the political correctness side of BDSM .....

i should read my submissive handbook more often. oh just because you're Dom/me doesn't mean you have the absolute correct input about lifestyle than any submissive/slaves. title does not equate higher authority.

there are some forum posters who are submissive/slaves/switches that i would value their opinions and experience before accepting the pov of a Dom/me forum poster ...not because i'm joined at the hip with my fellow submissives because of their profound experience/pov .

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RE: Personality Traits In the lifestyle - 8/2/2007 4:22:00 AM

SusanofO

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I agree with what Darcyandthedark and Whiplash said (and partly what sambamanslilgirl insinuated be referring to a "submissive's handbook" - and I think someone else said, too - *that there is some "hype" in the "One True Wayism" line of thinking in the BDSM world (and in some other places in the world, as well).

Information can be very helpful and necessary. But telling someone (unless you're their Master or Mistress, maybe, and even then, it depends) that there is only "one way" to do things can really cause some predjudices and rigidity to proliferate. It's not necessary (in my opinion). Having an opinion (among many) is an entirely different thing.

Insinuating (and then insisting) that one (and only one) viewpoint is "the only correct one" is not exactly what I'd call "persuasion" (or influential, either). And many times it's futile. Dom/mes and submissives/slaves can all do this. I've done it once otr twice myself (but I usually know it, and I try to avoid it).

I believe in "solidarity" and all of that - for some reasons, in some circumstances. But when it becomes truly divisive, and causes a lot of fighting, etc., it gets really old, really fast. I tend to interpret its extreme invocation (in the form of "OneTrueWayism") as "oneupsmanship" (intentional or not). With "Newbies" - sometimes I figure they're on a "learning curve" if they do it (and I hope they don't get "stuck" there).

For every way someone was "trained" to do X___, there are probably a gazillion other ways it could be done, instead. I do sometimes wish some would wake up and realize it (but I'm not gonna betch about it a lot. Suffice it to say, it can become annoying. I mostly ignore it (but it's not like I don't see it. I do.) If it seems like I might be doing it at this very moment, well, I'm not trying to do that, hehe...

Maybe doing it is caused by insecurity, too. Some people may not realize they do it (and some might not care). In any case, it's transparent, most of the time, to me - and I don't believe in it (except for some "basic rules" like "Don't kill your submissive or Master/Mistress" and "Obey your Master/Mistress" and "Get to know your partner before you get collared/Collar someone" and a few simple others).

Then again, I'm kind of a "peace-loving" type, and not all that competitive (but I do consider myself to be pretty competent, despite this possible "flaw").

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 8/2/2007 5:07:53 AM >

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RE: Personality Traits In the lifestyle - 8/2/2007 7:08:00 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: WhiplashSmile
LA picked up on me over compensating for something at the time too..

But I only tell them they are full of shit if I really think there's a lot of potential for growth :)

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RE: Personality Traits In the lifestyle - 8/2/2007 12:27:25 PM

sophia37

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You asked a very simple two questions right? "every person has a point of view .....what makes them come up with that point of view ? " Simple answer number one...Age.

"how do they come up with their conclusion?" Simple answer number two..experience.

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RE: Personality Traits In the lifestyle - 8/2/2007 2:31:17 PM

MadRabbit

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LATEXBABY64

ok simple english every person has a point of view .....what makes them come up with that point of view ?
how do they come up with their conclusion?

I have come to the conclusion that your questions are very silly.

Now, if you think about how impossible it is to come up with a logical and simple answer for why each individual comes up with the point of views and conclusions they do, then you will, at least, understand why I have come to this conclusion regarding your questions.

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RE: Personality Traits In the lifestyle - 8/2/2007 2:52:15 PM

LATEXBABY64

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you know what i just do not care if you think my questions are silly or not. after all my years and all the people i have seen hurt over stupid things. some of these people want to know answers to my so called silly questions. and if you have the life experince not text book to answer those correctly then cool.. that is just the way it is

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